My Evil Cat is Trying To Kill Me

 

Some people are cat people and some people are dog people. I'm a dog people. I had a dog. I had two dogs, in fact. I had grown weary of living in New York City. I wanted a red jeep, a dog, and a house, so when I moved back to the Midwest, I got a red jeep and a dog. The house would have to wait. I had wanted to get a Bloodhound and name him Elvis (get it?), but true Bloodhounds are, not surprisingly, hard to come by and expensive. Their special tracking skills make them desirable in professional capacities, not to mention that their average life spans are a meager 6.75 years and they carry a dizzying array of medical problems, as do most pure breed dogs.

Elvis

Elvis as a puppy on his favorite couch.
Elvis as a puppy on his favorite couch.

I was blissfully unaware of such things, so I opted for my second choice, the exuberant Dalmatian, who carry their own medical textbook packed with illnesses. So a Dalmatian it was and I named him Elvis. He was my baby, with one eye blue and one brown. We did everything together. You should have seen us, tooling down the road in the jeep with the top down, Elvis next to me wearing his doggy seat belt and digging on the wind. We were young and free and hot and we new it. Elvis truly was—as my sis called him—a chick magnet, and we turned the heads of all the females, human and canine.

Puppy Love

If you ever get a Dalmatian, take everything you think you know about responsible dog ownership and double it. Many people think that Dalmatians are stupid. Not from my experience. They just don't give a crap. And then there were the accidents and medical problems. While going downstairs once to answer the door, Elvis tripped me down a very steep flight of stairs—not from anger but exhuberance—but nevertheless, there I was, instantly 30 feet down and my head cracked open on the tile at the bottom. When I opened the door, the Pizza man looked at me with something akin to horror, having heard the thud, boom, bam, thud, thud, POP. I realized blood was gushing from my head and soaking my shirt. “Just give me the damn pizza,” I said, shoving a $20 into his hand and closing the door.

Once, Elvis was hit by a car. I wrapped him in a blanket and picked him up off the pavement, his eye—his brown one—hanging by a tendon and the hole in his face spurting sanguine fluid all over both of us. I held him and talked to him gently as my neighbor drove us—in a rather leisurely fashion, I thought—to the animal hospital. Hey, boy. How ya doin', boy? We're gonna fix you up yes we are. He was going into shock as we arrived, but they saved him. They couldn't save the eye, so from then on it was sewn shut.

That didn't cramp our style, though. I got him an eye patch and fixed it so it would stay on his head. Then we looked beyond cool. James Dean and Spuds McKenzie cool.

And then he got urate crystals so bad they blocked his urinary tract. It was such a painful thing, for him of course, but also for me, as his woeful cries emanated from the emergency room as the vets unsuccessfully tried to “clear” him out with catheters. Baleful, heartbreaking cries. They showed me the tools of their torture afterwards, long metal things, bent and bloody.

They had to surgically change him so that he had a vagina instead, just so he could pee. I told everybody he'd had a sex change operation. When people asked in disbelief, "why," I said, "He always felt that he was a bitch trapped in a male's body."

Yorick

Nobody home?
Nobody home?

A New Kid In Town

I finally got that house in a little hamlet and then added another dog, a mutt this time, half Dachshund and half unknown, but he looked like a Jack Russel terrier. A really long Jack Russel. When I first brought him home and showed him to Elvis, Elvis almost bit his head off. Upon hearing the story, my father said, "Alas, poor Yorick," and so the dog was named. He was a strange and funny character. I used to tap on his head and say, "Nobody's home." Sometimes I don't think there was anybody home in there.

The three of us slept together in the same room. It was blissful at first, but as usually happens with threesomes, somebody gets jealous and accusations are made and it culminated in my banning both from my bedroom. It was just as well, since I got married a couple of years later and the bed wasn't big enough for four. Nor do I think my wife would have liked being told she had to sleep on the couch. Several years later, I had to put Elvis down as he was unable to walk due to old age. I waited too long to do the deed because I couldn't bear to walk the long, green mile with him.

  

Another One Bites the Dust

Two weeks later, Yorick wasn't looking so good. He wouldn't eat, but he was drinking copious amounts of water. I cooked him a steak and he wouldn't eat that either, which, as anyone who has ever owned a dog will tell you, just ain't right. I said to him, "What's the matter, Yorick? You look like you're about to die." Two hours later he was dead. Just laying there on the carpet like a stuffed animal. I buried him out back during a thunderstorm, the torrent of rain mingling with my tears. I realized later with a little research that he had been poisoned. Yorick? Hamlet? Poison? Something was rotten in the state of Denmark.

Champers

Fatal Attraction

But this is not a story about dogs. I merely tell you this to emphasize that I am a dog people. I had been raked through the emotional coals and I couldn't handle the commitment of another dog. So I thought a ca....a ca....I can't even say it. You know, the sworn enemy of dogs. Those furry things that say “meow.” He was a feral cat to boot, so I was asking for trouble. I see cats around the neighborhood who are unmistakably his relatives, plus many others that are just part of the gang. I think they are organized, infiltrating homes throughout the area.

We named him Champers. At first it was just those little things that all cats do, like getting in between your legs when you're walking, all those little behaviors cats engage in to trip you. It's like they think humans are “Weebles” or something: We wobble but we don't fall down. Well, I almost fell down plenty of times. Still, I was blind to the true nature of my cat, chalking it up to common, evil cat behavior. Likewise, his surprise attacks—which not only nearly gave me several heart attacks—but often drew blood. He was, after all, feral. He would calm down eventually, I believed. He would come to love me as all animals loved me. Or so I naively thought.

  

Suspicious Minds

It was later that my suspicions deepened. I had broken my ankle and suffered second-degree burns at the same time, so a hard cast was impractical as the burn had to be constantly monitored and treated. The crutches were also difficult in that any movement in my foot or ankle area hurt like hellfire. This is when my cat's "Operation Weeble" went into DEFCON 1.

His tripping activities multiplied exponentially. He not only would sneak up behind me when I was balancing on one leg and cooking (handling knives and boiling pots and sizzling grease, you know, dangerous things), but would lay down there, silently, very close behind me, so when I turned to move I would trip over him. When going downstairs—a precarious undertaking at best—he would time his operation perfectly, darting between my legs at just the right moment, leaving me holding onto the banister for my one-legged life while my crutches went kerplunking violently down the steps, as if to say, “This could be you, mister.”

He got me, too. Not on the steps, thank God, but he got me. Several times. When you can't use one foot to catch yourself, there is nothing to do but accept the fact that you are going down and try to use your arms to soften the impact as much as possible. I did that. So hard did I impact the linoleum that the house shook. Every time. It was after the third time, laying there on the kitchen floor, after my cursing tirade had fizzled and fell only on deaf furry ears andtrying to figure out how I was going to get up, that I said to myself, "Hmmm...I think that cat bastard is trying to hurt me." Little did I know.

Japanese Ghost Scroll

Ghostbusters

The next event requires a little background. Sometimes my wife and I think we might have ghosts. I'm not saying we do and I'm not saying we don't. I wouldn't mind having a ghost, actually. Not if it was a cute little mischievous ghost. One that would stack the kitchen chairs into impossible pyramids when we weren't looking. Or when it wrote on the walls in blood it wouldn't say, "You will die at midnight." It would say something like, "Tag. You're it!"

There have been things though. Strange noises. Slamming doors. Oh, we've never seen a door slam, just the sound. A loud, violent slam. And then there was the mistletoe. One Christmas we hung some plastic mistletoe in an archway and never took it down. For years it was there, providing an excuse for the unexpected kiss. We were having a conversation one evening about “first kisses” and I, being my usual cynical and curmudgeonly self, was deriding them and their importance, and generally just saying bad things about kisses, when we heard a noise behind us. A fluttery, brushing noise. I investigated. It was the mistletoe. On the ground after all these years and torn to shreds.

So anyway, for various reasons, we think we might have ghosts, but you didn't hear that from me.

Evil Personified

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

So one night, my wife and I are in bed watching television as was our habit, when my wife leaves the room for a few minutes. After she left, the door began to close slowly, creaking eeeeeeeEEEEE, and then THUNK as it hit the door jam, and then slowly drifting open again, creaking its way back EEEEEeeeeeee. "What the...?", I said to myself. And then it did it again. EeeeeeeEEEEE as it slowly closed, THUNK as it hit the jam, and EEEEEeeeeeee as it opened again. I was freaking out a little. It had to be my wife. Very funny, dear. She was messing with me. "Honey?" I said. No answer. "Hon?" I said a little louder. Nothing. And then it did it AGAIN!

EeeeeeeEEEEE, THUNK, EEEEEeeeeeee. Ok. Think. We don't really have a ghost, do we? Nah. Some anomaly. Some strange wind current, perhaps. Was the air conditioning running? No. What the...?

Shortly after, my wife came back into the room. "Was that you?" I asked. "What," she said. "The door," I said, "Was that you with the door?" She looked at me funny. No it wasn't. T hen what? I laid in bed thinking about it, trying to solve the mystery. I would investigate thoroughly tomorrow. Maybe it had something to do with the exhaust fan in the restroom. Maybe the suction along with a series of other circumstances caused it, but then why hadn't it ever happened before? As I sunk into a fitful sleep, it had not escaped my attention that it didn't happen while my wife was in the room, only when she was out. Ah, ha! A clue. I would get to the bottom of it. Just you wait.

  

Evil Cat Imprisoned

The Cat's Dream

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

The next day, I could find no plausible explanation for the unusual happening. Nada. Zilch. It was three nights later, when my wife once more left the room, that it started again.

EeeeeeeEEEEE, THUNK, EEEEEeeeeeee. Ok. Whether it's my wife or the ghost, I'm going to find out. I began to get out of bed slowly, silently. EeeeeeeEEEEE. I carefully began to stand up, making not the slightest sound. THUNK. I moved cautiously towards the door, careful not to make the floorboards squeak. EEEEEeeeeeee. I was like a Ninja. As silent as stillness. EeeeeeeEEEEE. My heart was pounding as I approached the door. THUNK. I got there and screwed my courage to the sticking place. EEEEEeeeeeee. Come wife or demon, the time was NOW!

I QUICKLY OPENED THE DOOR AND...nothing. There was nothing there except silence.

And then I looked down. There was the cat. One paw in the air and that look that says, "Who? Me? I didn't do anything." And that's when I got it. The cat was trying to kill me. He thinks if he ever gets that door to actually close and latch while I'm in there by myself, then I won't be able to get out. He thinks I don't have opposable thumbs. And naturally no one would come looking for the likes of me. Why would they bother to come looking for a philistine? Then it will just be the two of them. He and my wife. Alone at last. They won't find me for months, he thinks, and when they do, I'll be nothing but a skeleton with the remote control clutched in my bony hand.

Is there a moral? Well...don't get a cat is always a good lesson. Or maybe it's something deeper. Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer? I don't know about that, but I do know this: You are not paranoid if they're really out to get you.

Are Cats Evolving Into This?

More by this Author


Comments 443 comments

Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 8 years ago from Florida

Yep, your cat is trying to kill you. You are a dog person and the cat knows this. He doesn't trust you. Great hub!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi, Anna. Don't I know it. Thanks for the comment!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Dude, you are so random.  You know, I see a hub with your name on it, I don't even read the title because it doesn't matter what it's about.  It's going to be a joy.  Somehow you got from dog yearning city life to cat-faced bats without even a bump in the road; I mean, ghosts and missing dog eyes and sad funerals in the rain.  Jezus, this was a hell of a ride.  All I can say is thanks. (although I might add watch where the f- you walk coming down the stairs. You're like a slow learner or something.)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hey, shade! Thanks for checking this out. As usual, you are too kind. It is kind of all over the place, isn't it.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Yeah, but it's a joyous read.  Your voice carries a story so wonderfully.  You write really well man.  You could write a story about two donkeys crapping in a creek and it would probably be fantastic.  lol.  (Maybe I should make a new request?  LOL)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Damn! Have you been reading my notes? That was going to be after my hub, "Wiping your butt: The Pope Has People to Do That For Him."


J D Murrah profile image

J D Murrah 8 years ago from Refugee from Shoreacres, Texas

Christoph,

I enjoyed the hub and could relate to the evil aspect of cats. There is a sinister quality to them which you describe very well. One of my sons often says "cats are evil incarnate".The more time I spend around them, the more I agree with him.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

hilarious Hub Christoph, reminds me of the "Diary of a Dog and a Cat" I had passed on to me a few years back. In case you are not familiar with it I have pasted it below.

Diary of a Dog and Cat…

As seen in a dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride!

My favorite!

3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan...There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Misty - I've seen that diary and always laugh at the "183 days of captivity line"

Christoph - Shade said it perfectly...You are an amazingly gifted writer and I loved reading this as well. I'm curious about poor Yorick though...how did you find out he was poisoned and did you ever figure out who had done it?

Champers sounds like an awesome cat! It's obviously you having a problem...he's doing his best to train you. If that doesn't scream "love" than I don't know what does.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

JD.  Yea, I hear you. There's that other saying as well: When you have a dog, you feed him, play with hime, clean him, and the dog think's "this guy must be a God." You have a cat and you feed him, play with hime, bathe him, and the cat thinks, "I must be a God." Thanks for writing and the comment.

Misty: Thanks for stopping by and having a read. Yes I have seen the diary and it is very funny. Thanks for posting it here!

Spryte: Thanks for the kind words. As for poor Yorick, after he expired, I researched his behavior just prior and found it fit perfectly with poisoning, and I had my suspicions anyway. I was having a fued with the owner of the property next to mine over an ancient tree. It fell, part of it going into his yard. This thing was HUGE. so I was getting it off his property with a chainsaw and friends who would come by with theirs to help. He took objection to how long it was taking (it had only been a couple of weeks) and he wanted me to hire professionals to get rid of it RIGHT NOW. Now, I'm a laid back guy most of the time, but I don't like morons telling me what to do. I thought it was coming along fine. It was far away from the houses. I didn't even know it had happened until he told me.

Anyway, he became more and more beligerent. I contacted my insurance agent and he said I wasn't liable (act of God, etc.) and if I got his agents name, I could let the agents fight it out. Of course the neighbor wasn't having anything to do with insurance agents and wouldn't give me his info. This had happened during a big storm, and this had happened all over the town. FEMA was cleaning stuff up and said they would get the tree off his property if he would call them. He wouldn't. I began to realize that he was not so concerned about the tree, but wanted to hurt me in some way, like a huge financial expense

It went downhill from there and even the police were involved because some of his shennanigans. I could never keep Yorick in the yard. Being a terrier, he would find some way, whether digging or squeezing through the gate, so I gave up and he was allowed to run. Had been for years. So when I realized Yorick had been poisoned, I knew who did it.

I thought about doing something about it. I was a P.I. at the time, but it would have meant exhuming the body and getting an autopsy and then what? It was impossible, so I let it go. Ironically, when I was almost done removing the tree from his property (about 4 weeks later) he forbid me to set foot on his property. I guess he wanted to keep some "evidence" or something, and the cops had told him to keep of my property. Then I set to work on the majority of the tree which had fallen on my property. It made what had fallen on his side look like a toothpick.

It took awhile, but I think I've answered your question. Thanks again for your kind words which mean a great deal to me.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

:( I'm sorry about Yorick...even though I know it's in the past, I feel compelled to say that because I know how hard it is to lose a member of the family. I truly hope karma takes a big bite out of your neighbor's ass...anyone that takes their anger out on an innocent animal should be...(when I come up with something truly horrible and imaginative, I'll let you know).


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thank you. Everybody has similar stories about the loss of a pet. We do become attached, don't we? I didn't mean to go on about my dogs so much, but i started writing about them and couldn't stop, at least for a bit. I hadn't thought about a lot of the things about them for a while, until last night.

Anyhow, thanks for the comment! CR


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

I don't want to overwhelm you with compliments about your writing, in case your head gets too big for your torso and you fall again, this time from an unfamiliar imbalance, so let me just say that I agree with Shadesbreath about it not mattering what you write about...I'm going to read it simply because you write it.

Now, about cats. I am a cat person. All my cats have loved me, I am sure of it. I never fell down because of a cat. And no cat ever played the ghost trick on me (well, maybe one time, but it was a good thing).

I believe it is my DOG who is trying to kill me. In the 16 months that I've had this big old rescued goldie, I've fallen twice, paid out three thousand dollars in vet bills, and sported nasty gashes on my foot from her mistaking it for a chew toy.

I'll take Champers any time, feral or not!

Your fan, Sally


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Christoph,

First, I'm so sorry about the loss of your two dogs :(

When I had my house, I owned 4 dogs at one time, then several others came and went as well. I am, however, a cat lady. At any given time I had anywhere from 5 to 13 cats. Fortunately, I was set back in the woods and had a large piece of property. I became known as the cat lady at work. My old boss swore that the cats in my neighborhood knew me. Every time I told her I had a new cat, she said of course, why not. They're spreading the word, saying, hey, follow me, this lady will feed and house you,,,,,

All my pets were either from a shelter or simply found. They brought a lot of joy to my life, and I really miss being in my old home. I currently have 3 cats, 2 indoor and one stray that visits me daily.

A wonderful hub, and I hope you find more dogs in your future :)

Trish


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sally: Firstly, go ahead, overwhelm me! It is always nice to learn that you have read something I have written, and doubly nice to get a comment from you, always thoughtful.

I really don't hate the cat as much as this writing would have you believe, though it is all true. He IS a handsome devil and he has his moments. You are absolutely right about the expense of dogs: Those surgeries on Elvis cost a small fortune, but I know now that that is what you can expect if you get a pure breed. That is why I chose Yorick - the mutt. The only time he got sick was when I first took him to the vet for his puppy shots. The parvo vaccination gave him parvo, and then of course I had to pay them to save him. He never went back and he was fine...until THE THING.

I normally don't write "chain of conciousness" type stuff, but I had done a lot of research on something else which turned into a dead end and I really felt like writing something. I have told the ghost/door story many times and always got laughs, so I wondered if I could do it on paper. The rest just happened, not as funny as I had intended.

Thanks again for stopping by and the lovely comment. You always brighten my day.

Trish: That's a lot of cats. And dogs, too. You are truly an animal lover so you get high marks from me. I do miss the company of dogs. Now, all the neighborhood dogs love me and come to greet me whenever I arrive home. Why, you ask? Simple, they recognize that I am a dog person (and keep dog buscuits in my car and give them to them copiously! Milkbones CAN buy love!)

Thanks for the nice compliment. Cheers to you!


barranca profile image

barranca 8 years ago

very funny hub! I have some relatives who own a cat that dominates their lives. It is also fond of random attacks and biting. I don't know why they put up with it. I'm not about to live with a pet that I live in fear of.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Barranca. Thanks for the comment. Glad you found it funny!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Christoph,

I love that the neighborhood dogs love you :) You truly are an animal lover as well. Imagine if you and I were neighbors!

I remember one dog that I acquired at a time when I already had three at home. I would ride to town every day, and on the rural treed road I took, I'd see this black dog hanging out at the edge of the woods, visible to those riding by, but far enough away from the road that he wouldn't get hit. After spotting him for three or four days, I said to my then boyfriend, come with me, I want to show you this dog. I fear he is lost. So, we drove around the corner from my home and parked. We got out of my truck and softly walked to the side of road he was on and began calling him. He didn't run, but seemed reluctant to come near, even though his tail was wagging. After a lot of coaxing, we picked him up and brought him home.

I remember being rather adamant about keeping him, at the time I figured we'd of course give him some food and water (mistake # 1 lol), and go in search of his owner. I also said, he can stay out in the yard, if he's here in the morning fine, if not at least we tried. Well, this dog had other ideas, he stayed in my yard with me for about three days. We were unsuccessful in finding his owner. I relented in letting him come in. He got along well with my other three dogs, and he bacame mine. He was a mid-size dog, black with a bit of white, also with one blue eye and one brown eye. I named him spooky.

He was a very loving, gentle dog. My best friend, Sally's Trove, adored him, even though at the time, all she had been to that point was a cat owner. She felt a special bond with spooky. I tend to believe it was because, after owning this dog for a while, my boyfriend and I realized he was probably dumped on that road, and had been abused. As we called him and called him to come to us, he approached us crouching, but with his tail wagging. I also noticed that he didn't mind my boyfriend, but would make himself scarce whenever I had male company.

Spooky has a special place in my heart, as do all the pets I've owned. At this point, I still love dogs, and would love to own another, but not only have I downsized and moved to a much busier neighborhood, I believe for me I will wait till I retire.

Trish


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Trish: If we were neighbors, the neighborhood would be animal central! This is a little strange, but my childhood dog - also a dalmation, and like Elvis was heavily spotted - was named Spooky! How weird is that?

My aunts little dog died recently. She had him for years ever since, while on a walk, he had simply followed her home for many blocks. Who is adopting who around here?


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

I'm glad to hear at the end of your story that you are still alive and your evil cat didn't do you in. 

I just babysat my sister's 3 cats for 10 days.  Her baby cat named "Baby" came from her work where wild cats roam out back.  The employees keep tabs on the cats to see whose the mother and father of whom.  Well anyways, brother and sister made my sister"s cat "Baby". 

Incest, need I say more!  Baby is indeed a very very very very very strange cat but I love her anyways.  I must be a cat person.  Wouldn't you say?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Dottie 1: Yes. I would say that makes you a cat person. I think there are medications for that. Thanks for reading and for the comment!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Good question Christoph!  I believe somehow these animals sense immediately that we have warm, fuzzy feelings about pets, so they latch on and join the ranks of beloved pets :) I also believe when a stray cat or dog spots us, they fall into their most beguiling, charming and cute behaviors, and I think the kicker is the purrs, the rubbing against your leg, and with dogs, the sad eyes and wagging tail.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

Thanks Christoph, I knew about the medications for that but maybe now I ought to increase my dose!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Dottie: Nah! Just joshin'. If you're a cat person, you're a cat person. Meow to you!


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Christoph, it is obvious that you love Champers, despite himself.  I think you are an animal lover all around, and if a potbelly showed up in your backyard, I bet you'd take it in.  (Wonder what Champers would think of that!)

I was intrigued about the process you described for writing this Hub...you had done a lot of research on something else, but whatever it was, it wasn't panning out for you.  So you switched to something a little more off the cuff (chain of conciousness).  This is a great strategy for writers: just flip the switch and get away from the problem for a while.  Three cheers for overcoming a block and entertaining and informing us all at the same time!

One more thing, about Spooky.  It is spooky that you and Trish had a dog by the same name.  Remember, I am not a dog person?  But, as Trish said, I adored her Spooky.  As Trish described, any pet she had at that time had pretty much free range, but I am a control freak.  So when I met Spooky, I put him on a leash and took him for a walk (I had no idea what I was doing, since I knew nothing about dogs, except what I saw on TV or read in books).  The most amazing thing happened.  I said "heel", and he heeled.  I said "wait", and he waited.  I tried out a number of other commands I had heard about, and he obeyed.  I told Trish that I thought this dog had been trained well (my expert...ahem...opinion).  Spooky and I had some kind of connection, I don't know what it was, but it was there.

I don't know if you know what your connection with Champers is, but it's there.

Loving your Hub and its comments.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sally: As always, a pleasure to hear from you, and I wouldn't give you odds on the potbelly.

It does sound as though you and Spooky had a connection. I never had a dog that I could control with a leash, even after puppy school. I envy anybody who does. You can do so much more with them if they behave.

Thanks again for your kind comments. Coming from you it means a lot to me. Thanks!


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

I think the problem is that Champers could smell dog on you. Cats really don't like sharing their owners with dog so for that, Champers felt you had to pay. Fun hub to read as usual sir.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Great hub Christoph, as always. I'm from a dog-loving family myself, and although I don't have one myself these days I have great memories of my childhood pets, Kim, the labrador, and Rachel, the St Bernard. Cats, on the other hand, make me sneeze, and quite apart from that I couldn't love a cat.

My husband has a saying; 'Dogs look up to you, cats look down on you, but pigs know they're equal!'


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Talented ink: Yes, and he still smells the neighbors dogs on me. I guess I'm just done for. I suppose my next pet will smell cat on me. I'm thinking of a minah bird or a parrot. I could teach it to say funny things. Thanks for stopping by!

Amanda: I never thought I could have a cat either, and see, I was right. Thanks for the nice comment!


Brainstormer profile image

Brainstormer 8 years ago from Australia

Another terrific read and it justifies yet again my earlier judgment of you as a writer. Plus look at the size of your comments and those inspired by your hub and what you have to say.

But what is it about our pets? Who owns who and are they put on this planet for us or are we just their idle playthings, something to keep them amused at their weekly pet meetings under the bridge? "woof - I had him getting his own stick back again today. He'd throw it, I would ignore it, he would go get it, throw it, I would ignore it, he would go get it... Never gets tiring that trick - woof"


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Brainstormer: Thanks for stopping in and your nice comments. My Dalmation had been a truly stunning Frisbee dog. I could throw the heaviest model Frisbee very far. I'd give the dog about a 30 yard head start - running at full speed - and then "fly" the frisbee as far as I could, so that it would pass the dog. They would converge about 100 yards away when Elvis would leap and make the catch. If he missed it was because I didn't throw it well. People would stop on the street and watch, and soon we'd have a little audience applauding everytime Elvis made his catch. Thinking back, I wonder: why did this make me feel so proud?

Thanks again for your kind words. I saw that you published something today so I'm off to have a read.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Each one of B.T. Evilpants's 7,000,000 electric eels would like to order a Bat-Cat, please. They will make good hood ornaments and guards for their pogo sticks. Shipment will be to The Old Firm in NZ or thereabouts.

Thank you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

7,000,000 electric eels? Are you sure 1 bat cat each will be enough? The Siamese- Somoan Bat Cat's are on sale this week. Why not pick up a few extra for spares?


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Cool! I'm sure B.T. will OK it. He's busy working so I'll rush him along when I see him and get the signature...or pawprint..or whatever....


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Excellent! To show our appreciation for your order, we will include 3,500,000 bottles of Bat Cat Mange-Be-Gone Shampoo with anti-rabies fortifiers!


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

Wonderful! I shall tell all my friends and associates. Expect big orders soon.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

Chris, you rock! I am also a dog person and that is really due to a cat I used to have. My husband called him the $1000.00 cat. This cat had used all his nine lives and then some. I didn't even want the cat but he had been abandoned by his mother and he was so tiny and helpless. I couldn't just let him die. I took him home and fed him from a Dr. Pepper soda bottle with a nipple a million times a day for three weeks. Then he got peumonia, he got over that, then he got bit by a snake, then he got some nasty disease for eating a rabbit, which by the way he brought home, The site of him dragging that huge rabbit home was truly a site. he then got bit by a snake again, and then got got bit by something else that swellled his throat almost shut. Now you know why my husband called him that. This cat the worst gas in gas history and could clear a room or three in no time, but when he starting peein g on my sons bed I had enough. He went to go ive at a farm where he could hunt and pass gas all day and noone would care, then i got a dog!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thank you for recommending my company to your jet-setter friends and international business associates. I'll accelerate our breeding program and double my staff of badgers, as they are tenacious, hard workers, and fear not the bat cat. Thank you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendymom: You and I are cut from the same cloth. I know, because your comment had me laughing my butt off! I didn't want to get into it in the article, but my cat has developed a pee problem too, using the carpet all around the litter box but not the litter box itself, though he still poops there (it would have been better if it was the other way around.) I had learned that this might be caused by a Urinary Tract Infection, so to the vet we went, and sure enough he had one. Hand administered medicine down his throat twice a day for a week cured him of the infection, but did not change his behavior. I have to steam clean the carpet every day and I am sick and tired of it. In fact, I am done. I am looking for this mythical farm where all bad pets go to live.

Thanks for your comment. I could so picture your (and your husband's) pain.


Breet profile image

Breet 8 years ago

This was great!!! I think it's best to be a doggie person ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hello, Breet. I havn't seen you here before, so Welcome! I'm really glad you stopped by and had a read. Thank you also for you compliment. It is well appreciated!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Oh my god, I don't think I've ever laughed my butt off so hard!! xD

I got a kitten on July 4th, and I named her Sophie. And for the life of me, I swear that darn kitty is out to get me! She'll jump in my car as I'm about to shut the door and sit under my BRAKE PEDAL as I start driving, unaware she's lying down there, and when I go to brake and turn out of the driveway, she YEOWLS! I'm like, "What the hell, cat! Maybe next time you won't sit under my damn brake pedal!" But she just keeps doing it. One day, I'm gonna squish the damn furball under my foot...

And she just loves to get under my feet as I'm carrying all my crap inside from my jobs. I can't see her, but I know it's her when I fall flat on my face in the dirt, and she's meowing all over me.

Thus... I have invested in a cat collar with a bell on it. ;-) Works like a charm, dude. Works like a friggin' charm. Though I find it crazy that Soph's constantly doing this, while my other cat, Tom, just couldn't give a flying rat's behind about annihilating me. I swear she's seriously trying to get me, honestly. She's even recruited my puppy Melvin. So help me god, they team up to get me! Darn Sophie and her caniving, manipulating ways! Oh Melvin, you dumb-dumb, how could you fall for her fancy flouncing ways?

Then again, we don't call him Dumb-Dumb without reason. xD


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Kika! You came! Your answer had me laughing MY butt off! Your cat is definitely trying to kill you. It will be a sad day when your car goes screaming off that cliff. The cat will be fine of course, but as for you...RIP.

I tried to do the collar with a bell thing. My wife won't let me. She's afraid the cat will get hung up somewhere and strangle itself. Better than me doing it, say I. When they get your dog involved, that's trouble!

Thanks for coming by and your very nice comments. Later, soul sis.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

OK, you've convinced me, It's the survival of the fittest, first thing in the morning I'm taking them down to the Vet!!!!!!. And I'm going to sleep all night with one eye open. I just knew they couldn't be trusted.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ahh, agvulpes. You have more than one...that CAN be dangerous. They work in teams, you know, hatching their diabolical plans in the dead of night while we sleep, unawares. Watch your back!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

As interesting as it'd be to see me drive off a cliff, since I live in the flattest part of Minnesota (IMO), I don't think I'd enjoy the experience very much. >.> Actually, I think I would dislike it very much.

That bell collar won't choke the damn cat. Trust me; I am the QUEEN of animal safety smarts. The only way a cat could choke on a collar would be if he were to gain weight severely within 10 minutes and you wouldn't notice it (as if, man), the collar was too loose (in which case, he'd pull it off), or he purposely got it caught in a treebranch and committed suicide. Now go and get the bell before Champers strikes! You're not allowed to die on me; you make me laugh!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, did I say a cliff? I meant to say into a lake. Don't you have 10,000 of them there? OK. I'll bring this new information regarding the cat bell to the Boss' attention. But won't the cat bell drive me bonkers? It may be just the thing the cat has been looking for to attack my sanity.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Meh, I think the number's actually around 12,000, but we don't ask questions.

The bell might drive you a bit bonkers, but it'll give you a surefire head's up to where the cat is. He won't be able to fulfill his plans of household domination with a cute little jingly-bell around his neck. ;-P Unless he's constantly moving around your feet every second of the day, the bell won't be so bad.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Hell's bell's and buckets of blood. It's a Catspirocy.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

It is, it is. Do you have cats down there? Or did they get cut off when the continent shifted?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Continent, is that what it was, I thought it was the apple pie, Prune Juice will do it every time!

Oh I haven't had so much fun since the cat died. (boom) (boom)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

By the way Chris we do have cats in OZ ,do you think we are unsofistikated in OZ .

Our cats are SO big, when you buy one from the Pet Shop they come with their own "BobCat".


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Ahahaha! "BobCat"! *falls over laughing*


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

At last someone who depreciates my sense of humour I'm deeply indebted Kika Rose, I must drop around for a catnip?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

^_^ Sure, if you want! lol Though I must insist we stop with the feline-frenzied puns. My stomach hurts as is without you making me laugh so hard. xD


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Ok, do you like dogs?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Thanks for the catnip Kika Rose it was dish-lickin good!

btw that's .06c more than I've got.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Say, may I interupt for a second?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Well I must say, where have you been, I seemed to be getting into deep doggie doo doo there?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

lol By all means, interupt Christoph! What's up hun? ^_^


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

I was off doing research. So...you two seem to be getting along famously. I feel like a guest at my own party!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

agvulpes: I figured you had cats but thought maybe they only lived in trees and ate eucalyptus leaves! How are you tonight Kika? Well, I hope.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

We might need a chaperone. Is it getting warm in here?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

I should say so.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

OK "hun just a min"

No Chris, they are called Koalas, very sociable cuddly little fella's, they do not eat meat at all, they only eat roots and leaves! bit like myself I guess!

Admit it you set me up for that one didn't you?

"now what was that hun?"


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Ha there beat you back!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

... Okay, you two, stop. :-P I have a bad habit of calling everyone "hun."

I'm decent, Christoph. Just posted another hub (eh, I'm bored and it's about time I go pass out on the o'le matress) and trying to crack my neck and back. I'm stiff from sitting on the computer all evening in an effort to stop my feet from screaming in pain. Gotta love standing up for 4 straight hours, then drive most of the way home without using cruise control. Oh joy happy goodness. >.<

How're you?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Even I know the difference between a Koala and a cat. A Kuala is a marsupial and hobs around, balances on it's tail and boxes (as in pugelism). So there!

Kika, I like it when you say, "Hon". Nothing wrong with it. Reminds me of the south. I was just reading your thread in the forum. You said you just wrote something funny. I would be happy to read, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Would you mind posting the link here?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

lol Oh, I dunno... It might take too much effort. Us Southern Bells need to keep up our strength! ;-P

Kidding. I've never even been to "The South." The closest I've been to it is... Well, either Disneyland or Arizona, take your pick. lol! But my dad was from Virginia, so I have a bit of a southern twang, which my friends find absolutely hilarious. Yeah, ha ha, make fun of the born 'n raised Minnesota girl with the twang. :-P Ah well, I love my friends either way.

Here's the linker: http://hubpages.com/misc/Simplest-way-to-make-mone... It's half a joke and half serious. Though the part about me hating chatspeak is completely true. >.< The only things I can tolerate are the laughing abbreviations (lol, lmao, rofl) and a few relatively practical ones (btw, fyi, imo). I'm a stickler for good English. >.>


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

er guys, er guys, I'll just close the door on the way out ok.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Ha ha, very funny. :-P Soon as I'm done with this smoke, I'm off to catch me some Z's. Night fellas.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Arrivaderci, baby!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Chris, just love your accent!!! You speak German beautifully.


2patricias profile image

2patricias 8 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Pat says - I just read your story about the evil cat trying to kill you and laughed and laughed. Then I thought, 'why am I laughing?' I am sitting at arms length from my keyboard, my back is killing me, my legs hurt - and why is this? because both my cats are sat on my lap and if they were not sitting on me that would be walking around screaching at me.' It is a miracle that I have survived over 13 years with these cats, who clearly own the house and my body.

Tricia also has a cat who is trying to drive her out of her house by bringing in little furry creatures to run around and scare guests.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Pat! Chris says thanks for coming by and your kind comment about laughing and laughing. I think perhaps your cats are taking to long, slow, subtle approach to causing your ultimate demise.

Please watch your back and be very careful. Come back anytime.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Agvulpes: Ich wusste nicht, Sie sprachen Deutsch. Ich weiss nicht, aber ich bin ein großer Faker von Germain. Sie sind eine seltsame Zeichen.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Bach at ya buddie. No they really can't speak German.

I've been called a lot of things but never a strange sign?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Is that what it said? See, I don't speak German either. I've never had anyone throw Bach at me, so here's a Beethoven at you!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

You two are dorks.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Now we've done it.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Meh. :-\ I'm seriously in a horrible mood. Y'see, I just got dumped... After 2+ years... And I'm not taking it that well...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

I just saw your request and thought it was something like that. Plus your avatar was changed. I'm sorry. There isn't really anything anyone can say right now that will make you feel better. I mean, there are all the usual things, and they are true, but someone's personal pain is greater than anyone else's ever was. I've been there. You are an extremely talented and intellegent girl, and you're good looking too. You'll move on and there will be a lot more love in your future. Give me a few minutes and maybe I'll think of something brilliant to say. Sometimes, friends can help, and I'm your friend.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

Christoph, not only are you a talented writer but your also a good person.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Thanks for the kind words. Now that you've got me crying again...

I could go for some nice words of encouragement or some other stupid blahblahblah attempt to cheer me up. Something to take my mind off it. Maybe I should just go to bed; my eyes feel like they're going to bleed for days, and I've had a full day of laser tag and DDR and losing my class ring somewhere in that stupid friggin' place... God, I just found that thing like, a month ago, too. Lost it last October. And then it started pouring buckets while I was at my best friend's house with the gang and I'd left my window wide open, not knowing it would rain... >.< Seriously, I'm beginning to think my day can't possibly get any worse.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks Gwedymom. I appreciate that.

Kika: I'll be happy to talk to you but I don't think this is the place. Why don't you designate one of your hubs and we can talk there. I've got lots of stupid blahblahblah, if you want some.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Maybe. What if I mentioned Sophie tried to eat my hands today? Would that help? :-P I made a forum instead of a hub (because what would I write in a hub that would actually be hub-worthy right now?). Would that be better?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sure thats OK. I'm sure lots of people here will have words of encouragement.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Mmm. Either way, I'm logging off for the evening. I need sleep. I probably won't get any, but I still need to try. Night hun.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Night


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 8 years ago from India

Incredibly funny! Did no-one ever warn you that you should not, must not, cannot ever bring a cat home unless you promise to put it right up on a pedestal where it knows it rightfully belongs and worship it every day? And never, even think one nasty thought about it? Unless you want a catastrophe on your hands!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Dear Shalini: Why, oh why were you not my instructor in Cats 101? My teacher convieniently left that part out. Come to think of it, I don't believe the instructor liked me very much. I suppose I started off on the wrong paw. All I could think was, "why can't they make a dog that uses a litter box?"

Thanks for the kind words and the advice, but you're too late.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 8 years ago from India

Haha...being a cat person who is also very partial to dogs I sympathise with you whole heartedly, but really, as Shalini says...if you bring a cat home you have to know and accept your lowly position in his scheme of things!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 8 years ago from India

If I had been your cat instructor (just supposing - thank goodness I'm a dog person!) I would no doubt have been very catty and NOT warned you - I can imagine those feline fanatics letting loose a cat on poor unsuspecting souls with a wicked gleam in their eye! As you no doubt know - too late :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shalini Kagal: It's a good thing you wrote just now. I was composing a rather nasty response to you and the Feline Prophet, whom I shall address momentarily. I am glad Shalini, that you are a dog person. I did not fully understand that. Glad we are on the same team.

Prophet of Felines: You will no doubt be very happy, in a few short years, wearing a collar and worshipping these false Gods, for that is their agenda. Nothing less than an outright conquering of the human race. Well, good luck to you anyway. You'll need it. I do thank you for writing, and for your kind comments.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Trust me not to be around when a friend is needed talk about make Kika Rose day worse she really needed a good fox shoulder to cry on. I agree with old what's his name he speaks wise words. You got talent girl!  And you can do a lot better than that smuck , I knew I didn't like him from the minute I meet him . Wanted to hog the lime light.

As my mummy used to say "better to find out now than in another 2+ years at least by then you'll be over it"  She was a real comfort she was!


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 8 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

As a cat person who is a humble slave to 6 atm, I loved your article! I swear my Carbon is out to cause trouble everywhere; we call him the "evil genius". And my Skylar looks ever so handsome dressed up in his tux, but he's the goofiest kid you have ever met!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Dorks! Dorks! Dorks. Hey what or who is a dork? Should I be insulted. If so, take that you...you ...you thing!. Or should I feel complimented. If so kind lady you are shirley a better Dork than I could ever hope to be. But only in the nicest possible way of course!

Being the last of the big gamblers, Chris I will raise you Beethoven a Wagner!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

KT: I'm glad you liked the article. Apparantly, other people have better luck with cats than I do. And its nice to meet you! I'll be sure to check out your hubs! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.

AG: No, Dork is not a good thing, but I wouldn't be insulted. Kika was not in a very good mood and she didn't mean it. She just needed someone to talk to and we were goofing around. She started a post in the forum that tells more about it if you want to offer her some words of encouragement. Look for my recent entry to it on Hubtivity and go check it out.


KT pdx profile image

KT pdx 8 years ago from Vancouver, WA, USA

Thanks, Chris. I'm known as the neighborhood cat lady, but I love dogs as well. Any dog who entered our household would be beaten up by the cats, though, I think. So cats it is, right now! I've written a couple tounge-in-cheek hubs on my cats that I think you'll enjoy.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Thanks for the heads up see you there!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

KT: Thanks. I'll definitely take a look at them.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Bobgnote: Thanks for stopping by and glad you liked it (I think). You kind of lost me here.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Yeah that Bobgnote sure has a way with words!

Hmm a religious cat its probably been said before but does that make him a catolick?


sharonsarah profile image

sharonsarah 7 years ago

Like you I am also a dog people. This is really nice hub. I am so much impressed by your hub. Your story is interesting.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sharansarah: Thank you so much for reading my story. I'm glad you liked it. Please stop by anytime.

agvulpes: Yes, I think it does.


christopher247 7 years ago

This is so funny !!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

christopher247: Glad that you liked it. Stop in again some time.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Agvulpes - tsk...cats do not recognize ANY authority higher than themselves. I thought everyone understood that.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Ah well, he can be forgiven I guess - you can't expect a fox to understand now, can you??


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

I finally scrolled back on this hub...damn, I missed a lot. Christoph...you gave me a serious hot flash with your German and yes, Agvulpes...you are a dork, albeit in the nicest way possible.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

This concept of cat "self deification" is familiar to me.

Spryte: Why did my German give you a hot flash? Because it was so bad? You have missed a lot. These comments have been all over the place it seems. Glad to see you back here. Toodle-ooo!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*spryte waggles her fingers back at Christoph* Toodle ooo to you too!

It's probably not the words so much as the accent...(even though it was text and technically accent-less). It's funny...or...odd maybe is a better word...but when I read...oh well crap it's going to sound bad no matter how I say it...I hear voices. There! I said it. But it's true...my imagination has to invent a person behind each of your personas...so you have a look and a voice...and if we should ever meet in real life, you won't look anything like I thought you would and you won't sound like how I thought you sounded...and it's okay...I'll manage to reconcile it eventually.

I think I've had too much coffee today.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I loved this story, Christoph, and I whole-heartedly agree with you.  Cats are evil bastards! But, kittens are a blast.

PS:  I actually did have a ghost (spirit?, entity?, whatever) in the place I used to live.  I never heard it (although the dog did all the time) but I saw it, twice.  The second, most disturbing, time was when it woke me up by turning my bedroom overhead light on (the one I never used) and stood beside the bed.  When I rolled over and saw it (just a dark, human-type shape) it was gone.  The weirdest part is it didn't scare at all, and it definitely should have.

That's it.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Spryte thank you sweetie. I've never been called a dork by a spryte before, not even in the nicest possible way.

btw. How are you with French. I do a mean Charles Aznavur?. Would that rate a hot flash! Can you just picture it, Spryte and The Fox up on stage in a duet . "Of All The Guys/Gals I've Loved Before" Now stick that in your wonderful imagination and let it swing.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Ag...m'darlin' dork...you don't need to resort to French since you already have your wonderful down under accent. German, French, Italian, Spanish...all very nice accents...but Australian and British accents are best because not only can I enjoy them...I can also understand them!! :) Of course, if you don't want me to know what you said...by all means, use the French.

You don't want to duet with me (lol!)...I make dogs howl.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Spryte: How many of these personas do I have? Do they seem all that separate (I thought the medication was working better than that.) So it was THAT kind of hot flash. Well...I'll have to write foreign languages to you more often. I think it's only natural to "hear" the voices and picture the people who are "talking." Whether here, in a novel, imagination, whatever. I do, but I may be that way from years of studying acting. Perhaps you're just a natural.

I have had all my accents trained out  of me, which is probably a good thing, but you should hear me recite Shakespeare.

Constant Walker: Thanks for stopping by. I wish I could see a ghost. I am open minded and I would like to see something that I considered proof. Ah well, maybe someday.

Agvulpes: Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean to interupt your love making, sir.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Sorry cobber I was so captivated by that sweet talkin' Spryte that I forget where I was for a moment. Back in your foxhole you varmint!

And yes Chris I have noticed, you do have a delightful "international" accent, very becoming! Kinda Bart Simpson?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*snorts and falls over laughing*

Ag...you are completely incorrigible! Also, please try to keep that varmint in its foxhole.

Christoph: Well the face in your picture reminds me of Brent Spiner, so you've been given his voice. I hope you find that amenable?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

That's odd. I had to look up Brent Spiner cause I didn't know who he was. A guy I used to know used to call me "Data", saying I looked like this guy on [Next Generation?] Strange.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Yep...Brent Spiner played Data on Star Trek Next Generation for many seasons. He's just an all around great character actor though. One half of a hill billy couple on Night Court and the rather socially inept scientist at Area 51 in Independence Day...to name a couple. The guy is a chameleon...so when I say you look like the actor, I definitely mean it as a compliment.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Not having been a star trek fan, I did not recognise him in any of the aforementioned roles, and I've seen Independance Day twice (in spite of the fact I think it is an awful movie). Now you're going to think I'm pulling your leg, but people have called me a chameleon also (you're starting to freak me out).

OK. What else do you know about me that you're not supposed to know?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

dum-de da di dum di da di dum .(yawn) Hey I was doing all right until you came along. I'm goin' back to the cat hub. Hang on this is the cat hub (oops) I ment the chivelry hub.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

OK guys, OK guys. Now this is way past a joke!

Just how far is St.Louis from Arizona?


julia ward profile image

julia ward 7 years ago from Florida

My God, I think you found my cat Pee Wee! I'm sure his persecution complex began after I tried to pick him up out of the bay window and we both got hit by lightning (it would explain his now passive aggressive, albeit sadistic, behavior). Please stuff him in a bubble mailer and send him home!

blessings,

julia

julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Agvulpes: St. Louis and Arizona are pretty far apart. I was driving all night!

Julia: Yes! I think it is pee wee. Is he smoking? I mean literally? He is on his way - overnight delivery. I put some kitty litter, some water, and a can of fancy feast in the bag so I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm glad you're OK with the lightning thing. What happened? Were you OK? And the cat (not that I care)? That must have been some experience. Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment, Julia. I appreciate it!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

St Louis is definitely a lot closer than Australia. :)

As for what else I know...hmmm...*consulting crystal ball, tea leaves and tarot cards*...let's see...wait...I'm getting something...

...it's definitely a message...perhaps a warning...yes! That's it...

Your evil cat is trying to kill you. You may want to be extra cautious.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I will be extra cautious, especially now that he is carrying around that butcher knife.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Gee, we finally got back to the cat! Musta been a great night?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

I'm not sure...the cat isn't admitting to ANYTHING! :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

That's right! The cat's got his own tongue on this one!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

*falls over laughing!* Ah man! You guys make me giggle! xD Stop it, else I'm gonna laugh so hard I'll snort!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi, Kika! You're giggling! Feeling better?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Yeah. After the initial shock/grieving/denial/anger (a 12 hour process), I came to the conclusion that it's so not worth it to mope about the house, crying my eyes out and screaming like a banshee. :-P So I've decided to live instead of rot. Oh; I spoke with Kyle's brother the other day (we're good friends) and he said, "Oh my god, my brother's a friggin' idiot! I can't believe he'd dump you! You know he's gonna come crawling back in about two months like he always does when he goes and does something retarded, right?" I thought about that for a bit, then replied, "Jer, even though we know he will, I don't think I'm going to take him back this time. He's caused me enough heartache to write five billion books on the schematics of bad relationships. I think I'm going to find someone who appreciates me for me, not what I can do for his personal benefit/gain." So I'm done with crappy relationships that lead to nowhere. I'm just going to let things go the way they do, and be positive about the outcomes.

Though, when he does come crawling back, it's going to be one helluva battle saying No... :-\ That's always been my downfall.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Stick to your guns. He needs to learn his lesson, don't you think? So glad the regular Kika is back! Wooo! Let's party!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

lol Whoo! Party! I'm free tomorrow night, and don't work the morning after, so yeah! Party! ^_^ But I have to go to bed now so I can get up at 7:30 for work. I'll chat with you tomorrow! :D


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I'm in!!!!!!!!!! Wooo > (doing hand springs as only daffy duck can do)

Where's Spryte & we got a 4some!!? awesome! or should that be foursome awsome?

Well said Chris!!!!!!!!!!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

She's around here somewhere. Just a sec...Sprite! Spriiiiiite!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

It sure is nice to see Kika with a smile on her dial :D

btw I've never actually seen a rose snort not even a kika one?

btw+1 please translate xD ?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Yes it is. Translate, OK: Do you know how when you laugh really hard the sudden intake of air can make you snort (make a "snorting" sound)? That is what she's talking about.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Yes (sigh) You gettin tired or somethin' I got that snorting bit, I do it all the time!, I did really mean "xD"? as in Kika's comment? I hope it doesn't mean it's X rated or anything like that because I'm not like that at all!(gives that knowing smile)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*peers in and snorts*

I am NOT a carbonated beverage!

:P


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Carbonated beverage: please explain?


laflat7 profile image

laflat7 7 years ago from localhost

this is Very interesting supervision .. i think i am more dog man than cat man ;)

dogman )))) this is funny


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Agvulpes: Did you ever hear of googling something? An xD is an emoticon used on the internet to express happiness, laughter, bewilderment, or sarcasm. I think in this case she meant it as laughter (but you have to watch out for that sarcastic use, which makes fun of the intended recipient of the xD.) 

Now, students, Sprytes comment regarding "carbonated beverage" is a barb at me because I wrote "Sprite" instead of "Spryte", for which I humbly apologise. (You know that Sprite is a popular carbonated beverage, don't you Agvulpes?)

laflat7: Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! Glad you found it funny! He who laflats, lafloudest!


rachaelc profile image

rachaelc 7 years ago from Austin

i've always had the sneaking suspicion that my cat would eat me if he were only a bit larger.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

:) Have the two of you (Ag & Christoph) thought of taking your show on the road? LOL! I'm so serious...you'd have people in stitches.

You are forgiven for referring to me as an effervescent lemon-lime soda, Christoph. I get it all the time, but I can't resist having fun with it anyway.

Ag...I think the Aussies refer to it as Lemonade? Which is entirely different from American lemonade.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

rachaelc: Thanks for the comment! You are right. Not to get all gross and freak everyone out, but when someone with cats has passed away and gone undiscovered for awhile, the cats have been known to eat the corpse. Gross but true.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Spryte: Yes, thank you. One day I will cease to err with your name. I cannot imagine taking my act on the road with Ag as my straight man. I work alone.

Even though you are not a soda pop, dear Spryte, you are still cool, effervescent, refreshing, and able to quench the thirst of a parched man.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Thought I better come see if you are still alive Christoph, I see that you are and your cat hasn't won yet. Glad your still around.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Awww...what a sweet thing to say. It also explains my husband's need to expel large amounts of gas in my presence. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ha,ha,ha. Yes! All that effervescence has to go someplace!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

lol! That's grody! *falls over laughing*

Ag, Christoph was right about the xD thing. Try looking at it from an angle; it looks like a person's face when they're laughing really hard. And >D is a MUAHAHAHAHA! I PWN j00! face (j00 = you, pwn = own, also meaning "I win" or "I am better than you"). It's my favorite face to use when I've won an argument. ^_^

Spryte, the only problem with these two going on the road would be the fact that they'd probably drag me along for the ride. We'd have to take a lot of pee stops. :-P


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

We could take pee stops for you, Kika. Or were you referring to ag? He probably needs lots of pee stops.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

I was thinking me, because I'd be laughing so hard. I dunno how often foxes have to pee, but if they're anything like dogs, he should be fine for about 4-6 hours at a time. Unless he has an overactive bladder problem...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh. I was referring to something else.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Then it went completely over my head. ^_^;


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sometimes older people have to pee a lot.


Katherine_Huether 7 years ago

Is it wrong to think your cat is cute, despite it? What you describe as "my cat is trying to kill me" I see as very cute cat mannerisms. Then again, I am a cat person. :) Then again, I've met some cats that are not very nice at all - perhaps you have one of those!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Christoph & Kika - Well one can always do what the crazy astronaut lady did and wear a diaper?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Katherine: Yea, he's a handsome little devil. He's not that bad, Just stubborn and self centered, which I believe is a trait all cats share. Glad you stopped by and read my hub and took the time to leave a comment. Thanks!

Spryte: I don't think I want to be stuck in a car with Ag's do-do diaper.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Spryte and Christoph: Yeah, no, oldie diaper changes are NOT my idea of a good time. I'll leave any and all diaper changes to Spryte. :-P


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I don't think Spryte is going to want to. Maybe My Evil Cat will do it? (and he skillfully brings the subject back to the hub.)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

You deserve kudos for that one. :-P I don't think your evil cat's going to want to change a dirty diaper. He's too busy plotting your demise. ;)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Great...thanks you two. Now I have the song "Smelly Cat" stuck in my head.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

"Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?"


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh! Smelly Cat is an excellent song.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

I'm just sitting back here, hands behind head, writing all this down, for my weakly report to the Hubpolice! Chris I did the google thing : by the time I got up to page 378,870,000 I thought I must have missed something so I thought I'd ask my FRIEND (who btw doesn't want to do a road trip) no names no pack drills!

Kika thanks for the explanation. (I think)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Chris I know your type, trying to turn the girls against me. I'll have you know being the handsome debonair fox that I am, (and that's only since I became modest) I have no need for diapers, or oft requested pitstops, I'll leave that up to the Sprite drinking Southern Boy! btw I am now chanelling your Evil Cat (like the twist) gonna give him/her/it some clues:-. banana peels,banana peels! touche

Plus Dean Martin did very well without Jerry Lewis! xD


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, Agvulpes: You're back and I'm caught red handed. There I was, being attacked from all sides! I had to do something to save myself. As for the Googling thing, I didn't know the answer, and had to google it. I knew something was wrong this morning when I saw my cat peeling banannas. Truce?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Cats can peel bananas? o_O How on earth did he manage to do that without opposable thumbs?

Sophie tried to kill my best friend last night, so help me if I'm lying! We were walking into my house, intent on letting my gay friend touch up my hair color (my hair grows so fast, we have to color the roots at least once a month), when she appeared out of nowhere and got right under his feet. He nearly fell off the front steps and landed on his back! Luckily I have spectacular reflexes and caught him before he cracked his head open, but it was a close call! And of course, Sophes just sat there and demanded attention, mrowling like mad.

It's stuff like that that makes me wish I'd gotten a puppy instead of a kitten...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Kika: Yea. They hold the bananna with their paws and use their mouth to peel the bananna. See about the cat? That's exactly the kind of stuff mine does to me! Only there's no one to catch me! Oh, the devious little BASTA$#$!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Hmmm...I just don't understand what you all are doing to provoke your cats to premeditated murder.  Mine are so dedicated to my comfort...especially Zuma...who has taken to his new duties as masseuse with complete dedication.  I wish I had a camera so I could record it and put it on YouTube.  It's rather funny to see my husband trying to sleep while Zuma works him like a bowl of bread dough. 

There are only two problems...

1.  Zuma hasn't got very good aim and will just as soon massage your windpipe, cutting off your oxygen supply as your shoulders.

2.  Zuma drools while he kneads...

On second thought, I'm now beginning to wonder about Zuma's motives...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Uh, huh. I forgot about that cat trick! I have a wakened on several occasions, face of blue, to find the cat has shut off my wind pipe. So close...but I shall prevail. No silly kitty gonna outsmart Elmer Fudd!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Hey Chris old cobber, truce. All bananas have been put back in their scabbards.

I wasn't really channelling your cat, the very thought of that gives me a fur ball!

Elmer Fudd, what a coincidence , just as an aside , I try my best to not take life too seriously(you never would have guessed,right) To help this along I've adopted a system I used to overcome nerves in Public speaking being: When you look at your audience imagine them as cartoon characters. How could you be scared of Mickey Mouse etc. I use the same system with our OZy polies, and to cut a short story long. Our illustrious PM Kevin Rudd has become (you guessed it) Elmer Fudd. Try it some time . you might be surprised at how more interesting the evening news becomes . Yibbada yibbada thats all folks!


Dorsi profile image

Dorsi 7 years ago from The San Francisco Bay Area

Yes there are evil cats. I had one and could write a hub about her- the "psycho cat" we called her.....

I love this hub. Very very well written and kept me engaged all the way through- you have an awesome writing talent!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I think I will try it. Let's see...George Bush as...nah...I like all the cartoon characters too much to do that to them.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Dorsi: How nice to see you. Thanks for your overly kind and generous comments too. It means a lot to me.

Congrats to you, by the way, on your making the top of the first page of Google News! How exciting! Do you think they'll put my cat hub there? I think it's news.

Thanks again.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Now that you mention it you can't really improve on perfection, he is a one off!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Christoph, looks like you have two on the first page of hot hubs. Congrats!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ag: I know. I was just seeing a story on TV about Oliver Stone's new movie about Bush called "W". It looks really funny and good.

Hi Gwendymom! Hope all is well in the land of Indians. Yea, it's pretty cool. We're doing OK this week (you probably always have one up there, I'll just bet! Did you go shopping today?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

No shopping today. unless you count online shopping and I just couldn't help it Victoria's secret is having a sale and I just can't pass those up. But that is all the shopping I have done, I swear! My daughter is home for the weekend from college and I am trying to spend time with her, although we have been reading a series of books and I had read the first 3 faster then she did, so she bought the 4th and is trying to get it read so that she can leave it for me to read. So I guess we aren't getting to visit as much as I would like but there is always tomorrow. If she still isn't done reading then I might have to do a little more shopping. 

I guess we are doing well this week, but I don't think I have one on there every week, actually I have never checked before. 


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Is the evil cat still going strong? ah yes, nine lives....but this looks like it's going to be a saga that's going to go beyond that! Evil enjoyment indeed!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Gwendy - what series are you reading? When I saw that remark I instantly thought of the Stephanie Meiers series on vampires...my sister and I shared those.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Ooooooooooh! Have you read all the Twilight books yet, Spryte? Because the last one's totally going to take you by surprise! o.o

I'm huge on series books. I just picked up a book called The Summoning (I think I think I think... I'll have to go back and look at the title; juuuuuust finished it, and I was like "OH SNAP, NO WAY! IT'S OVER ALREADY?! BUT IT WAS SO AWESOME!!!") and I highly suggest it. Brand-spanky new book. Also, check out Diana Wynn Jones's The Chronicles of Chrestomanci, The Power of Three, and A Tale of Time City. All good reads. Then again, Jones pwns major butt, so it's to be expected. Also, the Bartimaeus Trilogy's a phenomenal read, and A Great and Terrible Beauty (another trilogy, but I forgot the trilogy's title). I could go on and on and on and on...

And to go back with cats, the Chronicles of Chrestomanci Vol. I & II have a cat on the cover; the first cat looks fine and all, but the second's kinda spooky. o_O


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

:) Kika - I inhaled the Twilight books in one week. ALL of them. My sister was gushing about how she loved them, so I went out and got them ALL. She was so pissed when I finished the last book before she even started it. She's forgiven me though since I promised to give her the poster included in book number three of the upcoming movie.

I'll have to look up The Summoning and the others you mentioned. I'm truly a book pig so the more I have at my fingertips, the happier I am. Did you read the other S. Meiers book (not part of the series) called The Host? It's not as quick a read...but it is really good.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

I DID! AND IT WAS AMAZING! I was extremely shocked at how beautiful it was, since it's about aliens and most alien books are just lame, but she totally grabbed my brain by the stem and yanked me along a roller-coaster of written happy goodness.

I swear by all things holy, I own a library. I have two floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that are completely full of books, plus piles upon piles on my desk and floor and a number of books lying about in the living room. Some day I'll have to take a picture of all the books I own...

Oh, also check out Wicked by Gregory Maguire (y'know, the book that inspired the musical with the same title, though the musical doesn't follow the book that well in a few places), along with Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (a new twist to the Cinderella story). Ooh, and Stardust by Phillip Pullman (the book came before the movie, but I was surprised at how awesome the movie turned out after the extreme disappointment of HP). Some day I'll have to write a hub about all the books I've read and what I think of them... Though I'll have to spread them out through like, 100 hubs... ^_^;


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendymom: Victorias Secret, eh? Why, that store is lewd and indecent and I go through each catelogue, and circle each offensive picture as I am building a case against for illegal transport across state lines and are you going to wear it and change your avatar? Because if you did I would have to copy that picture and put it in my files as evidence.

You know, sometimes just being in the same room with someone you love is a special experience. That sense of comfort and safety and contentedness. Words aren't always needed.

Shalini: How are you? Nice to see you again. Yes, there are many cat lovers out there and cat haters too. And here we all come together in a celebration of humanity.

Gwendymom, Kika, Spryte: I do so enjoy the company of intelligent, strong women. And a book club that actually reads the books! How refreshing!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Wait. Book clubs that don't read the books...? ... ... ... Dude, what planet do you live on? o_O Then again, the only book club I was ever in was one a teacher of mine (who happens to rock my socks off) had started, and everyone read the books suggested. But that was only one club, so I don't have much ground to stand on. But fo' shizzle (I kept saying that tonight, and I've yet to know why. O.<), book clubs that don't read books are for posers. And posers, m'dear, are just not cool.

I so should write a hub about books now. God, you guys seriously have no idea how much of a bibliomaniac I am. xD


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

See, it's a thing for married women to be in a little book club, so thay all get together with their girlfriends just to have fun, and don't even bother to read the books. I have seen this protrayed and heard it talked about alot. Whether it is just a joke or actually has some truth to it, I don't know. See, it's a way to ditch their husbands. No husband is going to go to a discussion of Bridges of Madison County, see.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Kika: I read Wicked...LOVED IT! Noticed right off the bat that SomeLikeItScott is using the character as his avatar. I'm a big fan of horror fiction...Stephen King (my idol), Dean Koontz, John Saul, Michael Crichton, blah, blah, blah.

When I moved out west, I gave all of my books to my mother to put in the library of her apartment building so that everyone could enjoy them. The time before that I donated them to the city library, like my mother did before she moved out of her house. The city library was absolutely thrilled to get over 600 books to add to their collections.

*grimaces at the idea of a book club*

I would rank that right up there with tupperware parties and baby showers. But then again, I have this aversion to being in a group solely consisting of women because eventually the discussion devolves into things I don't care about...like girlie stuff *shudders*

But hanging out with friends and realizing we have books in common...well, now...that's a real treat :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I have to agree. Didn't I say "refreshing". In the same way a "Sprite" or a "Spryte" is refreshing.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

LOL! Does that mean you'll join us in our little discussions Christoph? :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I will. But I'm not really into sci fi. I like horror though, but I'm burned out on your hero, Mr. King. Used to read everything he came out with, which pretty much occupies a person full time. Yes, I'll be honored.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Sorry Chris your on your own here the last novel I read was in grade 3 Primary school. Something about a cat in a hat. Didn't like where the story line was going, so I decided then and there if there gonna write books about cats forget it? Now if it had been Lassie or Old Yella or even Rin Tin Tin!

Wonna go for a beer?


rosettalind 7 years ago

You guys are too funny. Especially the dialogue between Christoph, Ag, Spryte and Kirka Rose. I discovered hubs tonight, and I am entranced. It is now almost 8 AM, and my neck aches and my back is going into a spasn. But I feel as though I have met some fine, witty, folks and got to know you quite well while vicariously listening in on your private thoughts for about 4 hours. (If my sweeet mama was still alive, she would surely be beside herself with righteous indignation at the addicting power of the Evil Computer. In her mind, it ranked right up there with booze and cigarettes for evilness.)

It has been fun, and I think you should get together and write a book, or go on the road with your act, because you all just sparkle and shine as you dance around eacdh other, flirting and being outrageous. Cats, indeed. I must say, though, that was a very funny, yet endearing piece of writing, Christoph. The bit that folllowed, however, was brillliant.

I'll be back to spy on you guys later. Thanks for a fun evening. Like a good book, I couldn't "put you down."


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

*hugs rosettalind* Aw, your comment made my day. And it's only 11:10 AM!

Spryte, my only fear with donating my books to a library is that I won't have books to read anymore. :( I reread all my books, so getting rid of them would be like trying to take a crack whore's crack away from her. And y'know that's a dangerous thing. :-P


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ag: A nice, cold, Aussie beer (or two) would go down mighty fine. I'm buyin'!

Rosettalind: I have to agree with my colleague, Kika. What an incredibly wonderful thing to say. Did you really read all the comments? Geez, no wonder you were up till 8:00AM. I don't know if I have ever received a greater compliment and I want you know that it is heartily appreciated. You don't have to eavesdrop - join in anytime! Let's see...if Kika sparkles; Spryte shines; Ag flirts; where does that leave me? The dancing outrageous guy? I guess that's OK. Seriously, thanks again for taking the time to read all this and the thoughtful words.

Hi Kika. Is that rosettalind nice, or what? I used to keep all my books. We have boxes and boxes of them in the basement. Now we load up at Goodwill, and drop them back off when we're done. I'm always reading something.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*waves to rosettalind* Welcome to your new addiction! :) Writing is wonderful...but it wouldn't be half as much fun without my friends on here bantering afterward. I have to admit that is the true source of my own addiction to these Hubpages. Who knows what they'll say next?

Christoph - You are the charmer. :)

Kika - Oh but see giving books to the library is sort of like being a book pimp! Why be the only person addicted when you can get a whole lot of people hooked! *nods*


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Spryte: The "afterwords" are the most fun. I am becoming something of an addict myself, but I'm seeking help.


Dorsi profile image

Dorsi 7 years ago from The San Francisco Bay Area

Yes I think your cat hub should be up there at the top with the bailout plan. Evil cats need to be exposed...along with Wall Street......lol..........


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Few people know that evil cats are behind the Wall Street collapse. It's a bold statement, I know, but I have documentation and verifiable proof!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

I have seen the documents, christoph. The collapse was indeed a cat-astrophe. I am formulating a plan to flush out, and deal with these feline felons. Don't forget that Spryte is a cat people. Choose your words carefully, with that one.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

er hi rosettalind, I'm not really a flirt as Chris may have you believe. How about we go out on a date and I'll show you? See, Spryte doesn't kiss and tell!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

BT. I knew of course, that you would have a plan of ridding Wall Street of all cats, but especially Fat Cats. Your secret service has probably informed you that they meet nightly at the NYC library, next to the large lion statues, further evidence of their hallucinatory self-aggrandizement.

As for Spryte, she is my dear friend, but has fallen into evil paws and been brainwashed. I plan her rescue and de-programming even now.

Hey, AG.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Hey man I'm wid ya (best Stallone accent?) jumps on white charger!

Can I help you de-program Spryte , please, please.  

I promise I'll never say one more crack about you!

(crossed fingers, behind back)

 

 


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

No, you may not help de-program Spryte. It's too dangerous. If your really nice however, like getting me Nicole Kidmans phone number, you may help in the re-programming, which is the fun part!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Man you do strike a hard bargain, but I don't mind sharing.(whispers so no one else can hear, hair it is "555 callme" you may have to leave a message! ) Sorry Nick I hope it's worth it?

I just love the "fun" parts!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

AG: Thanks. Got it. I haven't talked to her in ages.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

btw. I'm led to believe that Keith throws a PRETTY mean guitar, on the other hand if you drop may name you'll be right!

ps. r u useastern uspacific? we have just turned on daylight savings. Thrown my whole day out, it has!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Daylight savings isn't for a while for us. ... I think. ... I dunno, it confuses the heck out of me every time it's mentioned. >.<

Spryte: I can understand that, but at the same time... They're MY books... I don't wanna share! *throws a tantrum like a two-year-old* I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!

Seriously though, I have the hardest time just letting friends borrow my books. I lent out Son of a Witch (sequal to Wicked) and The Chronicles of Chrestomanci Vol. II to a couple of friends, and I haven't seen them since. :'( And now another friend wants to borrow my Twilight books! AAAAAAAAAAH! *dies* Those books are like meth; they're addicting as hell and once you start reading them, even if you've already read them, you can NOT put them down. Except for New Moon. I have to put that one down when it gets to the super sad part (dunno if you've read that one yet, Spryte, since you didn't say you finished the series) because if I don't, I cry like a little girl for hours. >.> No, really, I bawl my eyes out, that's how attatched to books I become. It's scary.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

No bawling your eyes out until Halloween. I haven't heard anything about Daylight savings time. it's not, is it? I'm going to find out.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

I have a calendar in front of me, I'll check.

Weird... It's usually posted in the school calendar, but I can't seem to find it. o_O

Also, why would I bawl my eyes out at Halloween? There's nothing sad happening then.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

It's November 2nd. DST that is.

Honestly, Kika, am I that obtuse? You said you would "bawl my eyes out." I said wait till Halloween, cause if you bawled your eyes out - literally - it would be scary.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Geesh...I go off for one night to play my Night Elf Druid to save Azeroth and I come back to a brainwashing conspiracy and a sad little bookworm.

Christoph & Ag...I dare you to get past Foxy :) People do not refer to her as "the spawn of Satan" without reason. If somebody offered me the choice of a trained attack dog or Foxy, I'd choose the cat. My husband still bears the scars of her ill will (although since food has been involved on a regular basis, she has permitted him to keep most of his blood). The only person Foxy does not harm is me...so good luck getting around her.

Kika - Yep...I finished that whole series. Trying to think if I was sad....hmm...nope, I don't think I was. The last book that made me cry was Sunday At Tiffany's by James Patterson. And that was just a few tears I think. Most of the time I cry at movies...but I recover quickly in time to hit my husband for making fun of me. I promise I'll never ask to borrow a book :) But you are welcome to borrow any of mine at any time and I won't even make you return them...you little glutton. There. Do you feel better? LOL!

And btw...my druid is now level 26. :P


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I only cry when they hurt animals. If there is a sad part in a movie, my wife says, "Are you crying?" I say, "Why? Did they kill a dog?"

Say, Spryte. Did you ever read Patterson's "Along Came a Spider who got in Hepburns Hair During Breakfast at Tiffany's?


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

You know that movie "While You Were Sleeping" with Sandra Bullock (who I absolutely adore btw)?  Well there is one particular scene when she says she can't marry the guy because she's in love with his brother...and she gives this rather comedic yet heartbreaking explanation of why she can't go through with it....and I cry every damn time.

LOL...no. I haven't read that novel and I hope you just mean the one "Along Came A Spider" because I don't remember the rest of that stuff added to the title. I only recently started reading Patterson's stuff...he's not really my favorite (too simplistic). I read this one because my sister gave it to me to read on the plane trip home.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Bah. WoW = lamez0r. :-P At least you're not as big a nerd as me; I carry my D&D dice with me EVERYWHERE I go. ^_^ I'm a Human Cleric, lvl 17. Yay! I get to hide behind our Ranger and pick up the pretty, shiny stuff that tends to be cursed! lol

"Oooooh, a RED sword?! Really, James!? Is it shiny??? Is it pretty??? OH EM GEE, CAN I HAVE IT?!""Monbon, you know nothing about it. Why on earth would you want it?""... It's shiny and red and it's sparkling and I can hear it calling my name...""... Fine. Amile picks up the sword, only to discover she can't unequipt it and that the pretty red sparkly rune thingies she was so adamant on staring at say that once she starts swinging the sword, she cannot stop until she dies.""WHAT?! JAMES PAINE, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?!!?!?!?!""You're the one who wanted the pretty red sword, Kika. Not my fault."

... Yeah, I have no luck whatsoever... But I can say I still have that awesome red sword, and I did get the curse removed. ^_^

Oh, and Spryte: The part where Edward leaves makes me cry, along with the part where Jacob tells Bella they can't be friends anymore, and the part where she jumps off the cliff and nearly drowns. And a couple other places, but I'd have to reread it again to remember (I try to avoid New Moon, since it seriously depresses me that EDWARD, who I will one day marry, would leave Bella, even though he's gonna marry me. :-P).


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

LOL!  Well...WOW is my other addiction. I actually play Horde - have a level 70 Blood Elf Rogue named Chumana (lethal and hawt) and a level 70 Undead Warlock that I facetiously named Cuddles.  There are a few other lowbies beneath them. 

HOWEVER - my husband didn't like the fact that my hawt little rogue was always being hit on and asked to group (probably too close for comfort to how we met) and suggested perhaps I would enjoy playing a MALE Alliance gnome.  LIKE...right.  So he started a female gnome mage...and expected me to go along with it.  Instead, I whipped out my incredibly torrid Night Elf druid and since she's about 13 levels ahead of him, he's scampering to catch up.  *evil grin*

Now you know why I don't play WOW much anymore.  Jealous hubby.

Nahhhh...I didn't cry at those things.  I knew he'd be back for the sequel...but I did feel bad for Jacob.  Not to the point of crying though.  It is kinda sick though that he ended up with her daughter.

*and now I'm going to bed! Catch you all tomorrow* 


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Why? Do they kill a dog?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Night Spryte! I'll be heading to bed soon, too. I got a concert to go to tomorrow.

Does who kill a dog what now?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Never mind the dog. Can one of you (I think I've seen one or both of you use this feature) tell me how you put that capsule at the bottom of your hubs where you can click either the left or right arrow to get to another one of your articles? I'd appreciate it.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

... Okay? Oh, if it makes you feel better about confuzzling me, Jacob (the dude Spryte mentioned) is a werewolf. :-P

It's pretty easy. Go up to My Account, then on the right, click Groups. Create a couple of groups for your hubs (you can name the groups based on the primary focuses of the hubs, such as entertainment or education), then place appropriate hubs into appropriate groups. It automatically creates the arrows on the bottom of your hubs linking hubs you've written that are categorized within that group. And if you don't want the group names listed along with the titles, click Edit next to the group's name, and uncheck the box that says "Display Name?"

TADA! ^_^ *does her "I PWN!" dance*


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Now that was easy wasn't it?

You look like you need another beer! Shouts on me VB or XXXX ?

I'm not gonna get left out of this book talkin' thing no siree.

Oh Spryte have you ever read any James Herbert books?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks, Kika. U PWN me, for sure.

Ag: I don't know any of those beers. You decide...I like them all. I know what you mean about the book thing. I feel left out.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Spryte, Stephen King will be crushed to learn that you have been cheating on him. And with Patterson, no less! He might get over it, if it were Peter Straub, but the fact that it was Patterson will likely kill him!

Christoph, perhaps I can help with the deprogramming. I have a rapport with Foxy, and would hate to see Spryte come to any harm. Her cat is VERY vindictive. I don't think she's going to take this very well.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Patterson was a mere fling, BT...I swear! Straub is good (although a bit over-descriptive when left to his own devices) but even better in collaboration with King. I think I've read The Magic Cottage, by Herbert...but darn if I can actually remember it clearly. I'd know if I read the opening paragraph again though :)

Foxy assured me last night as she took up her usual position as sentry that she is prepared.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

BT: Certainly you can help. In fact, I'm counting on you. It's a dangerous mission, and we must have a carefully planned attack, not to mention flawless execution.

Spryte: I'm sure BT has taken the senrty position into consideration. Uh, by the way...where is that position...by the way? Just curious.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Tsk Christoph...I was very careful not to mention the location of the ninja kitty. I'm not about to spoil her fun. Let's just say...she could be anywhere and she has her own army. I will give you a brief synopsis of their abilities though...

Frankie - He likes to leap out of nowhere and grab you in a lethal hug. He especially enjoys high positions.

Kahn - Prefers the low road...and is an ankle biter. He's a sinous, muscular Siamese and very hard to catch.

Zuma - Will cover any intruders with corrosive cat drool flung from his mouth

Jack - Is BIG. Definitely the muscle of the group and has an early warning chittering device that might sound like a squirrel. If you hear a chitter...RUN.

Foxy - Well, she's the mastermind...a ninja of the highest level. She may be fluffy, but she's far from soft.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Did you get that, BT? Sounds like we have our work cut out for us.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Bah! I'm pretty stealthy, myself. Plus, I've been living with cats for years. No Worries.

Oh, and Spryte; The Talisman is one of my all time faves! Followed by the sequel. Awesome King/Straub collaboration.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

BT: Good. I'll just be singing "Don't worry, be happy," all day.

I liked the Talisman, except for the ending, but that has been my problem for several years with horror novels. I never buy the endings anymore.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Ah, but the ending was not the ending. You didn't read the sequel? I also would recommend Insomnia. A great SK read.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

That's the last one I read. Actually, not quite true. Someone lent me the Gunfighter series. Only read the first book and it was painful. Bear in mind, I was a huge King fan. My shelves are stuffed with his books, many first edition hardcovers. I just got burned out on him, I guess.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

My absolute Stephen King favorites are Dolores Claiborne and Needful Things...for the way he exposes the human mind. The Gunfighter series doesn't really get interesting until after the first book. I don't think he'd quite committed himself to the story at first...but it really does take off. I forget which one it is...but King finally got the idea of romance and brought me to tears. He confesses that up until that point, he had difficulty capturing that essence...but he got it. He nailed it. If you need a break from King and want to read something of a like genre, try Koontz...particularly the Odd Thomas series.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

He does pick at the human mind, in Insomnia. But I think he did it masterfully, in Rose Madder. I agree that the Dark Tower series was a slow starter, but wow! When he ties the vast majority of his other novels into it, it's like he had it planned all along.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Haven't read Delores Claiborne, Listened to him read Needful Things on tape (my wife gets them for her car) and yes to both Dark Tower and Rose Madder. I know I've read a Koontz but it was some time ago and I don't recall the title.


epifanny profile image

epifanny 7 years ago from AU

fantastic hub! You story of your dogs was very touching. I dont know which I am thou, a dog or cat person. Ive owned both and loved both, and yes you are right they are quite different. My cat did have a very placid personality so i guess I was lucky, however I have looked after (temporary thank goodness) cats that you would have sworn have acsended straight from hell. reminds me alot of the vid you posted evil cat imprisoned. lol cheers :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

epifanny: Thanks so much for stopping by and your thoughtful comments. I don't really hate the cat as much as I pretend to. He's just kind of an ass. I haven't seen you here before. I'll make it a point to read some of your stuff.

(You know, if you put a C in your name it would be epic fanny. That would be fun!)

Seriously, thank you!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

King is hard to read, especially if you're going for the full-fledged 500+ page novels. At least, he's hard for us teens. Don't get me wrong, I really liked his short stories, and a couple of other books (the only one I can remember reading off the top of my head is Cujo, and I actually screamed out loud in the library while reading it, then cried when they killed the dog. I seriously get into books).

My ex tried so very hard to get me to read Koontz books, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I just can't. I'm afraid that if I start reading them, I'm gonna get scary nightmares and wake up screaming like I did the first time I ever saw It on TV as a kid...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Yeah, Kika, every one is a giant thing. It does take a time commitment to read them.


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

I don't mind the time commitment part. I've always been a swift reader, ever since early Elementary school. I just can't get myself to move past the slow parts in the thicker SK novels... I just can't... I get too bored... And I really, REALLY hate pushing myself to read something because everyone says, "Oh, it'll get good once you're past that part!"

I've decided to write a hub on books, though it'll have to wait until I get some sleep. That punk rock show I went to wore me out! I got bruises on my bruises and I got lucky and thought to buy ear plugs before the really loud bands played. And I met a really cute, nice guy! But I totally forgot to get his name or number or Myspace or anything! >.< Darn it all to heck and back!

Anyway, time for bed before my eyes start to bleed... I'm exhausted!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Good night, you little punk rocker!


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Night Christoph! :-P


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Night John John.


Starscream14 profile image

Starscream14 7 years ago

Great hub.... Are you still alive? Maybe you should train your cat to be an assasin :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I am still alive. I think my cat has already had assasin training, but by who? Thanks for stopping by and the comment.


compu-smart profile image

compu-smart 7 years ago from London UK

lol at your story and above comments!

I love dogs and cats and for me, cats are soo easier to take care of especially in my living position! and soo much smarter than dogs!.. My kitty would never scratch, hiss or bite anyone! and i always guarantee this to apprehensive visitors!

Also, this concept of people believing "cats are evil" does make me laugh as i CAN understand these strange feelins! lol


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Compu-smart: Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you enjoyed the article. Of course, I have taken some artistic license regarding my feelings towards my cat - though it is all basically true. I was particularly fed up with my cat at the time I wrote it - as was my wife - over another issue with him which I have not discussed here. I am happy to say that he has - for some reason - turned over a new leaf - and has become something of an ideal cat. In fact, I am starting to like him very much.

That being said, you are so wrong about cat's being smarter than dogs. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Read my hub "Why Are Dogs Man's Best Friend?". Cat's are easier to take care of. In a perfect world, dogs would know how to use a litter box, but I still prefer dogs and their demonstrative love.

Thanks again for your (woefully misguided) comment! Ha!


compu-smart profile image

compu-smart 7 years ago from London UK

lmoa!!!

Christoph, I am purring and not growling at your comment!,,,, I will have to take a goosy gander at your doggy hub in question!

I still stand by my comment (smart cats) until i have read your hub!!:)

:)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Read it and weep, my lovely, misguided friend!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*peers around looking for you*

Thought you might look in on this hub given the circumstances of your current laptop problem....and the source of it. I've sent two emails...no...three. One via hubpages and two regular. I'm beginning to think they haven't gotten to you and that in disgust you have gone to bed.

If so...and you can see this as you've indicated:

1. Lazur has been emailed

2. I'll ask hubby when he is conscious and find a way to get a message to you somehow if he has any suggestions.

3. I've created a forum asking for help. Not sure if you can access that, but again, will let you know somehow if we get any good input.

4. This sucks Chris...you finally get hot water and now this. Are you sure it wasn't the cat that took out the water heater?

5. Cheer up...this too shall pass.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

He probably was so giddy about his hot water that he took his computer into the shower and, even though trying to keep it dry, failed, and, now he's whining.


shantelle 7 years ago

HI MY CAT IS EATING RED MEAT LATELY AND HE IS ATTACKING MY LEGS AND JUMPING ON ME BUT CLAWING MY LEGS AND FEET HOW CAN I MAKE THIS STOP


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

shantelle: I am not an expert on "evil" cats, and so I can offer only this advice: get the cat before the cat gets you! Thanks!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 7 years ago from Neverland

This is hilarious! I am a cat people, but they do have some evil habits. I had one cat who would pounce on my eyes while I was sleeping. I think it was because Id hit the REM stages. Either way, the cat was banned from my bedroom. Then I had to have her put to sleep a few years back because she attacked my daughter, who was 4 at the time, and my daughter needed stitches all over her back, arms, and legs from it.

Now I have a dog :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ardie: See? That's the way they do their proponents! Geez, that's terrible about your daughter. Glad she was OK (and that you got rid of your evil cat)! Thanks so much for stopping in and your entertaining (yet horrible) comment. Nice to see you!


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

great hub


Ardie profile image

Ardie 7 years ago from Neverland

Sorry, I just realized the comment was a real downer...it was only meant to support your theory...oops :) My daughter is fine, no scars or anything and still loves cats. Go figure.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

That is a sad story Ardie, couldn't the cat have been rehomed on a farm or something, where she would not pose a danger to children?


Ardie profile image

Ardie 7 years ago from Neverland

We tried to find somewhere for her, but we already live on a farm. I set her up in the barn (which is like a mini-home) but she would actively seek out my daughter. It was crazy.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Ahh, that is a real shame, but at least you tried Ardie.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Legali: Thanks for the comment.

Ardie: You are never a downer. I'm glad your daughter was OK though. That IS freaky that the cat would seek her out. Now THAT'S evil! Thanks again, Ardie, for the visit. You are always appreciated.

Hi Misty: Nice to see you here as well!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Christoph, I think your cat has gotten into showbiz! These guys all look pretty evil, to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPp0g0A_6x8


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

BT: That's hysterical! Somebody worked really hard on that! The music is really swingin'! I think I saw my evil cat in there, 5th meow, 3rd verse, 1st stanza. Thanks for sharing this artistic masterpiece!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

No problem, Christoph. I thought that was your cat, but I wasn't sure. I hope the sinister little feline is planning on sharing the royalty checks with you!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sharing? Ha! Don't make me laugh! Of course not! The cat is EVIL, after all. I strongly suspect he's been making unauthorized withdrawls from my checking account and lifting bills from my wallet! I mean, come on. Both are constantly EMPTY!


rmr profile image

rmr 7 years ago from Livonia, MI

I have the same problem, Christoph. Personally, I suspect the jackalope.


Evil Cat 7 years ago

I can see how you would. Since, however, I know the jackalope personally, I can assure you that the jackalope is as honest as the day is long. A finer or more altruistic being there has never been. Do you have a dog? It is probably the dog. It is well known that dog's are dispicable creatures, only interested in themselves.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Thank you, Evil Cat, for that testimonial. You are a scholar, and a gentlecat. And, I might add, extremely talented, based upon that video!


Karen N profile image

Karen N 7 years ago from United States

How funny!

I was just thinking about doing a story about evil cat's when I found yours :)I am sorry about the loss of your two dogs though, it's always hard to lose a pet.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Karen N: Hey! Thanks for stopping by and the comment. You can still do a story. There are plenty of evil cats to go around! It is tough to lose a pet (except evil cats) and an experience shared by many. Thank you for the comment!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Christoph, I was looking through your hubs to see if there was one about your dog saving your life, and this isn't it - unless I'm missing something. Did you write one about that?

I read this one months ago, and I thought I had left a comment, but evidently I didn't. The second reading of this was as pleasurable as the first. :) There are too many hysterical moments in this hub to comment about them all, but a few of my favorites:

1. "We were young and free and we were hot and we new it." ROFLMAO! :D

2. The sex change - "He always felt that he was a bitch trapped in a male's body." ROFL till I pee! :D

3. Your cat's diabolical plan - "They won't find me for months, he thinks, nothing but a skeleton with the remote control clutched in my bony hand." ROFL!

This hub is one of my favorites for tons of reasons. The emotion you draw out over your obvious love for your dogs, the awful accident and medical issues for Elvis, and the poisoning of Yorick, then the hysterical evil cat antics. :D You've crafted and blended this entire story so well that it's engaging from beginning to end. It's masterful.

That neighbor of yours is a real piece of work. I had neighbors like that once. It seemed as though they lived to cause problems for my husband and me. They did so many evil things to us that it's almost unbelievable. But the biggie was when they shot my dog in the eye with a BB gun. It blinded him. I've never been that upset at anyone ever in my life. Anyway, my heart goes out to you over that monster poisoning your dog. :(


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Pam:  You sweetheart!  Interestingly, I was trying to figure out which hubs to link to on my new website when you left your comment.  How's that for serendipity!  It's on my list now.

You say so many wonderful things, and coming from someone whose writing I so greatly admire makes your kind words even more important to me.  I think this was the first time I wrote--for lack of a better phrase--a "chain of conciousness" article.  Meaning, writing about an experience and letting it flow out of my head.  No research or anything.  I was always pleased with it and now even more so.

I can't believe that cretin shot your dog in the eye!  That makes me feel unbearably sad.  I've said it here before, but the only time I cry in movies is when they kill the dog.  They can "off" as many humans as they want and it doesn't faze me.

As for my dog saving my life, no, I haven't written about it but there isn't much to say.  It wasn't dramatic, like pulling me out of a burning house or anything.  As I mentioned, I was in tremendous pain and it was the inability to sleep that was grating on me the most.  They only gave me lame Tylonol 3 (with a little codine - not very powerful) so I could only get in a couple of hours before waking up in tears.  My eyes watering in my sleep due to the pain.  Add to that the fact that it was the result of a car accident--my fault--that was creating a lot of problems for me (but everyone was OK...I was the only one hurt.) Plus I worked only as an actor and writer during an economic mini-depression they called it, so money was tight and erratic.

So anyway, as I said, I was DONE.  There were too many obsticals to be overcome, I felt, and as people will do--and I'm not saying I would have--but one thinks "what if" I commit...you know...the unspeakable.  But I could not go down this road very long even in mere contemplation, thinking only "but who would take care of Elvis?" 

And so that is why I credit him with saving my life.  If it hadn't been for him...who knows?

Now that we're thoroughly depressed, I'll be returning to my website creation activities, interspersed with cleaning the house.  It has been a long tradition with me to clean the house or apartment--wherever I live--very well on New Years Eve.  Welcoming the New Year with a super-clean home just feels very good and positive to me, and gives me a great outlook on the future.  People used to always say to me, "Oh, you can't spend New Years like THAT.  Come to the party!"  They didn't get it.

Hey, maybe I'll see you back here later!

Thanks you again.  I was about to say you've left me speechless.  Instead, I wrote a book!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

How's that for serendipity? I say it's serendipitous or serendipulous even. :D Thank you oodles for the kind words. Good luck with your site, and I hope you'll share it with us when the time is right.

{{{{{Christoph}}}}}} Big cyber hugs for the horrible time you had. I think pain of that magnitude would drive most people either insane or towards some pretty dark thoughts. Doctors can be way too conservative with medicine. Someone should at least have given you something to knock you out at night. Sleep is the only way our bodies can heal. I hope you never ever have to experience anything like that again.

And thank goodness for Elvis. :) I'm understanding this completely, and I really do appreciate you sharing how he saved you. I'm sorry to dredge up such a bad memory for you though.

So go on and clean. I'm understanding that too. It's like literally starting out with a clean slate. ;)

Thanks again. :) Happy (almost) New Year! :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Pam: I hope you had a pleasant New Year's Eve! Thanks for your "cyber-hugs." You squeezed the virtual breath out of me!

That Elvis story was an awfully long, long time ago (in a land far, far away.) Still, I appreciate the thought, and you get my best and hopeful wishes for a quick recovery too. Wasn't there a book titled "When Bad Things Happen to Good People?" What's up with that? That ain't no kinda' right!


bevy400 profile image

bevy400 7 years ago from scarborough

As a cat owner of now five(had 10 to begin with but some met the fate of screeching cars and Splat...gone to catty heaven)i love this....My cats are for ever causing me an injury but hey they are so adorable.the problem i have the most is with one of my dogs(i have 2).Spot thinks he is a cat and will often try to reproduce with his feline friends.Now one of my cats is so distressed and a little crazy he even thinks im a cat and tries to hump me...This can lead to some very embarassing times...All in all my home is like a zoo and no one knows what they are here,am i a cat? dog? ahhhhhhhhh who cares lol....


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

bevy: Well, having all those cats around has probably made your dog crazy. God knows what the cats do to him when you're not around. They probably torture him. At least so far, he only tries to hump them. One day you may come home and he'll be eating kitty for dinner. Thanks for stopping in to say hi!


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

This is just fantastic.

I noticed, though, that your dog tried to kill you too, by throwing you downstairs...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi London Girl: Thank you for the nice compliment. With my Dog though, it was an accident brought on by enthusiasm. The cat is doing it on purpose!

Thanks for coming by and reading!


packerpack profile image

packerpack 7 years ago from India, Calcutta

The cats looks as if the have been picked up from some horror movie. Looks as if some makeup man worked on them!

But it was a very good hub I must say! A big thumbs up from me. It's good to be your fan.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Packerpack: Thanks very much for having a sit down and reading this. Your support and comments are appreciated!


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America

How much for the catbat?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

For you? No charge.


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

I love dogs. And I love cats. I'm schitzophrenic that way. Knowing and having owned both species, I have to tell you that I'm afraid the ghost you so desperately want is indeed the cat. C'est la vie.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Freida: I must say, the cat and I have become closer of late, and he is actually turning into a pretty good cat - as far as cat's go. Thanks for coming by and the comment!


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

Very glad to hear! It's always nice to be able to sleep without fear of being attacked.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, he still attacks, now he just doesn't draw blood. He's got to keep his jungle hunting skills up though.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

I can't believe I didn't find this hub sooner! I had to leave to get a box of tissues to wipe away my tears when reading about poor Elvis and the poisoned Yorick. But they came in handy when I started laughing so hard I nearly wet my pants!

I do hope this is all true. Everyone needs to live such an exciting life!

We have a cat that is much like a dog. But he does attack my middle child out of the blue. This is particularly odd because she is the biggest animal lover in the house. She wants nothing more than to be BFFs with him, but to no avail. I used to think she was exagerating when she would suddenly start telling the cat not to look at her that way. But we came to find out that he has this evil look that comes over his face--but only around her--and not all the time. The look is followed a couple of minutes later by a super-human leap into the air with claws blazing landing on some part of her. This last time he did it, the hubby picked him up and hurdled him into the yard across the street. He hobbled back in the house with a face of apology, but Ash wasn't buying it. She still thinks the cat is out to kill HER!

Maybe the two of you should put your heads together.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Proud Mom: Yes, it's all true. Well, finally, someone who will believe me...your daughter. I know exactly the look she speaks of. I have seen it many, many times. However, my cat has reformed somewhat and is actually becoming pretty good-as good as an evil cat can be anyway.

So tell your daughter there is some hope. Thanks you for coming by and reading this one. This has been a popular one for me, and gets a lot of outside traffic. thanks again!


Patricia Costanzo profile image

Patricia Costanzo 7 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

Was looking for the matches one and found this!  Smiled through the first half and laughed out loud through the second.  I wanta see pictures of you and Elvis in that jeep though.  I've always had both, dogs and cats.  The occasional horse, rabbit, ewe... plenty of cattle but I didn't make friends with them.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Wow, I finally made you laugh out loud! This is a milestone! Have I made you cry yet? You know, I don't have a single picture of that jeep at all. It's a shame. I never had any other pets. Except as a kid and the usual, rabbits, alligator, salamander, turtles, snakes, etc. My grandfather did have a horse for us kids so it was kind of like mine.


Patricia Costanzo profile image

Patricia Costanzo 7 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

Ya, we had an alligator too, but didn't everybody. And sea monkeys, we had sea monkeys.

What have you written that would make me cry? Don't feel bad though if I don't. I've only really started crying the last couple of years so I'm not very proficient at it.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Yea, we had sea monkeys too, but I don't remember them doing anything. Maybe they were already dead. They sure didn't look like the pictures in the comic books where you could order them. My alligator bit a kid who handled him, and then he bought him from me.

Well, just going by what people have said in the comments (maybe they were lying), the following hubs have made people cry. This is not counting the many where people cry from laughing so hard (modest, ain't he?)

"Why are Dogs Man's Best Friend" and "The Boy Who Played with Matches: A Memoir" and "How You Can Save Christmas: Operation Santa Clause". Of course, since you are out of practice...meh...who knows?


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

Excellent read! you are lucky that your cat is active, mine lays around all day drinkin beer. Ever smell a cat beer fart...It aint pretty man.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

There's nothing about that that sounds appealing, Pest.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Pest: My cat doesn't drink beer. He just shoots up herion with an occasional shot of Absinthe.

Proud Mom: Thank you for following Pest and keeping an eye on him.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

you are clearly very fond of the little chap (-:


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

London Girl:  Well, I wasn't really then...or maybe it was that I was disappointed in him.  I have, however, grown more fond of him and we have grown closer.  He's still a cat, and subject the same "jerkness" that all cats suffer from, but he's no longer trying to kill me--an least I don't think so.  Thanks for coming by!

Actually, I was thinking of you today.  I was researching traveling to Ireland and some of the towns in Cork county, and at Cobh--which was one of the major demarcation points for the Irish coming to America during the famine--they have a memorial to the victims of the Lusitania.  Many of them are buried there.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

I didn't have time to read all the comments (my kids are really complaining I am on the computer!), but I was LOL reading this. I love cats and my cat may do this to me! I have never gotten along with female cats, except for the exception that proves the rule. My current cat is a female, she has left scars on my ankles, biting them. (She has no front claws) She tries to trip me on the stairs. I have a friend who says it is because she is female and so am I...is your cat a male?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

He is. As I said, it was long my belief that he was trying to get rid of me so he could have my wife all to himself. That's why he never tried to close the bedroom when she was in there...only when she was out and I was in there alone.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

"Actually, I was thinking of you today. I was researching traveling to Ireland and some of the towns in Cork county, and at Cobh--which was one of the major demarcation points for the Irish coming to America during the famine--they have a memorial to the victims of the Lusitania. Many of them are buried there"

Thank you for thinking of me! I referred to it several times in my hub, but perhaps I should have made it clearer that it was called Queenstown then, and Cobh now.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Christoph--be very careful. Your cat could be filling you with false confidence. I'd still sleep with the door shut or one eye open. Not to scare you or anything.....


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

London Girl: I completely did not make the connection, but of course, the Lusitania was the farthest thing from my mind, as I was just randomly selecting towns on the map near Cork according to where they were located. Anyway...

For anyone who hasn't read London Girl's hub on the Lusitania, you should. She has a personal connection to it and a facinating, in depth story and you can find it here:

http://hubpages.com/education/The-sinking-of-the-L...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Proud Mom: You may be right. I had a rather rude awakening this morning as the cat leapt from the floor up onto my face! It hurt!


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

Christoph, that was clearly entirely my fault, and I've amended the hub to make sure it's clear that Queenstown is now Cobh. I'm glad you enjoyed the hub.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Ooooh, OUCH indeed!! What--can he read, too?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

London Girl: I did and thanks!

Proud Mom: I think so. When he goes out at night, he and the other feral cats meet in the shed where they are learning to read and studying english by flashlight, careful not to let their masters find out. That's my theory anyway!


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

I'm pretty sure, Christoph, that this is your cat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0Ys0J4rvFQ&NR=...

Read the comment to the right of the video. If it's not Champers, then you should feel better that you are not alone.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

Christoph, I would say that maybe we should trade cats, but my son would kill me! The cat seems to love HIM...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

PM: It's not my cat but they must be related. When the video started, my cat came running into the room, jumped into my lap and watched the video! I have never seen him do this before! Strange!

K@ri: Well, then we don't have to trade...you can just have mine for nothing. W?hat do you say?


Raylene Clitz 7 years ago

I am playing with my clitz............


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Do you haz cheezburger?


kitkat105 profile image

kitkat105 7 years ago from Salem, Oregon

You should go to youtube and watch the mean kitty song. His name is Sparta and now he has his own series! Anyways I'm a cat person (if you can't already tell) and I just don't know how someone can be THAT scared of a cat. But I wasn't there so I guess I can't judge...By the way sorry about Elvis and Yorick. A few of my cats have died and I cried for weeks...But yeah great hub and continue writing! =D

-kitkat


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

kitkat: Hi! Thanks for commenting. Yes, I have seen the Sparta stuff. I'm not really afraid of the cat. Just trying to be funny. Thanks for stopping by and welcome to HubPages.


kitkat105 profile image

kitkat105 7 years ago from Salem, Oregon

Yeah I kinda figured that out after a while. My cats are REALLY sweet and I haven't seen it any other way but I guess other people have other experiences =D. But I really enjoyed your writing-very imaginitive! So keep up the great work!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Kitkat: Thanks again. Let's not get carried away though..my cat is not sweet. Lol.


kitkat105 profile image

kitkat105 7 years ago from Salem, Oregon

Well I can see what you mean. My cats are very smart: they open closed doors, open glass closets, and know right when to dart in front of you. Even though they are sweet, they have a pesky side to them that gets to me. I feel your troubles (even though they don't try to kill me).

-kitkat


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Kitkat: Sounds like you got some good ones. Nice chatting with you!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

Poor kitties, to be thought of with such mistrust, :D...another great read Christoph. I enjoyed the comments as well, as usual with your hubs - it's like getting two hubs for the price of one, lol.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

RedElf: There are those who simply refuse to see the truth. Thanks for coming by and reading. You didn't really read all the comments, did you? Lawd! Thanks so much for your kind words.


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

I have a pet cat during my college days. I named him Tiger, because of his grayish striped fur. I used to bath him since he was small until he grew up very healthy. He used to sleep on my chest and I tolerated him. But when I dreamt that he became a monster cat and ready to bite me on my neck, i was really scared and never permitted him to enter my room. I literally abandoned him and he became a stray cat in the city. When he returned, he was wounded on the neck because a vicious dog of my neighbor bit him. I treated him personally but when he was healed, he disappeared. I was so busy then with my work and studies. But with your hub, I suddenly remember Tiger. Maybe if I was more kinder to him...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Travel_man: While the events described in this story are true, it is written "tongue in cheek." I would never advocate cruelty to animals - any animals - and many would view abandoning a pet to the "mean" streets as such. There are options such as taking the animal to the Humane Society or a shelter - or even unloading them to an unwitting friend. You apparently based your reaction on a dream and the cat actually did nothing mean or hurtful to you, and that sounds like it was more your problem, and imaginary to boot. You have said it yourself: "Maybe if I was more kinder to him." Indeed.

I still have "Champers," and I am extremely kind to him. He is a product of "the streets" as well, and he has some problems but he is what he is. Sometimes he is very loving.

I appreciate your comment, but please don't get another animal unless you are prepared for responsible pet ownership.


cathinfrance 6 years ago

The problem you have run into is "One, Two and Three". It's a classic cat management problem. There are three of you in the home and your cat strives to be Number One. From what you say, your wife actually occupies that position and brooks no challenge. Which means your cat naturally switches his focus to you. You were in Second Place when he arrived and you have to be turfed into Third Place. (Sorry. It's just Cat Logic.) You can go quietly into Third Place if you want. In which case he will pity you and just try to trip you up on the stairs once in a while. Or you can fight. In which case, as you have noticed, he will pull out all the stops, unfortunately, and try to kill you. There are many documented cases of humans who have successfully learnt to take Third Place to a cat (I have some expereince of this myself.) There are, conversely, no documented cases of humans who have resisted taking Third Place to a cat, feral or otherwise. You would be well advised therefore to signal to Champers that he is Two and you are Three. You can do this very simply by getting up at 3am to let him out, then in, then out, then in again. Or by sitting completely motionless for several hours while he sleeps heavily on your lap. Or by smiling benignly when he walks across your laptop and writes xghhhyujkiklmpmùnklm in the file you've been working on. Provided you take these steps to improve your relationship with your cat you are likely to live a natural lifespan, without long clawmarks on your arms and legs. Good luck!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

CatherineinFrance: Bonjour,Mademoiselle. You make several assumptions. Firstly, that I would ever allow myself to take a position lower than the cat's. I, after all, have opposable thumbs. Also, the dynamic has changed here; the female no longer likes the cat and the cat now likes me. He's not so bad anymore, but he IS only a cat--not a dog--and he can never overcome that serious obstacle. Telle est la vie.

You also say I was in second place when he arrived? Vous plaisantez! Jamais! I was always the top dog, which is why the cat focused on me...because he wanted to conquer number one.

And finally, it's to easy just to take him to the Humane Society to ever stoop to those drastic measures you speak of. Merci du commentaire!


TheWriterIVY profile image

TheWriterIVY 6 years ago from Savannah

WOW - That was incredible - I absolutely loved it - Why? I am a full fledged crazy for cats cat person and Anna Marie is right, he knows your a dog person and is not so much trying to kill you but wishes to torture you instead {a cat trait}lol. As I write this comment my long haired six-toed {Hemingway cat} Geneva is sitting on my lap scratching her back feet into my right leg and ever so rudely trying to bite my face. I can tell you this however, if you do have ghosts or spirits in your house, having a cat is a very good thing as they not only can warn you that something is not right. If they like you, you will be protected - I'm just saying - work on your relationship....I think it's great that a dog person would put up with so much crap from a cat but....the thing about cats is, they feel they own you and not the other way around. So in his mind, you provide him the entertainment he needs as well as feed him, so as you can see, cats rule. Great, great Hub - I totally relate and your writing is exceptional. Look forward to more!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thewriterivy: Hi Ivy! Thank you for your charming comment, but for the last time, I don't care what the cat thinks, wants, needs, believes, etc. It's what I think that is important to me, and in fact important to the world, and what I think is I am the boss, and the cat must conform to my wishes or ELSE. Just kidding. I'd never hurt the little bastard. LOL


penny 6 years ago

thats a weird suspision cause my cat dosent do that as long as ive feed her


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

penny: Maybe you got a good cat? Thanks for the comment.


Jem 6 years ago

Great hub and a wonderful read.I just very worringly and randomly google searched 'my cat is...' and 'my cat is trying to kill me' came up! Thought, hmm, - maybe my cats are... lets take a look...! I too previously had a dog: A very wonderful Boston Terrier. We had a great time! On his passing I considered getting another dog, but thought "cats are much more independant" and due to my increasing work load opted for 2 kitten sisters.

Now they're older they rule and I often think my home is their house and I merely lodge. They often trip me up and give me dirty looks. Ok, perhaps they're not trying to kill me but I certainly had no such malice from my dog!

Cat person - dog person? I'm not sure which I am as I love all animals, but your writing certainly gave me something to ponder on. Thanks.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh,they are. You are a dog person and the cats know it. That is why they're out to get you. Thank you for the great comment!


tess 6 years ago

i think you made the whole thing up!!!!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

tess: Oh, you do, do you? Well you are sadly mistaken. It happened exactly as written--no exaggeration. Believe what you will.


Scarlet Anderson 6 years ago

Sad Much ?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Scarlet: No, not at all. The story is about my love for dogs and evil. Does evil make you happy?


jennshealthstore profile image

jennshealthstore 6 years ago from Florida

That was great. You know, I have always had cats. I love cats, but about 3 months ago I got this kitten. He was the cutest little thing. Well I dont not know what is wrong with him but he is crazy. One minute he will be purring, cuddling and laying with me. The next he will bite scratch and wrap his whole body around my arm and bite. I dont know what to do. He has a split personality. He jumps at things on the wall that are not there, he climbs up the side of my wicker dresser, he is bonkers! I think he is out to get me too!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Jenna: It certainly sound as though your cat is part of the great cat conspiracy. Mine was the same. He sure sold us on his cuteness and affability when we were decided whether to adopt him. Then, after being sure we had plenty of food for him and a litter box, he went nuts with the biting, scratching, and trying to kill me.

I don't know what to tell you. Often I have been tempted to take him to the pound for extermination, but being too soft of heart, cannot do it. Everyday though, I consider it.

Thanks for the comment. Best of luck!


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

Christoph!

So, I was nearing the end of this hub (right at the paragraph where you decided to investigate the EEEEEEeeeeeee... THUD!) and I was forced to stop reading to go eat. Seriously, if I want to starve myself for entertainment, I should be allowed to, but no! My roommates just have to make sure I eat something.

Anyways, on the ride back, I was thinking of this hub, and I wondered about the point of a ghost in a story about your evil cat, and I predicted the end! I was so proud of myself that I skipped all the awesome comments on this hub so I could tell you right away!

~AC

ps: The writing in this hub is so good, I can effortlessly imagine the whole story. Your words are like a picture inside my head! I sighed at how cute your dogs used to be, I felt the tears welling up when you buried Yorick in the rain, and I too was suspicious of Champers!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

AC: Sorry it took me so long to get to this. Your continued support has been invaluable to me. This is an important one to me. It has been stolen more times than I can count, and it's currently out there again. I haven't done anything about it yet. Thanks again for everything.


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

Christoph,

I'm so sorry to hear that your writing has been stolen! How could someone do such a thing!? How did you find out that it was plagiarized? Good luck in resolving this issue--I can't even imagine how big of a mess that could make! I wish I could help. Let me know!

~AC

PS: At least you can feel awesome about the fact that your writing is so outstanding that other people would parade it as their own. Is it weird that I'm jealous? ;-)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

AC: I know, the rats! When it happens, a warning appears on your hub that only you can see. It even tells you where it is so you can deal with it. It's a nice service. It's up to you to contact them though. You have to send them a DCMA, which stands for Digital Millennium Copyright Act, and is simply a statement saying they don't have your permission to use it, you own it, and the date and url where it was first published, and request for removal. It usually works well. It's kind of a threat without saying so.


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

Christoph,

Thanks for the information. I'm sure I will never need to know that, but I feel assured in knowing.

At least tell me that your evil cat is good for something, or do you have to kill the rats yourself too?


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

This was so entertaining to read- great job. You me at the first few lines where you mention you are a "dog people". Yeah me too by far, but I have had two cats, which were ok for cats. I alo wrote a hub a while back called "your cat doesn't love you". It's a rant that began as a rant directed towards cats, but really turned out to be toward cat owners, you being an exception of course.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Izetti: Great to see you. Yeah, dog people but stuck with cats. Were a lot alike I guess. Of course, my cats not OK. I'll be sure to read your cat hub! Thanks for the visit.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

A great tale! You had me close to tears and then howling with laughter!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mysterylady: Thanks. I just read it for the 1st time since I don't remember. I do go on, don't I? Glad you had that reaction. Thanks for your flattering comment!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

After my step-mother died, on a visit, I had to sleep in her bed. Her cat decided I was she. The cat could open the door and did, no matter how many times I threw her out. The cat insisted on bathing me! I finally gave up.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

MysteryLady: Your Grandmother's cat sounds very determined, as is mine. When he wants to do something, he will do it, and will keep trying no matter how many times I thwart him or how I yell at him. He just won't give up.


meow48 profile image

meow48 6 years ago from usa

I think i aged another year or two just to get to this, hee hee. having owned dogs and cats... what can i say... i laughed at your story... been there and done that came to my mind, as a tear caught too. animals make us human. what else can be said. loved this.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks Meow Meow! Figures you read this one. The cat's not as bad as he was, but he's still not an angel, if you follow. Fact is, I'm an animal lover. Glad you dropped in and spent a little time. Nice to meet you, by the way.


meow48 profile image

meow48 6 years ago from usa

i will check out your other stories, but being a current owner of three lovely queen cats, life gets really interesting es each day they all take turns being queen for the day, so to speak.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Meow, Do they really take turns? I would think it would be a constant battle to see which was numero uno. I didn't mean you shouldn't read this (or you should read others) just that with the name "Meow" and this being a cat story...well, you get the pic.! Thanks!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

I never know what to expect when I read your articles. You're an awesome and talented writer. You have me feeling sad for you and for your dogs but at the same time, you have me rolling with laughter about the cats. Geez, just look at those scary photos! I'll never look at a cat the same way ever again!! (good thing I'm a dog person) :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Aw, shucks. Thank you, Beth, for your really kind words. Glad you got a laugh. Gawd, it was written so long ago. It does hold the distinction of having been stolen the most. it must have something going for it! ha! My cat is not as bad as he used to be, but he's still trying to kill me. Just tried a couple of minutes ago, as a matter of fact. Thanks again for your really sweet comment! You gave me a big Cheshire cat grin!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi vicky_darla: I see you are new here. Just passing through or are you going to stick around for awhile? Anyone who leaves comments as thoughtful as this one would be most welcome here and get along famously!

Yes, the evil beast still lives and he's still trying to kill me, but I don't think his heart is in it anymore. Now it's just a habit with him, like, "Oh yeah, that guy, aren't I supposed to be killing him?...hmmm, maybe later."

Anyway, thank you for the great comment. If there's anything I can do to help you get acclimated here, let me know.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Jeeze, Christoph, I just knew that face of yours was somewhere in my past...around 1979? In Webster Groves? I remember you two in that Jeep.

However, what I really came here to say is that Champers obviously senses that you are a chump, thus his shenanigans, his 'evil ways.'

As you pointed out just above this comment, he may have your demise on his mind, but he's probably far too bored these days to do anything about it.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie: Holy Smokes! I was a student at Webster in '79. It was more like '90 when I was around there in the jeep with Elvis as I was doing a show at the rep, The Heidi Chronicles I think. So what gives? Are you from there?

And what's this business of referring to me as a chump? Why...I'll give you a chump!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

No way! Seriously, at Webster College? Heh heh. Well, I admit to have fudged a bit about seeing you and your pup then, but I was a student there in '79, honestly. I am from L.A., but as most younguns do, I got the hell outta proverbial Dodge. St. Louis seemed a reasonable choice.

Bring on the chump, then, mister!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie: well, well, small world. So you were fudging about me looking familiar too? I lived in Loretto Hall, in the Theatre department. What were you studying in. After Webster kicked me out (no kidding) I got the hell out of Dodge too; first to Chicago then quickly to NY. We kind of did the opposite. You went from large to small and me vice versa.

Oh, I'll bring on the chump alright! (I just have to figure out what that IS first.)


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Pleased to know you, the name's Laurel. This is absolutely insane, my dear-I do believe I resided in that very same dorm. Everyone was into theater, except me, of course. If you remember a blondish young beauty who always carried a purple backpack, that would be me.

My course of study? Premarital sex and popular culture. Just kidding about the sex, but I did my share of experimentation within the confines of Loretto Hall!

My dear roommate, Martha Jean, was kicked out, too! While on a resoundingly creative LSD trip, she chose to decorate the walls of the cafeteria, I think, with multi-colored artistry.

I did most of my time there off campus, trying on all sorts of hats-some still fit...

HA! What an enormous trip this is!

And about the chump, I think you started it, so you have to figure it out.

Bye!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Hey, where did my endless comment go?? If you didn't get it, let me know, I'll be back!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Wow! You don't suppose we...I mean that you and I...nah. Yes, that's where I first started studying those very same subjects! It was like a sexual playground. You probably could have been my tutor. And a blondish beauty! That would have been...um...educational. Ha! I was inexperienced, to say the least. It would be fair to assume that our paths crossed though, and we probably saw each other around. That's wild. You would hardly recognize the place today. It's now a University and has expanded in a big way. Lots of new modern buildings, but Loretto hall is still there. I think I would feel a Little forlorn if it were torn down. Too many memories and first experiences. I still have many friends from there.

Anyway, your humongous comment was here, but it was marked as possible spam, which I guess is why you couldn't see it. I never knew that people couldn't see those till now.

Well, nice to meet you too, Laurel!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

My writing's been called worse than spam, so I guess I can deal with it. Well, it's quite possible that we...um...yeah. The afore mentioned Martha Jean and I made midnight 'calls' on unsuspecting male residents. Yes, together. We loved that 3 party sort of thing!

Dear God, why am I am telling this to Roy Rogers? A travesty, I know, but here it is.

Webster is a University? You're quite right, I'm sure I wouldn't recognize the place-it was so, well, cozy back then.

You know, this isn't fair, Christoph-I can't place your face because of your avatar. Mine is plain as day. Not right, not right at all!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Lorlie: Damn! I was running with the wrong crowd! But then, I probably would have had a heart attack if you and Martha Jean had come to my room. Now it would be a different story. I enjoy a party of three myself.

I looked pretty much like that avatar, I guess, minus the cowboy hat and coat. That pic is about half way between then and now. I'm going to change it soon. it's the avatar I started with and I put it back on for my two year anniversary. If you don't like your avatar then change it. In fact, you could use a pic of you and Martha doing your thing. Ha! You better send it to me first for my approval though. (But...your avatar is just fine. You look cute so don't worry about it!)


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

No, I'm not changing mine any time soon, it's the only picture of me that I like. I've thought of putting up photos of my dog, but then wouldn't that be implying that I'm a dawg?

Anyhoo, I know we freaked out a number of underclassmen that year I was at Webster, but it was all in fun, and boy, as you said, those were the days!

See you later, cowboy!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

You're messing with my head at 2:30 am with the avatar trade, so HA! I'll just leave this itty bitty snippet to mess with yours.

No comment at all!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

LORLIE: Huh? Messing with your head? What are you referring to? I'm afraid I don't understand. Maybe you need some sleep. Ha, ha!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Shush, you rotten egg! Perhaps you should let your evil cat free reign...I'll show you...what? I have no idea!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie6: You can show me alright. Remember, we're trading even steven!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Who the hell's Steven?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

It's a saying, like tit for tat. When two people trade things of equal value and accept it as such, the trade is "even steven." Here, I offer proof: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/even-steven


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I know, dearest, just being facetious!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, I see. Just being facetious, eh? Just yanking my chain, eh?


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

You betcha, babe.


eventsyoudesign profile image

eventsyoudesign 6 years ago from Nashville, Tennessee

Good article. Great pictures. Love cats! Teresa


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie: That's okay. I like it when you yank me. Hey, you changed your pic! (I kind of liked the one with the cowboy hat! LOL)

eventsyoudesign: Thank you Teresa.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I can't be you forever, now can I? Though I certainly enjoyed myself, and may morph into you again at any time!


Jack Crockett profile image

Jack Crockett 6 years ago from Columbia, Missouri

Can I morph into someone?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Lorlie: I guess not. Then maybe I'll morph into you!

Jack: You can morph into a chicken.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Hi Jack-perhaps you need a Mr. Potato Head set, then you can morph into anyone you want-within the Potato Head family of course, but don't forget, you can mix 'n match! Have loads of fun!

Oh, and CR, I dare you. HA! But who on earth would choose me over Beth? Impossible...Harumph. I'm going to pout now.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Actually, I'll probably go back to the one I've been using (not the cowboy hat) which is more of a drawing. It's kind of like my ID on all kinds of sites, incl. my blog. Or maybe the ugly baby for a day or so. Beth an I switching is a weekend joke, which was fun while it lasted. Except I feel so "girly," which makes me a little uncomfortable. LOL


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

All squishy inside? Hehe. I saw this one on your curmudgeon site. It's been a really fun weekend, Christoph-back to the grind tomorrow. Actually, it started for me tonight. Babysitting my new grandson. Great job, no pay or benefits. Aww, there are tons of benefits. ;)

Gotta run!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

yeah, squishy about sums it up. Oh, you went to my blog? I didn't do much this weekend, nothing exciting anyway. Start a new job tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that.

Aw, I'll bet your a great GrandMom!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

How'd the new job go? Hey, you like how I'm driving your page views sky high on this hub? Like you need my help!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie: Job went great. I like it. Hey, my page views need all the help they can get. How's things with you?


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Great news, CR! It's a GOOD thing to like a job, don't you think?? :) All's pretty well with me-I'm presently trying to figure out how to get myself to HubCamp in San Fransisco next month. Lord, crossing the Sierras from Bishop is not so easy. I just can't bring myself to fly, and am having one helluva time deciding whether driving is cheaper than public transportation and Amtrak. What a pain!

Since you asked, my prince, I'll also tell you that my damned hip is so screwed up that I'm not sure I SHOULD go at all! But I need to learn what they promise to teach, so I'll rub some dirt on the pain-my husband's favorite saying-and get my arse to the seminar.

I NEED money-doesn't everyone?-so maybe they'll educate this old dog, what do you think???

Take good care-hey, why don't YOU come to SF? Come on, maybe I'll visit your hotel room! :) Ha! Hubby's coming, too, so I'd better not!

Bye for now!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Lorlie: Well, wait until he's asleep. I'll slip a roofie in his cocktail! LOL No, I won't make it. I don't want to take off from my new job and I need the money that I can make instead. Property taxes are coming due. But just in case I change my mind, do you know where I can get some roofies?


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I'll bring them, don't worry that purty little head of yours, okay? LOL!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hmmmm....maybe I WILL come.....


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

Oh my god. Are you guys flirting with each other?

HUBFLIRT!

I like this crowd.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Where on earth did you get THAT idea, Sunny?? I wouldn't dream of flirting on HP, hahaha...HUBFLIRT! YES, that's exactly what's up!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sunny: Hi ya, Tennessee! Sure, but we're equal opportunity HubFlirts. Hmmmm, NOMB, but, oh...never mind. And anyway, SHE started it! I'm just along for the ride.

Ain't that right, Lorlie? (Did you find some roofies?) Oh, and by the way, you should read Sunny's hub, http://hubpages.com/hub/Is-Love-Still-Sacred-in-Po...

Give you any ideas?


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I'm already following her, so BACK OFF, mister!! :) And another thing, I did NOT start this. I merely brought up a topic CR might have some interest in. I am wonderful that way. CR just had to go nutz over the whole thing. MEN. Sheesh.

Christoph, yes, I found the roofies. All is well. Do not concern yourself. I will administer the drugs as is appropriate. Anthony, I mean, my hubby, will be over and out, no doubt. Okay, now I'm babbling. And guess what? I don't even drink. How terribly sad, huh?

I think I'll go read that hub now...Not sure I have.

Bye, sweets!


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

YAY. Hubamory? LOL.

Okay, you two, there's plenty of me to go around. Really.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

lorlie: Ha! So the topic you brought up that you just thought I might have an interest in was "maybe I'll visit your hotel room." wink, wink. And you claim you didn't start it? Well, it doesn't matter who started it, does it? Yeah, I don't drink either...what a couple of boring folks we turned out to be. Maybe that's why we're sneakin around hotel hallways.

Sunny: Hubamory! Ha, ha, ha, ha. I can state without a doubt that's the first time that word's been coined. A portmanteau!


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

Holy crap. Someone needs to document this!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

On September 16th, 2010, Sunny Robinson coined the protmanteau, HUBAMORY.


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

Hahaha. I feel all warm and fuzzy now.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sunny: And you should! For those who don't know, "hubamory" is a portmanteau. A combination of "Hubbers" + "polymory."


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Hey wait ONE minute! I give you two free rein for a couple of lousy hours and what do I return to find? *Winking* does not a slut make! I simply told you of one episode from my admittedly checkered past, and if I am not mistaken-which I most certainly am not-you, CR, haughtily suggest that I drug my hubby so we might frolic, drunk or no, in some sleazy San Francisco hotel???

Whew...*takes a much needed breath*

Humph, you must take full responsibility for your loathsome suggestions. You beast.

And as for you, Sunny-go ahead and take this creature off my hands! I'll just bet you feel warm and fuzzy, gal! Off I go, then, to lick my OWN wounds...perchance to pout!

Bye!!

J/K, you know!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

LOL! Yes, yes! My denial - in public no less - is shameful! What kind of gentleman am I? I take full responsibility for suggesting this debauched behavior, for which you soundly thumped me on the noggin, the hollowness thereof resounding through these cavernous hub halls like the lonely footsteps of a forgotten man on the cold dismissive tiles of love.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Dear God, CR, write me a hub then on your deserv-ed shame! This must be made FAR more public.

I await your response, Bill!


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

LOL Lorlie! You know I only love you. Mmhm. That's where the warm and fuzzy feelings REALLY come from! :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Wow. I have been completely shut out. Attacked from all sides, obliterated and scattered, piecemeal on the fighting field like sweetbreads for scavengers on this prophetic and woeful night. No threesome hubamory for me. I am shattered, and so I shall hang, and like a metronome my feet shall tick to and fro in the hesitant blue moonbeams as they creep into my room to behold the horrific scene. Goodbye, cruel hub!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

You poor baby! Hi there Sunny-haha, let's do that frolicing, you and me. Now that we've got that behind us, though, we must deal with this cad who showers us with flowery words.

Hmm, let's see. CR, you must write for Sunny and me. A hub. You and your moonbeams. Meh.

Well? I'm waiting...


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I hope I wasn't too pushy here, CR! Sorry for that.

Laurel


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

No, no. Everything is fine. Besides, I'm used to getting kicked out of my own fantasies. Ha!


Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

Hahah! Actually, I'm waiting, too!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sunny: Damn! You two gals are a couple of demanding...um...ladies. I don't know if I'll ever have time to write again...for fun, I mean. Besides, I prefer to write from experience, so...let's see...I could go visit relatives in Memphis. (wink)


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

"Umm...ladies?" Hmm. What were you implying, you, you...cat hater? Writing for 'fun' is balm for the soul, and besides, we are both waiting-and you do know what happens when you leave ladies waiting, don't you?

=^0^=

Signed,

Cat Lover


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Lorlie: Yes I know. I crave to write for fun. My statement was literal (though exaggerated.) So, what happens when I guy leaves ladies waiting? Hmmm. I must ponder that.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

You may ponder as you write.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ha! You made me laugh, in spite of your overly demanding ways!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

WOMEN, huh?? But we adore you, so let us demand at our leisure! You know you are the ultimate beneficiary. Quit yer whining.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

So true. I'm basking in the attention.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Great writing Christoph. I loved the section about the cat. I agree, you can never trust a cat, especially when they're doing that "I'm a cute kitty," thing. Bastards; all of them. But your "preamble" concerning the dogs. That was so lovely. I still have a tear in my eye... Nah! Several. I love them so much I know I will never have another... I couldn't stand the pain of having to say Goodbye when they leave without permission.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Twilight: Exactly. I can't handle it...or at least not very well. Which is why I got a stupid cat (who has gotten a lot better since this was written, but he's still a pain in the arse.


Marcus Teague profile image

Marcus Teague 5 years ago

When kitties take over the world, you will be one of the first on their list to go...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Marcus: Bring 'em on! All I need is a garden hose and a pack of dogs.


evvy_09 profile image

evvy_09 5 years ago from Athens, AL

Love it! And cats really are evil. The way they stare at a spot on the ceiling and then dart from the room...like they are planning something really bad and practicing. And they also seem to like sleeping right by your face. Planning on smothering us one day? The last cat I had clued me onto the true nature of cats. His name was Angel but had to be changed to Lucifer a couple days later.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

evvy: Ha! I love it! I should have changed my cat's name to Lucifer too! Or if not planning on smothering us, at least to get so much hair into our mouths we choke to death in our sleep. Thanks for reading!


kailey 5 years ago

funny story poor you curse the evil cat my cat is at the vet with puenomia :( he might not make it i'm a dog/cat person


kailey 5 years ago

its me again. My cat died the next day

R.I.P puss


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Kailey: So sorry to hear that. It's always sad to lose a pet. Hope you are coping with your loss. Good luck to you.


Paws For Peace profile image

Paws For Peace 5 years ago

Christoph, I loved your story and you're right. We're out to get you. Don't think for one second we won't put a bird's body in your bed without the head if it works. The Godfather was our idea.

Meow


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ha, ha! Have you been speaking to my cat? I don't want him to get any extra ideas. He has quite enough of his own.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Oh my gosh I didn't think that i was ever going to get to the final comment. Mind you it's plain to see how you have such a following.

A great hub and thanks for sharing.

take care

Eiddwen.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Eiddwen: Thanks for the comment. Good to see you!


tenten2col profile image

tenten2col 5 years ago from Somewhere in the mountains

I think your cat isn't trying to kill you, but is just bored. You should probably give it some toys it likes or maybe let it go out.

p.s. my cats love to trip everyone too, especially when we're in the kitchen. They do that because they want food or attention


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

Well, my cat ignores all toys and goes in and out at will. He's not as bad as he used to be. But maybe your cat is trying to kill you and you don't realize it. And in the kitchen you are likely to be carrying a knife or a pan of hot oil or boiling water, which the cat hopes you will spill on yourself.


tenten2col profile image

tenten2col 5 years ago from Somewhere in the mountains

Yea...cats are picky about their toys, and you probably should let your cat go out. We use to also have a feral cat, and he would go crazy if we kept him in the house for too long. And I don't think cats really try to kill anyone, after all, if you died, how will they get food? They just want attention


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

As I said, My cat goes in and out at will. That is, he has constant access to the out of doors which he does frequently. And...um...hate to break the news, but the cat will eat your corpse.

(you do realize this is all in fun, right?)


cherry4144 profile image

cherry4144 5 years ago

hey that video was was amazing it was so cool and wicked i wish that i could could do that but i dont have that video


rcrawford profile image

rcrawford 5 years ago from NE Ohio

Funny hub. I'm a dog person also, but I have four cats. Go figure. Over the years I've learned that cats are more interesting than dogs, but some are indeed homicidal. Of course, there are those who simply decide to outlive their owners, like my 20-year-old Julia, who will dance on all our graves.

I hope by now you and your cat have drafted a suitable treaty and are living in peaceful coexistence.


eta 5 years ago

i have 2 cat


Something 4 years ago

My cat follows me around the house and tries to attack me, when no one is around she runs at me side ways with her hair spiked. She use to be cute and cuddley and now she is evil as a lion... o.e


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 4 years ago from St. Louis Author

Something: Hmmm. I think your cat is part of the conspiracy.


icreatables 4 years ago

My dad found a cat living in his shed a few months ago. He planned on letting it be but when it go cold he felt sorry for the cat an let him into the house. The cat now runs the house, my dad has some company and everyone is happy!


swat 4 years ago

noiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


backpack 4 years ago

I enjoyed the hub and could relate to the evil aspect of cats. I's a saying, like tit for tat. When two people trade things of equal value and accept it as such, the trade is "even steven."That's hysterical! Somebody worked really hard on that! The music is really swingin'!


oliwier profile image

oliwier 2 years ago from London, United Kingdom

I enjoyed reading your hub. I was not cat lover but I didn't experienced that in our cat before. We have five cats before but all of them were nice pets.


LosectinWinders 20 months ago

Damn! Have you been reading my notes? That was going to be after my hub, "Wiping your butt: The Pope Has People to Do That For Him.


Plastics news India 20 months ago

hey that feature was stunning it was so cool and shrewd i wish that i could do that yet i dont have that feature

http://www.plasticsinfomart.com/


Queenstown 18 months ago from Queenstown

I just love cats, but I am not gonna be wanting them as pets. My mother in law has about 10 of them-they drive me nuts. Im gonna show her this. I am a dog person 100%

http://www.queenstown.org.za

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working