Chainsaw carving a tree trunk, wild woodwork with wood.

Have you ever looked at a knot hole in a tree and wondered....hmmmm..if I were Pinocchio?

Have you ever held a hammer handle (Ladies) and wondered...hmmmm....if he were Pinocchio?

Well folks...it is perfectly natural! Getting a "Woody" has been around since man crept from the sludge and hopped on his first cousin.

If you have a wood fetish, the best way to handle it is to make a mate out of wood.

You'll need these tools:

Chainsaw

Wood chisels

Die grinder

1 & 1/2 inch drill or 1 & 1/2 inch dow rod.

Purchase a six foot tree trunk....outline your mate with a magic marker.....begin chopping out your lusty limbs! Now don't get in a hurry or you could wind up with a hole in a hip or a dow rod in the buttocks.

You'll have to sand all curves and especially certain areas to prevent splinters and grain rash.

Be sure and paint you new wood mate with non toxic paint.

Please don't feel embarrassed about your fetish. Many famous people have one...such as:

Mr Rogers.....WOOD you be mine...won't you be my neighbor?

Kelly Clarkson....Life WOOD suck without you.

Alanis Morrissette....That I WOOD be good.

You just never know when someone uses the word WOULD....they could really mean WOOD! See if they glance at a tree...chair...desk...or wood floor when they use the word? Maybe it's time to come out of the cedar closet?

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Comments 26 comments

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

My song has nothing to do with wood "on the day that I was born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come trueeee!..." But Mr.Rogers song comes in second, please carve him with that great little trollup, I mean trolley of his!


ralwus 7 years ago

LOL@Candie. Your talents never cease to amaze me T. I love working with wood. I have done many things with it too and some carving. There is just something about working with it and admiring it too. It is a gift to us from the Great Creator who gave it it's own spirit. (my Cherokee blood is spilling forth) Love the pictures, great work


Pete Maida profile image

Pete Maida 7 years ago

I guess being a sick puppy has its uses. :-) This is funny stuff. I'll say it again, you need to be on a cable version of Saturday Night Live.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Candie....trollup....LOL! Thanks! :)

ralwus....I'm part Cherokee too...I love carving and working with wood. Thanks! :)

Thanks Pete...LOL...I have lots of issues.....I'd love to write skits for SNL...would you be my agent? :)


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

If you get on SNL, I will totally start the "Tom C" fan club and be it's president, and send out notices when you'll be on Letterman/Leno/Craig Ferguson and it will be so much fun for you!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Thanks Candie...that would be cool! :)


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

nice one.....


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Gee, Tom, out here in Kalifornia, a "woody" is a surfboard:-).I've never tried cuz I'm a a feard a splinters! But I shared your hub with my friend here, and this is her reaction:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbxxxsII5DY


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

LOL! The perfect woody laugh! Thanks! :)


Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

You just keep your chainsaw away from my morning wood!


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

"The hills are alive with the sound of muuuusic!" Nah, that's Tom playing with his chainsaw again!


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

I got a woody just readin this....and like Paper Moon...keep that chain saw away from it!!!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Paper Moon...LOL....OK! :)

Candie....Ever try to tune a Craftsman? :)

R. Blue.....try Murphy's Oil....great for woodies! :)


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Not tune one, but I've sharpened a lot of chains! what tune do they prefer? I would have to concur with Murphys oil, leaves a lustrous finish! Clean and shiny with a lovely lemon scent!

We always called those wood paneled Willies "woodies". What a versatile phrase!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Remember the station wagons called "Woodies"?


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

That's what I was referring to, thank you!! It's like you read my mind!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

Yet again, you amaze me with your talent, Tom.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Thanks James...grins! :)


Deece profile image

Deece 7 years ago from Piqua, OH

Soooooo where did you think of this one dad? Did you finally come out of the cedar closet?....lol


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Deece...yip...cedar chest! :)


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

From 'Deliverance' to Wood Fetish. I'm speechless.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Laughing Mom....LOL.....it is kinda weird huh? :)


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I love that Alanis song! Now WOOD I lie to you? (Eurithmics) I wish I could be as creative with my hands! Cool hub! LYM :D


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio Author

Cris......Yip...cool song! You might be surprised what you can do. All creativity comes from one place....poetry is the soul of words....... everything is poetry...everything my friend. Thanks...LYM! :)


Springboard profile image

Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

I "wood" comment, but I'd likely get banned. :)


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 5 years ago from Ohio Author

Springboard...LOL....I bet you wood. :o)

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