Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts

This female manager is very happy

someone must have read THIS hub and used some of the tips "I" wrote to help keep things light in the office and not get fired.
someone must have read THIS hub and used some of the tips "I" wrote to help keep things light in the office and not get fired.

Why laughter HELPS any workplace:

"why does everyone in my office frown?" asks this pretty office employee who is stressed-out due to no fun or laughter in her office.
"why does everyone in my office frown?" asks this pretty office employee who is stressed-out due to no fun or laughter in her office.
Poor guy. He wishes someone LIKE YOU, would create some good, legal fun in his workplace.
Poor guy. He wishes someone LIKE YOU, would create some good, legal fun in his workplace.
These are all mangers of some big government agency. They are all smiling for the do not take their jobs TOO SERIOUSLY.
These are all mangers of some big government agency. They are all smiling for the do not take their jobs TOO SERIOUSLY.
This office manager, maybe a top-notch employee, is sad, stressed and ready to quit her job. She needs a job site that has some laughter and light-hearted fun.
This office manager, maybe a top-notch employee, is sad, stressed and ready to quit her job. She needs a job site that has some laughter and light-hearted fun.

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Define your boss

What type of boss to you have? Mean? Understanding? Patient? All of these are great attributes, but when you are sitting at your desk day after day after boring day, let’s face it. The atmosphere in your workplace could do with some “shaking up.” Am I right?

Sure I am right. I know and you know that there is no such animal as a “perfect” workplace. It just doesn't exist. A “perfect” workplace fits into the category of mystical creatures as unicorns, leprechauns, and Big Foot. They just ain’t none of them around.

And for this, my friend, I am sorry. Very sorry that you have to drag yourself into work at 9 a.m. and put in an eight-hour day and do pretty much the same thing as you did the day before. And the day before that.

No one knows and understands the “American worker,” better than me. I put in 23 years in office, sales, and meeting deadlines. 23 years and I did pretty much the same operations on a Tuesday as I did the day before.

Talk about boring. I had rather sit on a beach somewhere in Destin, Florida (oh, what a town), and spend the rest of my days counting grains of sand than be stuck in a stuffy office with a stuffy boss doing stuffy work. What about you?

Okay. So you won’t agree with me. I understand. You are afraid of being fired. Do not worry. I will not use your name. Just knowing that you are with me in this dilemma, does me a world of good.

But friend, did you know that there are lots of things, legal, and free, that you can do yourself to liven-up your office, and all without being terminated?

As legendary comedian, Dennis Miller said, “America just needs to chill-out. We take thing way to seriously. Even our jobs.” Amen, Dennis.

So I  “snooped” around various workplace-related information bases, and came away with several things that brave office workers such as yourself can get away with when you can “cut the boredom” with a plastic KFC knife. And these things can be fun for your co-workers too.

So these will be helping you and your buddies in the office. And you thought that I was trying to pull a masterfully-designed practical joke.

So listen, friend. I know you have had a rough day at the office, so don’t try to kid me. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and relax as you read these . . .

Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts


(These are Just for The Ladies. The Things for Men to Drive Their Boss Nuts will follow).

1. When you see your boss approaching your desk, suddenly look out the window and stare while moving your lips. He (or she) will ask, “what’s the problem, Ms. Johnson?” “Oh, uh, nothing, sir, (or ma’am), just thought I heard a strange noise.” And continue to work. At day’s end, not only your boss, but your colleagues will be eaten-up with curiosity and bombard you with questions, but at least the days ahead will not be boring thanks to this easy and legal tip.

2. Always look out the window every morning when you arrive in your office. Let the boss see you do this. One day he will be very discreet and say, “Ms. Johnson, is there something “you” need to talk to me about?” You laugh softly. And say, “that is very kind, “Mr. Bumsby, but I haven’t the slightest idea of what you are talking about?”

3. Wait a few days, then do this one: For no apparent reason, smile big and wave to “someone” you see behind the boss when he walks by your desk. Do this enough times, and he will not sleep at night.

4. At some strategic time, say when people are so involved with their work that all you can hear is the clicking of their keyboards, simply burst into laughter, cover your mouth, shake your
head, and laugh some more. Then go back to work. The suspense will take the place of the “killer stress” that you sense in your workplace.

5. One day instead of wearing your fancy high-heels to work (that match your fabulous-looking skirt and top), wear snow shoes. Show no emotion. Someone is bound to ask you, “why the snow shoes? Is this some kind of joke?” All you do is smile and reply, “snow shoes? Why did you say snow shoes?” The person asking the question will not be the same for the remainder of the work day.

Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts

1. One a certain, stressful day, wear your suit coat lining side out. Do not crack a smile. Do your work and see who can stand it the longest to ask why you are doing this new “fashion” statement?

2. When you see the boss coming your way, let me see you with your head down inside a desk drawer, then pop-up as if the F.B.I. were raiding your apartment. There will be questions.

3. In staff meetings, inject, “great idea,” to whomever talks about how to improve the company’s revenue.

4. Run-in-place for 15 minutes of your lunch hour and reply if anyone asks, (and they will), “just getting in-shape for the next Olympics,” which is a funny remark since you are going on 40.

5. (this one Rates #1) allow your boss to see you at various times with a woman’s compact. Check your “makeup,” lips, powder a few places on your forehead, and then “primp-up” your hair while looking into the small mirror. If the boss stands to watch you do all of this, just look at him with an inquisitive smile and say, “and how can I help you, sir?”

Those are five tips for the ladies, and five tips for the gentlemen.

These are all fine tips for the office workers who are smart enough to know that too much stress in the workplace is a health hazard.

Stress can lead to strokes, high blood pressure and heart attacks, so you see now why I only used comical tips to create a light atmosphere in your workplace.

One that “I” loved to use when I was working in the newspaper business, was letting my coworkers and boss, see me searching frantically in my desk drawers, under our work tables, and even in the darkroom for “something” I apparently had lost.
When they had spent their patience, one of my colleagues would surely ask, “Kenny, did you lose something?” Then I would, with a stern look, say, “yeah! My mind. Have you seen it?”

And we all would have a big laugh.

But in closing. When using even harmless, fun-creating tips like these, always know your limits and most-importantly, know when to quit.

That in itself is a good way to help you remain employed.

Thank you for reading my hubs. I truly appreciate all of my friends and followers.
Sincerely, Kenneth

This is NOT a HAPPY boss or employee.

"Why?" you ask. There is NO fun or laughter in their workplace.
"Why?" you ask. There is NO fun or laughter in their workplace.

© 2012 Kenneth Avery

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Comments 18 comments

Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

So funny! Loved waving to someone behind your boss. Ha! I had an absolutely horrid boss for about a year. I had to make hotel reservations for her travel and though she always requested a certain type of room, mysteriously that type of room was never available, ever. Drove her crazy.


collegedad profile image

collegedad 4 years ago from The Upper Peninsula

Years ago I had a job that I absolutely hated. The supervisor was worthless and my co-workers hated their jobs, themselves, and everyone around. My solution, I started talking to myself. I'd even answer myself. After a few weeks they all left me alone! Eventually they moved me to third shift in a position where I worked by myself. Worked great!!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

Very funny my friend. In my department, we don't have to drive our boss crazy cause she laughs with us.

Have a great weekend. :)

Voted up up and away


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

You would have loved to work for /with me when I was a boss. We worked hard, but we had fun and we made bucks.


momster profile image

momster 4 years ago

I am the person who talks to myself when I am working. Everyone around asks me what I said, thinking I was talking to them. I just reply back I was talking to myself. Makes people think you are crazy, you just tell them intelligent people think out loud. It is funny to see the expression on their faces.

Another job I have done is beer caddy for a rodeo. People give some rude and sour looks when you ask them if they need a beer and they are not drinkers. Every once in awhile I ask some teenagers if they need a beer. They look at you like your crazy, because their parents are sitting with them.

Any humor is good humor. I do not like working a job being bored or in discomfort. Great Hub.


mejohnson profile image

mejohnson 4 years ago

Loved suggestion 4 for the ladies and the caption for the office manager. Funny and true. As usual great hub and funny. Vote up and sharing.


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Funny! I liked the laughing out loud and the waving to someone ideas!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Glimmer Twin Fan . . .you are after my own heart. Terrific! Did you ever tell her why her type of room was Always unavailable? That was a piece of mastery. I admire you for that.

Years ago, a coworker received a subscription notice from Playboy . . .and made him upset. I DIDNT DO IT, our publisher did. He was a true prankster. Not many bosses are like that anymore.

Visit with me often, Glimmer.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

collegedad,

your solution is GENIUS. What I used to do when things got too tense, was walk to various offices and say, "someone leaked to me that a big staff meeting is happening today," the female workers couldn't get to their compacts fast enough . . .sadly, I never told them who the "someone" was whom leaked the big meeting info to me. And funny too, when a TRUE big meeting was posted, they didnt go for it.

That was even funnier. And most of the men were chastised for not coming too.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Susan . . .you are a BLESSED lady, to have a boss who enjoys laughing with you to keep morale up, not down.

Say a prayer of thanks tonight for her.

And thanks for your kind comment.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

MHatter99, yes you are right. A boss who rides and prods employees everyday is not a good boss. Do inmates love wardens who walk by their cells and say, "told you so,"? I have to answer NO. Same with over-bearing bosses. Karma is watching.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Momster,

LOL, the beer caddy line is priceless. Asking teen's with parents if they want a beer. LOVED IT.

You are my kind of employee, and friend.

KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thank you kindly, mejohnson for liking this hub and leaving such a kind comment. Tip #4 is one that a lady can remain a lady while driving the boss and annoying coworkers nuts. Thanks for the acknowledgement.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Catgypsy,

Thank you for . . .hold on a minute, (WAVING TO SOMEONE PAST YOUR SCREEN), Im back. The comment you left. The laughing one is one I used some, but wasnt as effective as the waving to a "ghost." Visit with me often, cat. I always love your comments as well as ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS' remarks.

YOU are The BEST!!!!

KENNETH


KoraleeP profile image

KoraleeP 4 years ago from Vernon British Columbia Canada

Your Hub is hilarious. Thanks so much for sharing it. I got a good chuckle.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, KoraleeP,

Thank you from the bottom of my soul, for your sweet comment. And I am more glad that it gave you a laugh. That, seriously, is the only reason I exist on Hubs, to make people happy.

And listen. If you are not already a follower of mine, I cordially invite you to follow me. That way I can keep up with what you are writing and how you write, for I need ideas all of the time, and email you back. Think about it. And IF YOU ARE ALREADY FOLLOWING ME . . .thanks a million. With these two incurable diseases: Accelerated Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy, my time on my PC is limited due to the pain in my body.

Thanks again, and this was not a pity-party.

KENNETH


Debra Emerson 4 years ago

Always the best hub! Keep up the good work.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Debra . . .you are very sweet to say this. Give God the praise, for He allows me to write these.

Kenneth

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