My Neighbours Cat Is Evil!

Evil Cat

Last night at about 8pm here in Britain, I decided to take out the rubbish and put it in the main bin outside, doing my bit for the planet. Any who as I collected the rubbish and braved the steep staircase to the front door carrying all this rubbish to the main bin in the garden I did not happen to notice anything unusual outside. The nights are getting darker here in Northern England so when its dark, its really dark outside, (as my friends on Facebook call it -Doom Dark) and you can not see straight away because your eyes are trying to adapt to this darkness and regrettably there is no outside light so that does not help either. Now I opened the front door and came out into the garden holding a bag of rubbish and at that point all was quiet I thought, so whilst my eyes were adapting to this dark I made my way to the bin which was to the side of me in the shadows. At first everything looked normal and this put me at ease, but when I got nearer to the bin I turned quickly and I instantly notice two green eyes staring at me and a small figure shape in the shadows sitting right on top of the bin. I got one hell of a fright, and threw the rubbish at the figure hoping to delay them whilst I made my escape the other way, the rubbish hit the bin and the cat got a fright and passed my leg instantly giving me a fright again. However I noticed the second time it scared me it had a silver collar with a bell, so I knew straight away it was my neighbours cat.
This cat has it in for me, I am sure of it, that makes three times the evil feline has done that this year, I am pretty sure its trying to kill me, the last time this happened the cat jumped out at me when I was unaware it was there and landed on my back, jumped off landed on the ground and ran one way whilst I ran the other way screaming, feeling violated and most upset by this evil cat that had scared me yet again.
I am so going to get that cat back for all of these frights, (goodness I sound like a bad guy from Scooby Doo - "and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling cat!") I mean I would not hurt the poor thing you understand I hate cruelty to animals, but I think I am going to keep the hose pipe there tonight then if the feline decides to scare me again I will be ready for it.

Well I have been left with a few simple choices on how to resolve this Kitty Killer situation and have narrowed them down to these 5 :

1 - Use the hose pipe and give Kitty a bath?

2 - Jump out at Kitty wearing a life jacket and re-enact the titanic?

3 - Just ignore Kitty?

4 - Electrify the bin and Fry Kitty Fry?

5 - Mine field the front garden?

I think I am going to use the hose pipe although the others do sound fun I really don't like cruelty to animals, yes even towards evil and cruel, sadistic cats as well I hate people who can harm animals, its just wrong and they should be locked up..

So I will keep you all posted about the evil Kitty that lives across the fence from me and how I manage to keep sane and alive when being scared out of my wits by this evil twisted feline. Hopefully I will have some news of how I nicely scared it back... :)





More by this Author

  • Ernst Rohm The Gay Nazi
    37

    Ernst Rohm Born November 28th 1887 in Munich Germany was Ernst Julius Rohm to Emile and Julius Rohm his proud parents. A native of Munich Ernst served as an Oberleutnant (1st Lieutenant) with the 13th infantry regiment...

  • Political Prisoners Of The Holocaust
    2

    I have used the term political prisoners because a lot of groups were classified political prisoners and would wear the red triangle in the concentration camps as a form of Identification by the camp guards and other...

  • Types Of Sexuality In Humans
    21

    Sexuality in humans is a very complex thing as people are only aware of the four main ones but not the other ones that I am going to explain to you all and bring to light. The groups are as follows Heterosexual ...


Comments 9 comments

hospitalera profile image

hospitalera 4 years ago

Lol, have you ever considered that the cat might be more scared of you than you of it? What about investing in a bit of tuna and becoming friends with it?


donnaisabella profile image

donnaisabella 4 years ago from Fort Myers

Hahahahaha! That is hilarious. Be careful and do not be done in trying to scare the poor thing as well. I wish you the best. I am tuned in for the results...

I think hospitalera's suggestion is good. Funny too though. Laughing all the way to my desk....


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

Hi hospitalera and donnaisabella - well i put some mil out for it this morning decided to try and make friends with it but so far no success we shall see what happens. I will keep you all posted on the result :)


alian346 profile image

alian346 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

Hilarious, Callum!

I agree with your 2 previous commenters - try to be pals with the cat - milk and stuff is good so is talking and waiting patiently. Is it male or female? If it's male, maybe it needs to have an operation - then it would be calmer - yuk, just thinking about it - poor cat!

Cats are good - independent. Dogs are clingy and smelly!

I love your expression 'Fry Kitty Fry' - very naughty but hilarious!

We look forward to the next installment of 'Revenge of the Giant Kitty.'

Ian.


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

Hi alian :)

I am glad you like this, when these things do happen to me I have to write about them because I know other people will also laugh about it too, and can relate to it.

I am working the next instalment so we will see what the kitty decides, I think its a female as well a few other course words lol :)

All the best

Callum.


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Here Kitty, Kitty....squirt, "take that you feline fur bag!" Loved this, I keep an old Fairy Liquid bottle filled with water on my kitchen windowsill but I only squirt them if I see them attempting to leave a deposit in my flowerbed. Great hub! Still smiling.


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

Thanks Jools99

I am glad that you enjoyed this, honestly I think electrifying the bin was the best option :)

Keep smiling

Calpol 25


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Great fun hub,both you and the kitty gave each other a good fright in the darkness of the night. Just wondering though do you think the kitty is plotting anything for you if you frighting it again ? The evil cat may have some evil traps set to catch you next time or maybe not......time will tell.

Vote up and fun !!!


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 4 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

HI kashmir56 I think Kitty is up to something I seen her before and she had a look in her eye but time will tell lol :)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working