Kevin Trudeau: Master of the Obvious
Kevin Trudeau: Master of the Obvious
We salute Kevin Trudeau, purveyor of all things that we should already know. Free money from the government should by now be obvious to everyone with a pulse. A dead cat cannot be swung without brushing someone receiving free school lunches, free education, free monthly stipends, free health care, or free rides to free clinics.
Drug companies want to make a buck off of us. Banks charge for stuff. The credit card industry wants their money back. Kevin tells us all this stuff.
Life lessons most of us learn early on, but perhaps need to be periodically refreshed. KT provides a useful public service, mostly obvious but partially valuable.
Big Pharma Doesn't Want Us To Know Something?
Seriously? Pharmaceutical companies are looking to profit from us? Surely they employ hundreds of thousands of people and spend billions in research in order to provide us with free medicine. They wouldn't have it any other way. Shareholders have no interest in ROI; they simply want to invest in The Common Good. Scientists and researchers spend 8 years in college at their own expense so they can live in shacks and work for free sugar pills.
Big Pharma doesn't want us to know about 'natural cures' just like General Motors doesn't want us to know about Ford. Competition is good for the consumer, bad for the provider. Big Pharma knows that an herbal cure from tree bark tends to cost less than a prescription drug developed and manufactured to FDA standards.
The tree donating the bark probably prefers that you remain ignorant of the herbal cure.
The Government Gives Away Free Stuff?
What a shocker.
Entitlement programs (Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare) are 20% of the federal budget. We need Kevin to tell us to expect Social Security checks?
Perhaps 'they' don't want us to know about free government money. On the other hand, perhaps grants.gov provides a one-stop shop for everything gratis from the government.
"Get a grant to raise tomatoes on the bald head of Michael Chiklis ."
Sorry; we made that up to see if you were paying attention. You'll have to write a grant proposal to the NSF for such research.
Banks Make Money Off of Us?
Momma raised us to think that our money was tucked away in a big mattress in a big bank vault. We could visit our savings just to make sure it was prospering. The government even insured some of it. Without Kevin Trudeau's mastery of the obvious, we'd never suspect that asking the bank to do something for us could possibly incur a fee.
Bank employees get paid in fairy dust and all the oxygen they can inhale, right? Bank buildings are built from the good will of Home Depot and the AFL-CIO, yes?
Someone has to pay for the pens anchored to the desks with strands of metal beads just short enough to prevent two people from filling out deposit splits while still maintaining their personal space. But we digress.
Credit Cards Have Interest and Fees?
Read the monthly statement.
Don't even bother to read the oodles of fine print that cradled your shiny new credit card. it's written to confuse and overwhelm. Recycle it.
- Open a new account with a zero balance
- Purchase one (1) cafe latte mocha grande java chip frappe.
- STOP using the card.
- When the statement arrives, ignore it. Crumple it. Recycle it.
- Wait for the second statement to arrive
- Read it. You have now received an advanced course in credit cards.
- Pay off the card completely and consider yourself educated.
If this isn't enough information to put you back on the zero-balance plan, no amount of conspiracy theories will help. You have paid a tiny price to learn first-hand what the credit card company plans to (legally) do to you. Enjoy a brief shiver of terror and get on with your life.
To summarize: you borrowed money from smart people with lawyers, voice mail, and computers. Play by the rules and everybody wins.
Celebrate all that is easily perceived with the Master of the Obvious, Kevin Trudeau. Bask in the warm glow of slickly packaged "us vs them" cliches. Bathe yourself in victim-hood. Drink deeply of the free government funding kool-aid.
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