How To Write an Un-Successful Blog! (What NOT To Do!)
So you want to make money writing a blog?
Well, you've come to the wrong place. There are hundreds upon thousands of articles out there on how to be successful writing a blog. Most of them aren't worth the paper (or keyboard) they're written on. They give you the same generic advice that every "How To Write A Blog And Make Money" article out here in cyberspace spews out.
But, the truth of the matter is - most of the blogs written with such advice are failures. And if you follow that advice, yours will be too. So, instead of looking at what makes a blog supposedly successful - lets take a look at what makes a blog bad! This way you can learn from others mistakes and (hopefully) not make them yourself.
Write About Something You Don't Care About
Some of the most successful blogs are those that deal with money (and how to make it), real estate and get rich schemes, or things like sex and pop culture. So, lots of other articles advice you to pick one of these topics and then pump out regurgitated information in the hopes of getting the scraps of search engine traffic.
There are a million of such blogs, website, and advice columns out there. So if you're looking at becoming un-successful, then starting up one of these blogs is completely fruitless! You'll write BS columns for months and not see a single dime for your efforts! Good job!
If you are trying to be un-successful, then make sure that you by no means write about something you like or are passionate about. This will ensure that your posts remain heartless, less than engaging, and non-memorable. The perfect way to turn potential fans and readers away is by keeping your blog as full of useless, disheartened information as possible.
Only Update Once Every 6 Months
Everyone likes a blog or website that is always refreshing its information, giving its readers something new to read each time they visit. So make sure that your blog remains untouched and stagnant for long periods of time with little to no activity. Anyone that might have potentially put you on their bookmark after their first visit will be sure to take you off after 3 months.
The other nice thing about not updating frequently is that search engines will stop crawling your site as often. This will lower your rating on searches and ensure that your blog never gets any attention from web surfers. And be careful about writing posts that are too long or original, or else you might start adding unique content that the search engine will be forced to rank because there isn't anything else out there. Only update your blog using old, already used information to make sure you stay at the bottom.
Have Horrid Grammar
Its every time a little bit more amazing when I come upon what seems to maybe be a good idea for a potential money making blog and what I read are is so full of useless filler words and baad grammer and speling and every sentence seems to be a run on sentence that lasts forever and ever without ever seeming to maybe be able to sometime soon ocme to an end that the author or writer of such an amzingly stupidz article could even think or consider that this could possibly at some point be consiidered a good idea to write it makes my head hurt.
This is definitely a good way to make sure no one ever returns to your blog. Ever!
Read Up So You Know What To Avoid!
Spam Your Blog With A Million Ads and Banners
Another really good tactic to make sure people spend as little time on your blog as possible is by putting ads everywhere! I mean, go crazy! Make sure its hard for your potential reader to even see the title of your blog! Another great tactic is to disguise some ads as if they were a menu bar, that way people will simply be trying to navigate your horrid site and accidentally be clicking on ads! Trust me, after one or two confusing-as-hell visits to your blog - only the most diligent and insane person would ever return.
Visiting a site where the blogs information and layout is easy to navigate and read is really way too user friendly. These blogs have well placed and tasteful ads in one or two places on the site, making sure the reader feels comfortable and wants to stay on the blog reading the useful information these successful bloggers have laid out for them.
Well, you don't want any of that! Make your readers feel dirty for even visiting your blog! Slam them with so many ads they feel like they've walked into a flee market in Cambodia. Don't let them breath or even give them a chance of reading any of your posts!
Write An Incredibly Personal And Depressing Blog
Everyone LOVES to read uplifting stories and advice that they can relate to their own life. So make sure you have none of that on your blog.
Go Emo. Whine about crap that others could not care less about, and then ramble on about it endlessly. Make sure to add a disclaimer about changing the names of anyone involved in your rants - and then add enough personal detail so that there is no question about who you are talking about to any of your friends or family.
Post lots of pictures of opening presents on Christmas, family reunion BBQ's, and other useless stuff that no one other than you would even care to look at. Oh, and make sure the pictures are blurry. That is always frustrating. In fact ... make your blog just a whole bunch of blurry photos of mundane family events! Those are by far the most unsuccessful blogs out there ...
Now Get Out There And Be Un-Successful!
There are many other things you could do to ensure that your blog goes down in burning flames, but these tips should get you off to a good start. Just remember, if you start making money on your blog, you're doing something wrong. Come back to the basics and make sure there is nothing of interest on your blog, its hard to navigate, and the information is regurgitated slime.
I wish you the best of failures!
(But Seriously ... check out my blog on sailing and simple living!)
And here are some good resources for blogging :)
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