10 Good Reasons to Have a Gorilla as a Pet

DON'T JUDGE ME FOR LOVING GORILLAS

I am an animal-lover. With the exceptions of dangerous animals with no feelings for human beings, I love them all. Dogs, cats, ponies, rhinos, lions and even the majestic gorilla. I am not writing this to confess some hidden-shame at my admiration for gorillas, it is just a matter of how God made them so powerful and yet so deep in their thinking in calculating of the ways of life that escape us mortals.

I love the expressions on their faces when they are sitting in the sun dwelling on whatever gorilla's dwell on and the way the males exhibit their dominance over the gorillas in their band and when their show of power is over, the dominant gorilla instantly returns to his deep thinking. Amazing is the best adjective I can use in describing gorillas.

In times past, I have begged my wife to let me buy a baby gorilla, tame it, and name him, "Archie," so he and I could be best friends and he could accompany me wherever I went. This was in the time I was healthy and able to work. But, with my wife being the more-sensible of the two of us, I gave up on my wanting a gorilla for a pet. So much for my wanting to not be a part of the crowd.

A Bit About Gorillas

• Gorillas constitute the eponymous genus Gorilla, the largest extant genus of primates by physical size. They are ground-dwelling, predominantly herbivorous apes that inhabit the forests of central Africa. The genus is divided into two species: the eastern gorillas and the western gorillas, and either four or five subspecies. The DNA of gorillas is highly similar to that of a human, from 95–99% depending on what is counted, and they are the next closest living relatives to humans after the chimpanzees (including bonobos).
• Gorillas' natural habitats cover tropical or subtropical forests in Africa. Although their range covers a small percentage of Africa, gorillas cover a wide range of elevations. The mountain gorilla inhabits the Albertine Rift montane cloud forests of the Virunga Volcanoes, ranging in altitude from 2,200–4,300 metres (7,200–14,100 ft). Lowland gorillas live in dense forests and lowland swamps and marshes as low as sea level, with western lowland gorillas living in Central West African countries and eastern lowland gorillas living in the Democratic Republic of the Congo near its border with Rwanda.

Source: Wikipedia

NOW FOR THE "MEAT" OF THE STORY

Simply put. I do not like the feeling of not getting the last word in a marital discussion and little does my wife realize that I am doing this piece not to get even with her, but to prove that “I” did have a legitimate argument for wanting a gorilla as a pet.

The title of this hub is lovingly-named:

10 Good Reasons to Have a Gorilla as a Pet

10.) NO WORRIES ABOUT BULLIES – when you have a gorilla as a pet for what self-respecting bully would dare tangle with any gorilla?

9.) A LEARNING EXPERIENCE—is what you get when you and a gorilla are close friends. Just ask Jane Goodall, who spent years living and studying gorillas. Her best-selling book, “Gorillas in The Mist,” revealed so much of what I am writing about. Gorillas are not only very powerful, but as interesting as the most-intelligent human being, according to Goodall.

8.) GORILLAS EAT SO MUCH – that you can lose weight so much easier. Now that idea comes with a price. Have you priced how expensive 300 pounds of fresh meat costs per day? I confess. I had much keep my weight than try to scrape-up that much cash.

7.) GORILLAS ARE GOOD TEACHERS—in the area of self-defense. What I mean to say is that if you and a gorilla become best friends, he will surely be grateful enough for his food and home that he will be glad to teach you how to defend yourself.

6.) AT HALLOWEEN – what better way to scare the life out of your practical-joking pals than have “Archie” to stand behind your shrubbery and when your joker friends approach your front door to get free treats plus pull a joke on you, have “Archie” to growl and walk out from behind the shrubbery? Nuff said.

5.) GORILLAS MAKE GREAT – conversation pieces. Imagine that one Sunday your pastor and his wife are to have lunch with you. He is new to your church and does not have a lot to say to you for he is not well-acquainted with you and your family. Upon arriving at your home, he is startled by “Archie” who is asleep in your front yard in is hammock. This new pastor will not have the willpower to not ask you, “Brother Ken, what is that gorilla doing in your front yard?” Of course, to make him comfortable, I will reply, “He appears to be napping,” and the pastor will relax and have a good time.

4.) GORILLAS ARE NOT—as aggressive as once thought. So when your young nieces, nephews and cousins visit your home, they will not pose a threat to “Archie,” who has been raised very gentle from a baby and he should get a thrill from playing with these young kids.

3.) GORILLAS MAKE GOOD—vehicles to make quick-friends with neighbors who have just moved into your neighborhood. The most-civil neighbor, like the new pastor, cannot resist asking, “Mister, may I ask what that beautiful gorilla is doing in your front yard?” And yes, I will reply with a snappy-quip, “He appears to be doing some weed-eating,” and I have made a new neighbor and friend.

2.) NO ROAD-RAGE—when you own a gorilla. Think of it. When you and the wife go on a Saturday outing and run into a traffic-jam up ahead caused by some lazy jerks who think they own the road, just take the gorilla with you and walk up to their car and ask, “My friend, ‘Archie,’ and me wonder if you could just move so we can get through?” Then watch the cars part like Moses and The Red Sea.

1.) GORILLAS DO NOT— start useless arguments or act superior to humans, so that in itself makes the perfect reason for having a gorilla as a pet.

QUESTION: does any of my nice followers have an extra $200,000.00 laying around that I can borrow for the cost of “Archie,” his food and clothing for one year?

I promise to pay you back.