The Girlfriend Rules
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Friendships do have rules ...
The Girlfriend Rules:
- We all know they exist, it's about time someone put them down on paper!
Sex and The City, Lipstick Jungle, chick flicks galore on both the big and small screen affirm the extraordinary bond between women. We support each other, look out for each other's interests, cheer each other on, offer up advice, do favours, sacrifice, share clothes and give, give, GIVE for the oh so honorable cause of women's sorority-ship. Always.
Yeah, right.
I've had the privilege of befriending, both professionally and personally, some very happening women, most of which I call friend to this day.
I've also been privy on more than one occasion to a group of snippy backbiters. The last occasion where I found myself swimming against this misfortune was in a retail office full of very religious women, naively I assumed "This should be a fairly principled environment, right?" I soon learned that, on a daily basis, a select few would leave for lunch and as soon as the door closed behind them, one of these pious charlatans would proclaim (hand held to chest) "Well God bless her, and Jesus forgive me for saying anything ... but..." and the gossip would begin.
My point is; there really are all kinds. There's class in every trailer park, and trailer park in every class. Every one gets burned, and the quicker we learn to cherish the real girlfriends we do find, the better.
A tried and true Girlfriend GETS the rules, and sticks to them.
Ten rules of friendship (isn't it funny that there are always ten?)
1) You do not date your friends ex.
The time limit on this:
- If they were married or seriously committed: ever
- If the friend is also related to you: ever
- If they dated for over a year: after a year IF your friend is SO over the guy, you can ask.
- If they dated for less than six months: once your friend is clearly SO over the guy, you can ask.
** If your friend never gets over guys, you have to address this, and perhaps even re-evaluate what a flake your friend is.
2) You never negatively gossip about each other while one is absent. A concerned conversation, which may lead to a helpful conclusion, is exempt.
3) If your mom is your friend, you need to be careful what you tell her. Especially about your friends. Your age is not relevant here.
4) When your friend dumps on you regarding her useless boyfriend or husband, you listen, offering very little input or direct advice. "I'll help you with whatever you decide." "You know I support you." THAT'S IT.
REASON: Once these two reconcile, and you have confided in her that the guy is a jerk, spends too much, everyone hates him, etcetera ... you now have a problem. Let your friends alone decide on their love lives. ** Any abusive situation is, of course, exempt from this rule.
5) Do not be one of those 'friends' that constantly dumps about your useless boyfriend / husband. On occasion - fine, doing this constantly shows extreme disrespect for your spouse. It also has the eventual effect of making you look like a loser.
6) Old friends get the benefit of the doubt over new ones. Until they screw it up. A good friend never will.
7) Friends establish understandings about cash: Are you casual with money or not? YOU HAVE TO PUT IT OUT THERE. I'll spot any friend money if I have it. Forgotten wallet, emergency plane ticket, unexpected trip to the vet, bail ... whatever. I hate splitting hairs on restaurant checks, I'll get it this time, and you get it next time. THAT'S ME. Friends have to casually put their MONEY STUFF out there, and then all need to respect this. Some people can never loan money - it makes them nuts.
ESTABLISH MONEY BOUNDARIES then HONOUR THEM.
8) It is your responsibility to not knowingly let your friend look bad.
Spinach in teeth, toilet paper on shoe, pertinent information at a gathering (So-and-so's boyfriend is in jail, don't bring him up / The guy to your left is rich / Mary just came out of the closet and would probably NOT want to meet your brother ... etcetera).
9) Friends do not sabotage each other, (even subconsciously). If Jane has lost twenty pounds and you've gained eleven, and you find yourself shoving cake in her face, maybe you need to look in the mirror.
10) Friends keep secrets. Period. Even from other friends.
**Spousal abuse, addictions and similar dangerous activities are exempt.
SECRETS need to be established. Is this a secret? ASK. If you do not mention that something is private from other friends, it is unfair to assume it is. Be careful with this one: it can be confusing, and it's a biggie. Girlfriends like to talk and they are not psychic.
There you have it, a few simple rules for friends to live by. And remember:
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
--Samuel Butler
Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find one good you must one hundred try.
-- Claude Mermet
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
-- Bernard Meltzer.
- Always ellen
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Comments
The is an interesting hub. I usually agree with Pjdscott but on one thing I cannot agree, I tell my mom most everything! She is my best friend and I appreciate all her advice and intuitions because she can never steer me wrong. Just my two sense.
very good rules. framed by whom?
Hi my name is cyril, i live and work in the UK, london to be precise. How are u doing? i guess u are fine. am not really good with this kindda stuffs, since i separated with my wife i have been alone so i thot i look for one who fill the emptiness. I wld like us to be friends, maybe we cld get closer. i have my own small company that i manage by my self. I hope to hear from you maybe then we wld really talk about ourselves. You cld mail me on cyrilexi@yahoo.com
To Sweetie Pie and all those that tell their moms all... I never meant to infer NOT to talk to mom (and individually, you all know your own moms) ... just be wise. My daughters and I have similar relationships - the 21 yr old tells me things I'm not sure I should know, at times (but I keep smiling)... just remember, moms have your back - so once they know that a friend / boyfriend / hubbie has dissed you, betrayed you etc. and then you've made up --- it's hard for moms to forget.
I'd say most of this hub is regardless of the sexes. Whether you are male or female, your friend is male or female, a true friendship involves respect. And most of your ten rules address just that. :)
Cute and true...fun to read and good to know...and, I agree with ananta65...useful regardless of gender! Good hubbing!
Anyone who wants to have friends, or think they are a friend, needs to read this...very good information. nice read too =) I'm off to read more!!
number 5 is so, so true. I speak as one who broke the rule and paid for it. I lost a few friends when my husband and I reconciled. Nice hub!
Alwaysellen,
Were these religous/pious charlatans the same bunch of folks you mentioned in the censorship hub? Just kidding. Interesting read, but I have to say that I am way out of the loop on these type of things. Secrets, ex's, boyfriends, talking to my mother about my friends etc.. It's all quite complicated, this friendship ettiquite stuff. Nevertheless, I found it all quite intriguing.
Good job.
Sschilke
No, Sschilke ... these religious women (some of whom I liked) were a group unto themselves. My point was that B*^*hy gossipy women (and men) come in all shapes and sizes ... that whole "don't judge a book by it's cover" thing.
THis was a fun read. I can't help, being the chronic humorist that I am, to want to make a hub for guys on the same line. Would you be horrified if I spoofed this with a parallel version for guys, for fun?
Excellent hub! Thanks :)
hopefully, friends forever, just end up liking each other no matter what, and don't even have to think about the rules, as comfort with each other comes naturally. Now THAT'S a friend. =)
Ellen, i agree that this was a great read... i enjoyed it! I'm with you on the mother/friend thing. My mom and I are very close but there are some things I think she shouldn't know... even if only out of respect for her.. lol. And, as my daughter ages she knows I will always be there for her through anything, and she knows she CAN tell me anything... but there ARE some things that make me wince and I sometimes wish I didn't know. And about having your back? BIG amen on that one.... hard for a parent to just pretend something never happened.. especially when someone hurt their child.
Sorry to hear about the bad experience with the "christians"... hopefully one day you'll have a good one with some others to counteract it.... Even as a Christian myself I have been on the end of that sort of thing also...
SHadesbreath... I think a counter hub for men would be fun... can't wait to see it posted.
Thanks again Ellen...
Traci
Ok, I was too impatient, I couldn't wait for you to say it was ok. I hope you don't hate me.
/much respect
Some good information that some people should really listen to.
Ellen, good hub. I know exactly what you're talking about. I worked as a cook in a hospice house for a year and watched as the nurses aides gossiped about everyone around them. Their so-called "friends," eachy other, us cooks, the bosses, their family, everyone. I was disgusted by the bits I heard when ever I was around them. It was non-stop. It's like a disease. Harmful and hurtful. No good ever comes from it.
The interesting thing here... guys don't do this.
That was awesome, and it gives me hope that there are some women out there that I can have a solid, lasting friendship with. I always seem to meet the "other" kind. Ah, well, I'm still relatively young-ish. Maybe that's it.
Friendships do have rules .... very true
You know, you have gotten so many comments on this because we can see that its true! Thanks for the great read and reality check. New Day.
So cute and so true. Great hub!
Thanks for taking time to post the friendship rules! They are pretty right on. Its true, it takes a lot of friends to find the good ones. I had a friend who use to get drunk and say mean things. "Your harir is looking mousey," "Everyone hates you you know". Its a shame people hate themselves so much.
Ellen,
Cute list of rules, that most of the time are unwritten, we as girls simply do follow. I love the "Don't judge a book by the cover" beginning. It is something we as women seem to always do! Thanks for the fun read!
I am fortunate that I have girlfriends for over 30 years; just this morning I sent a card to one of my friends saying its a treasure to be able to celebrate yet another birthday for 30 years (we now live 3,000 miles apart) and that I felt blessed to have a friend like her. What we four share is that none of us meddle in each other's lives, even if we share, and have helped one another, and we are all very trustworthy. Other friends have come into my life and are gone, but these four remain.
Had a chuckle with the pious gossipers you described. Could clearly visualize them. LOL!
Very Cute List. Love Your Hub
Great Hub! I couldn't agree more.
I whole-heartedly agree with this! Great hub!
Oh I whole heartedly agree with al that you have said, it is about time we ALL grew up and STOPPED bitching!!! I have a rule. I NEVER socialise with work collegues, no matter how much I like them, it cuts down on the 'lets all talk about work and nothing else' and I am NEVER in the inner circle or bitches and borde housewives!!!
Awesome hub....R
Wow great hub, what great advice to help us all appreciate and enjoy our friendships better! Some really wise advice in there, too!
xAC
good hub! enjoyed the way you put things together. good work
I think you're right on about the mother comment. It's great for mothers and daughters to communicate. But. I've seen it go bad. Where the daughter tells the mother everything to the detriment of her other relationships. Especially with men. If your husband works too much, wants too much sex, turns crazy behind the wheel...whatever....limit the complaints to mom.
this is a great hub and I totally agree with the money angle since people are raised with very different attitudes about lending and sharing. I think you have to use your best judgement about number 4, i have some seriously crazy friends who keep picking the WORST boyfriends and sometimes it too hard not to speak up.
I couldn't agree with you more, Paul ... this is exactly what I mean.
Love this hub!!!Thanks for coming up with it!! Now if only a few more women would follow the rules!!! :)
I need to work on #4 :(
Love this hub! I'm so your fan now!
At the end of he day it is all about respect and treating yourself as you would wish others to treat you.
Great hub.
True friends 'get' these rules, but i guess the closer you get to a friend, the more you talk about what you are OK with and what you aren't. Boundaries should always be established before the friendship is cemented, am I right?
Amen!
Some of the advice you mentioned would go down well with Girl and guy friends, for example number 1 and 2..If many people would follow these advice, what a better world we could all live in!
Excellent hub!
This was a fantastic hub!!! Although I am Christian ,women who are close to God are some of the most back-biting women I as well have ever met. They should have embraced you and welcomed in with open arms. Once they knew you , they may have found out wat a wonderful person you were. Those are the ones that I pray for, the back-biting ,snake in the grass women who should be saving souls and reading the book and living by it.
Friends do keep secrets from other friends and if they talk you don't need them anyway.
Great!
It's funny to finally see these rules in writing. How do we all know them if we've never read them? They've obviously been passed down through generations. Great hub!
I love it! Really its very nice and interesting. Here is some information about mortgage which will be very useful for every one for their sweet houses http://hubpages.com/hub/MortgageCalculator
Ditto for the men.
A good friend a true friend is so hard to find. Treat the few that you do have like gold. My best friend in this world is a wonderful women. THats why I have been married to her for 24 years. But the again I have Moms, Grandma. my aunt Rosie, Wow I never thought of it But my best friends are almost all women and Family. I've always been a mommas boy.."MA-Mow"in spanish. and proud of it!
Peace, Love, Health, Happiness and Lavish Abundance JosephDiego...
Hi ellen thanks for joining my fan club i see you have some great hubs im sure i will be here for a while.
anyway take care and happy bloging...
working
pjdscott says:
7 months ago
Great advice and a super hub, always ellen! I like your advice about restricting what you tell your mother - that is especially true when you have a long term relationship and *especially* when you get married!