I've heard enough of . . .
PLAIN, SIMPLE, IN AND OUT
that's what I am intending to do with this story. Start it. Write it. Finish it. And all without boring you to tears with lengthy introductions, personal reflections of how this subject should be made known to every living thing on earth and what "I" would do to eliminate most of these overused sayings from society.
500 words. That's the minimum amount of words allowed by HubPages for hubs. I can live with that. I wasn't feeling like Superman (with boundless stamina) anyway.
SELFISH PEOPLE ON CELL PHONES IN PUBLIC
whom "you" need to share some vital information, and all you get is, "jes-a-second," or they hold their index finger up as a impenetrable barrier for "you" and "I," the defenseless people without a cell phone to be at their mercy.
"OKAY. I WILL LET YOU GO."
this too, is a lie used by selfish cell phone users in public. "You" have gotten their attention and they grin as a way of acknowledging that "you" need them, but they always use this line, "okay, (giggle, laugh, laugh) I will let you go," to get your hopes up, then carry-on yet another 30-minute "gab fest" about what underwear is appropriate to wear to a swanky cocktail party that "you" and "I" will never get to attend.
THE SUPER-PRIVATE TURNING OF THE BACK ON YOU
this move should be patented by the C.I.A., for no matter where a selfish, self-absorbed cell phone user may be, to get them to be more rude than usual, just get their attention, and suddenly you see only their backs. This rude exercise trumps the index finger being held up in the air and the "okay. I will let you go," line. And when you see the back of our selfish, self-absorbed cell phone user, you have to stand and listen for 45 minutes of needless giggling, wheezing and watching a body shake with laughter. But it's not yours. Then with the "important" cell call being over, the selfish, self-absorbed cell phone user turns to you with, (am I right?), a frown of confusion on their face. Then say, "what was it you wanted? I am in a hurry." Enough is enough.
"I'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE"
This would be "the" "mother of all lies," in any cell phone outlet in the nation. If you are cursed to get behind one of these "special" people who show-up in public "dressed to the nines," to just buy a cell phone, and when "they" are next in line, just watch it. Time will stop. These "gifts to humanity," will ask endless, asinine questions about a phone that they have owned for five years. Then glance back at you with a "I got all day," look on their smug faces while you blow an entire day. Sound familiar?
"THERE'S 'THIS PERSON' WANTING ME. GOTTA GO."
And 'this person' is you, the cell phone user's brother. Who gave his self-absorbed sister a kidney last year to save her life. And now you are 'this person.' Will it, or can it, ever stop?
"WELCOME, MY SUCKERS, TO 'FANTASY SALESPEOPLE'
"RAINCOATS? UHHH, WHAT RAINCOATS?"
ever heard this line or a similar line in any given store? What's annoying is that there are no other customers but you and this spaced-out sales clerk. And the huge rack of raincoats behind him or her. You did your part by asking to see a raincoat, and he or she, she sales clerk, was just placing them on the rack, but something about your question, "may I see one of those raincoats behind you?" must have been so confusing that the poor sales clerk had a mental lapse. But you are a civil person. You keep your cool. You say a second time, "may I see one of those raincoats behind you, please?" Again, the poor sales clerk stares at you with mouth open, eyes glazed with confusion and you end up looking stupid.
"YEAH, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE"
I know you must have heard this overused lie before. You waltz up to the clean-cut salesgirl or boy on a sunny Saturday morning and simply say, "I'd love to see an outdoor camping lantern like this one," and you are holding the sales flyer in your hand. "yes, sir. I have one right here," says the salesgirl or boy. That, my gullible customer, is the last you will see of them that day. You see. You walked up only a minute before their break and this salesgirl or boy knows that they will get paid regardless if you buy an outdoor camping lantern or not. So what if you call their home office? This store chain is so massive and complex, it will take years before this neglectful salesperson is found and by that time, he or she has quit and moved to Jamacia where there is no stress.
"IS THIS IT?'
again, same scenario. Different store. You need a pair of work boots. You see them in the shoe department and on sale, what a great day for you. But when you inquire from the shoe department person that you "want to see 'that' particular work boot," and even point to it, they suddenly seem struck with stupidity. "uhhh, is this it?" they reply holding a completely-different shoe in their hand. "no, I need 'that' work boot there, please," you say. "not in stock, sir," "Space Cadet salesperson" replies while you look at him with disbelief. "you mean to tell me that 'this' work boot, the one I am holding, is not here? At all?" you say while your blood pressure shoots up. Salesperson grins. "yup. (haw, haw, haw), sucks, right?" they say. And it was just minutes from their two and a half-hour lunch break when you walked up to buy the work boots.
And this one, which is not from a cell phone or department store . . .
"YES, YOU CAN BE HEALED OF THAT INGROWN TOENAIL"
if you will simply send me $25.00 to help my television ministry. I didn't know that God now uses a "middle man" to screen His prayer requests.
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