How To Make A Bib Necklace

I unashamedly ripped this title off Perri Lewis' Guardian Column, but it's okay because I'm linking right back to it. If you want to actually make a bib necklace, you should check out her instructions, they're probably very good.

I browse a lot of fashion blogs, but not many of them make me laugh, mostly because fashion is patronized by people who take it incredibly seriously. Taking things incredibly seriously is good if you're an airline pilot, or an astronaut, or a brain surgeon, but if your only job is draping fabric over other human beings, or even one step removed from that and merely involves looking at how fabric is draped over other human beings and then commenting about how the fabric has been draped according to an arbitrary set of judgments about the attractiveness of the aforementioned fabrics, then I reckon you don't get to take yourself seriously.

When I saw the 'Bib Necklace' line, I creased the sides of my mouth slightly, which is going to bite me in the ass later on in life when I'm shrivelled up like an old prune, but sometimes you have to let yourself go.

Bib necklace. What a delightful and descriptive name. There needs to be more fashion out there that reminds us of the innocence of our youth, when people would be ecstatic if we fell asleep and a little lemon juice could really mess up a whole damn day. (Babies hate lemon juice, except for the ones that have no souls. Soulless babies, that is. Not lemons. No lemons have souls.)

I read Perri's article with gusto. According to Perri, one needs to have some serious concentration skills in order to sew beads onto bits of felt. Because that's what a bib necklace is, it's basically a piece of fabric shaped like a baby's bib that you wear around your neck. And so you don't actually look like an infant whilst you're out looking fierce on the pavement, you need to sew shinies onto it so it looks sophisticated.(Perri also says that after you've made your own bib necklace you'll never buy a beaded necklace for under fifty pounds again, which seems like a ridiculous claim given that fifty pounds is almost a hundred US dollars these days, and spending a hundred dollars on a beaded necklace is one of the signs of the apocalypse.)

Bib necklaces are however undoubtedly sophisticated. Don't believe me? You don't have to. The one pictured being worn by the sallow and morose model in the picture was made by Vera Wang. Vera freakin' Wang. When Vera Wang gets involved, I know I'm deep in fashion territory.

With bib necklaces out of the way, it's only a matter of time before diamante diapers hit the catwalks.

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