Cutting Edge Alternative Fuels

Alternative Fuels for Cutting Edge Human Transport

We all need a ride to the grocery store, but none of us wants to soil this little blue marble we call home. Nasty fossil fuels produce yucky byproducts such as water vapor and carbon dioxide when burned the traditional internal combustion engine. Alternative Cutting Edge Fuels must be developed before we exhaust all our oil through our exhaust pipes.

Your next car should be a car that provides basic transportation, and heated seats, but also treads lightly across the highways and byways we all share. No one wants to get stuck behind your smog belching behemoth during rush hour. Look for innovative engineering solutions strategically engineered to cause your vehicle to emit as little foreign material as possible.

Cutting Edge Alternative Fuel #1 - Mac and Cheese

No one ever finishes their macaroni and cheese. There's always a bite or two left over. Even ordering a child's portion still results in excess. To leverage this glut of protein, cutting edge scientists developed the Mac and Cheese Car. Biologically engineered enzymes break down soggy pasta into component molecules. These little critters are combined with a phase-shifted matrix of dual-refracted cheese bits in order to produce cutting edge (and great smelling) fuel. Virtually any car that has used up the manufacturer's warranty can be retrofitted into a Mac n Cheese speedster.

The Mac n Cheese Car offers unique opportunities for alternative fuel alternatives.
The Mac n Cheese Car offers unique opportunities for alternative fuel alternatives.

Cutting Edge Fuel #2 - The Gerbil-Powered Vehicle

Vehicles of the today have reached a tipping point in the relentless effort to cut weight and increase efficiency. Car have become so light that they can be shoved around by gerbils. The Gerbil Powered Car fits into a perfect (and adorable) niche, meeting the needs of drivers who enjoy an excess of rodents around the house but still need a ride to work.

Hamsters may be substituted in a pinch, however Guinea Pigs are not recommended.

The Gerbil Powered Auto represents cutting-edge technology mated with furry rodents.
The Gerbil Powered Auto represents cutting-edge technology mated with furry rodents.

Cutting Edge Fuel #3 - The SailCar

Every auto mechanic knows that an aura is a field of luminous radiation energy surrounding a person. Are you wasting your aura on the supernatural aliens in your basement? A SailCar melds two disparate concepts that have been disparate for far too long. This dual-powered vehicle makes use of the driver's personal aura to generate 100% clean energy, perfect for short trips around town (longer trips and vacation jaunts require a carload of passengers willing to sit under pyramids). Resonant aural frequencies are absorbed by the dual flux-capacitors tucked away in the glove compartment and converted to mechanical energy by tiny garden gnomes and tooth fairies living in the transaxle. Only a light puff of pixie dust emanates from the tailpipe.

Should the driver suddenly lose their aura or experience some really bad karma, this little beauty comes with an easily deployable sail as standard equipment.

The SailCar is powered by your personal aura, and a sail.
The SailCar is powered by your personal aura, and a sail.

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Comments 9 comments

dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

I don't give a flying "f" about fuel economy. I have commented on the futility of "environmentalism" since the 1960s, when the world population was 3, maybe 4 billion. Now it is almost 7 billion.

The only solution is population control. Everything else is useless feel-good politically correct bullpucky.

Abortion, birth control, spaying, INFANTICIDE. Now both religious wackos and loony lefties don't like those alternatives, so eff em all.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

nicomp,

You have made a break through. These alternative cars are every bit as technologically feasible as those suggested by Al Gore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

One near and dear to me for obvious reasons is the "bean burrito powered" vehicle. Fill up on bean burritos (yourself, not the car) attach a hose to your butt and run it to the engine. I think that is the original bio-fuel.

Oh wait, Never mind. The methane is supposedly a bad greenhouse gas.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dabeaner: Your suggestion gives a new meaning to "Cutting Edge", but I digress.


Partisan Patriot 6 years ago

nicomp

Great ideas but where do we find those Giant Gerbils. How about the Al Gore Hot Air Car. He's made millions by spewing hot air since he lost in 2002. I say hook him up to a bottling plant and keep him talking!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Partisan Patriot: Politicians produce prodigious amounts of hot air, but unfortunately it is laced with deadly CO2.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Sorry nicomp, Al Gore already invented these fuels, didn't you hear?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@breakfastpop: Yer right. I recant. ;)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

less than 100 hits. sigh.

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