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jimagain

Joined 6 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

58

75

105

He's back...

'Jimagain' is back!

...like a bad dream. Confusing dialogue, dangling participles, convoluted thinking, inane and profuse verbiage! What a waste of effort!

My grammar is minimal, deplorable, maybe even criminal, but I'm more concerned about what I say than how I say it. Content is my main pursuit when I write... Maybe I should be charged with something like, 'assault with a deadly adjective'.

I don't know anyone less qualified to write about writing...than me!

So why try?

It all starts with a lofty idea and grandiose aspirations. You're seeing interviews and book tours floating in your head...so you rush to jot down a few notes, then after a lot of effort and countless rewrites, when you can't stand to type another letter..the masterpeice is finished!

I gaze admiringly at my creation! Then, delusions of literary granduer fade to frustration. That's about the time I realize it's a piece of crap...but it's my crap. I wrote that crap!

Sigh! If only I had talent!

Hey, if you think I can't write, you should hear me sing!

-jimagain!

 - - - - - - - -

Delusions of a wanna-be writer!

I had conjured up imaginary scenes of me cranking out literary masterpieces at home while my dog lay sprawled across the floor.

Reality:  Cletus, my neurotic Great Dane, is standing on the desk in the way whenever I attempt to write. He thinks my full-time job is to doting on him! Did I mention I can't write? That's ok. He can't type!

Think you can't stand any more?

http://talk2loud.blogspot.com/

- - - - - - - - -

Jim Henderson is currently employed as a draftsman and had previously worked in the field of environmental regulatory compliance. He enjoys writing and has had several articles published in various on-line publications, none of which are really any good.

 

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  • Books, Literature, and Writing (11)
  • Education and Science (2)
  • Entertainment and Media (44)
  • Religion and Philosophy (1)
  • RV Shopping Again?
    0

    RV Shopping Again?

    23 months ago

    Turns out, women plan everything....from picking out their wedding dress to what they're gonna' bury their groom in. Talk about, "Til death do you part?!!"

  • The Microbes Win Again
    1

    The Microbes Win Again

    3 years ago

    If microbes don't even have a brain...why are they winning the survival game? Caution: you may have the urge to whack yourself over the head with your laptop after you read this.

  • Writer's Cage Match!
    0

    Writer's Cage Match!

    3 years ago

    Think talent is enough? Desperate to attract readers? Have you tried shameless self-promotion only to fail? Then it's time for Writer's Cage Matches!!

  • My Fate, My Script
    6

    My Fate, My Script

    2 years ago

    A victim of my own making, my narrative pursues me like some dread beast of prey. My words, my fate cast in stone. I wait ...and then the inevitable comes.

  • My iPad For A Typewriter!
    5

    My iPad For A Typewriter!

    3 years ago

    Despite my best efforts to diligently improve my ability to write, typically done in the ten frantic minutes remaining before my 3rd grade assignments were due, I don’t seem to have improved much.

  • How to Write Hubs That No One Reads!
    7

    How to Write Hubs That No One Reads!

    3 years ago

    It's true! Jimagain was once abducted by aliens. Then he had a run-in with Sasquatch! And he also dated Brittany Spears once! Look. If you didn't already suck at writing too, you wouldn't be reading this. You'd be...

  • Tour Guide To the Perils Of The Multiverse
    14

    Tour Guide To the Perils Of The Multiverse

    4 years ago

    Not since the days when ships routinely sailed off the edge of a flat earth has something so ominous, so nefarious been revealed. This is not for the squeamish; go and never return! Do your laundry, mow your grass,...

  • Politics, like love...
    0

    Politics, like love...

    4 years ago

    I compare the political process to getting drunk and wondering who you’re going to wind up in bed with the for the next four years. To me it seems the selection process is more befitting to an episode of American...

  • Stoopid & Stoopid-er!
    6

    Stoopid & Stoopid-er!

    4 years ago

    If evolution were tru, man would be extinct now. this suspicion is confirmed every time I go to the mall or watch TV.

  • The Incontinent Blogger
    2

    The Incontinent Blogger

    4 years ago

    Not to be confused with 'brain farts', otherwise known as 'cerebral flatulence'. Brain-turds are often accompanied by strenuous cerebral effort, peculiar facial expressions, and are often met with disdain by others. Has...

  • To Purgatory And Back ...in a shopping cart
    9

    To Purgatory And Back ...in a shopping cart

    2 years ago

    Clank, clank, clank...my shopping cart and I wobble and clatter along, like Jacob Marley’s chains being drug behind me. Catching my reflection, I see a grotesque caricature of my former self staring back at me,...

  • Defining Utopia
    0

    Defining Utopia

    3 years ago

    Utopia seemd like a good idea at the time, if we didn't have to blow up the world to get it. Despite dictators and organizations dedicated to World Betterment through Genocide, Utopia just isn't what it used to be.

  • Bears & Fools...and me
    1

    Bears & Fools...and me

    4 years ago

    Forget that mental picture you may be harboring of a lovable but somewhat dopey giant-sized Teddy-bear. Forget Yogi snatching another pic-nic basket right from under Ranger Smith's nose. Think again. Wrap your brain...

  • Good Night, Bob!
    1

    Good Night, Bob!

    4 years ago

    No such thing as just another day at the office here. At first I was freaked out but what can a gelatinous lump of metastasized leftovers do to me that my ex-wife already hasnt? Forget Sasquatch, Bob is real!

  • The Wee Hours
    6

    The Wee Hours

    3 years ago

    I feel this sense of something amiss, a general state of foreboding yet lacking a specific, discrete cause for it. Once again, I stagger off with trepidation to investigate. Strange things happen in the wee hours.

  • The Man-code, Explained
    10

    The Man-code, Explained

    3 years ago

    Simply stated, the man-code is the unwritten rule of conduct for the male species that governs how men react toward other men. It expressly forbids men to exhibit gushing or effusive displays of affection to members of...

  • Primitive
    2

    Primitive

    4 years ago

    Frustrated with technology? Do you sometimes feel you were born in the wrong era? Feel like a Flinstone stuck in the Jetson era? It all started way back when...

  • Back To The Dark_Ages
    2

    Back To The Dark_Ages

    3 years ago

    Just when things were really good, technology came along and ruined it for the rest of us. It seems every advance in humanity comes with it's own inherent problems. So How do we apply the retro-fix to all of our modern...

  • The 25 Cent Psychologist
    2

    The 25 Cent Psychologist

    4 years ago

    All this talk about the brain reminds me of a scene from the Wizard of Oz when they pull back the curtain to unveil the levers and controls. While thankful for MRI and all the other devices allow us to look behind the...

  • Mom! The Washing Machine Ate My Brother!
    0

    Mom! The Washing Machine Ate My Brother!

    3 years ago

    That old piece of primitive machinery, an anachronistic throwback of modern-antiquity, was responsible for one of the single-most traumatic episodes of my young life. Watching my brother being gobbled up by a greedy...

  • Life Is Like A Box Of Hand Grenades
    4

    Life Is Like A Box Of Hand Grenades

    4 years ago

    Hand-grenades seems simple enough. Pull, pin and throw. Maybe he should have read the directions? You can't make stuff like this up! Hold onto your medications and fasten your straight-jackets; here are my...

  • Things To Do At The Mall ...while your wife is shopping!
    9

    Things To Do At The Mall ...while your wife is shopping!

    2 years ago

    Let's face it, the mall is no place for pansies. Men, let put it to you bluntly...they are testing us! What to do when your wife drags you out shopping with her.

  • Joe Biden Speaks: Washington Shaken
    14

    Joe Biden Speaks: Washington Shaken

    5 years ago

    Why politicians should NOT tell the truth! This makes the second time in as little as thirty days that Washington has been shaken since the magnitude 5.9 quake registered on the Richter Scale in late August.

  • Blogging For Dummies: A Guide To Those Who Can't Find Real Work
    4

    Blogging For Dummies: A Guide To Those Who Can't Find Real Work

    4 years ago

    Underacheivers everywhere, unite! Quit work, spend hours writing on the web, entertain yourself with delusions of pending fame & wealth while you become desperate and homeless. Why work for a living when you can...

  • Thy Visitation
    2

    Thy Visitation

    4 years ago

    I came upon him unaware. Suddenly he was there! Standing to meet me, waiting to greet me. Sweet unexpected Presence!

  • Ten-thousand Lives
    4

    Ten-thousand Lives

    4 years ago

    It's a grim scene at the gallows to watch an execution. The young man conducts himself with resolute firmness and dignity. He is resigned to his sentence, unapologetic to the end. But why is he here? What brought...

  • The Creaking Door
    2

    The Creaking Door

    2 years ago

    The sound of a door turning on un-oiled hinges as it slowly creaks open seems an invite, a portal into the unknown. I fear my door has become an unguarded passageway into the world of flesh and blood I inhabit, where...

  • The Devil In the Top Hat
    7

    The Devil In the Top Hat

    4 years ago

    Since I may have arrived at the last hour of my life, I am curiously beset with an urge to negotiate with the devil in the top hat." He then grinned and tipped his hat to the adversary. "I have a proposition...

  • Pass The Mono-sodium Glutamate!
    3

    Pass The Mono-sodium Glutamate!

    4 years ago

    Can you imagine ‘Granny’ in her kitchen, hair rolled up in a bun on the top of her head, in her apron laboring over a cook stove. She’s leans over her iron skillet with a wooden spoon to taste her...

  • Unplugged! The History Of The Universe
    4

    Unplugged! The History Of The Universe

    5 years ago

    If evolution were true, humanity would be extinct by now. Man would have died out from mass stupidity. This suspcion is confirmed every time I watch TV or go to the mall. First we evolved from lower life forms, we...

  • Writing With Flatulence!
    2

    Writing With Flatulence!

    5 years ago

    How's that for a title with some flair ...and maybe a bit of an odor too?!! Yeah! You can put that one in your Search Engine and... click it! If you're looking for a well written and informative article by a...

  • Imaginary Self-help Clinic For Delusional Writers
    8

    Imaginary Self-help Clinic For Delusional Writers

    5 years ago

    Ever want to be a writer? Perhaps I should first ask if you have a history of entertaining other delusions as well? Are you given to frequent departures from reality? Yes, this is a concern if, for example, you are also...

  • Do Atheists Exist?
    9

    Do Atheists Exist?

    5 years ago

    Ah, the atheist! He seems to harbor hatred against a non-entity whom he claims to not exist. But how can you hate some One whom you don't believe is there? In order to hate GOD, would he not have to exist? Doesn't...

  • Misery Loves Camping
    4

    Misery Loves Camping

    5 years ago

    Let me start with my conclusion. If being miserable is your idea of having fun then camping is for you! For those of you who have not recently succumbed to the urge to forfeit all modern convenience as I have so you...

  • Things You Won't Watch On ESPN
    3

    Things You Won't Watch On ESPN

    3 years ago

    Look at the expression on his face. Is it writer's block or is he constipated? Somebody toss that man some Kaopectate! Now you know why writing will never be a spectator sport.

  • Relative Discomfort - Part Two
    6

    Relative Discomfort - Part Two

    5 years ago

    Time takes it's toll on all of us. Forty years ago we were the young-uns zipping around like somebody kicked over a fire ant mound. All the while our parents fussed at us for being too loud or leaving the door open or...

  • Relative Discomfort - Part One
    2

    Relative Discomfort - Part One

    3 years ago

    Last week the sheriff wrote four citations for an expired tag and one for a dog with malicious bowels and an errant aim. Said dog allegedly missed his tire and got his pant leg instead. Turns out if you know the judge...

  • Why Cletus Can't Read
    0

    Why Cletus Can't Read

    4 years ago

    Pavlov had it all wrong. He thought he discovered this psychological mechanism we proudly call classical conditioning. He had this experiment where he rang a bell when he fed these dogs and after a while they - - the...

  • Off Key
    4

    Off Key

    5 years ago

    Somewhere on this planet there exists a group of musicians that are not a collective bunch of dysfunctional misfits. I believe that. There may even be more than one. I have never seen one myself but that doesn’t...

  • I UNDO: Love & Second Thoughts
    1

    I UNDO: Love & Second Thoughts

    3 years ago

    That's me diving inside the garbage. Several pairs of eyes watching me in disbelief as I stick my head up like a periscope to see if she's gone. Yes, she's gorgeous, long dark hair ...so why am I running the other way?...

  • Really Useful Phone Apps For Men
    6

    Really Useful Phone Apps For Men

    3 years ago

    The average pimple-faced teenager with his baggie jeans hanging down around his knees carries more technology around in his front pocket than NASA had to put a man on the moon.

  • Why Cows Can't Fly
    2

    Why Cows Can't Fly

    4 years ago

    "Help, my cow is stuck in the tree and I can't get it down!" OK. that may sound silly but what if evolution had a sense of humor? Imagine the mess one cow could make flying overhead! Yech!!

  • The Paper Towel Bandit
    2

    The Paper Towel Bandit

    5 years ago

    It's a garish crime scene, littered with shreds and tatters of the remains of what used to be a roll of paper towels. Loose scraps and fragments are strewn haphazardly around the floor. Apparently it's the work of...

  • Deputy Cletus and The Great Cheese Heist
    3

    Deputy Cletus and The Great Cheese Heist

    5 years ago

    Sometimes a crime happens so brilliant, so audacious that it boggles the mind. This isn't one of those times. This is one where someone gets taken in by their own schemes. Maybe it was the prospect of illicit gain that...

  • Reading between The Lines: Deborah Kicks Butt!
    2

    Reading between The Lines: Deborah Kicks Butt!

    5 years ago

    Behind every good woman, ...there's probably a lazy husband! ...or at least one at home sitting on the couch. Meanwhile, back at the house... "Hey Dad? Where's mom?" "Huh? Momma? I think she's...

  • Back With Vengeance
    6

    Back With Vengeance

    4 years ago

    You left this, last time we met. The piece of lead he tossed clattered at the toe of the storytellers' boot. Flushed with rage, the gunslinger has just been called out. Then his blood ran cold. Death, warmed over...

  • The Elusive Week-end!
    5

    The Elusive Week-end!

    3 years ago

    I don't know about where you work but here it's not a good idea to get between the door and the other employees about quitting time. When the clock hit four-thirty, the parking lot looked like a scene from the 'Running...

  • Negotiating With Pirates
    2

    Negotiating With Pirates

    4 years ago

    Pillage and plunder, that's what pirates do. Mark my warning, pirates in high heels lurk about. Prepare to be boarded.

  • The Couch Hog
    0

    The Couch Hog

    5 years ago

    Somebody's getting sleepy. It's time for bed, but ...who gets the couch? During the day, momma is the undisputed queen of the couch But at night... as soon as she goes to bed, it comes up for grabs. May the best man...

  • Cletus Moves In
    0

    Cletus Moves In

    5 years ago

    This morning I woke up to find an overgrown beast sleeping on my couch. Is it a dog or... Kong- zilla? He's already huge; I estimate him to be somewhere between the size of a heffalump and Mr. Snuffalufagus. I'm...

  • Only A Hunter Would
    0

    Only A Hunter Would

    4 years ago

    Two things bother me...just HOW do they get deer urine? ...and who would want to buy that stuff? After you read this you won't ever wondered why hunters are required to dress like trees and wear orange in public.

  • All That Remains
    0

    All That Remains

    4 years ago

    Lonely walks in sleepless nights seems to be my lot of late. Eventually my aimless wanderings and morose thoughts carry me along as I traverse this meandering route. My destination seems to be a place. Not just any...

  • Beyond Space
    0

    Beyond Space

    5 years ago

    It was a cold, dark, starry night. I could see my breath in the chilled night air. The stars seemed especially bright tonight, like you could almost reach out and touch them. Yes, it was a beautiful fall night. Did I...

  • Around the World In 88 Minutes
    0

    Around the World In 88 Minutes

    6 years ago

    What does a French science-fiction writer have in common with a Russian girl and a cosmonaut? What event could reach across the span of nearly a century to give their lives continuity? Let’s start with the...

  • Of Plowshares and Swords
    2

    Of Plowshares and Swords

    2 years ago

    Flesh carries out its evil agenda. Steel, then becomes naught but the tool of hate. As long as hate reigns, as long as flesh succumbs, steel is left to ravage.

  • Don't Eat The Coffee Table!
    0

    Don't Eat The Coffee Table!

    6 years ago

    To say that our family is dysfunctional is probably an understatement. I don't mean that in a bad way; we just tend to, shall we say, 'color outside the lines' when it comes to family decorum. We're just not like...

  • The Four-legged Child!
    3

    The Four-legged Child!

    5 years ago

    It seemed like a great idea to have at least one family member that doesn't ask for money. That was before our current occupant / dependant arrived with all his neurotic baggage. Now I'm seriously considering hiring a...

  • How To Train Your Human
    6

    How To Train Your Human

    5 years ago

    It's a battle of wits between me and the dog. One of us is armed with higher intelligence ...the other likes to chew on an old shoe. I think I just got played!

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