I Would Make a Terrible Flight Attendant

This" is not a photo of me

I love and appreciate the “Equal Opportunity Employment” law. Thanks to the Federal Government, anyone from any race, ethnic background, political affiliation or sexual origin, can apply for any job or any position and be interviewed for the job that is available.

My parents told me tales of a time in our country when women were not only forbidden to vote, but to work. I am so glad that I didn’t grow up in that era.

The Equal Opportunity Employment law did away with the ugly act of discrimination in the job market and voting booths. Personally I fear that we have allowed ourselves to take these wonderful, liberating laws for granted. I hope not. For I know people in 2014 who want to work, and for some reason, they are always turned away for some reason. And this is in my hometown. I can only give credit to discrimination’s first-cousin, “politics,” for this injustice.

I am not able to pose like this

I would forget who gets the ham and who gets the fish

But did you know that even if “I” had such a desire to be a flight attendant, there is nothing that any government on any level can do to stop me? I mean if working for an airline in this capacity was my dream, I would be allowed to pursue it to fulfillment or failure. You see. Freedom doesn’t guarantee us any measure of personal success. It simply means we are free to pursue and work for personal success.

I really do not want to be a flight attendant, although the airline industry has both male and female attendants. I know in my heart that I would fail miserably at this position. Just one look at me and you would see why I would fail. I do not “look” the part of a hot, desirable flight attendant.

That is just one reason. Here are more reasons why . . .

“I Would Make a Terrible Flight Attendant”:

Time to eat, ladies and gentlemen

Here are more photos of flight attendants

1.) I do not look good in stylish skirts, heels and pantssuits.

2.) The hours are murder--not your typical 9 to 5 gig.

3.) I do not have the patience to endure unruly kids, grumpty customers, and flirty airline pilots.

4.) I would get nauseated at being so high and panic for flight attendants do not vomit.

5.) The other flight attendants would be jealous of my long eyelashes and get me fired.

6.) I would be beaten-up by the co-pilot's jealous wife for an alleged affair.

7.) I cannot think that fast on my feet so I might give a Catholic flyer an order of fish on Friday by mistake.

8.) My voice is not soft enough to make irritable flyers at ease.

9.) My hips are not small enough for walking seductively like some flight attendants do.

10.) I refuse to wear a blond wig.

11.) Being away from home so much, I would be home sick.

12.) I am not suitable for work on night flights for I am prone to get very sleepy.

13.) And if there were trouble with the plane, I would definitely go into a panic mode and jump without a chute.

14.) I am way too over-weight for being an acceptable flight attendant.

Here is how an exchange with a customer might go:

Customer: Oh, mister, I need a Scotch on the rocks, please.

Me: Sorry, sir. We do not have any rocks on this flight.

"I first thank you for reading this piece.

This kind gesture means the world to me."

"But the main reason I am writing this

segment is to tell all of the dedicated

flight attendants working for all of the

airlines on a world-wide basis . . .Thank you

for all of the customers you serve

and that you all appreciated."


Sincerely, Kenneth

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Comments 16 comments

mgt28 profile image

mgt28 2 years ago

Interesting take on flight attendance and equal opportunity!


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 2 years ago from New Delhi, India

What a nice tribute to flight attendants!

True, their job is so much difficult and requires a lot; not everyone can do.

Very nicely written hub and thanks for mentioning equal opportunity for everyone.

Voted up!


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Flight attendant is one of those jobs someone has to do but it would never be me. The main reason you hit on was #3. I'm just not cut out to be in any type of customer service.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 2 years ago from USA

hahah I think if you practiced your pose after awhile you'd have it down pat!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

mgt28,

You are welcome. But thank YOU for the nice comment. It was my pleasure. Visit with me anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

ChitrangadaSharan,

Thank you so very much for the nice comment. And the votes too. No problem for mentioning the Equal Opportunity Employer line. Actually, I am an equal opportunity hub-writer.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

sheilamyers,

You are a true friend and follower. Do not worry. Neither was I cut-out for the service industry. When I had to handle hard-to-please customers at the newspapers, I fidgeted, squirmed all of the time they were griping about something we didn't do.

I was much more at ease out in society selling ads.

Thanks, my dear friend, for the comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, Bishop55,

Bam! You got me. This was a very good line too. I might have had it down pat, but my heels were rubbing a blister on my little toes.

Hey, thank you for coming by.


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

Very funny :) I loved your perspective. Great feel good hub :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

carrie Lee Night,

You are so kind to leave me such a warm comment. I really appreciate you reading my work.

In the next few days expect a Personalized Thank You email from me for following me.

I Value my followers more than YOU and the rest will ever know.


ZenandChic profile image

ZenandChic 2 years ago

Love this hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, ZenaandChic,

I love you commenting on this hub. Honestly and sincerely. Thank you for liking something I did. God has blessed me so much with great friends and followers on HP. I am totally-serious.


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 2 years ago from Oakley, CA

Very funny, Kenneth, yet still a very nice tribute to these hard-working folks who must put up with so much crap from unappreciative and ignorant passengers.

Time was, only women were hired for the job, and they were not allowed to be married. Getting married meant the end of the career. I do not think that is true these days, and males are also hired for flight attendants. (They used to call them 'stewardesses' and 'stewards.'--Am I showing my age yet?)

Nowadays, I believe I've heard that it is also a job prerequisite that flight attendants also be registered nurses.

Voted up, interesting and funny. Now take off that skirt at once!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

DzyMsLizzy,

Wow! This was such a great comment that I cannot speak. Better enjoy this moment, for it may not happen again in many moons.

Thank you sincerely for your sweet words.

You are not dating yourself. I recall the term Stewardess. But the term, Hostess or Attendant doesn't harm their talent or femininity. I try to be politically-correct. I really do. I just cannot help being born into a southern gentleman traditionally-deep family.

Come back again and talk to me.


blessedp profile image

blessedp 2 years ago

Hi kenneth,

From your perspective it doesn't look good. But to tell you the truth being a flight attendant has been a dream of a lifetime. I love people though at times they do get on my nerves but it is such a warm comforting feeling to assist and help people.

Especially when you have done your best to make them satisfied. Nothing beats that feeling. But each of us is made for a purpose your purpose doesn't necessarily is mine vice versa.

Thank you for your insight. I voted up.

Thanks for sharing.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear blesssedp,

Hello and thank you for your sweet and reassuring comment. I am in agreement with you. I have been praying and seeking God for years to find out exactly what I am meant for.

I would love to have (a), one, spiritual gift to give Him honor. I know that I sound corny, but at my age, I just speak from the heart.

Your are very welcome for the insight and I really APPRECIATE you and YOUR friendship, talent, and following

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