Confessions From "Roy," a Shady Automotive Mechanic
Credit first to whom it belongs
This hub is lovingly-dedicated to fellow hubber, Kathryn L. Hill, who inspired this idea on a HubPages forum recently. Thank you, Kathryn.
Writer's note: This piece is not intended in any way, phrase, thought or idea to even mildly imply or insinuate that "all" women are gullible when getting their cars worked on by shady mechanics. Believe me, girls, shady mechanics are not just a colorful character seen in Popeye, The Sailor Man cartoons who takes advantage of Popeye's girlfriend, "Olive Oyl," when she gets her car fixed, but gets a bill three times too high causing Popeye to down a can of spinach and proceeds to "teach" this mechanical predator how to treat women and men right in his business. This hub is merely a few ways that you can easily know that a mechanic is honest, on the up-and-up or not. Kenneth)
I am NOT trying to be funny
In days gone by, there existed "shade tree mechanics," men who couldn't afford an expensive shop or tools, but knew enough about cars to just fix them where they stood--and a nearby shade is where these honest, hard-working mechanics did their best work. These true pieces of Americana lived and worked by one motto: "My integrity and business hinges on the next customer." These guys would move heaven and earth and wade through a swamp filled with water moccasins to do their customers right.
There is a huge difference between a "shade tree mechanic" and a shady mechanic. Ladies, not that I am ordering you around, it would serve you well to know the difference. Although it is not your fault that you are an attractive female lawyer, CEO, business owner or house wife (by choice), but you will agree that by and large, most women do not know how to deal with a slick, fast-talking, lying mechanic whose only goal is to bilk you and other women out of their hard-earned money.
Ladies, please watch this video
Ladies, keep in mind
You cannot help being a female. No use to change. And while a big number of females know more about cars than any guy around, there are many ladies with other things filling their lives like jobs, marketing, a business to run, and fixing their car is not on their "Important Things to Do List," so they, like many men (myself included) take their car to the first sign that reads: "Reliable, Affordable Mechanic Work Done," and that is where their trouble begins.
Later, after these hard-working ladies have paid a bill three times too high, they feel a sense of remorse for not reading this hub entitled . . .
Confessions From "Roy," a Shady Automotive Mechanic
Introduction: My name is "Roy." I work on cars and trucks. I make "some" money here and again, but I love it when a well-dressed, sweet-smelling girly girl rolls in with her BMW, Mercedes-Benz or Lexus and I see a sad look on her pretty face. Well, I know that if I just keep my face straight I will get her to pay triple on her bill that other mechanics who dare to be honest, wouldn't charge her that much."
- "Getting Acquainted - - most women know nothing about how a car engine works, so my work is half-done when they pull into my garage. I meet them with a cheesy smile and win their confidence right away. Reassurance is my best tool. I tell them, "Do not worry, ma'am, I have seen worse, so do not worry. I will take care of you." "So if you ladies get an instant "red carpet treatment" from me, I know that you will trust me when I charge you for parts you didn't need and you are afraid to tell your husband because you are in fear that he will get angry and humiliate you for not knowing that much about cars."
- "Mechanical Sounds - - are great for me to use to get a woman to pay me extra bucks. While she stands by her car, I let her see me reaching for my trusty screwdriver and crawl underneath her car. I hit the axle a few times so she can hear it. This is my way to deceive her into thinking that I am "checking" for the problem. Fact is, I am just faking the work. Then, and with my straight face, I tell her that she needs a new "Q-Rod Adapter," and she shreeks in fear. I reassure her that it only costs a few bucks and I will not charge a dime for my labor. She loves me for that. When two days have past, she returns to get her car which only needed the guard around her radiator fan tightened, a $30.00 job, but "Ol' Roy" made a great pay day of over $200.00. Not bad for "really" working 10 whole minutes .
"P.S. "I will always ask any woman when she pulls in for me to do some mechanic work, do you know anything about your car? If she says, "are you kidding me? I trust my husband for such things, but he is out of town at a company conference and I need my car for work and to take our kids to school," I get a fuzzy feeling in my stomach for I know that I will eat good tonight."
- "Appearances - - are a plus for me. I do not let her see my one employee, "Ace," taking one of his many naps while on the job. I can't fire him, for I nap too when things are slow. I also keep our whiskey bottles out of sight. Nothing turns a woman or man against a mechanic quicker than liquor on their breath. But I have mastered the way to take a nip or two and not worry about my customers smelling it on my breath. I eat a Chicklets or chew a piece of gum and even if they remark, "Roy, are you drinking?" I act shocked and then say, "No, ma'am. It's the medications my doctor says for me to take on the hour for my "heppastricticitis," a disease of my gluttius rectorice, a set of bones in my legs." Then their pity for me kicks in and I get to make even more money by leading them to think that I am suffering while I "fix" their cars." "Yep. Ol' Roy has been around and knows the tricks of bilking the unsuspecting automotive customers."
- "Ordering Unneeded Parts - - is easy for me to pull off when one of my women customers balks at my excessive bill. I look very stern and say, "Ma'am, your internal blower switch that sends electricity to your maxi-purpose generator was blown and you know that most of our parts are made in Tiwan, I hate that too, so I had to order you a new part. I tried to cut the salesman down a few bucks, but he would not take less than $500.00 for the part, but I will cut you some slack. I will only charge you $450.00 and not charge for my five hours of overtime." "When this customer sees me upset at a foreign country making auto parts, she knows I am all American. Then when I knock off fifty-bucks, the $450.00 looks pretty good, but really, there is no "internal blower switch." She just needed a new gas filter that runs about $20.00. I made out with a profit of over $430.00." "She'll be back for I have pulled the wool over her eyes with my true, blue American put on."
- "I Keep a Woman's Car - - most times and tell her the job will take longer than I expected. Say that a woman customer needs new plugs. I could have her in and out in less than an hour, but for "Ol Roy," to have a pocketful of cash, I tell her I need to keep her car three days. Then I hit her with some fake overtime at $50.00 an hour, plus the unwanted oil change, the bill will pan out at around $250.00. I watch her face. I can see when anger hits a woman, so I beat her to that move by telling her, hey, you can take your car to another mechanic. I know 'em all on this block and for a job like this, you will fork out at least $400.00, but you look like a hard-working woman and I admire that. She pays quickly. Haw, haw. A little flattery here and there is like icing on the cake."
- "One or Two Honest Jobs - - never hurts my image none. I do maybe two honest jobs a month so word-of-mouth will spread that "Ol Roy" is a rare mechanic for only charging a little when other mechanics charge an arm and a leg. Remember. Honesty does pay at times."
- "Instant Auto Work - - is a trick that "Ol Roy" designed myself. I get paid two ways. One, I am putting unneeded parts on this elderly lady's truck and when she is scratching through her purse to pay me. I stand and watch her give me her last dime. I smile and then motion her as she backs out of my shop, but the night before, I have put a few small nails near her back tires so she will most assuredly hit one or two of them and bam! She needs a new tire. Of course I over-charge her for that too and with that one elderly woman, I took her for way more than I needed to get into this big poker game way across town. Hey, every mechanic needs a hobby."
- "I Know All of Your Tricks - - ladies. And men too who have been told to ask a lot of questions about my license, my background, even customer references. But I am prepared. I will have an answer for all of your questions. Hey, I will even urge you to ask me anything about the job you are needed me to do. That way, you will feel awkward at even looking like you do not trust Ol' Roy." "Believe me. Me and other shady mechanics are making a great living "off" of cheating you and many like you."
- "I Always Look Busy - - which in itself as helped me to make tons of extra money on many of my new customers' automotive dilemma's. The trick is for my helper, "Ace," to station himself near my front door and as soon as he sees a 'sucker,' oops, I mean, customer roll up, he whistles at me. This is a signal for me to crawl underneath one of the cars and trucks I always keep in my garage area. I have to be upfront. The cars I keep in my shop area all belong to family members who let me keep them in my garage just for looks. When a customer sees all of the cars and trucks with their hoods up, they feel much better. This Roy guy sure stays busy. He must be great at fixing cars, they all think. I should have been a professional bass fisherman, for I can sure hook the fish. It's little gimmicks like this that has helped to keep me in business."
- "Sounds Like - - my place is always jumping with my employees fixing cars and trucks, right? Not. When I am in my office, I have a tape that plays over and over with various sounds of car engines being revved up, tools hitting the cement floor and employees asking for a certain size wrench. Any new customer who visits my place for the first time will leave impressed at how much work "I" am taking in and leave his or her vehicle for me to do whatever the job may be, but I always sneak in a few extra things and if the woman or man is ignorant about engines, I have the easiest job in the world
All in all, I have gotten away with my shady automotive practices for years. But what gets under my skin are those people (like you when you can see through my acts) who know what they want and can tell when a shyster like me is telling a lie.
Hey, don't worry. I will save you the trouble of looking up the right numbers to call in case you have ran into someone like me, "Ol Roy," the shady mechanic.
Just call this number: 1 (703) 276-0100, or you can click on this website:
But please don't hurry. My third wife, who doesn't work, is now begging me to take her on a lavish ocean cruise.
Note: the phone number and link above are REAL if you feel you have been bilked by a shady automotive mechanic.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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