Don't fink and drive

It's OK. Our lips are sealed.

Can you keep a secret behind the wheel? Does the power of all-wheel drive, that new-car smell, and the exorbitant cost of gasoline make you want to spill your guts? We're here to help.

Keep your cool

When the pressure builds and you just want to blurt out the combination to your gym locker or the last 4 digits of your Social Security Number, armpits can get sweaty. Apply a few strategic swipes of Secret Deodorant before it's too late. It comes in many handy scents, all of which coordinate nicely with that new-car smell.

Keep a few scents in the glove compartment. When you're pulled over by a well-meaning officer inquiring as to your knowledge of local speed limit regulations, you'll need it.

Nature's Secret Weapon Cat Urine Odor Remover

A recalcitrant cat or mink can ruin the new car smell of your new car. This handy concoction leverages the secrets of nature to restore your Corinthian leather to factory specifications.

It's not your secret. Don't feel bad about telling it.

James Bond Tea Mug

No one keeps a secret better than 007. This mug provides inspiration to aspiring covert operators and it fits in your cup holder. Cruise confidently to your cubicle-based vocation while sipping Earl Grey and dreaming of saving the world. We won't tell anyone.

Greg Norman's Secret

He's a pretty good driver and he has a secret. For whatever reason he's sharing his secret with all of us on Amazon.com. It looks like something that might help you tune the radio more efficiently or perhaps adjust the rear-view mirror at highway speeds.

Order a couple and put one on each hand. Go for a drive. Let us know if Greg's secret is worth keeping.

Escort Passport Radar/Laser Detector

Highway enforcement officers ensconce themselves secretly. They reveal themselves when it's too late for you and your insurance rates. Stock up on Escort Radar/Laser detectors in all your vehicles. Some secrets should be open.

Undercover Secret Sleeve for Laptops, iPad & MacBooks

Feel free to be ashamed of your laptop, iPad, or MacBook. Tuck it into this ingeniously designed protective carrier to disguise your reputation from prying eyes. It looks like a gnarled manila envelope but it protects like a fresh new manila envelope. Secreted inside are custom-engineered Velcro straps virtually guaranteed to swaddle your electronics.

Secret Message Invisible Writer Spy Pen

Doodle away the hours stuck in traffic while maintaining strict secrecy. This ideal writing device emits invisible ink. It's perfect for jotting down the license plate numbers of people who pass you on the right or cut you off at the roundabout. A flashlight tip reveals your scribblings at opportune moments. 6 year-olds and CIA agents will love it.

Order a dozen for your next birthday party or Trilateral Commission conclave.

Take this simple poll

A fink is as bad as a(n)

  • stale watermelon
  • expired credit card
  • clogged vacuum cleaner
  • offline web site
See results without voting

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Comments 8 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

I'm in your corner with this one, nicomp, I've been using Secret for years. Can't wait for your 'Don't Clink and Drive' chapter. :)


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 3 years ago from Arlington, TX

I wouldn't dare think of finking and driving. Or finking while doing anything. a snitch is a snitch.

The Frog


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: Colonel Clink?

@The Frog Prince: Everyone hates a snitch. Do the time and be a stand-up guy.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

I would never be a fink driving or not, although I am attracted to the spy pen.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@breakfastpop: We trust you and all that you stand for.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 18 months ago from sunny Florida

Where have I been all this time? Not knowing these secrets could be holding me back from something...

Loved this....

Voted up++++ and shared

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 18 months ago from Nashville Tn.

Thanks for this interesting hub. Something to 'think' about. Sharing.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 18 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@pstraubie48 : I've been here 5 years. HubGods prevent you from seeing my work 'cause it's not sufficiently snooty. Most of my hubs aren't indexed.

Shame on me for trying to make a buck.

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