Cats - 9 Lives of Cat Trickery!

Preface: 9 lives of a cat.

What's not to love about these hairball wonders?
If you're allergic to them consider a hairless cat!

Just don't forget they too hold the same "cat tactics."

These little critters are actually cats who own families from all walks of life. They have given their permission for homeowners to upload their photos to a popular website icanhazcheezeburger in hopes to gain fame and maybe fortune.

Some have, such as the famous "Grumpy Cat" you might have seen him around the internet or the famous Sad Cat Diary.

Above all you must understand cats that own us human's think a whole different way than that of us human beings.

LIFE 1: The Shape Shifter Cat

Is It Really Your Cat?

These are a special group of cats, they can take on whatever personality you want them to have! These sneaky and known as "Shape Shifting Cats!"

Unlike a shape shifting other entity, they do not change form. They stay in "cat" form. This makes it near impossible to know they have changed only their personality.
They are hard to spot as they change at will. With this photo to the side you can note this slight shifty eyes that were once big round green beams of love! Well they have shifted into the shifty slits that demand your full undivided attention! Especially if you are a writer at HubPages.

They refuse to lay down and behave while you ignore them and write about anything except them! Do not, at any cost let them know you are not writing at HubPages! They will not tolerate writing in other places unless you have indeed tricked them. It's so hard to do it's best not to try!

Note the strategically placed paw on the keyboard. They want to snuggle and have their chin scratched for hours. If you don't, those big round eyes that beam of love for you will cease and turn into the tiny slits that glare at you and refuse to let you type!

You my friend, have been duped by the Shape Shifting cat!

  • DISCLAIMER: AT CHEESEBURGER, CATS SPEAK WITH A SPECIAL LANGUAGE! AS YOU CAN NOTE, THEY DEMAND THE USE OF "Z's" RATHER THAN AN "S" AND TEND TO SPELL THINGS AS THEY SOUND! IT'S ANOTHER TACTIC OF "CAT TRICKERY."

LIFE 2: The Weapon!

Trickery and Cuteness!

As you can see this bundle of fur has found his way onto it's owners reading material! See, not only does it make the cat appear adorable and cute, but it's also - wise cat trickery!

The cat will vie for attention, and most likely get it until it achieves it's goal; to get between it's owner and the owners focus! The cat wants 1 of three things:

  1. Attention of Petting: Chin scratching or a cheeseburger. (Some prefer fish.) Some owners might go out of their way to shape the cat food into the form of a cheese burger to appease their cat. It might help if you really need to get working on the computer.
  2. Attention to Play: This is a cats war zone! Now it has landed it's furry self in the perfect spot for that attention so if the cat has just eaten then it could just be snickering and demanding some good old cat & mouse play time!
  3. Attention for Nothing: No newspaper, no knitting, no coffee! After the cat has achieved it's ultimate goal of getting it's owner to put down the reading material the battle of Cat Domination has won and the war of trickery is over! As soon as the reader has put the newspaper down, the cat will also jump down and scamper off to a comfy place to relax and be in dreamland before you realize you've been tricked!

There you have it. You can see how this trickery has worked. You are 100% manipulated out of reading time! Just face it you have lost the battle. Although you had no idea there was a battle of any kind going on! Trickery at it's finest!

LIFE 3: Beware - the ONE EYE OPEN!

The Trickery of Pretending Sleeper!

Yes it's true! As you can see, it uses it's cat "paw" language to lull the owner into believing it's in a deep sleep! As we also can see, it has one eye open! Now we all know the saying "sleeping with one eye open" but a cat will reverse this knowledge from looking out for things that go bump in the night to actually be watching you for it's next move!

  • BEWARE: The cat now has a sharp eye on you! By all means do NOT pull any trickery on it! Do NOT think you can get away with a phone call, knitting or reading!

It has been duly noted that people have actually tried to do crafts and such while their cat sleeps! Well, the minute that paper wrinkles or it hears you talking on the phone or playing with, my goodness, another animal like a dog, you are going to fall victim of the "one eye open" and the cat will be in your lap in a flash!

BY ALL MEANS DO NOT LET YOUR CAT KNOW YOU LIKE CRAFTING OR TIME TO YOURSELF! At least talk about the cat if the cat is within ear shot of your voice! If you don't it will refuse to fake sleep and be on your lap expecting your full undivided attention! Remember, you are being observed and watched by the "one eye open" cat at all times!

Life 4: Game Trickery!

The Water Bill Game Trickery!

While you're busy tapping away at the keyboard, maybe going from tab to tab, keeping track on what your friends are up to on other networking sites, checking to see if any friends have uploaded a new hub or packing for your trip to China, you gotta wonder, what is the cat up to!

True: CAT WARFARE! Do NOT leave your cat unattended with a toilet seat up! This is called "The Water Bill Trick." Do not leave the cat alone with the toilet! The trick will be on you!

  • This is no joke! I truly read that my friends water bill has gone up quite a bit while they were away when it should have gone down! They didn't know why until they decided to video the TOILET! You bet, the toilet! They found out when they got home their cat had learned how to flush the toilet! The cat watched amazed at the water swirling around! When it stopped the cat went up with both paws pulling that lever down to swirl that water AGAIN! The cat did this repeatedly, until he stick his little paw in and decided he didn't like the actual FEEL of this swirling water, so it just watched the water in in complete awe! It cost on average about .2 per flush depending on your toilet! TRUE!

So do NOT let the "isn't my reflection cute" tactic fool you into leaving your cat alone with the toilet! This is another cat tactic, and potentially psychological warfare, right up there with climbing up the last roll of toilet paper leaving you with an unexplained bill and, well dripping dry!

LIFE 5: The "Going For A Walk" trickery!

The Fancy Leash Trick!

Cats see people walking their dogs, but seriously now, how many people do you see out walking their cat?

  • DO NOT FALL FOR THE WALKING OF THE CAT! Regardless of the fact your cat somehow got the leash on and lays on it's back vying for attention so badly it's willing to act like it wants to go on a walk! The cat is NOT going on a walk.

Once you open the door the cat will run back in and latch it's claws into the nearest object it can find! It could be the coat rack or even the dog, worse yet, your spouse! The cat has tricked you into another attention getting tactic! It will never have plans on going for a walk! Ever!

  • The jealousy of walking the dog is another tactic used to manipulate your attention away from the dog or other family members!

The ONLY, and I mean ONLY time the inside cat wants to go outside is to either trick you or chase the bird that taunts it from the window. He has no intentions of walking on a leash like your loyal canine! Just don't fall for "The Walk." The cat's not going! Not even to show off the new fluorescent green leash.

Life 6: The time observer!

The computer savvy time manipulator!

You might not realize it but even the sweet kitten has already been learning your every move. The kitten knows this machine object you open let's you do work faster, write letters faster and even print your Christmas cards and mailing labels off much quicker than the old fashion pencil or pen!

The minute you sit down at the table to write out your shopping list the smart kitten has already witnessed you printing things off and zipping out the door! Printed list in hand has given the small kitten it's first knowledge that "machine is quicker than writing."

  • WARNING: It has already learned by watching your fingers glide from letter to letter to print! So do not think for one minute you're going to trick the little one into thinking a quick "milk, bread and cat food" list is going to be any quicker than your computer. Even if it is, you cannot even fool the kitten into believing it, because it has never seen it happen. It means less time spent with "Kitten Attention."

Although there could be a slight chance you can hold the kitten and try to convince it that you're only going for cat food and if the kitten is good and let's you write you'll get sardines or maybe something great out of the fresh fish section and will speed home as quickly as humanly possible. You can try this, but there is no guarantee it will work.

Life 7: The Watch and Learn Trickery!

The FAKER!

One of the oldest tricks in the book! As we've learned the cat owns the human and only lets the human believe it's a "cat owner." There is no such thing as "a cat woman" or "the lady who owns too many cats." The poor woman has just been tricked by so many cats they begin to take over her entire household and even bring in strays. If they're really good they're going to get a hold on your neighbors cat or it's vulnerable kittens as well.

Trust me this cat, with it's huge prying eyes is should not be trusted! Sure, it might be taking a gander at the cats next door but after all it is a cat! It has more tricks up it's sleeve, not just because it has 4 arms but because it could have more than over taking a household on it's mind! Besides, your neighbors might not even have cats and this one is using "SPY trickery" with those huge green peepers! It's possible the neighbors are dog owners!

  • No, there is no way your cat deems this as snooping. They truly believe they are protecting their domain. (that would be you and your home.)

Life 8: Watch and Learn Trickery pt. 2

The FAKER pt. 2!

Once this green eyed adorable snooper has tricked you into believing that it's doing the faithful job of watching out for any foreign invaders such as mice or the dreaded spider that might come into it's, um your domain, still the playful and trickery tactics in that cute head are still spinning their wheels to get you to play.

  • Do not forget, attention is the ultimate goal of a cat.

You've been a faithful and loyal "owner" and done your duties fine! You've made it to the store and got the most important things on your grocery list. Cat food, and cat snacks. Possibly sardines or even that special thing from the sea food counter. I once knew a cat that fancied crab legs cooked to perfection. Without butter or any other fish sauce that a human would have. When they say cats are finicky that's really just an understatement.

Now this cat has given promise to the master chef (you) that it will play alone and even let you get some work done on that pesky typing machine as long as it can smell a fresh pot of crab legs simmering in the cooker. Since the cat knows it really has to wait for the perfect dinner, it will possibly "cat nap" while you work, and if the cat happens to actually fall into a true cat slumber, you might have time to get a quick game or status post in at the wonderful world of facebook.

Two important details:

  1. Never use the word facebook within ear shot of your cat!
  2. If possible remember to turn off sounds on your computer and try to get one that has a very quiet keyboard! This will prevent the tapping keyboard to wake the accidental slumber of your cat!

HOWEVER IN THE EVENT YOUR CAT DID NOT FALL INTO THE ACCIDENTAL SLUMBER YOU MUST NOT FORGET YOUR EVERY KEYSTROKE IS BEING OBSERVED AND POSSIBLY KEPT IN THE MEMORY OF THE "Sneaky Cat" WHO WILL BE ABLE TO SABOTAGE ANY AND ALL WORK YOU HAVE SAVED ON YOUR COMPUTER.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A CAT! NEVER!

Life 9: The Hiding Spy Cat

The PASSWORD Thief Cat!

If you have a cat or six, it could be wise to invest in a backup drive. Such as the B-Book or even a few flash drives. Nothing can be more annoying or time consuming than having to recover your work, and worse yet, your passwords!

The term "Cat Burglars" didn't come from icanhascheeseburger like they want you to think! Burger - Burglar? Just too close! You'll not find the true meaning of Cat Burglars in any dictionary or encyclopedia. Why? Because it's a language and tactic for cats and cats alone! Yes it does mean they have hid in a place where their extraordinary vision could hone in on your keystrokes and have used their claws to embed passwords in the most strategic of places. This way if "Water Bill Game Trickery" didn't get you to include your sweet fluffy on your next stay away from home then you are in for the most devastating "cat tactic" in cat history!
The deletion of all your work, strange things posted as a status on your facebook account, and worse yet, they could possibly know how to ultimately put your computer back to it's factory settings! You could end up in the mental ward at the local hospital weaving baskets.

Dogz n' Catz

Who do you trust in your house the most when you're gone?

  • Cats, cos they're cute n' cuddly! What's not to trust about a cat!
  • Doggeh's cos they sleep the whole time you're gone!
  • ZzZZZZz zzzzz ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ZZ Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z zz
See results without voting

4 Ways to Keep Your Passwords Safe!

  1. Never leave a flash drive or B-Book backup connected to the computer before you leave it alone with your cat.
  2. Never write or keep your passwords stored in your computer.
  3. Always try to hide logging in from prying eyes.
  4. Always make your passwords too difficult for your cat to remember or copy with their claws!
  5. Try to keep them with you at all times.

Good Luck dear cat owner!

In Closing

While many believe in the 9 lives of a cat theory, it could be another part of cat trickery!

Since I don't think we've ever really seen a cat go through 9 lives, I believe it's best to be safe than sorry. In this I mean, we should take precautions as necessary to keep these things above in mind as a "just in case" the 9 Lives is really true.

After all, cats are known to be quite sneaky as we've seen with the Water Bill cat and the password thief cat.

Also, let's be wary and alert of the "Cat Lady" in your neighborhood. Now that we know the cats have really taken her over they could be scoping out the next neighborhood victim.

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Commentz heer 11 comments

David Warren profile image

David Warren 5 years ago from Nevada

As the kids would say ROFL! That was great stuff Katharella! By the time I had finished reading this hub the stress of my day was wiped from my mind. Absolutely loved this hub!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America Author

Thanks David! I have to say I was "lol'ing" myself while making it! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! It was fun putting my own sayings on them! I just love animals anyway, so it made it all the more fun doing it! :) There's so many great ones, just too many for one hubz lol!!


T.Y._Hudson profile image

T.Y._Hudson 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

So ok, wow, cats... Yup, cats. And then more catz. There are like a million stray cats in my neighborhood, but you never see them until it gets dark. There are also a ton of bunnies, and I mean "a ton"!

My crazy historic little town goes quiet at 9 every night, and from about 11 on, you can't drive or walk through the town without coming across a thousand cats and bunnies. Odd is that it's full of squirrels during the day. Either way, I'm always afraid to take a walk because I might be attacked by the animal kingdom, and I don't really have any defense strategies worked out for these types of creatures.

So I wanna say "thanks" for the recent love you sent. I have been away for a while. I can't really explain why, buy you aren't the only one to notice. I have received emails from some people who were asking the same thing. When I mentioned my dedication to BBG, I'm pretty sure that was the last time I logged into the pages. I've had this super wild life, and in the midst of it, I had a mental shutdown.

At the beginning of April, I was faced with unemployment ending and the need to find a job, in a place where jobs have been scarce for the past two years. I had some bowling banquets happen at some various casinos around my area, and I also hit a bunch of season ending tournaments.

Then I found out my daughter had not been attending preschool, and I pay out the ass for that school. So after some fighting, and long story short, I am now taking her to school a few days a week. I ended up getting an extension on unemployment, but I also work part time, "as they allow", and tons of people walked out and quit, all at the same time.

This meant that good ole T.Y. had to be stretched thin, since I'm like the only reliable person there, and I'm working 6 days a week, on various split shifts, that totals 20 hours!

I also had to deal with my annual week long tax battle. It takes forever to get my taxes done, but it really pays off when I get my refund off. You wouldn't believe the types of things that I'm able to deduct!

To top that all off, I answered an ad for someone seeking comedy writers. The guy loved my ideas and brand of humor. It's a shot at the big screen, and I really wanted to make it work. But I ended up having a mass system overload. There were so many things happening all at once, that I couldn't spare any more of myself to them. It seemed like each thing needed my full attention.

In the end, my daughter trumped all, and my creative mind shut down. These are the first words I have typed since like the beginning of april.

I have a complete story of my BBG dedication hub, the problem, was that I couldn't find a title that suited it. I know it sounds kinda weird, but for some reason, that's been my whole hold up on the project. I'm usually really good at thinking up goofy sounding titles, but I just can't come up with one for this article. And trying to do so, is part of what sent me into a funk. "Behind the visions of blood", was the first one that I thought up. But the more I said it, the less I liked it. Coarse then again, I might just end up using it in the end.

I was flowing with ideas one day. Coming up with great dialogue for the show, and banging out ideas for the BBG story, then the next day, I had a complete freeze up. Each time I attempted to think about either thing, over the past month, my head started to hurt. So I just shut everything down. I'm still quite a bit fuzzy, as the problems are still lingering, but I do hope to start writing my dedication today.

She told me that she really loves twists, turns, and surprises. So I feel that it's only right, that I have a title that adds to it. The article began with a really vivid and intense dream that I had. Then I combined some inspirations for it from a few songs that I had heard later that day. One of which, was a Mudvayne song, and the other was "Louisa's bones", by crooked fingers. During this day of looking back and reliving the dream that I had, I kept hearing the voice of Jude Law, using his english accent, narrating my thoughts to myself. You know the accent, the one he used in Lemmony Snickets. Yea, that one was my narrator, lol.

So anyways, that was the beginning of the inspiration for what I hope to be a great hub. And it will be my last fiction hub for a good while. I wanted to write 3 fictional hubs, and then go back to my other styles. "Oochie", "Donkey", and the hub without a name.

I have all of today to myself, and there's a pretty good storm brewing to the west. I'll see what I can get myself into here with this article today. I also want to write some of the scenes out for the show as well.

Oh, and congrats on the 100. That's pretty bangin! Send my love to the rest of the crew, and do me a big favor, and don't approve this message after you read it. I don't want BBG to have any idea of what my dedication to her will be like. LOL!

But I'm sure you will find a way to respond.

Take care for now, and hopefully your day is going great!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America Author

Uh.. um...er.. uh.. well, I just hit approve then read it, but you said approve it after, and she's not posted since lol so I think you're safe! Actually life has has us up and doing stuff, so sorry about all this downfall! Things can only go down so far then they're going back up, even if it's on the other side of the planet *snicker* Oh, that's Lemmony Snickets' real voice btw LOL! I often find my life being narrated by me, I wonder if that's normal LOL :) Just take your time with the hub for BBG remember she's a grown Superhero so she can handle the wait, and just keep her in suspense until you post it for her!

Thanks on the 100, I had an off day and it kinda lagged a bit but I have a couple in the works right now, just waiting for some final touches! I did get that extra accolade so I'm even across now! That's like having an achievement within an achievement! lol :)


waxi 5 years ago

hahahaahaahahhaahahahahahahaha great work Kath thanks loved it

Catz are Coolz and who knows a Kath may be a Catz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waq


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Kat - I didn't get notified of this one! It's cute and I loved Tabatha too! I had to chuckle at the wink and pencil.one of my dogs just chewed one up! I'm not sure who the guilty party is but I know for sure it wasn't the cat!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America Author

Of course not, catz dey likez only typin' datz it! LOL!! haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Haha! Yes my cat would walk over my keyboard but she can't spell very well!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America Author

That's funny! I had a cat named "Kitty" I guess she'd be a "Kitteh" now though! lol! She was jealous of my computer, and it was like 15 years ago LOL! She'd try to sit on my hands so I wouldn't type or put her paw on the keyboard like she was typing too! I remember once she kept doing it and a whole page of JUST m's mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm LOL were left on my screen! It was funny because I was in chat with friends and gave them the brb, so if she'd of hit enter, they would have thought I was back LOL and typing them only m's lol! (would of been funnier if she typed Meow) LOL! I had a lot of fun making this hub! :) Thanks for stopping in RH! Hope you got a smile out of them!


MissRider profile image

MissRider 5 years ago from Georgia

i really wants a cheezeburger now


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America Author

lol I love that site! They let you have all free royalties to the pictures (even though I got sent a warning for using "googled photos when they were NOT and I added my own sayings) LOL... but are they so cute! My friends are letting me collect their pet's pictures so I can use theirs, so I'm going to make another one soon! Oh and you get points for uploading and making them at the cheezburger site too! (don't forget to leave out the e lol) THANKS for your post!! don't eat too many cheezburgers lol :)

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