Funny Job Listings

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Here are a couple of examples...

INVESTMENT / INVENTION ANALYST - PACIFIC NORTHWEST There are two analysts Goofus and Gallant. Which one are you? In 1879 Gallant (you?) analyzed the viability of the work being done by a small group of engineers in Menlo Park, New Jersey. They were looking to replace candles and lamp oil with a new technology called an incandescent light. Based upon that research you smartly recommended to your clients that they invest their money there. Goofus meanwhile (you?) told his clients to stay away from those risky, fickle technology stocks and told them instead to take the safer route and place their money in a nice safe hedge fund like Ascot Partners? So which are you? Well, if we Highlight Gallant, you made the better choice, but man are you old. On the other hand if you chose Goofus, well, you're just a moron...I don't know what else to say... This of course is only funny if you know what Ascot Partners is..." But if you're Gallant and have the aiblity to see the future based upon numbers and projections, then this is the job for you. Our client is located in the Pacific Northwest. They are looking for someone willing to relocate there (obviously that will be paid for if you're not already there) to work with Portfolio Managers to form a market basis for their investments. The group you'd be working in provides market research support around portfolios to either inform or to help refine points of view on portfolio shaping over time. The group assists in the RFI creation by defining the "Market Background" section and provides a context for what industries, products or countries solutions developed for a RFI maybe valuable in and puts the economic and financial return potential into a more detailed perspective. NOW, if you think that I understood a single word of what I just wrote, then you're more out of touch than "The Black Knight" in Monty Python's Holy Grail. On the invention side you'll review inventions and outside analysis among a slew of other fascinating things that would just take up WAY too much time to write about it now. We should talk anyway. These two seperate positions are critical to our client's success. If you have an advanced degree and experience in the either of the positions listed above and a salary in the $100-$160K range (depending upon what you bring to the table with you) and you're willing to work and live in the Pacific Northwast then Gallant, we should talk most promptly...your competition for the job is already on the phone dialing...


AUDIT MANAGER - PUBLIC ACCOUNTING - STAMFORD / NORWALK, CT There are accounting gigs that we come across where we think to ourselves, "We have more of a chance of getting Sheikh Ahmed Yassinto to play a rousing game of Yahtzee with Ehud Olmertat at Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's house, than we do of filling some of these jobs." Well, that's not the case with this one. Our client, a rapidly growing CPA firm in lower Fairfield County, and they need a solid Audit Manager to help their practice grow to the next level. They want someone with a solid foundation in compilation and review, business taxation and supervision and training of up and coming auditors. A CPA is a must. Previous public accounting experience is also non-negotiable. They also will not talk to job-hoppers. They prefer a good school and good grades. One thing where they have shown tremendous flexibility with us is that they're open to speaking to males and females for the job. If you're a canine, I'm afraid they aren't going to start barking up that tree... alright that one sucked...I'll admit it... Partnership potential is what they're looking for in whomever does apply. Excellent benefits are available to the right person and a salary in the $90-$125K range. What are you waiting for? An invitation? Okay...consider yourself invited...

We're looking forward to talking with you...

Check us out...You'll be glad you did...

Crossroads Consulting, LLC
Crossroads Consulting, LLC

Comments 1 comment

Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

LOL nice one

Please check this one too

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