How To Make A Million Dollars-Affiliate Marketing Spoof

How To Make A Million Dollars-Step 1

The first thing you are going to want to do on your journey on how to make a million dollars is apply for all the credit cards you can. Its imperitive you have some high limits on these cards as you will be doing a lot of spending. Dont worry though, this spending is a vital part on how to make a million dollars.

Now you have to walk up to your boss and tell him to take a hike because you are about to become an internet millionaire. Make sure you tell him exactly what you think of him and his stupid job. This is a very important step in order to build the confidence. You are calling yourself out by making the commitment to give up a sure paycheck.

Now you are on your way to learning how to make a million dollars. Please do not move forward with these lessons until you finish the previous lesson first.  It is of vital importance that you follow each step to the T if you want this to succeed.

How To Make A Million Dollars-Step 2

Now we have to work on your confidence. If you want to learn how to make a million dollars confidence is very important. So how are we going to build your confidence? Great, I thought you would never ask. The only way to build confidence is to live and play the part. Dont worry this wont be a problem because you are going to learn how to make a million dollars. Jeez did you forget that already?

Anyways on the way home you want to trade your car in for something brand new. I dont care what it is as long as it costs around $100 000. Dont worry about the payments because by the time the first payment comes around you will be rolling in dough. On the way home with your new car stop and get a few of those Armani suits made up for you. Make sure they are not off the rack but tailor made. Also pay the extra money to put a rush on them. Now, you will stop at the electronics store and buy the best cell phone they have with the package that costs the most. Lastly while there buy 2 or 3 high end computers and a top of the line laptop.

When you get home call the most expensive contractor over to remodel your office in your home. Tell him there is an extra $25000 in it for him if he gets it done in the next 48 hours.

Now your wife is going to look at you like you have just fallen head first into a vat of liquid crystal meth. However you have to be strong. All you need to tell her is you are about to learn how to make a million dollars. Now you are all set. You just need to get the office finished, get your suits and you are off to the races.

Side Note:If you see your wife walking out with the kids and suitcases just ignore it. Always keep your mind on whats important. Learn how to make a million dollars and she will come running home.

How To Make A Million Dollars-Step 3

Step three in learning how to make a million dollars is going to be a little rough. I promise you that this will be the only rough day there is.

So what is going to make it rough is the fact that you may have to work at the kitchen table today because of the office renovations. Also you may have to work in your pajamas because your suits wont be ready until the evening. The great part is your wife left and took the kids so you will have peace and quiet.

Today is a busy day on your quest on how to make a million dollars. First you need to search such topics as get rich online, make money online, and other stuff like that. You will have a pretty extensive list in front of you. What I want you to do is sign up for every single mailing list that is offered to you.

Ok now that you have signed up to the mailing lists I want you to go to a site called ClickBank and pull out your credit card because you are going to purchase the top 20 products offered in the make money topics. Dont bother reading about them. If they are in the top 20 then you have nothing to worry about. When you are purchasing these make sure you buy every upsell and every one time offer.

Ok, I know its noon and you are thinking this is hard work but Im sorry you do have to put in a little effort for a couple days.

So now out of all those 20 programs you purchased you need to open them all up and only focus on the ones that have a mentoring program or a set up and forget program. You will recognize them immediately because the price will be around $500 to $1000 in each case. You definately want to sign up for these. These are most the reason you will learn how to make a million dollars. Ok, now you are done for today. You should celebrate by going out for some drinks and lobster tails.

Side Note: Dont worry about the programs that you bought and dont have a mentoring program. Most of them should have a money back guarantee. Wait you are learning how to make a million dollars. Ah, just forget them, they are no longer important.

How To Make A Million Dollars-Step 4

Todays a big day in your learn how to make a million dollars career. You have your brand new office set up, you have on one of your new suits and you are ready to go to work. Today shouldnt be a long day. In fact you should be easily done by noon.

Ok remember all those lists you signed up to yesterday? Well you should now have tons of offers to buy the latest, greatest tools in affiliate marketing. I want you to open each one and dont worry about anything except the price.

You see some will be membership sites, some will be tools and some will be software. All that is not important right now. All you really need to do is sign up to everyone that is $1000 or more. Anything less than that just isnt worth it. Trust me there will be plenty starting at the $1000 mark and higher. Of course higher is better. I mean thats just common sense right?

So now that you have signed up for all these programs I think thats enough learning how to make a million dollars for one day.

See I told you today would be an easy day.

Side Note: Tommorrow is the last day in setting up your business and learning how to make a million dollars.

How To Make A Million Dollars-Step 5

Today is a big day for you. You are going to graduate and you will have learned how to make a million dollars.

Today you are going to outsource your work. All you need to do is Google outsource companies and go to the first one you see. Once inside dont worry about terms of service or anything like that. What you want to do is hire the first person on the list.

You will be supplying this person with everything they need. You will pay them up front, you will give them access to every account you signed up to in the last 2 days and you will also be giving them your credit card number for any add-ons that come available.

You dont have to worry about trusting these people. After all they are in an out sourcing company so they can be trusted. They will now be in charge of any details that still need to be taken care of. They will always have your best interest at heart so you have nothing to worry about.

Well I would like to congratulate you.  You are now the latest victim, um I mean graduate of how to make a million dollars.  There is just one small step left which you can see below.

How To Make A Million Dollars-Last Step

So you have done everything that has been asked of you. Now there is no way anything can go wrong. After all everything you learned was found on the internet and the internet is gospel of course.

So all you have left to do is take a vacation for about 2 weeks. Go enjoy yourself. After all you did learn how to make a million dollars but your not silly enough to think you would have made the money over night.  Now you know that would have been a scam.

So here we are. fast forwarde 2 weeks later.  You are fresh home from your trip.  You cant wait to get to the mail box.  You open it up and you cant believe your eyes.  It is full of envelopes.  You hurriedly take them out but are shocked at what you see.  There are final notices, over dues, repossesion notices, divorce papers from your wifes lawyer but the one thing is there are no checks.

You immediately get on the phone to the person who trained you and ask them what the heck is going on.  They quickly tell youu this is a rinse and repeat business.  All you have to do is start over and everything will work out.  Now you are happy again because once again you are going to learn how to make a million dollars.

Is There A Morale To How To Make A Million Dollars

Well people Im sure all of you have figured out this entire hub is full of rubish. I sure hope you enjoyed it though. You know the things in this story arent so far from the truth in many cases. In all honesty the moral is to get your head out of your butt. We see stories and products everyday promising us easy money on the internet.

Im here to tell you that just isnt the case. Can you make money online? Absolutely you can and you can make very good money. However at the end of the day it requires a few things. Those things are a commitment to yourself and your business. It involves patience, hard work and be willing to do what it takes.

At first you can get started for nothing but as you move on and learn there are some things you will want to purchase like domain names, hosting, an autoresponder. However those are real tools of the business. They are tools you will eventually need.

I hope to be able to lead those who are interested on the right path. I will start slowly and try and keep things simple. I will try and keep it ABC to start. Hopefully when we are done you to will have learned how to make a million dollars. LOL

Check Out My Website at Build Your Online Business

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Comments 34 comments

Useful Knowledge 7 years ago

This is a very good write. It was funny but so true. I have been working from home for about 3 months now. I had a website and an internet business with a partner. It is hard work and nothing is free. If it sounds too good to be true it is!


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

You are right. thats what I hope to show hubbers who are interested. I to have a partner and she is the greatest partner in the world. Probably wouldnt have gone this far without her. Hopefully I can pass some of that on to some hubbers.

Cheers


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Very good!! Out of the gate with the gun shot!!

So has your wife come back? Yet?


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

Thats hilarious but not so far from the truth. lol


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Really? I can't imagine any woman not falling for a guy with a great big dream and a picture of him with a great big fish! It's a no-brainer! LOL!


Pete Maida profile image

Pete Maida 7 years ago

It is amazing how many people would follow that advice.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Sounds like a lot of hard work...I think I'll continue to wallow in many-many-dollars-less-than-a-million! :P


Jen's Solitude profile image

Jen's Solitude 7 years ago from Delaware

Very enjoyable and satirical look at the world of making a million dollars - -scam. Looking forward to what comes next.

I'm glad one of your fans Connie was the first to request easy to understand steps. I'm also one who, if spoken to like a 5 year old, just might get it!

~Jen


rallenbrewster profile image

rallenbrewster 7 years ago from USA

Great hub DM and its sad that this farce is not that far from the truth in a lot of sad stories about those sleazy get rich quick schemes.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

FP is nothing if not realistic, and funny!!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

I wanna see you do it first.


wandererh profile image

wandererh 7 years ago from Singapore

You can make money on the Internet with practically no investment, no fixed working hours and you can work in your jammies. Unfortunately, this gives the illusion that it is easy.

Great hub, a bright spark in an otherwise dreary Monday afternoon. :)


santoion profile image

santoion 7 years ago

very good hub !


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Wow who wants to be a millionaire...I do :)


ElizaVargas1 profile image

ElizaVargas1 7 years ago from Orlando, Florida

Wonderful Hub - I can honestly say that this was a great way to get anyone's attention. I have tried several times to show my 2 sons and daughter that it is very unlikely that someone can be a millionaire over night. I have sent my children your hub site so that they can get a better understanding. Thank you


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

Such great comments.  Thank you to everyone.  I cant wait to start publishing my hubs on affiliate marketing.  You will see that not everyone working online has to fall into that same negative category.

The only reason I havent published anything new yet on affiliate marketing is because I am building my schedule to make sure I can keep the info coming consistantly.

Cheers


dennisematt 7 years ago

Dude....your NEVER going to make  a mill if you keep giving out info for FREE....


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

Lol dennisematt Truth be told Im pretty sure I will never make that million but if I help others at least we may be able to split it.

Thanks for the comment

PS-I have a fairly new laptop and still make spelling errors, at least you have an excuse lol

Cheers


withlovearun profile image

withlovearun 7 years ago from Chennai/TamilNadu

Dear Dale Mazurek... Nice informative hub, attractively presented.... Thumps up..


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

That is so kind of you to say. I hope people read this before jumping into something they will regret


Johnyboy profile image

Johnyboy 7 years ago

I don't want to sound "without confidence" but if you screw things up in the first lesson you're doomed. Haha

On the other hand, systems never fail. It is only people who fail for not even applying (and paid for) what they were teached in whatever coaching club. I myself bought so many programs I can't remember. Most of them are in a dusted CDs or DVDs form on my desk.

The morale should be: If you started to do something stop moaning and get it to work. If it works for 100 people, it will work for you too. There is nothing so "secret" or hard to do online. And the knowledge is at your little finger when it comes to online activities.

But if you copy the failures of others, you will always fail, because there is no new knowledge in there for you. Get original and come up with your own plan.

As for building a mailing list: Nobody cares that your ezine is garbage. If they don't like it they'll unsubscribe. But one thing is sure YOU NEED TO GO ON AND GET YOUR MAILING LISTS DONE.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks for the great comment. You are right in the aspect that if it is working for someone else it will work for you.

I havent looked at your hubs yet but I am about to. Im going to assume you work online. Try and remember yourself as a newbie. It all seemed like it will all fall in your lap.

All a person can do is provide tools and show how they work. The rest is up to the individual.


bangawking000 profile image

bangawking000 7 years ago from Manini Homesite, Cabanatuan city, Nueva ecija, Luzon, Philippines

i have thought of that before but i do not have credit cards and still not allowed to have one

i'm still in school and only have few hours online. hehehe

i wish i could be like you, you are really cool on that hub

is that your real life story?


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

First of all thanks for the comment but all joking aside maybe it is a good thing that you don't have a credit card if you think about doing anything in this spoof.

I started with absolutely no money and later invested in some important tools like hosting, domain name and an autoresponder.

Don't let the gurus fool you. There are a few great things out there but most of them are just rehashed from the last greatest thing since sliced bread.


2patricias profile image

2patricias 7 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Pat writes: In the days when I had a real job I sometimes had to visit people at home (usually for sad reasons). Whenever I could I made time to sit and have a cup of tea with them, and often they would tell me how they came to be in their current situation - this usually involved living somewhere not very nice, with not much money - and frequently they had lost money on a 'get rich quick' scheme.

In my experience, the sad truth is that the people most likely to fall for these schemes are the ones with the least money to loose.

For all that, I liked your Hub because it made me laugh. And I am guilty of driving a car that was really above my budget (but I paid cash up front) because it makes me feel good.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

There are very, very bad people out there who could care less about others. They would take someone's last dollar without blinking an eye.

These are the people I work very hard to have no association with. I do well online but everything I work on is legit and definately not scammy.

My reputation is more important and I feel I will go further this way. It may take longer but I am willing to put in the time.

Thanks for the great comment


Marisa Wright profile image

Marisa Wright 7 years ago from Sydney

Johnyboy said "systems never fail, it is only people fail" - implying that if you buy these systems and you don't make money, it's your fault. Rubbish. Of course some systems fail, because they were scams in the first place.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

I absolutely agree. In fact the system I used to learn affiliate marketing was quite clear in telling me that I will make money if I use the tools provided but if I just get in and think it will happen then don't get involved.

There are a lot of bad systems and lately i have noticed that there are at least 3 new systems a week coming out and really they are just rehashed from older systems that never worked.

Thanks for the comment


Jane@CM profile image

Jane@CM 7 years ago

I was laughing all the way through this Hub, you have great wit and everything you say is OH SO TRUE! I would love to meet an Affiliate Marketer who makes REAL money face to face and didn't buy into all the garbage on the net and take a real look into their bank account. I laugh at how people show their online earnings, hello, anyone with a base knowledge of Excel or photoshop can easily create a beautiful earning portfolio! At one time I thought, oh, this could be for real, but soon learned that its not for real. I'll stick with my part-time direct sales business & make my money that way until someone shows up at my door step to show me that Affiliate Marketing really works! :) Or at least ONE person online willing to share their secrets without a link to another secret that wants your $$.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

Well I'm not really sure where you live but I am one of the good ones who makes money through affiliate marketing.

We started with zero and started investing a bit when we started making money. However not into programs but into stuff like domain names, hosting and an autoresponder.

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the comment.


Sammy193 profile image

Sammy193 7 years ago

Dale is right, must invest in your business but in the right things. Buying domains is great and there are other monthly expenses but certainly you do not have to spend thousands a month on expenses maybe a couple hundred is a fair number. It is not imperitive to spend money it just helps your business to get going a little bit faster.

Btw I loved this Hub.


Dale Mazurek profile image

Dale Mazurek 7 years ago from Canada Author

I think our total expenses per month is around 200 and we got to that slowly using free methods first.

Thanks for the kind words about the hub


Affiliate Income  6 years ago

When i started reading this hub , i was just saying that you are mad , and i coat "your credit card number for any add-ons that come available ' You are a very funny person. I Like this hub LOL


Maverick Ashley Lenartson 6 years ago

The comment about the wife with the suitcases and the kids is priceless. I could not stop laughing. Now I know how to make a Mi$$ion Buck$. Come On Really!!! It is so much fun reading this kind of stuff. Great for making me realize that I am doing alright and I am o.k.

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