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A Medicinal Taste (critiques needed - good and bad.)

  1. ProCW profile image83
    ProCWposted 8 years ago

    Read this poem with no haste.

    What would you do if I cried to you?
    What would you do if I screamed?
    What would you do if I hit your face?
    What would you do if I died?

    What would you do if I said go?
    What would you do if I cared?
    What would you do if I did embrace?
    What would you do if I lied?

    Crying and screaming
    And hitting and dying
    Saying and caring
    Embracing and lying;

    All may leave a medicinal taste.

    by: ProCW

    1. ProCW profile image83
      ProCWposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      No comments? Is it that bad? Or is it that good? smile

  2. Paraglider profile image89
    Paragliderposted 8 years ago

    I'm seeing it more as a song lyric than as a poem. The repeated openings of the first 8 lines don't hold enough interest to stand alone, but as a lyrical device it's OK. So that's my suggestion - sing it!

  3. gamergirl profile image62
    gamergirlposted 8 years ago

    Actually, with a nice catchy chorus in there...

    *scratches chin*

 
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