Decoding The Emotional Bank Account - How You Contribute to or Contaminate EVERY Relationship You’re in All The Time!

The Emotional Bank Account and its Significance in your power to give and receive love .

Their are several parts to the emotional bank account:

1. Opening the account
2. closing the account
3. Deposits
4. Withdraws
5. Intrest/Insurance/Sweat Equity
6. Loans
7. Check Systems (rage, stalking, etc..)

When you first meet someone you're opening a new account with them. They don't know you yet and like banks they need something to show your trust worthy.

This is usually the first interview in your new relationship with that person. If you're just an acquaintance or you rarely interact with that person then your account never opens, but if you're considered friendship or more material then you and the person your getting to know are simultaneously opening a new account. The first thing you both do is establish the worth of the initial account.

For example if you save someone's life your initial account balance will be higher than someone who has no other reason to give you such a high balance. The currency in the emotional bank account is based on many things all dealing with emotions and how they perceive you. Every action or inaction, every look, movement of your body, and perceived thought, intention and so on is either a deposit or a withdraw.

First impressions are high yield loans...

...especially if the banker (person) gives trust without first receiving it. If your lucky enough to meet someone who will give you trust not judgment first you should realize the value of this person and never do anything to ruin your credit with them.

First Impressions are everything you do, from how your dressed, how you talk, your personality, and what you offer them (a smile? a hand when they drop their books? etc..).

First Deposit

Take the initiative and deposit first before withdrawing! Without a deposit theirs nothing to take from but them.. In any venture you must first invest then receive equity.. if you take from someone first you must pay it back with interest, but if you deposit first it is them that pays you with interest (law of reciprocation).

It is always valuable to make the first deposit because this in their eyes gives you good credit. If you wait for them to make the first deposit you won't necessarily tarnish your credit but it just looks and feels more genuine when someone offers you something first, and that can be valuable to others who have been "jacked" around by others. I find when you do things to show you're not a taker, people warm up to you faster, and you get a pretty nice deposit in their bank in your name.

This is often evident by a warm smile, eye contact, and body language pointing towards you (in open gestures not folded arms etc.. although some are shy and fold arms pay close attention to where the thumbs rest, be it inside their arms tucked away or outside, one shows closed off/protective mode, the other shows shy but open to you).

Do not deposit counterfeit currency into the emotion bank account!!!!!!

Especially in the first deposit as the entire account rests in this currency's value!

DO NOT pretend to like someone, or give them a false sense of security about you, don't personify something if you don't mean it, and do not change in the middle of the relationship because your comfortable, for this first deposit is on hold for several months after its deposited and the first sign that you were full of crap and your entire account goes down the drain.

A person's subconscious is always watching and check summing the validity of your intentions, actions and the very way this person perceives you. This is the emotional "Banker" or "accountant" keeping the persons emotional books. Dr. Phil states in his book Life Strategies "Your always either contaminating or contributing to every situation you in or are apart of in any way" Their is no middle ground.

Actions and lack of actions are either contributions or contaminations. Their is never a moment you interact with someone where your not doing one or the other.

The bank manager ironically is the subconscious mind; much like at most banks you never see this entity unless things get out of hand or a huge deposit or withdraw is being transacted, however behind the obvious the manager is running the show and sets the rules and tolerances of different things.

A person's moral code, ethics, likes, dislikes, expectations, comfort levels, and so on are all those cameras pointing at you. If you make a move in the wrong direction the security officer will alert the bank manager who will alert the teller and you don't always get a notice from the bank about your mistakes.

If you do get a notice this comes in the form of someone acting strangely around you, more aloof, angry, pulling back emotions, anything that you perceive as "off".. This is the subconscious mind "Protecting its assets!"

This is where people secretly judge you and make judgments based on your deposits or withdraws. Some bankers will tell you when you're making withdraws and some will even allow you to make withdraws beyond your balance, paying it with your good faith promise in mind. Others will do so but will consider this a red flag. For example you cannot make a hard overdraft until you've built up sufficient credit with this person, because this is considered bad practice and bad manners and it makes you seem untrustworthy.

The Bank manager comes in when you need to make a drastic decision about this persons account. If your trust is betrayed, and it hurts (or even if you think it was betrayed via a rumor mill), then your emotions get involved and your subconscious mind whispers the facts into the conscious minds ear and forwards the documents of your past account history.

If you are perceived as doing something untrustworthy and you have little history you may have made a grave error in judgment and your account gets closed, they want nothing more to do with you.. however if you have a history of always making more deposits than withdraws, then your not so harshly judged right away, your given benefit of the doubt before judgment is called.

If, for example you have to decide weather or not your "friend" is truly your friend, things get shifted from subconscious to your conscious mind, known as the worry states or other similar states that make you "go over the books" in detail to assess proper action.

What some people (usually desperate to get someone back as a friend, lover etc..) do is misinterpret past actions for current circumstances. For example once your account's been closed, not suspended, but closed you no longer can deposit into that account. Your access is terminated. Any attempt to hijack the account to deposit will be seen as not only irritating and childish but burglery. Your now invading their space.. they made a decision to excommunicate you from their emotional access and your now forcing yourself into their "air space" illegally

When someone closes your account and you try to "be nice" to them this is trying to deposit "funds" into a closed account and this actually has the withdraw effect (no pun intended), the more you try, the more your nice, or try to deposit the deeper your account goes into the red. When the account is closed deposits polarity shifts and become more problematic to these people than trying to withdraw!

Their is a way to (in some cases) reopen your account but you must wait for check systems to wear out (if at all). This means you must wait it out, give them space and show good credit by walking away. This in these cases is actually the only way to deposit. Nothing else will work. In doing this and not showing any friction in the "heat of the moment" your not adding to your problem.

The person has a chance to reset, and regain composure and if it wasn't horrific what ever you did, just irritating for example, they may one day sit and ponder the pro's and the con's and potentially may see that they over reacted, or that you didnt realize what you were doing (maybe you got jealouse and overreacted by always questioning them which is a withdraw action and enough of this and you go into the red, but maybe she didnt see that you were jealouse because her friend who didnt like you was feeding lies into your ears and so on..).

When people first meet someone their initial actions become deposits BASED ON how they see them in relation to their own value system. For example something you'd consider a big deposit, say a warm smile or a flirt, may to them be a tiny deposit (what if they get flirted with all day and this is actually a withdraw to them as their tired of seeing it happen to them, and to you a flirt may be a big deal because you never get flirted with.. see how it works?) so it is very important when getting to know someone not to make assumptions.

If you assume the warm smile and flirt was taken as a huge deposit because you'd consider it big if it happened to you, you may over estimate your account balance with them. Smiling is often considered a deposit, actually I'd go so far as to say with strangers its always a deposit, but in a case of someone who irritates you smiling at you could be a withdraw.

Perception is the only reality where deposits or withdraws are concerned

Intention of your smile or anything else is percieved a lot in your body language, and if you have it, your history with them, perceived or real. Realize in the other persons assessment of your deposit or withdraw value, reality means nothing, perception is the only reality.

Guys do this a lot with women. One powerful example is a girl who is not interested in guy x may personify (in his opinion not hers) flirting in the form of just being gracefully pleasant and smiling warmly and affectionately. To him he thinks (arrogantly) that she likes him and assumes "it's in the bag".

To her he was ok, but she made no real distinctions as to weather she liked him or not and actually she is like this to everyone. Guys often misinterpret when a girl says "Your so sweet" as saying "I really want your body" when most women say this just because they appreciated your gesture to them or others.

Can you see how the whole system is getting complex? It really isn't unless you make it that way by assuming you know everything or by not taking your time to get to know someone, to really see patterns in their behavior towards you before you assume "she likes me" and so on.

If you make assumptions you're more likely going to end up making more withdraws than deposits because your personality will be shifted in the wrong and ignorant direction as her perception of you. You may even come off as desperate or arrogant and she will close your account pretty quickly.

When you get into any relationship their is a lot going on in the emotional bank account. You make deposits or withdraw when you interact or if they perceive your not interacting with them. When you contribute to the relationship, your making a deposit, this means you have more value or in video game terms you get an extra man. You can make more mistakes with them if your account is "padded" than if you're "overdrawn".

Expectations

Where it gets tricky is "expectations" of either party. If you come into the relationship fast and you click pretty quick then let's say the guy starts taking her to expensive restaurants and buying her nice things right off (but works somewhere making minimum wage), he doesn't realize it but his efforts to "impress her" are going to be interpreted by her as a precedence! He may call her a gold digger later for becoming accustomed to his actions and pampering, especially if he doesn't tell her he can't afford it, but its his fault for loading up the bank account so fast..

When she gets used to this and this is what built the relationship (much like when you drop a hundred grand into a bank account then return several more times dropping 10 grand, 50 grand and so on the bank expects you to continue to drop this kind of money into your account) she thinks this is an ongoing thing. It doesn't necessarily make her a gold digger but he got her accustomed to something and when he cannot keep it up, friction will develop.

One way is she will be a selfish person and simply want the fairy tale he set up for her or she wont want to go out with him anymore if he cannot provide what the initial relationship was built on (the precedence). Another is she will not care about the gifts, ravish outings and so forth but will think he is playing with her mind, manipulating her emotions and not being real with her.

All these things equally are withdraws. She could even become humiliated by his gifts when she realizes he can't afford it, and all the while she thought he could so allowed him to take her out over and over again realizing later she was breaking his bank. This is a withdraw.

The point that makes these things crash is you have to gradually deposit into someone's account and always be honest and up front.. if he tells her he doesn't make alot of money but he thinks she deserves a few good nights out and some nice things because maybe she's struggled her 9 to 5 for years and never got a break..

Then this becomes a huge deposit because he's not trying to trick her or manipulate her he's showing her love, and compassion for her struggles. The irony is in most cases she will refuse letting him do it, and he will still get the deposit even if they end up sitting at home making hamburgers watching a rented movie! (I don't suggest you guys try to manipulate this angle because one its dishonest and two it will karmatically back fire even if you get away with it..)

It is the other person's perception that counts not your intention. So regardless of your intentions, if they perceived something else that is the reality that governs the deposits or withdraws. To master always being a depositor (and withdrawing ONLY when you have currency built up) learn to communicate with people, its the magic recipe for understanding their perception hence being able to properly deposit.

It does no good to deposit where they don't see it correctly. Think of it like a kid getting socks for Christmas, his mom means well but when he pops open that box of socks do you think he loads her emotional account with currency? No. Because he doesn't see value in the socks (and doesn't care about her intensions!).

Think of this like a real bank and your friend/relationship is the bank owner. When you set up an account it is usually required that you deposit something. An act of faith, a gesture, a smile, it doesn't matter.. You in life must give THEN receive. The more you do, that is perceived as nice, good or valuable to them, the more deposits you're making into their emotional bank account. Small or large depends on how much value and emotion they give to the act.

If you start a relationship out negatively you are already in the red and your bank account usually gets closed and you're sent to check systems, ;)

You always want to start out with a positive balance, not just a zero. I'll tell you why. Buffer. If you make a mistake in their eyes and you have a balance this mistake is forgiven but only as much as you have in your account. Trust is earned because it is expensive and trust earns the most interest (I love this metaphor stream lol).

When we see a girl we like we deposit like crazy to try to get our balance up there, sometimes we act to eagerly and our account gets shut down before we even make one deposit. You have to deposit while the bank is open, you cannot break the glass or pry the lock open and break in to make your deposit. Timing is everything, so make sure their "open" sign is up.

All in all just realize one thing and you'll connect the rest more easily and fluidly. Perception is reality. Not your perception (where dealing with other people's emotional bank account is concerned) but their perception. Communication is the key to maintaining a relaitonship for many reasons but this is the most important. By realizing where THEY are coming from your actions match cohesively with their needs and if they are good for you they will do the same.

If you refuse to see that their perception is different from yours, meaning that their emotions, triggers and so on are also on a different path, then you are neglecting the most important component in any relationship.. the emotional bank account.

I want to add one more note to explain something (as much as it can be explained):

Men always say "I'll never understand women"

Well honestly I think I understand them enough to keep the emotional bank account in the black, although were not truly meant to understand each other completely (other wise where would all those wonderful lessons in balance and yin and yang come from where interpersonal relationships are concerned?), learning how to maintain a high balance in the emotional bank account of the opposite sex will definately give you the buffer you need to make mistakes and survive the challenge in one peice.

If we listen to our mates, our friends, our coworkers, our bosses etc.. and really soak in at least the shell of how they see the world we can build amazing rapport (rapport is the intrest in the emotional bank account, its what you earn when you responcibily utilize deposit withdraw features.. and yes you MUST also withdraw from your account to maintain the balance.. after all they must feel the appreciation they get from you when they give.. as much as they need to feel it when they recieve!).

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