Rest In Peace Lindsay

Lindsay
Lindsay | Source

For any who have been following my articles you know I have written a few on my cat, Lindsay. My first was to chronicle her recovery from cancer, my happiness that she was going to be around for a long time to come. My last article was to get my feelings out about the discovery that the cancer had returned and really being unsure what we would do if faced with the possibility of having to pay for a new operation. Which is something difficult considering that we are not well off and the operation the first time was more than I had ever considered myself spending on a pet.

After my last hub we took Lindsay in for x-rays and unfortunately they identified cancer had spread to her lungs. At that point we realized even an operation to remove the cancer wasn't going to be possible. As Lindsay was not feeling any illness yet at that point we took her home and hoped that it would be awhile before we were faced with her death. My daughter and wife were very sad and I admit I was too.

But we believed that Lindsay had awhile to go and so on the advice of the vet we began giving her medications. One was a steroid type that had success shrinking tumors in the short term, one was a mild pain killer and one an antibiotic. Although we were hoping for the best only a few days after the x-rays Lindsay hit a wall. On a Thursday evening Lindsay began breathing heavy and appeared very docile, she was struggling to breath during the night and we thought she would die. We discussed taking her in to have her put down. It was a difficult conversation, especially when my daughter heard us.

But the next day the heavy breathing had subsided so we held off on doing what we new would be the eventuality. Over the weekend we also realized more was wrong though as she had not used her kitty litter box in a couple days and had not eaten in a few days. We found out the next day that Lindsay had been just peeing in her bed. She did finally go to her kitty litter box but only because she had to poop.

Monday morning we called to see if there was a chance they could see Lindsay but they were incredibly busy and so they scheduled us for the next day. She seemed a little better Monday and when we finally saw the vet the next day she was moving around, lifting her head and seemed to have a little energy, although she still had not eaten. The vet was little help but gave her an injection of painkillers. We took Lindsay home.

My wife used an small baster to squirt chicken broth and liquid baby food into Lindsay's mouth in a last attempt to feed her. Everything that had happened just seemed much to quick to be the cancer and we thought possibly she may have developed pneumonia so we hoped that feeding her and giving her back some strength would help. Later that night though she seemed worse, we wondered and still do about the painkillers the vet was injecting her with.

We called the vet the next morning and made an appointment to have her put down. At that point we knew we had little choice. Early afternoon before we could attend the appointment my daughter said Lindsay was twitching oddly. I looked at her and pet her and she seemed to be resting. At that point I could see her breathing. A few minutes later my daughter called me and said Lindsay was not moving but had one eye open. I came over and realized that Lindsay was dead. Her body was still very warm so she must have just died. She appeared to have buried her face in her bed and covered her eyes with her paws.

I let my wife know as she came out of the bathroom. My daughter cried her head off. I had to go outside and dig a hole near the back fence of our yard and there we laid Lindsay to rest. It wasn't a deep grave as there was still some ice and snow and I couldn't dig down very well but it was what I could do. We brought her out wrapped in her favorite blanket with cat paw prints on it.

I know that she was just an animal and that many may say that you shouldn't waste tears on non-humans. Maybe even I have thought that way before. But Lindsay was a part of our family for 9 years and came from my parents home originally where I grew up. She played with us, made us laugh and was a big piece of our life. With her gone there is a void and I can't deny that. I know it will take us a long time to get over what has happened but for now at least Lindsay's suffering is over.

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Comments 30 comments

Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Oh my dear Terrektwo ... what a sad piece to have to write.

I feel so sorry for you and your family, having been through this very scenario over and over again in my life.

Each time I lose a much loved cat I vow angrily never to have another one as I can't bear the pain when they die. But I always get another ... there is always some poor cat out there who desperately needs a home ... and for me a house is just a house without a cat. A cat makes a home.

One thing I would say is that you all loved Lindsay and she knew that as she died. She also died peacefully at her home with the humans she loved, not by injection at the vets. Believe me that is the best way for any animal to die.

I send my love and sympathy to you all.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Angie Jardine - As I read your lines I know they are words of great wisdom, I thank you very much for posting and I know you are right. Lindsay knew we loved her. I know she is at peace and part of me is glad she is and not still in pain. I know also eventually we will make our peace with her passing. For now it is very hard. I can't help but look out my kitchen window to her grave and feel the sorrow wash over me. Maybe one day I won't but it feels so far away.


UnnamedHarald profile image

UnnamedHarald 4 years ago from Cedar Rapids, Iowa

So sorry to hear of Lindsay's death. Shed your tears, she was part of your family. Animals are honest; they cannot lie. And each one is unique. She died peacefully at her home.


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Terrektwo -- having lost many animals over a long lifetime I hate to say it's always the same but that's the truth. Those of us who love critters carry them in our hearts as much as they are a part of our lives and when we're separated from them the part in our hearts lives on. Does time help losing a beloved four-footed friend? No -- but the memories do grow sweeter. Blessings to you and your family. Best/Sis


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

UnnamedHarald - thanks you much, I will let my thoughts of her come out and hopefully I will deal with it all in time.


Lizam1 profile image

Lizam1 4 years ago from Victoria BC

Thank you for sharing your story about your beautiful cat. You gave her a happy life and the memories you share will always be with you.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Lindsay. My cat suffered the same path to the end. It was heartbreaking for us to have to say good-bye. We still talk about him to this day and laugh about the things he used to do for play. They will always remain in our hearts and minds. Prayers and thoughts for your family during this season.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Angela Blair - words to live by for sure. I think this one is more difficult for me only because Lindsay has been with us almost a decade. The last pet I had before that died was when I was in my late teens. My father took it to the vet to get put down. This time I had to deal with Lindsay dying in our living room and then digging the hole and burying her. I suppose in retrospect my life experience is a bit lacking in that area. But I know what you mean, and I feel that she left us with good memories and indeed a part of her enriched our family. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Lizam1 - thank you for your comment, I always felt she was beautiful too and thanks for reading. I know I will always keep her in my heart.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

teaches12345 - I thank you for keeping us in your prayers. It was particularly difficult for my wife and daughter and they need prayers the most. But it is good to know we are in someones prayers. It's a hard thing to go through, I've had pets before but when I lived in the country as a child and teen many of the outdoor cats came and went. We didn't see them if they were dying they would just disappear. But Lindsay was quite different as an indoor cat she was always with us. I have moved some of her things to my garage but keep forgetting her bed. Every time I pass it I look down, a subconscious urge, and almost expect to see her look at me and meow as she always did. There were so many habits and thinking built into our family system along with feelings. It will take us time for sure, I know that nothing changes without time. Thanks for responding to my hub.


Talullah profile image

Talullah 4 years ago from SW France

So sorry to hear about Lindsay; I know just how big a space in your heart a much-loved pet fills. At least you know that you did the best for her.


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 4 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi my friend, i know what your feeling after losing Lindsay, i just lost my beautiful dog last Friday and i can tell you i cried many tears, it really broke my heart. So i know how you and your family must feel.

I hope soon the pain of the lost of your beautiful cat Lindsay won't hurt so much and you remembering all the wonderful times your beautiful pet and your family shared .

Vote up and more !!!


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

Such a touching story - my heart breaks when reading it. I can relate completely. I grew up in a house where pets were treated (and spoken to) like humans. Even now with my husband we have two cats and they are our "babies". My parents had to put my cat down recently who stayed with them. She was 18. I got her when I was 10. We went through a lot together and I'm so grateful I had her in my life to get me through the tough times. All the best, it's good she's out of pain and I know you have many great memories of her.


cherylone profile image

cherylone 4 years ago from Connecticut

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost pets and know how painful it can be. Pets don't just live with us, they are family. I hope your pain will be eased in knowing that she no longer suffers.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Talullah - That's true, not sure what else we could have done. I know her death was inevitable. I miss her.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Terrektwo, so sorry about Lindsay, this story for me is very timely.

Our little terrier Megan also had cancer four years ago for which she was treated with chemo. she made a remarkable recovery, but the cancer has recently returned with a vengeance, and we must now make the decision to end her suffering since the latest treatment of chemo. is not working, life here, will never be the same without her.


wetnosedogs profile image

wetnosedogs 4 years ago from Alabama

Terretwo, I am sorry to hear the passing of Lindsay. It sounds like she went in peace as she was home with those who love her. I have a cat and three dogs and I dread the day. I am happy every day to be with them. Prayers for you and your family. It was right loving that cat and right mourning for her.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Terrek, Mourn for your cat. It is right, proper and normal. She was a much loved part of your family. And when the time comes, get another one. You will not regret it. They add so much unconditional love and humor into our lives. Blessings.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

kashmir56 - I am comforted to know you can relate but really sorry to hear about your dog as well. It is very hard and I know we both have a long way to go and I will try to remember the good times.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

MelChi - I see you know what it is like to have been around a pet for so long. I will try to remember her in a good light and not just the end. It will take time but thank you for reading and commenting.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

cherylone - it helps to know she is at rest. Living in pain is no way for a pet to live, so it is something. It will be hard for us for a while though. Thanks for reading and commenting.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

tobusiness - I am sorry to hear you will be dealing with loss as well. Our existence is so finite on this earth and that of pets even less. I can relate, not sure what I could say to make it better. For me it will take time, that is probably the same for you.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

wetnosedogs - we were there for her to the end and did whatever we could. She is at peace now and hopefully eventually we can deal with that. I thank you for responding though, we appreciate it.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Becky Katz - I will mourn in my own way and my family in theirs. I know the sadness will pass but it is just hard to see it right now. We will do our best, don't think a new cat will happen anytime soon. But maybe eventually.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

So sorry for your loss. I, too, just lost one of my cats to cancer and it breaks your heart to have to let them go. Anyone who tells you that you should not waste tears over non-humans has no heart. They are living creatures with feelings and are part of your family. To not cry when you lose them is bizarre to me. Great Hub...and yes, may she rest in peace.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

catgypsy - we work everyday to overcome the sadness and maybe one day we will accept it. For now we miss her in our everyday activities, every time we expect her to be in her bed, walking across the floor, meowing for attention, the list goes on, and so will we I suppose. Thank you for responding, I appreciate it.


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

I am so very sorry to hear your news. It is so hard to loose a pet as they become a part of our everyday lives and part of the family. I had to put my little dog down a few months ago and still feel him sometimes at the foot of my bed. I hope the pain subsides and sweet memories take over for you and your family.


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

picklesandrufus - we will get through it eventually, thanks for responding, we appreciate it.


Drtruthman profile image

Drtruthman 4 years ago from Harlingen, Texas

As my Dad and another close poet friend says, just remember, "animals are people too". Oh pets do become family and I have had to experience your pain and difficulty with cats and dogs all my life. It pains us, our kids and we do often have to dig a few graves along the way. I am very sorry for your loss and for your daughter especially, I know how our children do get so attached. For her I recommend ASAP another cat. This seemed to always help in my home. You can't replace a memory but you can enhance it with a new pet. My kids even named a dog we got to replace one who died, "Ruska 2". A very, heart warming and well written hub. I voted UP, interesting, awesome and beautiful. Lee


terrektwo profile image

terrektwo 4 years ago from North America Author

Drtruthman - thanks for responding, I think we'll get through this. It was a hard thing for sure and I know that a new cat is in the cards sooner or later. I don't think it will be soon but we'll see. Thanks for the vote up and for commenting.

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