Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts
This female manager is very happy
Why laughter HELPS any workplace:
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Define your boss
What type of boss to you have? Mean? Understanding? Patient? All of these are great attributes, but when you are sitting at your desk day after day after boring day, let’s face it. The atmosphere in your workplace could do with some “shaking up.” Am I right?
Sure I am right. I know and you know that there is no such animal as a “perfect” workplace. It just doesn't exist. A “perfect” workplace fits into the category of mystical creatures as unicorns, leprechauns, and Big Foot. They just ain’t none of them around.
And for this, my friend, I am sorry. Very sorry that you have to drag yourself into work at 9 a.m. and put in an eight-hour day and do pretty much the same thing as you did the day before. And the day before that.
No one knows and understands the “American worker,” better than me. I put in 23 years in office, sales, and meeting deadlines. 23 years and I did pretty much the same operations on a Tuesday as I did the day before.
Talk about boring. I had rather sit on a beach somewhere in Destin, Florida (oh, what a town), and spend the rest of my days counting grains of sand than be stuck in a stuffy office with a stuffy boss doing stuffy work. What about you?
Okay. So you won’t agree with me. I understand. You are afraid of being fired. Do not worry. I will not use your name. Just knowing that you are with me in this dilemma, does me a world of good.
But friend, did you know that there are lots of things, legal, and free, that you can do yourself to liven-up your office, and all without being terminated?
As legendary comedian, Dennis Miller said, “America just needs to chill-out. We take thing way to seriously. Even our jobs.” Amen, Dennis.
So I “snooped” around various workplace-related information bases, and came away with several things that brave office workers such as yourself can get away with when you can “cut the boredom” with a plastic KFC knife. And these things can be fun for your co-workers too.
So these will be helping you and your buddies in the office. And you thought that I was trying to pull a masterfully-designed practical joke.
So listen, friend. I know you have had a rough day at the office, so don’t try to kid me. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and relax as you read these . . .
Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts
(These are Just for The Ladies. The Things for Men to Drive Their Boss Nuts will follow).
1. When you see your boss approaching your desk, suddenly look out the window and stare while moving your lips. He (or she) will ask, “what’s the problem, Ms. Johnson?” “Oh, uh, nothing, sir, (or ma’am), just thought I heard a strange noise.” And continue to work. At day’s end, not only your boss, but your colleagues will be eaten-up with curiosity and bombard you with questions, but at least the days ahead will not be boring thanks to this easy and legal tip.
2. Always look out the window every morning when you arrive in your office. Let the boss see you do this. One day he will be very discreet and say, “Ms. Johnson, is there something “you” need to talk to me about?” You laugh softly. And say, “that is very kind, “Mr. Bumsby, but I haven’t the slightest idea of what you are talking about?”
3. Wait a few days, then do this one: For no apparent reason, smile big and wave to “someone” you see behind the boss when he walks by your desk. Do this enough times, and he will not sleep at night.
4. At some strategic time, say when people are so involved with their work that all you can hear is the clicking of their keyboards, simply burst into laughter, cover your mouth, shake your
head, and laugh some more. Then go back to work. The suspense will take the place of the “killer stress” that you sense in your workplace.
5. One day instead of wearing your fancy high-heels to work (that match your fabulous-looking skirt and top), wear snow shoes. Show no emotion. Someone is bound to ask you, “why the snow shoes? Is this some kind of joke?” All you do is smile and reply, “snow shoes? Why did you say snow shoes?” The person asking the question will not be the same for the remainder of the work day.
Ways to Drive Your Boss Nuts
1. One a certain, stressful day, wear your suit coat lining side out. Do not crack a smile. Do your work and see who can stand it the longest to ask why you are doing this new “fashion” statement?
2. When you see the boss coming your way, let me see you with your head down inside a desk drawer, then pop-up as if the F.B.I. were raiding your apartment. There will be questions.
3. In staff meetings, inject, “great idea,” to whomever talks about how to improve the company’s revenue.
4. Run-in-place for 15 minutes of your lunch hour and reply if anyone asks, (and they will), “just getting in-shape for the next Olympics,” which is a funny remark since you are going on 40.
5. (this one Rates #1) allow your boss to see you at various times with a woman’s compact. Check your “makeup,” lips, powder a few places on your forehead, and then “primp-up” your hair while looking into the small mirror. If the boss stands to watch you do all of this, just look at him with an inquisitive smile and say, “and how can I help you, sir?”
Those are five tips for the ladies, and five tips for the gentlemen.
These are all fine tips for the office workers who are smart enough to know that too much stress in the workplace is a health hazard.
Stress can lead to strokes, high blood pressure and heart attacks, so you see now why I only used comical tips to create a light atmosphere in your workplace.
One that “I” loved to use when I was working in the newspaper business, was letting my coworkers and boss, see me searching frantically in my desk drawers, under our work tables, and even in the darkroom for “something” I apparently had lost.
When they had spent their patience, one of my colleagues would surely ask, “Kenny, did you lose something?” Then I would, with a stern look, say, “yeah! My mind. Have you seen it?”
And we all would have a big laugh.
But in closing. When using even harmless, fun-creating tips like these, always know your limits and most-importantly, know when to quit.
That in itself is a good way to help you remain employed.
Thank you for reading my hubs. I truly appreciate all of my friends and followers.
This is NOT a HAPPY boss or employee.
© 2012 Kenneth Avery
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