How to train your human to your standards
My name is Trouble; here’s a day in my world:
Just so the humans can use it to behave - every single day! There’s
photos of me on my mom’s profile, I’m the one playing in the trash
can, looking up innocently, like, ‘what did I do? Aren’t I so cute?’
Sometimes I give the ‘I’m so cute’ look so they keep me, but I still
should show them how cute I am just in case, you know. I love playing
with papers in the trash and I am grateful that my mom changes the
trash bag often.
I love my human mom, but, you know she might miss something. I need to
inspect every bag or box that comes through my door. It’s just better
if I do it myself.
One of my favorite things to do is take my paw and clear off the
dresser and counter tops. Then I get to watch my mom get frustrated
picking everything up. Then I follow her at her feet and purr loudly,
she especially loves it when I give her some affection while she
cleans up the mess.
If I don't like where my Mommy puts things back, I'll swipe them off
the table again. Then she has to pick it all up again, under my
Trust me, not all of us cats think we take great pictures. I have a
few cute ones, but, does mom really have to frame them and post them
all online, too? I can't have other cats seeing me play in the CLEAN
water in the human litter box, that stinks, too!
Daddy always says, "You're the one who brought that "thing" home." I
am not a "thing.” Daddy even you sneak me goodies, when mom's not
looking. I know my dad loves me. He plays with me when we're in what
mommy calls the Man Cave. Anyone can go in there - unless I put my paw
down to that!
Maybe Dad needs a sign saying, “Daddy and Trouble only.” If mommy
needs a screwdriver ,she can darn well wait until Dad and I allow her
in. Hey, It's a lot of work to guard the cat door, the man cave, AND
the whole house, plus keep Mommy in line. It's tiring. That's why I
I think Daddy loves me so much, but he doesn't want Mom to know, so I
do let him refer to me as "That Thing." I love to watch t.v., too. I
often stand or sit right in front of the screen. I mean, I'm the
entertainment here and they should be watching me and not the stupid
I love to play. Playing with me usually involves me hiding somewhere
they can't see me, and running out real fast. That scares them and by
the time they figure out what happened, I'm long gone, or I’ve darted
back to my hiding spot I just ran out of. It's so funny you should see
how high the humans jump. Mommy has a bad heart and she jumps the
highest. I'm so much more smarter than they are, so I love to lay on
their computer keyboard, just to let them know I am here. Yeah, it’s
like, you're time online is up, I'm here now.
I eat before all the other cats. I get my issue of cat nip before the
others, too. Just try not putting me first and there will be a huge
mess, and attitude from me, and real heck to pay. Mommy loves me and
is good to me, and she knows better too, and feeds me first.
I love my humans, it's the other cats and a - ugh - dog that live here
too, and that dog ticked me off. After all, I am a cat. Duh.
Mommy has taken to locking me in her room with her at night so I won’t
attack the other pets. Why do they need others anyways? I mean I AM
here now. Oh! I forgot, they were here before me. Still, she should
have just kept only me! I know I'm being selfish, it's just how I am.
My family's coping with what to do about me, but, so far I'm so good
at it, they have no idea what to do with me.They love me of course,Trouble and all.
Oh I almost forgot! I love standing on mom's chest in the middle of
the night and I meow real loud, so when she opens her eyes the first
thing she sees are my yellow ones. Glaring at her, to get up and let
me out to potty. That's her punishment for locking me away from the
other pets at night, stopping me from playing in things that are so
much fun! ALL the things I just love to do! She has to pay for locking
me up at night. That's right; I come stand on HER chest, not Dad's.
One day , I'll have Mommy trained just like I have Daddy trained. It
really would make my life easier and a lot less stressful. I know they
can all be trained because I trained Daddy. Also, all of them are
already trained to use the human litter box. I often wonder what kind
of cat trained my humans to use that human litter box.
Sometimes, I just let them love me before I drift off to sleep.
However, if someone moves I'm on it! I love my humans, they have the
‘oh, I’m so cute-looking’ trait, too. I bank on it to keep me here,
keeping them. I'm only allowed to be petted when I feel like it. I
have been known to cause trouble. That's why I *think* they named me
trouble. Maybe it's because I am.