Dogs: What They Are Really Thinking

"Easy. Watch where you step."
"Easy. Watch where you step."
"Is this smile real or fake?"
"Is this smile real or fake?"

Attention

Note to HubPages editors: Just want you to know that I have not given-up on one day writing a socio-important piece that is viewed by classic neo-journalists and authors in 2015 as "one of his best," in the words that I gave them. Just wrote this for your benefit. Thank you. Kenneth

Today's offering is all about dogs. Not the secret lives of wannabe politicians. Not how fabled Jimi Hendrix wrote his songs. And certainly not why most female sales clerks in those stores on Fifth Avenue, New York are so good at shunning people such as myself--even with handfuls of cash in plain sight.

Just kidding. But these sophisticated salesgirls, yeah, I said girls, so sue me. They do shun people who have "that" middle class look about them. Not the Harvard grad look. I used to apologize for this "look" in my life. Not anymore.

'I said. That's my bone!"
'I said. That's my bone!"
"I might be fooling you into believing that I am harmless."
"I might be fooling you into believing that I am harmless."

This hub is entitled . . .

Dogs: What They Are Really Thinking

and with this one piece, I hope to put the argument to rest that dogs do not have thoughts similar to human beings. They do. I have seen this phenomenal event in-person.

But wouldn't you really like to know their "actual" thought processes when they are angry, happy, and in deep thought?

You are in luck today. So without anymore jibber-jabber, here is a historical hub about what dogs think about. I do hope you enjoy it and start viewing dogs differently after you read this.

"Bruce Lee, eat your heart out."
"Bruce Lee, eat your heart out."

What Dogs Are Thinking When They Are Happy:

  • Oh, boy! My owner brought me a pack of Snickers instead of those stinking bones. I will "act" happier than usual and lick both his hands.
  • Eureka! I found out from my pal, "Dumpy," that if I look as if I am grinning, I will get to sleep inside the house, not on that smelly floor mat my owner threw in the carport for me.
  • Alright! Both my owner and his wife are leaving for the weekend. Can you say P-A-R-T-Y? Now to get one the gang to bring a six-pack of Alpo.
  • Thank you, dear postman, for having fat legs.
  • Can I howl? You just wait until you have a trying day and right about midnight listen to my howls that will curdle your blood.

"I am only acting dumb to fool you into talking about secret things in front of me."
"I am only acting dumb to fool you into talking about secret things in front of me."

What Dogs Are Thinking When They Are Angry:

  • Stay back or I will go all hiking my leg on you.
  • Hey, cat! Do you value your place in this family? If you do, you better srart being like "sleeping like a log."
  • Darn dry food. Who do I have to bark at to get some moist canned food?
  • Why on earth do you want me to go for walk with you? Are you afraid of bullies?
  • Go outside to "answer nature's call?" You kidding me? On this carpet is fine with me!

"Haven't you heard, let sleeping dogs lie?"
"Haven't you heard, let sleeping dogs lie?"
"Thanks. I'll be here all week."
"Thanks. I'll be here all week."
"What do you mean by getting me FIXED?"
"What do you mean by getting me FIXED?"
"Shhh. You and I are going to bust-out tonight."
"Shhh. You and I are going to bust-out tonight."

What Dogs Are Thinking About When They Are in Deep-Thought:

  • If I can escape tonight, I will have 10, maybe 14 good years left of my life. And no more stupid leash.
  • My owners call this dump a dog house? Rats have mor self-respect than to be seen in here.
  • Maybe if me and the family cat can work out a deal, "I" can get into the house and listen to rap music with the cat.
  • Hey, those guys on the garbage truck are okay guys. I might hitch a ride with them into town Saturday night.
  • Oh, gosh! There he is. My stupid owner wanting me to run like a fool and bring back that rotten stick.

What Dogs Are Thinking When They Are Playful:

  • I was thinking, sweetie. Your female owner takes you for a walk every Sunday, so I was wondering if I might get to walk with you?
  • Hey, we do not harm that old guy down the street when we growl at him. We are just paying him back for running us out of his yard a month ago.
  • Well, what do you know. I see a kid's birthday party outside across the way. Maybe I could go to into "attack mode" and get out with some cake and some juicy burgers.
  • Being a family dog is fine, but sometimes when I see a pretty female dog, how I'd love to be John Travolta.
  • I know the perfect way to drive my owner nuts. I will lay here and stare at him and not move a muscle.

I say in closing, "How well do you know your dog?"

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Comments 32 comments

rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 21 months ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Aw, this is just awesome, Kenneth. You sure know how to "read" those guys. I have been playing with my dogs all day. They are tired and happy tonight. Thanks. Cute Hub!


favored profile image

favored 21 months ago from USA

God has given us amazing pets. However, I know my pets well enough to tell others they are friendly, but they do have teeth. (For the record, they have never bitten anyone .)


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 21 months ago from Orlando Florida

Hi Kenneth. I do think is one of your best and I am not even a dog owner. You have a great talent for finding the funny.


Rayne123 21 months ago

Great article.

Nice to hear a twist of comedy in writings.

Love the pictures

Laurie


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 21 months ago from Houston, Texas

Our dogs definitely think and it is probably a good thing that they cannot tell us everything that crosses their mind. Ha! We love our buddies...past and present. Same with our cats who also think and scheme. :)


My Bell profile image

My Bell 21 months ago

Love this article! I have a beautiful dog that always perplexes me on all of her many thoughts, although she is good at the basics she needs. This article definitely made me smile. Nice job!


Suhail and my dog profile image

Suhail and my dog 21 months ago from Mississauga, ON

Very creative indeed and awesome! I loved it.

Voted up!


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 21 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Love this article and can identify my dogs with the feelings described in this hub. I love the dog with the teeth and big smile.


Tricia Deed 21 months ago

Being a dog owner, I do think dogs think. However, most dogs think like dogs and every now and then an exceptional dog comes along with real human-like thinking. This can be scary. I have owned 2 such dogs.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 21 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

As a dog lover, this adorable, delightful hub made my day. Thank you!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Genna,

I love dogs and yes, cats too. Okay. Most animals. Thank you for your sweet comment. I am so glad that you enjoyed something I done.

Peace.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Tricia Deed,

Appreciate your interesting comment about dogs thinking about human beings. You are so creative. Over my life, I had only one dog that knew what I meant--even if I were just yakking to be yakking.

I loved how he "thought" I was boring. He would put his chin down on the tops of his front paws and snooze.

I miss him to this day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LadyGuitarPicker,

Thank you for your kind remarks.

I will let you in on a secret. The way I came up with the text for this hub was I pretended to be various dogs and situations they were in.

No kidding.

Peace to you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Suhail and my dog,

Thank you sincerely for taking time to read and comment.

I am fascinated by your name.

Take care and come back soon.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Bell,

God bless you for your marvelous comment. I feel so much better at all of you leaving me such sweet comments.

I wish I had some way to pay all of you back.

I know. I will pray that you all enjoy a lot more HP success.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Peggy W.,

I pray that God blesses you for your comment. You or any of the fine hubbers on here cannot fathom just how much I appreciate your words and encouragement.

Take care and keep up your good work.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Rayne123,

You are a very sweet person because your comment tells me this.

I appreciate you leaving me a great comment and I pray that many good things happen to you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Catherine,

Wow! I am without words to really say 'thank you,' for your sweet comment.

If this is my BEST, then no more personal pressure. But if it is not, I will not rest until the HP editors recognize YOU first and my followers in the weekly email.

You thought I was going to say ME, didn't you. LOL.

I would love to see you or any of my GREAT followers in HP's weekly notices.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, favored,

You are absolutely right. God did give us many good animals to love. And my love for animals goes further than canines and felines. I like raccoons, tame ones; beavers; and even cows if they let me pet them. Yes, I am an animal-loving freak.

But no rhinos as of yet. I am too tired. LOL.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Rebecca Mealey,

Hey! How are things in northeast Georgia? This is such a pleasant surprise hearing from a girl in Georgia. Are you a Dawgs fan? Just wondering.

Thanks a million for the sweet and kind comment.

How many dogs do you have if you do not mind me asking.

Write me as soon as you like.


GrimRascal profile image

GrimRascal 20 months ago from Overlord's Castle

LoL. I find this very funny. I don't think those are what my dogs think though. They're much simpler yet complicated to try to understand. xD


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

GrimRascal,

Thank you so much for your valued-comment. Yes, "valued." I love my followers and I still invite you to be my follower.

So now let's study our pets more closely and if we can break their code, we could be set for life. I would love that.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 20 months ago from Hawaii

Thanks for the funny hub, Kenneth!


Suhail and my dog profile image

Suhail and my dog 20 months ago from Mississauga, ON

Hi Kenneth,

You are most welcome and I will be looking forward to reading more hubs on dogs from you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

You are welcome as can be, my friend. Be blessed.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Suhail and my dog,

Okay. That is a deal. Thanks for your comment. Be blessed today.


MelRootsNWrites profile image

MelRootsNWrites 18 months ago from California

I loved these, Kenneth! Very clever! I am pretty sure my Jack Russell has had a couple of these thoughts especially the one about the mail carrier (though, she will never get close enough to know for sure!)


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 18 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Ha Ha ha loved your post. Dogs have consciousness so yes they do have,what we call thoughts, and I'm sure they reason as well. I would have loved to add a hyperlink in this comment box where a dog tries to cross a narrow bridge while hanging onto a far wider stick. Well he found a way!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 18 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

MelRootsNWrites,

Thank you so much for leaving such a super-sweet comment.

I love Jack Russell's. Give him/her a hug for me.

And you write me anytime you like.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 18 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Nadine,

Thank you for your comment that I thoroughly enjoyed.

You are a creative genius in wanting to leave that link here.

I would have loved it.

Thanks and visit me anytime.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 18 months ago from LOS ANGELES

Speaking as a dog lover I found this hub very entertaining. I often wondered what was on the mind of my beloved-absolutely rotten pooch. I do know the little brat jumps on the couch when I'm not home. He knows it's a no-no, so he's smart enough to do it when I'm not there.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 18 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dana,

I am so sorry that it took me so long to respond. Along with hubbing, I build birdhouses as a cash stream and time is limited.

Thank you for your comment that I appreciated much.

I like both dogs and cats, but I grew up with dogs. I had two dogs, Frank and Button, who were better to me than any playmate I could find.

I miss them a lot.

I would love to meet you and your dog. He sounds like a lot of fun to play with. So love him intently every day of your life.

And PLEASE keep in touch with me.

Your Friend for Life,

Kenneth

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