I Am Not Ready To Say Good-bye

Anyone who has read my cat hubs, knows who Convict is, but for those who haven't yet...Convict, AKA Connie Boy, AKA Snuggle Bear, is the boy in these pictures.Delta found him and his litter mates and mother when she was a couple of months over one year old, in the spring of 2003. When Convict was a year old, I decided to thin out the cats, I would find homes for any cat that did not seem to attached to me. I mistook his joy of life for aloofness and added him to the short list. I understood my mistake while I was sitting with the cats waiting for folks to look our way. A couple of cats had already been chosen, and I began to get the very strong sense that Convict knew exactly what was happening and was scared to death. This feeling was strengthened as I saw him sitting hunched up in the middle of the cage and trembling. He would not respond to people making overtures of friendship towards him. I finally just told folks I changed my mind and decided to keep him. After that day, Convict stuck to me like glue. I do not know if he understood the reason I had chosen him to go somehow, or if he was just so grateful to be home again that e was thanking me in the only way he knew how.

Over the years the bond between Convict and I just got stronger. When mom went in the hospital and we had to stay in Rapid City for 4 months, I had to make a 180 mile round trip every other day to make sure the animals had plenty of food and water. This separation Convict took hard. He lost weight and began to roam. Then shortly after we came home I made a trip to Los Angeles that lasted 6 weeks. This was even harder for him, and even though mom and dad were here to care for him he ran away, coming home every couple of weeks. He was not home when I came home. The annual spay/neuter/vaccination came to town and he was still missing. A week later he showed up. He was severely underweight and dehydrated.

My step dad doesn't do well with changes. We have a set number of cats in the house and he doesn't like it if I want to bring in another, even for only a few days. But sitting on the porch with Convict I had a very strong feeling he would die if I did not bring him in. I talked with mom first and got her go ahead. Then I prayed, then I went to dad. Amazingly he said OK right off the bat. Having gotten him in the house I then got him to a vet. He came back swiftly, and was soon playing like a kitten. However, he would become highly upset when I had to leave the house for anything. He would go from one end of the trailer to the other calling me until I returned home. Then he would snuggle with me as if I had been gone years and if he let me out of sight I might never return.

Convict suffers allergies, but we haven't figured out what he is allergic to. Last summer he went the whole summer breathing clear and easy, then come colder weather it showed up again. I think it has something to do with running the furnace. He also has an abscess in his right ear. It was treated with anti-biotics but has returned.

A couple of days ago, Convict gave me a huge scare. I had just opened the window and he got up and started walking towards the window and suddenly lost his balance. The way he laid at the window also told me something was wrong. I turned his face towards me and saw that one nostril was completely sealed and the other partially sealed. I quickly cleaned his nose out, and he lay at the window breathing heavily. A few minutes later, he got down to use the cat box, and while trying to pass a stool, suddenly flipped onto his side. I didn't know what else to do so I took him outside for better air. For awhile he lay in my arms, drooling, panting and yowling occasionally. Finally though, he quit panting and yowling and his breathing slowed to normal.

I thought he was dying, and for all I know, he was. I prayed and asked GOD if it pleased HIM to let Convict get better and stay with me a little while longer. It was after that he began to do better. That night I was afraid to go to sleep, afraid it would happen again. I stayed awake and every time he sneezed I would wipe his nose. I tried to show him how very much I love him. The next day is when I discovered his abscess was back. His ear was filled with pus. I cleaned it all out, and I could see he was in pain with it. That night, I flushed it out with peroxide and put a few drops of iodine in it. This morning I called my vet and asked him to please send me some amoxidrops. He told me he would but if it is an abscess, he did not feel they would be much help. His assistant told me not to use peroxide, he said it kills the good bacteria along with the bad. However, I felt in this case that the good bacteria was losing the battle, so I called another vet for a second opinion. She told me that they use both peroxide and iodine all the time and she did not think it would hurt, and it would surely help. So now it is a wait and see thing to see if we can beat this thing.

I just lost my dog of ten years in January, one day before my birthday. I love Convict more than I can say. He is so much like the son I never had, he IS my child. Should GOD say his time is up, I will accept it, and I know GOD will give me the strength to cope, but in my heart I pray that day is still far away, because I am just not ready to say good-bye to Convict. I think about him not being in my life and suddenly I can't think. As I told a cousin, he has an uncanny knack for sneezing in my face, but I would far rather he sneeze in my face than not be here at all. He sleeps snuggled up next to me, often draping an arm across my neck in a hug. I get a nightly grooming session. When I am at the computer he jumps up in my lap and insists I take time for snuggles. He will flip his head upside down inviting me to scratch his chin and throat. At the dinner table he stands on his hind legs with his front paws on my knee, just like a human toddler might. He plays with a toy then calls for me to come and join him, if I am to busy I will return his call and he will stop everything and race to where i am and jump in my lap for snuggles. All these things I would be lost without. He is my little baby and I can't imagine life without him in it.

I am not ready to say good-bye.

More by this Author


Comments 12 comments

toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 4 years ago

Dear tlmcgaa70, I can understand the love you have for Convict. His personality sounds so endearing. I am sorry about the loss of your dog too. In reading your hub, it concerned me about the flip over he did in his litter box. I am not a vet and I am not an expert, but it sounds like he could have possibly have had a stroke. You might want to ask your vet about it. A cat can take baby aspirin to prevent this in the future, so it might be worthwhile to talk to your vet and see what they think. I too have loved and lost dogs and cats who were very special beings. Wishing you all the best. Thanks for sharing a beautiful and heartfelt hub. Voted up and beautiful.


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

thank you ToKnowInfo...I also thought of a stroke, but the more i think about what happened it seems more like he was suffering from a very bad dizzy spell, brought on by either the lack of oxygen or the abscess in his ear. the pus in the ear is almost completely gone now, and he is on anti biotics. for the pain the ear was (and still occasionally does) give him he gets half a baby aspirin every other day. the vet says any more than that and it could be fatal. i watch him like a hawk these days, and clear his nose after every sneeze. it seems he is doing better, and i have hope he will continue to do better. thank you for stopping by to read, comment and vote on this hub...have a wonderful night.


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 4 years ago

It is good to know Convict is in such good and caring hands. I can tell you are a wonderful person and you deserve good things. Convict is a lucky cat, but so you are to have such a precious kitty to share your love.


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

for the last twelve years i have been rescuing cats...some may say it is good of me to do so, but the love those cats give me in return makes me a very blessed woman. as for Convict, I thank GOD daily for letting him be a part of my life.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota

Oh my!-Between your endearing hub about convict and the beautiful comments from toknowinfo, I am teary and emotional. I am so glad the two of you found each other as I can feel it was meant to be. You take such good care of each other. I could picture your cat doing all those loving things like draping his arm around your neck at night. When you talk about him sneezing in your face but you'd rather that than not have him, I laughed through my tears. I pray you have Convict for many years to come and I thank you for sharing this story with us. You two are a match made in heaven.

P.S.-I had to share this touching story :-)


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

Thank you Twin, for both the prayers and the share. and while all my other cats have very close relationships with me, there is just something deeper with Convict. then there is poor Patches, who right now is trying to talk to me from the bathroom. he is the one with the hole in the roof of his mouth, and he cant eat anything without sneezing half of it back out his nose again. he is precious, and the biggest talker i have ever known. i think he would like to be as close to me as i let Convict, but because i dont want Convict getting jealous i cant let him. i do try to snuggle with him more, but even that is not enough, he wants me all to himself i think. its funny actually, the only cats willing to share me with each other are the 5 kittens, they just compete to see who gets the biggest part of my lap.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 4 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Dear Tammy, this is the first hub I've read in months and months and I feel that it is serendipity that led me to visit HP's tonight. I feel I was meant to read your beautiful and loving words about Convict, your sweet kitty companion. Lots of history here, Tammy, and deeply emotional experiences, too. There are no words I could add to this heart warming tribute. You've said it all...encompassing the complete circle of compassion you feel for your friend and 'son,' Convict. I understand that communication that is between the two of you...and he is lucky, for sure, for having been found by your family. I wish and pray for many more years together for you and your little furry boy. Beautiful, compelling, and sweet....My sympathy for the los of your doggie companion and a belated Happy Birthday to you! Much respect and admiration for you, Tammy. Your friend, Kathy


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

Wow Kathy, it is so good to see you, you have been greatly missed. i think about you often and wonder how things are going for you. thank you so much for your wishes, prayers, warm condolences and the happy birthday...but most importantly, thank you so much for taking the time in your very busy schedule to stop and visit me, it is good to know you are still around. take care and hugz to you and all your furbabies.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi tlmcgaa your cat is so beautiful and i know the feelings you are feeling,having just lost my beautiful dog that i had for fifteen year i felt the sane way. I pray that you continue to enjoy the wonderful companionship of your very beautiful cat Convict.

Vote up and more !!!


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

Good Morning Kashmir, i am so sorry for the loss of your canine companion. how are you doing? when they have been with us for so long, there is an empty space because they are no longer there to fill it up. i pray you have someone to help fill that space up, it makes healing go faster. thank you for taking the time to read my hub, especially when all it could do is re open your own wound, and for commenting. have a blessed day.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi i am doing well, i do miss my beautiful dog a lot but i must be strong like she was,she taught me so much in her short life.

Have a wonderful day !


tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa Author

they do that. feel free to contact me if u need to talk.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working