I was born “ Lori Ruth Rudningen”. The third of four children of Winfield and Sandra Rudningen. I was the “baby” of the family until my brother Wayne was born in 1969. I was about four weeks shy of my sixth birthday when he came to life, I was about five months short of seven when God had the audacity to call him home to heaven. Life went on without our little brother, but it was never the same.
The death of my baby brother touched each of us in our own way, sadness overwhelmed me in more ways than I was able to deal with. I strived for perfection but never quite reached the mark for my own satisfaction. There were many mud puddles in the path of the marathon of life I was running through, yet somehow I was able to rinse of the muck and continue the race.
I’m 48 years old; I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for 34 of them.
My desire to organize, rearrange, clean, and or take control has never taken a back seat to anyone. I truly wish to make everything in Gods world a masterpiece to behold from a clean bathroom to a beautifully painted picture. When there is work to be done it rarely has to wait for my attention, I see it and therefore I tackle it. Unrestrained at most, when I work I work hard, I finish what I start. Nothing feels better than a hot shower after an afternoon of digging in the dirt, sweating profusely manicuring my little piece of Gods handiwork, my yard.
My creative side likes to put a twist on the ordinary, I desire to see things at their best, I tend to try and perfect the imperfect. I like to make it count. My heart is filled with love that cries from the extremes of happiness and sadness. My boys carry more clout than they will ever realize. In light situations I talk with endless chatter, when there’s a need for seriousness I tend to debate with caution. I’m arguementive although I listen and follow direction when I understand the reasons why…. All that I’ve written is true, although 15 months ago I couldn’t have brought myself to put it on paper, I saw only my flaws. In the recent past I’ve discovered a new side of myself, I’ve come to know the person within the eating disorder. I’ve always known it’s important to be honest with others, but more importantly, I now know I have to be honest with myself. I thank God for second chances to try to right our wrongs. I thank God for the unconditional love I carry for, and receive from my boys…
I’m Lori Ruth Cotten…I’m a survivor.