For Teddy

One thought of you still brings me to tears

I still feel as strong as the day you left here

Time, they said, it takes time to move on

But what is time to a soul that has nothing to heal?

My heart was shattered when you died,

The next days I was a boat lost on the river of life

Each face was a current pulling me along

Each event was a rock forcing me to stop and cry.

But don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t bring you back

I know the years we spent together were enough

I miss you each and every day that runs past

But I don’t dwell in sorrow or regrets, that wasn’t us

We took advantage of the freedom we had

Shared adventures, and wandered this country together

Two who knew what it meant to be strangers

Forging our bond through all kinds of weather

We loved the spring, when the land came alive

We’d come out of hiding and see what was new for the year

We loved to visit our friends and our family

You’d lie in the sun while I’d write stories or read

For eleven years we were inseparable

We drove across the country twice

When you couldn’t live with me, you stayed with mom and dad

I’d visit you on weekends, but you loved it there too.

My faithful companion, you stood by me every moment when I was sick

For the whole year and a half, you stood by me every moment

And never even gave me a hint that you were even worse off than me.

You moved to Mom and Dad’s with me when I had my surgery, till I could walk again, through my therapy

Slept outside my door or by my bed every night

When you could no longer make it up the stairs, I knew something was wrong.

That’s when we found out.

It was already way too late, you had days, the only humane thing to do was to not let you suffer anymore; you were in great pain.

I held your head and told you it would be alright.  Mom was there too, she stayed behind you, she couldn’t hold back the tears.

I didn’t shed a tear, I kept my voice light and happy for you and talked about Rainbow Bridge.

Until they said you were gone, then I wept.

I couldn’t leave you.

Somehow I did. Mom helped. We had you cremated and they put you into a beautiful maple box and gave us a paw print.

I never took any of it out of the box it all came in, until tonight. I thought I was strong enough finally.  I’ve always felt your presence around me since you died. I’ve always known that you’ve been protecting me still.

I took out that box, held it to my chest and the tears fell like rain again. I could feel you ever so close. Closer than ever.

I don’t cry because you’re gone ~ I know I feel you here always with me.

I don’t cry because I’m lonely ~ okay, maybe sometimes I really miss your company.

I don’t cry because I wish you were still here ~ not with that pain.

I cry because I am so touched by all you gave me;

I know you absorbed a lot of my pain both emotional and physical when you were around, I know you understood a lot more than you let on, I know how many times you wish you could just speak to me in a clear voice and say, “Erin, you are doing it AGAIN. Stop making the same mistakes all the time!”, I know how you would have sometimes liked to have lived in the same house for more than a year and a half and maybe found some roots but you did love being with me even if it meant being a Gypsy’s Dog. I know you know how much you were loved every day.

I cry because of all the happiness you gave to my life that was a complete gift to me. I will always cherish the memory of you.

For Teddy 1999-2010

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Comments 23 comments

b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Now that I've finished crying Erin, I need to say how beautiful the Hub on Teddy was. What a wonderful tribute to a best friend, who just happened to be a dog. That was also my dog named Brandy whom I had for 11 years...I wrote a Hub about him also. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life...and yours as well. Thanks for putting it in to such lovely words...Teddy is proud to have called you, his best friend too.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Erin,When i can pull it all together and can see again.This touched my soul.My Mother told me a story about a dog my older brother had(I wasen't born yet) His name was Ole Shep.She told me that Shep would hunt and bring Rabbits,squirrels,or anything eatable home for her to cook.( There were eleven children and it was back during the depression.)and what's amazing,he looks like Teddy.I never saw him,but i saw a picture.God bless you,let the healing begin.

Cheers


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Thanks to both of you. B, do you still feel him around you? I feel Teddy's energy around here. I'm careful to walk over him and I hold the door open for him sometimes when I'm not paying attention. I can tell you where he is even, its all so natural. Comforting though, without the clean up. lol. Always Exploring, that's one thing teddy always did when we were in colorado, he'd bring me birds, and other creatures...he'd gather them, but never kill them. I'd take them from him and set them free again, Thanking him for the catch (after all it was somewhere in one of his breeds). Thank you both for the amazing words of healing, I'm better now, last night was hard.:)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

What a beautiful dog he was! You experienced, and are still experiencing, unbearable losses. Erin, I wish you all the strength you need to climb your mountain of resignation.


Mom 5 years ago

Boy, you really know how to make me cry, funny I was thinking about Teddy a lot lately, and missing him too.

Not telling you to not upset you, but feeling the pain you feel in his loss. He will always be one of my very special dogs. We were lucky to have known him.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Martie, thank you so much for your kind words and your wishes. Namaste'

Mom, Teddy was our dog...you and Daddy took care of him and loved him as I did, I know. Its hard to let a dog go, like Teddy, who was so present with everyone everyday. He'd just come into the room and you'd feel the energy and he'd just spend time with you - but he'd let you know he was there and when he was leaving. He had such an old wise soul for a dog. He was even dignified in the way he asked to go out, he just came up to nudge your hand or stare at you til you noticed him and would move a bit to the door. And he taught himself all of that....


richtwf profile image

richtwf 5 years ago

That was a beautiful tribute to Teddy and I am sure he is smiling and wagging his tail up there. Dogs - Givers of unconditional love and our protectors; our ever faithful friends, always there for us whatever.

Thanks for sharing those wonderful memories with us.

God bless.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Thanks Rich, I am sure you are absolutely right. Thank you for sharing with me. Namaste'


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, now I can see, tears rolling down my face, lol, I just wanted to say I know how you feel, when my dog died I cried about 20 buckets of tears! they just give you so much love, I know you will miss him, take care


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Thanks Nell, I feel so bad for making everyone cry...I'm trying to get a new hub up, I promise!


stephanie mclain profile image

stephanie mclain 5 years ago from Texas

Erin, This is such a beautiful tribute to a best friend. I also have a best friend, who happens to be a canine. She brings so much joy into our little family and I feel blessed to have her here with me each day. Thank you for sharing this, even though it makes us all cry! ;)


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Stephanie, I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and I'm sorry for making you cry! Blessings to you and your canine best friend...pets bring such unconditional love into our lives!Namaste'


sonia05 profile image

sonia05 5 years ago from india

Namaste Erin...first of all..have u been to india? Its so very nice to see this greeting of namaste as I am from India.Secondly,your hub is so very touching and has moved me to tears. I have a pet too,a labrador and I love him very much.great hub!keep hubbing!

Namaste


jjjj 5 years ago

Namaste Erin...first of all..have u been to india? Its so very nice to see this greeting of namaste as I am from India.Secondly,your hub is so very touching and has moved me to tears. I have a pet too,a labrador and I love him very much.great hub!keep hubbing


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Sonia, no I haven't but I have studied about India and the spirituality of the people which I find beautiful. Having studied, and learned the meaning of "namaste'" it is something that is very dear to me and precisely the way I feel with others - "I honor the spirit in you that is also within me"

I'm so glad you liked my hub and it touched you...our pets are spiritual companions along our journeys. I'm going to look for you on hubpages now! Namaste' Sonia


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

.....I am so so sorry for your loss - believe me - my two best friends in this world because I live alone and have no family (anywhere) are right here beside me tonight as I sit in front of the computer - on either side sleeping in front of the blowing heat on a cold night at Lake Erie - Little Miss Tiffy and Mister Gabriel - a good reason for me to keep on living and knowing I have made a good life for two cats - and of course your hubs and friendship keep me coming too .....


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Epi, thank you so much for coming by and sharing with me~ its so funny how we make such a wonderful life for our pets who give us unconditional love and are happy to have just us in their lives! I don't think Teddy would have cared sometimes if he ever saw another person - but he did and he shared his aura with so many others that grew to love him. I'm just lucky he had enough to come home with me and still act like I was the only person that mattered in the whole world! Its funny how hub pages is like that - we writers have another whole expanded family too now :) Wishing you a warm evening in Canada...from your neighbor on the Chesapeake Namaste'


shygirl2 5 years ago

Beautiful, yet sad tribute to such a neat companion. Pretty dog. Inside and out! :D Thanks for sharing his memory with us. :D


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Thank you so much, he was beautiful. Thank you for sharing with me. Namaste'


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Oh Erin what a beautiful and heart tugging tribute this was to your gorgeous teddy.

They do leave such a gap don't they ??

However on the other hand they do also leave many precious memories that we can keep in our hearts forevermore.

Thank you for sharing.

Take care

Eiddwen.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Eiddwen, I know still there will never be another like him and sensitive people still sense him with me. I know he's not left my side really, our love continues on and he'll wait for me at Rainbow Bridge. Thanks for sharing my memories and for reading his tribute, my friend.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Oh Erin, your comment to Epigramman is just below mine and I couldn't help but read it and...felt that I wanted to get to know another one of Eman's wonderful friends and, oh my goodness...no wonder he adores you so..this is the most compelling and heart aching, loving tribute to your sweet doggy companion. So beautiful and real..you have my deepest and most sincere sympathy for your loss; I DO understand, believe me. Bless you for caring so. Your new friend, Kathy


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Hi Kathy, so nice to meet you :) thanks so much for visiting and sharing in my tribute to Teddy. He is so special to me, even after a year has gone by - I'm not ready for another canine companion, its not just like filling a space. He was so much a part of me. I do love animals, but I'll wait til I have more room this time :) Brightest Blessings :) I have started reading your hubs too...

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