More-Effective Ways For You and I to Waste Time and Not Suffer The Consequences
Tools You Will Need
A working knowledge of acting
A serious look
The ability to stay focused
An undaunted confidence
The ability to think fast on your feet
The ability to be believable
The ability to act impatient without dissing your boss
Now you are ready to waste time at will.
TIME FOR US TO GET REAL
It’s time we as civilized mortals know the difference in a moocher, a lazy person, and someone who is wasting time. It’s important to us as a person and a society. Knowing the difference in these three groups of people can save us a lot of personal embarrassment in the long run. That is unless you are the type of person who enjoys embarrassment.
To establish my point, I give you this obvious example:
There you are strolling down the sidewalk and suddenly you spy a man sitting with another man on a bench. He is talking the other man’s head off. Without thinking, you, trying to be the good citizen, yell at man doing all of the talking, “Hey, you there! Yes, you, the bum with nothing better to do than run your mouth! Get away from that innocent citizen for you are ‘wasting his time!”
KNOWING WHO'S WHO SAVES A RED FACE
Wrong. And I mean beyond humiliation wrong. The man you chastened was not wasting the other man’s time. He was the son of a pastor and the other man was his father, a pastor, and they were catching-up after not seeing each other since his son got back from a three-year missionary trip to New Zealand.
Now don’t you wish you had known the difference in the three groups I mentioned? And now don’t you wish you could crawl underneath a rock and hide from society for about ten years?
Now it's time for a catchy-tune
THE THREE GROUPS TO KNOW: LAZY PEOPLE, MOOCHERS, AND PEOPLE WHO WASTE TIME
A lazy person is easy to spot. They can be male or female. Old or young. And you mostly find them sitting, laying down, or just leaning against a power pole or traffic sign—not making any productive-attempt to add to society.
The most-harmless of these three groups is the person who loves to waste time. And now let’s lay down our masks of innocence that give off the vibe: “Me? Waste time?” I have wasted time. You have wasted time. All human beings have wasted time. Even the most-driven workaholic wastes “some” time, but the workaholic calls their wastes of time “getting their second wind.”
I never said that wasting time was right. In fact, a lot of people, higher-up and mailroom employees have been told to “get lost” for some contentious supervisor catching them in the act of wasting time and with no convincing reasons why. I say that these amateur time-wasters deserved what they got. If they were serious about mastering the art of wasting time, they could have read this hub entitled
More-Effective Ways for You and I to Waste Time and Not Suffer The Consequences
- Your stern look instantly convinces your office manager that you are deep into a job-related project and cannot afford to be interrupted or hindered when all you are doing is acting as if you are fixing a desktop malfunction.
- One morning get yourself a cardboard box the size of a banana box (with a lid) and walk from department to department and sometimes walk in a hurried-pace. Hardly any supervisors will attempt to stop you, but if a supervisor does stop you, just act out of breth and say, "All due respect, sir, I cannot talk. I must get this important shipment to the loading dock," and he will let you alone.
- Join a community theater group and study for the role up for audtions. Ask the director to let you borrow a tube of "stage blood," so you can practice at home with your blood make-up so you can be a convincing actor. Then at your real job, smear a little of this "blood" on your forehead and put a look of pain on your face as you walk toward the nurse's office holding your head. This gag is worth a few hours of wasted time and if you bump your head on-purpose, you might get an afternoon off at home taking it easy.
- Never be seen by bosses standing with two other employees doing little of nothing. This signals wasting time to a good boss, so do your wasting time gigs alone. This narrows the chance of you getting repramanded or even fired.
- With a simple file folder and a few pieces of paper, you can waste time easily and with no friction standing at a pretty girl's desk talking to her while looking straight into the file folder. If any manager sees you, they will assume you are talking about a company issue, but really you are talking her up into going to dinner with you that night.
- Hold the receiver of the phone on your desk to your ear each time your boss passes by you. He or she will assume you are sellling or making appointments to sell. It's all in the technique of how you sell your image.
- Make yourself some points with the boss by bringing him a double cheeseburger and fries when you come back from lunch. The next time you have a need to waste some time and he sees you, he will think of your charity in giving him the burger and fries and keep walking.
- This is a master ploy: Get your boss off-guard by heading into his office and you ask a company-related question such as: "Say, boss, how do you stand on the 40-hour work week in four days?" You will force him to talk while you rest on his soft and cushy couch.
- When you see the boss approaching, slam down the receiver, but let him hear you say, "Okay, uncle 'Dodd,' I am on my way!" Tell the boss that (this) uncle needs you to take him to the hospital and you are leaving for the day. But make sure that you call the boss back around ten minutes before quitting time to give him an update on "Uncle 'Dodd." If you feel confident, tell him you will not be at work the next day and then you can stay home with shades drawn and phone turned to answering machine while you nap, snack, and watch ESPN SportsCenter.
- One day when the boss happens to stop to see what you are doing, be doing some real work, so he will not get suspicious.
- Go to the men's room and upon your exit, fall down on the floor and writhe in pain while yelling to the top of your lungs. Naturally your boss will have you taken to the emergency room to get checked-out as to not have you taking him and the company to court for a nasty lawsuit.
Out of your own pocket, buy yourself a mean-looking dog. I said "mean-looking." Not reallly that mean. Then turn him loose in your workplace and then you inform the staff and boss to not move because the dog is a wild animal and might bite them. Then you volunteer to take the dog, risking your life and limb, to an animal shelter, but take your time and you can waste as much as half a day spending time with "Boxer," the Dalmatian.
Friendly Warning: If you try one or all of these time-wasting tips, and get caught, you do not know me at all. Nor do you know where you learned these ways to waste time. You are on your own.
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