Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Hypermotards
1) Ducati Hypermotard - Ducati didn't invent the Hypermotard segment, but they most certainly appropriated the name and provided the ultimate in stomach-churning, puke-provoking styling to ensure that anyone who has ever viewed this bike will require years of therapy. Although I'll keep complaining about that semi-erect proboscis, the styling faults on this bike are enough to fill an encyclopaedia. Not only does the rear wheel look like it's about to fall off, and the frame looks like someone was painting a girder bridge red and ran out of paint, but that white swoopy lump on the side of the tank complete with red lollipop cross-section spike is just... just... er... BARF!
2) Triumph Tiger - Take the ugliest paint from the Kawasaki paint warehouse, stick on dual headlights with a terminal case of strabismus, spit in the face of Craig Vetter by stealing the tank to sidecover swoop off the legendary original Triumph Hurricane, and then don't forget to hire the guy who paints the helmets of the Cincinnati Bengals to finish off the bike. I just wish they had finished me off before they made me see this horrendous piece of asininity.
3) Ducati Multistrada - The Duck team gets two out of the top three in the hypermotard hyperuglystakes with this complete flub of a clunky design. Let's work our way through the grotesquery, shall we? The exhaust pipe looks like an artillery shell embedded itself in the rear, the two-step ridiculous excuse for a seat looks like they ran out of vinyl while upholstering it, and the half megaphone chain cover makes me want to sing "Winchester Cathedral"... but the piece de resistance has to be that 1950s household range oven / sideways two slice toaster that they decided to weld onto the front of the bike. Multidisgusting!
4) Benelli Tre - K Amazonas - This is a bike that truly has no reason to exist. Not only is the name as goofy as the rest of the motorcycle, but it seems that the Italian stylists really have lost the plot when they keep coming up with these revolto-machines. If you can get past the bumblebee paint job, your eyes are violated by that rear fender that looks like it belongs on a Model A street rod, the crunchy angularity of those spindly multiple frame tubes, and that headlight minifairing that looks like it came lose from its fittings and is about to fall on the front wheel. And what's with those lace disk brakes?
5) Honda Transalp - Just to show that hideous styling is not the exclusive domain of the Europeans, Honda has come out with a mutated gargoyle that is certain to have Soichiro turning in his grave. The bottom engine shroud was ugly enough in battleship gray, but did they have to melt it onto the engine like cheese? And what's with that golden-y vee on the front of the bike? Take off the graphics that look like the artist went to lunch when he was halfway through and turn your head to the side and it's a Star Trek emblem! This bike goes to repulsion where no man has gone before!
6) Yamaha TDM - Sneaking in just a micron below the Transalp in the Japanese Vile Styling Sweepstakes, the TDM combines an grunge gray T-bone steak frame with a yellow and gray swoopy lower fairing tank shroud thing that looks like it was just stolen from a 50cc mini chopper. And why does the headlight look like it's peeking out from under a sleepy eyelid?
7) Moto Guzzi Stelvio - Having ridden the Stelvio pass in the Alps, I can certainly testify that it's a breathtaking road, all hairpins and magnificent sights. The Moto Guzzi Stelvio is something like that... except that you want to stick the hairpins in your eyes so you can get rid of your sight. This aberrant blunder is two completely different motorcycles: The top part is some Chinese designer's body for a tiny 50 cc pocket sportbike, while the bottom is direct from the Ingersoll-Rand Air Compressor catalog, with an engine side shroud from a Briggs & Stratton generator. Heaven help us Italians...
8) Honda Varadero - While the Transalp is a flying wedge Star Trek emblem, the Varadero has to be some weird kind of caped superhero. Just look at how the sides of the fairing hunker up like shoulders and the headlight forms a permanent "Batman scowl under the cowl." However, as a motorcycle, it's an abject styling failure, with its incredibly obese fuel tank, fatuous rear fender and bovine bottom engine shroud. What a mess!
9) Moto Morini Granpasso - Gran Passo means Great Pass, and that's exactly what you should do if you're blind enough to want to purchase it! Could the Morini stylists possibly have put in any other discordant angle on one sorry motorcycle? Everything from the rim of the tires up deserves to go into a shredder, especially that girderish frame sticking out from beneath a tank that seems like they ran out of metal, and that front end of the fairing that defies any coherent description other than U - G - L - Y !!!
10) Kawasaki Versys - How is it possible that the same manufacturer that was able to design the original Z1 New York Steak, a motorcycle with lines so classic that it looks just as good today as it did in its premiere almost four decades ago, can be responsible for this pathetic Green Goblin with a puckered headlight, chopstick rear frame, proctology monoshock, spaghetti exhausts, and enough shrouds and mismatching engine covers to build a Puff The Magic Dragon Scooter?
Check out Hal's latest Hubs:
Also don't miss Hal's many other Motorcycling Hubs!
- An $85,000 Diesel Cruiser. But It Gets Great MPG!
- Could MPG Alone Get You On A 250 Cruiser?
- Nothing Exceeds Like Excess: Boss Hoss
- Same Bike, Different Name: Suzi Boulevard Vs. Kawi Vulcan
- The Biggest & Meanest: 2007 Kawasaki 2000 Vulcan
- The Wacky World Of Mini-Choppers
- Which Cruiser Engine Layout: A V-Twin Or Straight 3?
- 2007 Factory Choppers Buyer's Guide
- 2009 Yamaha V-Max VMX17: The wrong bike at the wrong time
- All the Fuel-Saving Devices that do nothing but rip you off
- American Vs. Metric Cruisers
- CanAm Spyder: 3-Wheel Cruiser Or Roadgoing Snowmobile?
- Finally! 2009 Official EPA Harley & Yamaha MPG Figures
- Hal's Master Motorcycle & Scooter MPG Reference Hub
- Harley Davidson's Outrageous Pricing Ripoffs
- Honda Fury vs. Yamaha Raider: Perfection Meets Grotesquerie
- How You Can Ride Captain America's Panhead
- Hypermile your motorcycle up to 179 MPG: No snake oil, no scams!
- Is it time to retire superbikes?
- Motorcycle Ergonomics: Getting That Kink Out
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: BMW
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Ducati
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Harley-Davidson Big Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Harley-Davidson Sportsters & Below 1201 cc
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda Boxers & Sixes
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda Off Road
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda Street Singles
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda Transverse Fours
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda V-Fours & CBRs
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda V-Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Honda Vertical Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Kawasaki Ninjas
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Kawasaki Singles
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Kawasaki Vertical Twins, Fours & Sixes
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Kawasaki Vulcans
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Suzuki Singles & Vertical Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Suzuki Sports & Fours
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Suzuki V-Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Triumph
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Yamaha Sports & Fours
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Yamaha V-Twins
- Motorcycle MPG Guide: Yamaha Vertical Singles, Twins & Triples
- Motorcycle nostalgia items I would gladly pay $$$ for!
- MPG Guide: The Fuel Economy Of 700 Top Selling Motorcycles
- MPG Guide: The Fuel Economy Of 250 Top Selling Scooters
- Pugang 125: The motorcycle built by starving slave laborers
- Revolutionary Harley Trike Has 2 Front Wheels That Lean
- Riding Your Bike For Maximum MPG
- R.I.P. XLH: How Could Harley Kill Off The Traditional Sportster?
- Sportster Iron 883: The Bike That Won't Save Harley
- Styling: Why Harleys Look Right & BMW Sedans Look Wrong
- Suzuki 350 runs on water. Pigs fly. Film at 11.
- Suzuki-ENV Hydrogen Fuel Cell Motorcycle?
- Suzuki's 2008 1300 And 1800 Deformed Emetogenic Mutants
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Sportsbikes
- The 25 Wackiest Motorcycles Of All Time
- The Current State Of Solar Powered Motorcycles
- The new 123 MPG Champ: Yamaha Zuma!
- There's no zen in the art of motorcycle maintenance
- Top 10 Japanese Street-Legal Bikes Of All Time
- Top 10 Ugliest Motorcycles Of All Time
- Top 10 Tips For New Motorcycle Riders
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Bizarrobikes
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Current Cruisers
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Golden Age Bikes
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Hypermotards
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Naked Bikes
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Older Cruisers
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Supermotards
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Tourers
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Vintage Bikes
- Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles In History - The Ultimate List!
- Top 50 Best MPG Motorcycles
- Tri Glide Trike Leads Harley Davidson's 2009 Lineup
- Why Motorcycle Manufacturers Missed Out On MPG Mania
- Why the VMX17, Hayabusa And Similar Bikes Should Be Off The Streets
More by this Author
Here are the ten worst rubbish, detritus, mutant, flotsam and jetsam throwaway scrap metal piles of offensive sewage junk Naked Bikes that will have you pleading for them to put some clothes ON!
A reliable, fun, street legal brand new 100cc Honda that gets 100 mpg and costs under $1,000? If Honda was smart enough to bring it from India to North America, they'd sell by the thousands!
This is the definitive guide to the fuel economy of the 250 top-selling motor scooters from 50cc to 800cc expressed in mpg and km/l.