Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Hypermotards

1) Ducati Hypermotard - Ducati didn't invent the Hypermotard segment, but they most certainly appropriated the name and provided the ultimate in stomach-churning, puke-provoking styling to ensure that anyone who has ever viewed this bike will require years of therapy. Although I'll keep complaining about that semi-erect proboscis, the styling faults on this bike are enough to fill an encyclopaedia. Not only does the rear wheel look like it's about to fall off, and the frame looks like someone was painting a girder bridge red and ran out of paint, but that white swoopy lump on the side of the tank complete with red lollipop cross-section spike is just... just... er... BARF!

2) Triumph Tiger - Take the ugliest paint from the Kawasaki paint warehouse, stick on dual headlights with a terminal case of strabismus, spit in the face of Craig Vetter by stealing the tank to sidecover swoop off the legendary original Triumph Hurricane, and then don't forget to hire the guy who paints the helmets of the Cincinnati Bengals to finish off the bike. I just wish they had finished me off before they made me see this horrendous piece of asininity.

3) Ducati Multistrada - The Duck team gets two out of the top three in the hypermotard hyperuglystakes with this complete flub of a clunky design. Let's work our way through the grotesquery, shall we? The exhaust pipe looks like an artillery shell embedded itself in the rear, the two-step ridiculous excuse for a seat looks like they ran out of vinyl while upholstering it, and the half megaphone chain cover makes me want to sing "Winchester Cathedral"... but the piece de resistance has to be that 1950s household range oven / sideways two slice toaster that they decided to weld onto the front of the bike. Multidisgusting!

4) Benelli Tre - K Amazonas - This is a bike that truly has no reason to exist. Not only is the name as goofy as the rest of the motorcycle, but it seems that the Italian stylists really have lost the plot when they keep coming up with these revolto-machines. If you can get past the bumblebee paint job, your eyes are violated by that rear fender that looks like it belongs on a Model A street rod, the crunchy angularity of those spindly multiple frame tubes, and that headlight minifairing that looks like it came lose from its fittings and is about to fall on the front wheel. And what's with those lace disk brakes?

5) Honda Transalp - Just to show that hideous styling is not the exclusive domain of the Europeans, Honda has come out with a mutated gargoyle that is certain to have Soichiro turning in his grave. The bottom engine shroud was ugly enough in battleship gray, but did they have to melt it onto the engine like cheese? And what's with that golden-y vee on the front of the bike? Take off the graphics that look like the artist went to lunch when he was halfway through and turn your head to the side and it's a Star Trek emblem! This bike goes to repulsion where no man has gone before!

6) Yamaha TDM - Sneaking in just a micron below the Transalp in the Japanese Vile Styling Sweepstakes, the TDM combines an grunge gray T-bone steak frame with a yellow and gray swoopy lower fairing tank shroud thing that looks like it was just stolen from a 50cc mini chopper. And why does the headlight look like it's peeking out from under a sleepy eyelid?

7) Moto Guzzi Stelvio - Having ridden the Stelvio pass in the Alps, I can certainly testify that it's a breathtaking road, all hairpins and magnificent sights. The Moto Guzzi Stelvio is something like that... except that you want to stick the hairpins in your eyes so you can get rid of your sight. This aberrant blunder is two completely different motorcycles: The top part is some Chinese designer's body for a tiny 50 cc pocket sportbike, while the bottom is direct from the Ingersoll-Rand Air Compressor catalog, with an engine side shroud from a Briggs & Stratton generator. Heaven help us Italians...

8) Honda Varadero - While the Transalp is a flying wedge Star Trek emblem, the Varadero has to be some weird kind of caped superhero. Just look at how the sides of the fairing hunker up like shoulders and the headlight forms a permanent "Batman scowl under the cowl." However, as a motorcycle, it's an abject styling failure, with its incredibly obese fuel tank, fatuous rear fender and bovine bottom engine shroud. What a mess!

9) Moto Morini Granpasso - Gran Passo means Great Pass, and that's exactly what you should do if you're blind enough to want to purchase it! Could the Morini stylists possibly have put in any other discordant angle on one sorry motorcycle? Everything from the rim of the tires up deserves to go into a shredder, especially that girderish frame sticking out from beneath a tank that seems like they ran out of metal, and that front end of the fairing that defies any coherent description other than U - G - L - Y !!!

10) Kawasaki Versys - How is it possible that the same manufacturer that was able to design the original Z1 New York Steak, a motorcycle with lines so classic that it looks just as good today as it did in its premiere almost four decades ago, can be responsible for this pathetic Green Goblin with a puckered headlight, chopstick rear frame, proctology monoshock, spaghetti exhausts, and enough shrouds and mismatching engine covers to build a Puff The Magic Dragon Scooter?


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Comments 29 comments

earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

Soo ugly! I swear I haven't seen this many ugly bikes since Urel had a still running day!

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

earnestshub, I couldn't agree with you more if I'd paid you $20 to post these comments! :)

JetdocX 8 years ago

You're an idiot. You just reviewed some of the most useful bikes in the world. Now go ride your chome pig to the nearest bar.

stopwatch 8 years ago

You are obviously all about form and nothing about function. The very form of the bikes you have listed is a large part of what makes them able to out class and out perform the fat, wallowing "cookie cutter" styled crusiers you apparently favor. If you weren't so worried about trying to look "cool", you might have the good judgement to demo one of the above bikes and find out how truly great the motorcycling experience can be. These bikes are the modern form of "go anywhere, do anything" machines that made motorcycles so loved during the first 80 years of the twentieth century. The only talent you seem to have, other that wearing blinders, is a self-serving propensity to make cute little visual associations which highlight both your imagination AND ignorance. You need to WAKE UP AND RIDE.

stopwatch 8 years ago

Oh, and by the way... most of the bikes you so ignorantly listed above as "Hypermotards" are not. At least three of them are actually classed as "Adventure Tourers" by the more intelligent motorcycle press. Adventure tourers are the "SUVs / Swiss Army Knives" of motorcycles. These are bikes which can do most anything quite well AND in comfort. WHY DIDN'T YOU LIST THE BUELL ULYSSES ABOVE? I guess the amount of BLIND BIAS you have for "ANYTHING HARLEY" prevents you from making any negative comments about a bike associated with the Harley name. Sad.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

JetdocX, not only do I no longer own a Harley, but if you would learn to read you would discover that I am not criticizing their function or "useful"-ness, but their despicable, retch-inducing aesthetics.

stopwatch, please join JetdocX at the remedial reading sessions. Buell is the number one bike in the ugliest 10 of all time! Also, go check to see how many Harleys are on the entire Top 100! Duh! And how many sections did you want me to list a top 10 in? There are at least 40 more or less legitimate categories, so I had to combine and boil down to ten. Did your momma have any kids who lived? :)

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newsworthy 8 years ago

is this a male hub?

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Ugliness is non-gender-specific. :)

keystiger 8 years ago

Who put you in cahrge of picking what is ugly and what isn't?

Credentials please........... as if they matter.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Read my profile. And credentials do matter considering I was publishing national motorcycle magazines when you were likely learning to read.

JetdocX 8 years ago

You may find all of the above bikes' looks improve with a coat of dust or mud.

Or maybe you lack the imagination to see these bikes actually being ridden. What the hell do looks have to do with it? Your form over function mentality is irrelevant 30 miles into the White Rim Trail or two inches past the border in Baja. I'm done beating you up. Have a nice ride, whatever you ride (if you ride).

REGULATOR 8 years ago

WOW, You think these bikes are Ugly? Maybe I'm biased but I actually sought out a Tiger in the Roulette green color.. Its dead sexy in person..

I have people stop me and ask where they can get one, and if it came in that color or did I custom paint it because its so freaking cool in person...

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newsworthy 8 years ago

since ugliness isn't gender specific....

The last bike I rode on, I tapped the guy on the shoulder and told him in his ear " I forgot my shades at judys". So, needless to say, he turns around immediately and WHAMMO, pea gravel!

But it wasn't an ugly bike.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

I bet it was ugly after the pea gravel scrapes! :)

aaronb 8 years ago

since when is 'hypermotard' a segment? the hyper is unique. others shown are adventure bikes...

hobie 8 years ago

If you're going to criticize (which is easy) at least show us what you think is beautiful. Then we can judge whether or not you're talking out of your ass!

earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

I see a few people questioning Hal about his credentials. Read his bloody profile you dipsticks!

By the way I don't see any of you leaving your credentials! Learn, read and keep your silly trap shut until you know something.

Like some other dedicated professionals Hal has forgotten more than you will ever know, and if you read you may learn something, Or is it too hard to do with your mouth open and your mind closed.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

aaronb, hypermotard is one of over 40 acknowledged segments.

hobie, the only time I talk out of my ass is when I discuss you. Read the main Hub in this series for the list of great bikes. DUH!

earnesthub, you have once again shown why you are one of the most respected and skilled Hubbers on this site. Thanks! :)

aaronb 8 years ago

"aaronb, hypermotard is one of over 40 acknowledged segments."

funny, how when i google hypermotard motorcycle, i get the duc. when i google hypermotard segment, this page is the first hit, followed by a bunch of nothing. if these bikes truly are all 'hypermotoards' nobody else knows, and you are the only person to use the phrase 'hypermotard segment' on the interwebs

i guess the hyper could be classified as a motard (but it really is just a straight up hooligan bike), but again, the rest are adventure/adventure tourers

if i am wrong, please give me a link where i can see these '40 acknowledged segments'.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

J. D. Power & Associates. Feel free to buy their reports, like I do! :)

versysrider 8 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHA - you actually think my bike's a motard!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Yeah, and I think that what you are rhymes with motard! :)

Anthony  7 years ago

I know this is an old post I think he is bloody right in saying that they are ugly...I love them to death myself for the functionality but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So I kind of dig them and hate them at the same time. Anyway this is a huge segment of bikes out there, and sure as heck are better looking even in this class...

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

"he is bloody right in saying that they are ugly"


nomoretrucks profile image

nomoretrucks 7 years ago from scotland

Ha ha you guys! hal licino is spot on, these bikes are functional, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Today's bikes have handling to die for and great performance, but bar a few they are devoid of style and the beauty of past times just like modern buildings are functional and efficient and art deco buildings are classic.

I wanna go retro ive got modern living overload.I miss me KTM420 with twinshocks and me XT500,I got bored with my 170mph ninja cos it did everything asked of it but NO character.

Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Right on dude! And I fully agree with your XT500. It's one of the top 3 bikes I've ever owned! :)

ab 6 years ago

the hypermotard is the most interesting new design to come of a manufacturer that is neither retro-retard or trekkie-nerd-futuro-tryingtoohard. the multistrada front is off, but the rear end is amazing. the new multistrada (2010) is trekkie-nerd-futuro-tryingtoohard and highly uninteresting. swap in almost all the bikes you like.

maxx 6 years ago

This article is ridiculous. What is the point? Can good taste be defined, and who is to judge? The author merely gives his opinion, and readers seem to think his opinionated comments form the basis of some sort of taste definition. Don't be offended guys, just simply ignore this web site- at the end of the day you all like what you like, and dislike what you do not like. Luckily, we aren't all the same, luckily there is a huge diversity of taste in the world- picture a world with ONE class type of bike, all the same, how boring. Communism was a bit like this I guess, and it is on its way out (PLEASE let's not discuss this!) making way for freedom of mind, speech, taste and diversity.

Get out there and ride your bikes rather than discuss taste!

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Zeeshan Ali Khan 5 years ago

I read all Comment but i like this bike because this bike style is very beautiful but bike silencer is not good any way all bike is beautiful i like it

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