Carrying the Past
Present at Pause
Boredom strikes, and so, I don’t know… I just keep on thinking, thinking, and thinking till I think what I’m supposed to think… what I am thinking are things in the past, and suddenly future beats my wits. At the end, current gets nearer, and I i'm having a hard time thinking.
Going back to the corner where I think about the days of old, reminiscing bits and pieces that will never get younger. I am laughing at my crying moments and weeping at my pleased instant. That’s too ironic or should I say, excessively weird! I ask myself, what if I did not do that, what if I did. Several “what ifs” which will never take place, not at all. That is the case. All I have to do is to keep on thinking, this point, reflecting, evaluating and realizing, not just recalling and doing zero. That’s the best thing about boredom; you can stop moving but never on thinking.
And it disappears, assessing goes as the past departs.
Here comes the upcoming, approaching which I don’t know if it’s tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, month, year, decade… Clue less! After all, it’s still about thinking, no ending thinking, just always beginnings. (Now I am thinking if while we are asleep, thinking stays alive?)
When? Where? What? How?...
…can I use my evaluation “shit” I mean sheets? Would I rely to “come what may” just what I used to do? As I turn out the leaves of my appraisal, I’m glad for the reason that I’m a runner for 20 years, but cheerless on my second thought because of the query; how far and how long would I still be a player and how about the things that life will offer me.
My present which is not old and not young -paused.
I’m trying to figure out, is it really boredom that smack me to write this typical work of mine? Or it is my immaturity that I cover for two decades? I think, (here, I think again) my buggy days wanted me not just to grow older but to grow up, not just to have a recess but to keep on stirring the present and wait till the upcoming meets me.
(now that am done, still, am thinking…)