To be a Bombshell You Must Love Animals
If you love them, they will come.
As part of adhering to my regime to become a Bombshell this year, I was reading an excerpt of “The Bombshell’s Guide to Style” on Amazon.com. It said (and I paraphrase) the Bombshell is usually an animal lover rescuing pets from local shelters. I don’t have go anywhere to rescue animals. They come to me.
Two Thanksgivings ago, a little Chihuahua kept showing up at my house. He was from two houses down – the home of a serial pet getter and subsequent abandoner. After taking him home for the fourth time, he permanently defected to my house. We renamed him Tego Calderon Perez Gonzalez.
Tego the Terrible
He was a terrible dog. He crapped in the house, harassed the cats, was the destroyer of rolls of toilet paper and favorite shoes, seems to have bad eyesight and asthma…oh yes, and he bites! He’s also a little weird looking. He reminds me of a bat. In the few years we have had him, his behavior has improved.
His good qualities are that he is very affectionate, cuddly and amusing. He does some kind of high-speed low crawl around the living room that cracks me up every time. If you give him a treat he throws it around the room and then rolls all over it before eating it. He’s also a little Obsessive Compulsive about his bones. He either hides them in one of his many stashes, or sleeps with it. If a cat comes within five feet of his stinky old bone a snarly, snapping Tego chases off a confused and offended feline. The other day, he took cat litter and cat poo out of the cat box in the in the laundry room carried it through the house and deposited in my room and rolled in it. I had to clean him and the carpet! These are not Bombshell activities.
The OCD Chihuahua
Tego likes to stash all manner of odd objects in hiding places. He has his toy box, a stash in the corner by the couch and one under the bed. Things I have found in the stash include, but is not limited to, shoes, dryer sheets, empty cans he “rescued” from the trash, pencils, stuffed toys, socks, a piece of old gross shoelace he dog out of the yard, and bones of indeterminate origin.
One day when he went off on one of his “excursions” he came home with a hot dog. It was summer and the hot dog was hot. I don’t know if he stole off someone’s plate at an outdoor barbecue or dug it out of trash. He was so proud as a he came bounding home, the hotdog flopping up and down where it stuck out of either side of his mouth. He ran in and thankfully, dropped it in his water bowl. I have no idea why. I fished it out and throw it away. He looked at me like I had just killed a kitten. (Tego loves all things feline.) Another time it was a huge burrito. Way to reinforce stereotypes, Tego.
As if Tego weren’t enough, I also have the serial pet getter’s cat. We simply call her Kit-10. . I refused to name her; therefore she would not be mine. She turns out to be the best behaved of all the pets.
I believe the animals are talking to each other. I think they have put out on the bark line and meow telegraph to send me their huddled masses yearning to be free. I am the Statue of Liberty of the animal kingdom and my home is Ellis Island.
One Christmas Day, Tego got out. At the same time, the two pit bull puppies and the wiener dog from next door were also out. Oh, they were having a grand ole time running around together. After enticing Tego with treats, (Bombshells do not run around chasing dogs – dogs come to them) I got Tego in. Then I took the other three homes – but no one was home. So they all sat on MY PORCH waiting for (a.) me to let them in, (b.) Tego to come back out or (c.) their family to return, which they eventually did.
Now, every time the two pit bulls and wiener dog escape their yard they come to my house and scratch on the door! If they could talk I am sure they would ask “Can Tego come out?” Or maybe, “Can we live with you?”
Kit-10 The Saga
As for Kit-10, she showed up at our house two summers ago kitten-sized and with a collar on. My daughter begged to keep her. I refused; pointing out the kitten had a collar and therefore a home. Dear Husband let the kitten “visit” until daughter went out with her friends. The next day the kitten was back, sans collar. A few days later, we found out from the girl next door that serial pet getter had tried to give the cat to her but her mother wouldn’t let her have it. So we now have Kit-10. Kit-10 is bigger than our cat Meg and idolizes our old fat cat, Mathilda, affectionately know as the Godmother. Kit-10 is almost as fat as the Godmother now. Kit-10 likes to play with Tego. She’s bigger than him and gets a kick out of chasing him. On the other hand Meg and Tego have some weird inter-species love affair going on. The Godmother barely tolerates him.
Kit-10 has a friend, too. At first the friend catwould skitter off when I came outside. When I take Tego out for a walk Kit-10 follows us. (By the way, I am sure the crazy old bat has seen me walking her dog with her cat following close behind.) Friend cat slinks along a safe distance away.
Early on in the saga of Kit-10, she was sleeping in DH’s desk chair with Meg and guess what happened? Yes! Friend Cat was knocking on the door! I swear its true – hand to the gods! A trick she (or is it he?) learned from Kit-10. Kit-10 literally knocks on the door when she wants in (or out.)
Proliferating Pet Population
Turns out Kit-10 were not spayed and Friend Cat was male. Kit-10 had kittens. One, Cotton Ball, was born with a severe heart murmur. So, we had to keep her, right? We could not in good conscience adopt out a defective kitty. She, of course, was very attached to her little mate, Boi. So, yes, we kept him too.
My pet count is now up to one Siberian husky daddy dog, a Siberian husky – Sheltie daughter, one Chihuahua, five cats and one turtle. We have had two female pit bulls end up at our house. One was adopted by a nice family that lives in the country. The other, Daisy, was adopted by my son and she lives on a farm with him.
I wonder what type of animal will knock on my door next. Probably all the residents of the Riverbanks Zoo with my luck.
As you can imagine, the Bombshell household can get a little chaotic. One recent morning while getting ready for work I discovered Tego had left me a present and it was stuck to my shoe. It is really hard to be a bombshell when you have poo stuck to your shoe.
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