Good Sickie Excuses
dead Grandparents only works 4 times
Reasons for a sickie
There are many reasons for taking a sick day from work. The classic reason is due to having a hangover but other people just wake up some days and feel like they cannot lift their head from the pillow and need a day off. Others need to be present to watch their favourite team, or perhaps a new bag will be available in a shop in town but it is likely to sell out if you wait until the weekend to go and buy it.
In some more enlightened companies these occurrences can be dealt with by by using a "duvet day", where an employee can phone in to the office in the morning and with no prior warning and say they are not coming in. Unfortunately, although perhaps unsurprisingly, the idea of "duvet days" has not caught on to all companies and if you want a week day off you have to pre plan it, get it okayed by the boss and use up one of your precious holidays.
remember disease consequences
There are a few golden rules about throwing a sickie. All of which boil down into telling your superior at your place of employment a fraudulent reason for you not turning up to your place of business for a day.
-The first rule is that the reason given cannot have any long term effects on your appearance or work performance. This rules out excuses like having the flu, which does have the effect of you not being able to go into work for a couple of days, however, when you do go in you had better have a running nose and sore throat.
In short, you have to think of an excuse, especially if medical, that can clear up in a night.
-Don't use something as an excuse that could likely happen to you in the near future and therefore make you have to think up an excuse when you already have one. With this i am thinking about dead Grandparents, fine if they are already dead and you know you will not have to go to another one of their funerals but your boss will notice if you've killed off 12 of them!
-Try and think of a sickie excuse that is reasonably original. Yes, we all get a dodgy stomach more than we get asked to take part in medical tests on male virility, but your boss will want to believe that is the reason you are off, because who is going to make that up?
-Misfortune and embarrassment are powerful ways of masking the fact that you are sowing a sickie excuse. Tell your boss something that he can laugh and gossip about with his peers. Who cares if they feel superior to you, you're the one kicking back and relaxing.
- Build up credit at work. Go in a few times when you are thick with the cold or really hungover. This means that you give the impression that it must take the combined diseases of an 18th century London brothel to make you miss work.
Good sickie examples
I will now include a few solid sickie excuses that should work fairly easily.
- Conjunctivitis, or pink eye. Your eyes are all sore and red and teary. You need to lie in a dark room for a day but you will hopefully be fine by tomorrow, as it can clear up fast. This is common, but very little understood by most people, good for when you are really hungover as your eyes will be pretty red anyway.
- Migraine. Once again this is an excuse that can lay you low for a full day, incapacitated, without leaving any marks on the body whatsoever, allowing you to walk into work the next day fresh as a daisy.
- In jail. Nobody would make that up would they? Say you got busted for protesting something and you have to stay in the police station for a while. If you have a nuclear power station or something like that near by then say you wanted it to be shut down but the government clamped down, man.
- Mental anguish. Use an excuse that you were caused extreme personal pain by something. A friend of mine once told his superior that he had just found out that his girlfriend had had an abortion. Sick and morally dubious, but he was never asked anything more about it. So it works if you can look yourself in the eye after saying it. Saying you just found out that you were adopted is also another option.
- If you are a woman and have a male boss then complain of anything to do with woman's health. 99% of guys will just nod and try to think of something else.
- You have to go to a sexual health clinic. Say you really have to go. As the adverts tell us, you can't tell who has an STD. Your boss will love that one for gossip.
No comments yet.