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65How To Perform Oral Sex On A Visiting Ambassador
The first thing to remember when performing oral sex on a visiting ambassador is that you are representing your nation with your mouth. Recent studies conducted by the Pew Foundation find that seventy to...
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65Heavy is the Head
in the kingdom of boredom, I wear the royal sweatpants —Mark Lyner JUNE 19 Dear Diary Rain today, as per the program I've inputted into the weather control device. It's a balmy 72º wherever...
0 comments50And All The Pasengers Screaming Around Here
It's practically standing still now. “When I woke up and you weren't there I thought I was still dreaming.” “What about now?” “What about now?”“You sure you're awake now?” “I...
0 comments63The Great American Shit Shovelers
The Great American Shit Shovelers By Robert Mandrake, AP Reporter How much shit would a shit shoveler shovel, if a shit shoveler should shovel shit? —Popular Children's Rhyme As long as there...
0 comments55How To Acheive A Cheap Sentemental Humanism At Other People's Expense
Mitch Albom is a cocksucking motherfucker. When I found out my beloved mentor and surrogate father figure was dying slowly and painfully from cancer, I took a break from the hectic schedule of my...
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60Killing Culture
The first thing you see when you walk in the door is, appropriately enough, you. A digital video camera's black iris laps up your three dimensional self and converts it into ones and zeros that a computer...
0 comments60We The Sheepeople
How Glenn Beck Is Like Pootie Tang, and How Pootie Tang Is Like Mao Tse-tung: The Big Nothing Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung is the most printed book in the history of the human race, blowing away the...
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62One Intelligent Male's Ruminations On The Post-Feminist Paradigm or In Praise Of Boobies
First, an anecdote from my life. My childhood as a white boy in a middle class suburb was thoroughly unremarkable. I wasn't beaten, I wasn't raped, and I wasn't set on fire, so besides my memoirs never...
0 comments60The Level of Discourse Continues to Slide
Is there anything so deadening to the soul as a PowerPoint presentation? * She'd had CONTAINS 20% MORE BOLD BITES tattooed on her abdomen, which I thought didn't raise the level of discourse at all. ...
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60Less Artsy More Fartsy
The question of why anyone would want to express themselves is one easily dismissed. It's such a fundamental part of our character there seems to be no point in speculating from whence it originates, we may...
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