Protecting your children against child abuse

They say children are like little angels and as parents or caregivers we have a duty to take care of our little angels with food, clothes, education and to love them and most of all protect our children from danger of any kind.

When I was growing up in the sixes and seventies stranger danger was never heard of and so was crime. People used to sleep with unlocked doors not like now, Most houses now are built like fort Knox, don't get me wrong I was taught about stranger danger but it was not a big deal like now and unfortunately we have now new dangers by use of the Internet where sexual predators lurk. Sometimes we really don't know who our kids are chatting to on my space, face book and alike or even instant messenger or the many chat rooms around the world.

We all know about safety houses which I am one, we are taught about stranger danger and everyone is more aware of the dangers of sexual predators which is all good in protecting our children from danger. Also don't be afraid to tell your children some guide rules and it might help to practise them, like if they are approached by strangers and are grabbed tell them to scream their lungs out fight , bite and kick don't let them be an easy target to these perverts.

Explain the dangers: Telling your child to avoid strangers can sound a little vague. Try to explain to them why going somewhere with a stranger is dangerous. Saying that strangers could take them away from the family is more effective as it gives definitive consequences.

Who is a stranger? Kids need to know that any person they have never met before is a stranger. It's a good idea to encourage children to trust their gut instinct. If they don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger then this is the time to move away.

Being polite: Its important for children to know that being polite doesn't always apply to complete strangers. A small child should know it's okay to not talk to a stranger. The same rule should apply for being helpful. Make sure your little ones know that adults ask each other for help, so adults who are strangers shouldn't need their help.

Code words: Make up a code word that any person who collects the child should know. So if an adult the child isn't familiar with comes to pick them up, the child should ask for the code word.

Role plays: Teach your children how to avoid strangers with role plays. This will give them a better idea of the kind of scenario they may face when a parent or trusted adult is not around to help. Practise the words they should use and actions they should take.

Screaming: A child who screams may look to a passer-by like he or she is throwing a tantrum or squabbling with a parent or guardian. Teach your child to yell out specific words rather than just scream. Yelling out "help I don't know this person" will get the attention of others

Being alone: A child should never tell a complete stranger that a trusted adult or parent has left them all alone. Teach the child to say things like "Dad's in the shower" or "My brother is in that store and will be right back". This gives them something to say when strangers talk to them.

These are all good advice and one should remember not all predators are strangers. We as parents must build up so much trust in our children that they feel safe knowing they can tell us a friend is cuddling too close or saying they must keep secrets. Start by talking with your child and asking them is their anyone (adult) they feel the can truly trust that is not mum or dad and ask this person to join in the conversation. The child needs to learn that if for any reason they can't speak to mum or dad that it is ok and that your feelings will not be hurt and that you trust their judgement also that whom ever the child chooses will never betray their trust and will help make adult decisions to help the child. This does not mean they keep secrets only give adult advice with your permission if it arises. The child must always feel he/she can speak to someone and are not left to feel alone and easily manipulated. This person in turn will consult with you if they feel things are out of their place, then together you make decisions and this person can still be their for the child and not feel as though you stepped in. In some cases the child might never know that you had an input thus feels they can still trust people. Sometimes this can also work in favour of the child if he/she is scared of your reaction to something then this other person can help ease a child woes if they themselves feel that it could become a problem with further communication between the child and parents. The role for this person is that like an advisor between child and parents only.

STEPS TO PREVENT SEXUAL ABUSE

1. Know the Warning Signs

Look for signs that someone may be an offender. In cases of reported sexual abuse, some parents step forward and say, yes, they knew there was something wrong with him/her. So what are some of these signs?

• Likes spending time with children all the time.
• More comfortable with children than adults.
• Discourages other adults from getting involved.
• Keeps children alone.
• Excessive touching (tickling/wrestling).
• Gives gifts without the parents' permission and gives gifts that are often prohibited by the parents. (e.g. video games).
• Showing/providing pornographic materials to children.

2. Control Access

Be aware of the people that have access to your children. Get to know the teachers at school, the volunteers in the church nursery, the sports coaches, family friends. Talk to them. Often times, parents get a nagging feeling about someone and this may be enough of a trigger for you to check more on that person.

3. Monitor Activities Involving Children

What this means is that as a parent, make sure that there are always 2 unrelated adults in any of your children's activities. Sexual abuse occur in privacy. If there is never an opportunity for a child to be alone with an adult, then there is no opportunity for the sexual abuse. If your child is going to a field trip, there should be more than 1 adult at all times. One of the sexual offenders on the video shown during the seminar said that he used to be a softball coach. And that most parents just dropped the kids off leaving him alone with the children. He also mentioned that he kept an album full of kid's pictures and only 1 parent asked for the negatives of his/her child's pictures.

It is important to get to know the people that have access to our children. Sometimes a simple 5 minute chat on a few of the activities are often enough to get an impression.

4. Be Aware

Be aware of what going on with our children: know where they are, who they're with. Talk and most importantly, listen. Sometimes it's not what the children say, but how they say things that may alert us to something that is wrong. Some children don't talk, so it's important in this case to watch body language.

For young children, teach them about their body parts (with proper names). Teach them that the body parts that are covered by bathing suits are covered for a reason - they are private. If someone does touch any of the private parts, to teach the children to say "NO, get away from me" and then run away to tell another adult about it. Sexual offenders "groom" potential victims. This means that they do a little touching and see if the child protests and if the child doesn't, the offender proceeds to the next step. If the child does protest, the offender will usually move on to the next victim.

5. Communicate Concerns

If we see something inappropriate about a person with contact to children, it is our duty as parents to communicate this concern. Talk to the principal, supervisor...whoever is directly above that person of concern. If we can't get answers, go up to the next person in the chain of command. A person may not be a sexual offender, giving the information to professionals will allow them to investigate for themselves