A Purse Full of Poo is a Strange Kind of Currency
As a responsible dog owner, I always carry plastic bags with me in order to clean up after my dog. But it’s my least favorite thing to do. I’m frankly a little embarrassed when on a walk with Kai he stops to poop. And he stops often. I stand there pretending like I’m looking at the sky or a bird or the trees while Kai does his duty.
One day we stopped, he sniffed around forever and then continued on. We stopped again a block later. He did his preevacuation ritual of turning around in circles, squatting and then did nothing. Another couple blocks and he came to an abrupt halt, turned around to the left, turned around to the right, and again, nothing. It was kind of too bad too because we were on a quiet residential street with no traffic.
When we finally got to the busiest intersection on our route -- during the morning rush hour -- he stopped suddenly. Even before he could do his ritual dance he shot out a missile so hard and fast that anyone in the line of fire would have suffered grievous bodily harm. I was afraid I might have to clean the hubcaps of the car stopped next to us.
I learned that day that when it comes to doggy bathroom habits it’s all about location, location, location. They will always choose the least discreet place and time to do their dirty work.
I diligently picked up Kai’s poo, wrapped it in one of my plastic bags, shoved it into my purse and promptly forgot about it.
A week or so later at a grocery store check out, I was digging for my wallet. (I’m one of those women who carry a large bag filled with necessities that I never need to use.) I took out my address book, sunglass case, bag of poo and cell phone, to get to my wallet at the bottom of my purse. I looked at the checkout clerk hoping beyond hope that he didn’t see that I just pulled a bag of desiccated dog excrement from my bag.
“I’ll bet you have a dog.” He said.
“Yes,” I replied. “I certainly do.”
Dogs will always challenge your conceit. They create circumstances that require you to do things you’d never do, such as carry around a bag of poo for a week, and then try to pay for your groceries with it. And more than anything else, they remind you through these small discomfitures to be a whole lot less judgmental of everybody else.
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