Only Rabbits and Guinea Pigs? Don't Make Me Laugh.

 

But what about Zebras and Bison

And fings wot you find in the Zoo?

Like Hippopotamuses… Hippos!!

And Walrus, and Eland and Gnu

 

 

 

And don’t forget Lions and Tigers

And things that you find in a hutch,

Like very small Rhinoceroses

Or very large Plankton and such.

 

 

Dulce, a resident of Norbur Court Road
Dulce, a resident of Norbur Court Road

 

 

And also remember the Badgers

Some say they can’t get enough,

A Dog down in Norbury Court Road says

She can’t do without “ALPHA DELUXE” stuff

 

 

 

 

There isn’t an animal I know

Who turns up his beak, nose or snout,

When offered the old “ALPHA HERBAL”

They know what good food’s all about!

 

 

So when you go down to the Chip Shop

For a take away cod or a plaice.

Or you wander into Kentucky

Do you see a smile on each face?

More Lesbians to the square foot than in most venues.

Jolly little human chaps lining up to go into  Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe, Stonehenge.
Jolly little human chaps lining up to go into Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe, Stonehenge.

 

It’s the same down the Taj Mahal, Streatham,

And the Pink Lotus Garden in Penge,

The Turkish Kebab Shop in Chelsea

“Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe”, Stonehenge

The Snail - Can you imagine a snail pushing and shoving in a queue?  Of course not.
The Snail - Can you imagine a snail pushing and shoving in a queue? Of course not.

 

For animals aren’t quite like humans

‘Cos your human occasionally nips

Into Takeaway shops in the High Street

For Burgers, or Curries or Chips

Pet Shop - formerly known as, "Animal Crazy"
Pet Shop - formerly known as, "Animal Crazy"


You never see animals queuing

For Junk Food; and it’s not ‘cos they’re lazy

I’ve seen them in well behaved order,

Shopping at “Animal Crazy”.

Little furry, cuddly animals.

Rabbits, and Guinea pigs, and other well behaved animals.
Rabbits, and Guinea pigs, and other well behaved animals.

 

 

So it’s not just your Rabbit, and Guinea,

(Your Guinea Pig, I emphasise),

It’s your Aardvark and Camelopard

(Giraffe, with its head in the skies).

Moose - not a Choc Mousse
Moose - not a Choc Mousse

 

 

 

The Earthworm, the Rat and the Peacock,

The Peahen, the Moose and the Rail,

(But not as you thought a choc mousse, dear)

An Elephant, Amoeba and Snail.

The very rare Norbury Mudhound - a selection of these wonderful animals.
The very rare Norbury Mudhound - a selection of these wonderful animals.

 

The very rare Norbury Mudhound,

And almost the last but not least,

The Bactrian Camel and the Otter.

The less than rare Grey Wildebeest.

 

All love Alpha Herbal Deluxe Feed

Whether Vertebrate, Insect or Other;

The whole of the Animal Kingdom,

Each Animalian Sister and Brother.

Another small, furry, cuddly animal... or maybe not.

Are you are great Animal Lover?

If you are great Animal Lovers, you may be interested in some in-depth articles concerning our little feathered, furred and scaled chums (Yes! I know, I left some out).

These articles may be found at Norbury Mudhounds

Or if, perhaps you are interested in Ecology, there is a most interesting article concerning the life and habitat of several animals. including the Gnu or Wildebeest at Attracting the Opposite Sex

Perhaps your interests in animals are more esoteric. You would appreciate the Poem Ovis Aries, I Love You

More by this Author


Comments 32 comments

AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

Silly and cute Ian! But now you've made me long for fish and chips...shame on you!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

It's fish and chips every Friday for Lent!

Yum!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Funny. I was thinking about my (former!) manager's dog that had all ailments possible and was allergic to all kinds of feed. His owner decided to try alternative medicine. The first thing that was changed was diet - no bought stuff, only fruits and vegetables, fish, chicken. She thought he would not even touch it, but it turned out to be otherwise. He loved it, he lost weight and some of the skin problems were fixed.

I know you were having fun, but animals know good food when they see/taste it. It is the humans that make wrong assumptions all the time.

Coffee - no, don't drink coffee. No, coffee is good in moderation. Wine? No, don't drink wine. No, wine is good in moderation...


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for being my first reader, Angie. It was as much fun writing as it was getting your deep and incisive critique... You should be one of the judges for the Booker Prize. Ha ha ha!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Ah!" there's a died in the wool... or is it dyed in the wool? Roman catholic speaking, Will.

The best fish and chips I ever tasted was in The Shambles in the Old City of York. Superb!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Svetlana, I am a complete omnivore. Except for some black grapes I bout from a roadside stall in a village in the back of beyond in Piedmont, Italy, one year. They tasted exactly as a beetle we had in West Australia, known as the "stink beetle", smelled. Sorry about the clumsy sentence, but you know what I mean.

I could almost write a hub about that... well the lead up to etc..


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 5 years ago

Loved this hub, it gave me quite a toot,

Glad you mentioned the Norbury Mudhounds to boot!

Thanks for giving me a good laugh at least,

You know I love things having to do with animal or beast.

It is a cute poem for the simple minded and the sages

Thanks for sharing this on HubPages.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

TKI, I though of you when I posted this hub

The Mudhounds, those rare beasts from Norbury

Yes, from Surry, old Norbury-sur-Mer.

I had you in mind when I wrote it

But my friend I have now to declare:

*******

It pains me so much to admit it,

And Please, TKI, don’t be cross;

To squeeze those chaps’ pics in the line-up

Meant that others should go. What a loss!

*******

So search all you will, there’s no Aardvark.

There isn’t a Hippo or Mouse.

The lovely Sea Turtle is missing

There’s not even a Pheasant of Grouse.

*******

The Ostrich and Tortoise are absent,

There’s no sight of the Red Kangaroo

I’m afraid there’s no Bat, or Squirrel or Cat

Or many of those beasts in the Zoo

*******

So I’m sorry if I have neglected

To include every beast you adore,

But I’m selfish, or did you not know that?

And the Mudhounds, for me, were Top Drawer.

*******

There isn’t a day I don’t miss them

As arriving at home, how they’d greet me.

When it’s my time to go, I’d love them all

To be in Paradise waiting to meet me.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee

That Alpha Herbal Deluxe looks good. Chock-full of vitamins, too. Where can I find this? I need to start eating healthier. I'm not gonna lie, that bison looks pretty good, too, so I'm not sure I could give up red meat and become a vegetarian. I love animals too much not to eat them. Is that a contradiction?


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

What is Q, I think you follow the basic philosophy of my best friend. She says, "Love 'em, eat 'em, wear 'em".

But considering your apparent penchant for buffalo, there is a "Poem" below that might be up your street... 'Ovis Aries, I Love you'. Or am I misreading your signals.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Very cute! Ian I amnot sure what some of these animals are such as Eland and Gnu? lol..:)

Thank you for making me smile.

Sunnie

PS I could go for some fish and chips too..


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I think I might have to set up a fish and chips stall at the front door of HubPages, I should do a roaring trade.

Thanks for coming to look around, Sunnie.

The Gnu, by the way, is one of my favourite animals.,.. they have the worst lives that you can imagine. The Gnu, or Wildebeest's shortened family history can be found on my hub, 'Attracting the opposite sex' below.

Ian


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Tongue and cheek would be pretty healthy. I haven't seen it but people queue up in the city for crispy cream (cholesterol special) doughnuts. We, sorry they, are not the smartest of creatures when it comes to the fuel of life. Having the idea for this hub is one thing, but wording it so mischievously is quite another. A nice piece of work Ian.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thanks for dropping by during your heavy schedule of answering comments on your amazingly funny and well constructed hub to your fellow hubbers. I have just read your hub concerning the construction of the tank. I am still laughing about the English tank for making the tea and scones.

Thanks, my friend. You are wonderful.


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 5 years ago

Hello Twilight, my hubber friend,

These are the words I want to send

Oh why would you think I would ever be cross

When it comes to poetry, you are the boss

For sure there were animals you did not include

But over these omissions, I would never brood

I am complimented you wrote this with me in mind

Your animal prose was a treasure to find

Seeing how animals inspired you this time

I feel secure in reading many more of your hubs that rhyme

I know you miss your dogs, and I feel for you

Unconditional love from our pets are real and true

It is hard to miss our friends, when they are gone from our sight

I love that you shared your story in the things that you write


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland

Great wee poem Twilight. Thanks for that

Cheers


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, TKI. We want them to last forever, don't we?

I love your comment. Top marks.

Ian


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Shinkicker. I appreciate your visit. Come anytime, you are most welcome.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

What silly fun! Your poem made me want to watch the old Disney version of Dr. Doolittle. Oh and that's another animal you didn't mention, the "push me pull you."


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Damn! I knew I had left one out. Don't tempt me. Thanks for the comments, Randy. I like silly fun. I may as well make the most of silly fun, because I will be a "grown up" soon, and I will have to act properly and be sensible.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

I was just telling another hubber of my plan to digress. This is my last year of growing up, from this point I'm growing down. When I'm done I should be as wise as children and about negative 3. I have plenty of time... bout 48 years to get it right.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Randy, I have spent most of my waking hours since September, 1939, thinking that I should start to be sensible and do what I should (Whatever that may be) but every time I sit down to start to make a nice list of things to do or not to do; people that I should associate with and people I shouldn't; stuff that would be sensible and stuff that wouldn't be sensible, I forget which side of the check list I should be filling in, and go out and play with the haughty boys and girls.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Laughing like a silly animal beholding the Alpha Herbal Deluxe. I could go for it myself, health-nut that I am! Your poem and illustrations alone could sell the stuff to people who hate healthy food!

As for myself, so long as I have you to turn up the corners of my mouth, I am in "hog heaven", as some uncouths might say. tee hee.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Oh Nellie, you would be most welcome in Dog Heaven. But not quite yet. There will be several Norbury Mudhounds there to greet us as we arrive. I'm glad I made you laugh. It was so much fun writing. Would you believe it, I sent a copy of the poem to "Alpha delux" or whoever manufactured the stuff and they didn't even acknowlege it.

What happened to good taste? I say.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Ah - the computer and/ or its operator set up to receive and monitor incoming mail at "Alpha deluxe" is a dolt, or dolts, as the case may be.

Or maybe - in the best case scenario - they've just not yet gotten around to answering. In any case, they may be missing an all-time good advertisement. We're all enjoying it, but a lot of us don't even have pets! We simply enjoy good writing and good humor! Maybe they should hire us to receive their incoming mail! haha.

Hugs.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I have actually topped buying Sainsbury's muesli and gone over to 'Alpha Deluxe Animal Feed', because it gives me a spring in my step, my eyes are brighter, my coat is glossy, and my nose is cool and moist all day long, since Alpha Deluxe came into my life.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

There you go, - with all that sensuous talk again! ;-> hehe


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Works wonders for the over forties. I think that's an advertisement for Sanatogen, a Tonic Wine.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Over forties? Heck, I just BEGAN at 40 -- literally!!! hehehe


oliversmum profile image

oliversmum 5 years ago from australia

Twilight Lawns. Hi. Oh this was pretty wonderful.

Was not sure if I should laugh or cry, so did both.

Absolutely loved all the photographs.

Dulce and the pet shop were great, but the 4 Norbury Mudhounds did it for me.

Thanks for sharing it with us. I loved it. Voted up. :) :)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hi, Oliver's Mum. Thank you for visiting again. I haven't seen you for a while. You are always, ALWAYS welcome, you know. I hope Oliver is well and that he liked the hub too. I know he can't read too well, but you could have read it for him, and he could enjoy it with you.


oliversmum profile image

oliversmum 5 years ago from australia

Twilight Lawns. Hi. Yes I know and thank you for that.

Oliver sits on my knee a lot while I am on the computer, so he hears a lot of what I am reading,and he did hear part of this one, he actually looks at the photographs, that probably sounds silly, but that is what happens.

He is having his 2nd birthday today and enjoying all the extra treats and pampering. :):) and one :) from oliver.

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