Moving Past A Wounded Heart Without Bitterness

Battered and Bitter

Source

No hurt survives for long without our help, she said & then she kissed me & sent me out to play again for the rest of my life. Brian Andreas

Every person who has reached the age of accountability has been emotionally wounded and has scars. As we move on we must choose to massage those scars and reduce the impact and appearance they have left on us. We find healing balms and search for scar reduction therapies.

Or we can highlight the scars and make them seem larger than they actually are; Take out a Sharpie and draw as big, thick line around the sore to draw attention to it. Then the eyes of every stranger passing falls upon it and they exclaim “Oh you poor soul! How did you get that scar? Does it hurt as bad as it looks?” Then we have the opportunity to relive over and over the actual cut that ripped us open.

Another choice is to dig and pick until they break open and bleed again. When we do that the wound becomes raw, inflamed and aggravated. The pain spreads and increases range until all we can think about is the wound and it becomes impossible to conceal and when people think of us, the scar-the wound is pictured before our face comes to mind. The small scratch has been transformed into a gouge and resentment is the bacteria that make it grow.

We are wounded many times in life. Indeed our very existence leaves us vulnerable to hurt and pain. Any other option creates a hard heart and a separation from the human condition. That existence grows bitterness and a shell of disquiet and lack of fulfillment. So we open our heart to love and people and receive whatever they give back.

I am remembering a time in my past where a large number of people gave their time and talent to a company that promised to change the world and the lives of people whose dreams had all but died. Sadly, many including the employees were used, hurt and left reeling. The true intent of the principals will never be known and really is not important. How each individual chooses to deal with the leftover fallout is what matters.

Will we allow the Bernie Madoffs, Leona Helmsleys, abusive boy/girl friends, heartless family members and others of that ilk to control our emotions even when they should be out of our life? They move on and often the injured party clings to their coattails just begging for more.

We can nurture anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal and the other emotions and wounds bestowed or live life well. George Herbert said “Living well is the best revenge.” Even that statement allows for chains to link us with the past. We must get to a point where the hurtful party can truly be dismissed from thought and mind. If that specter should try to arise it cannot find footing to remain and has no impact on the scar.

I hear people who have presumably moved on say things like “I am still angry”, “I am in bondage” and feel so sad for them. Let go! I remember hearing that a wild elephant is trained by a heavy chain around its ankle. As time passes, the elephant accepts his captivity. Gradually that chain is replaced with a light bond and eventually only a fine silk cord holds that powerful beast in place. Look at yourself. Are you in chains to the hurt and the person who wounded you or are you remaining there because of a false perception? No one is holding you captive, but are you choosing to stay there?

Everyone has someone who cares and will love them and listen. Seek out that person who understands but will not allow you to whine and wallow in self imposed misery. Talk it out and get it off your shoulders. Shrug it away and never pick it up again.

Turn to God in faith and prayer. He is more than capable of healing you so no scar remains. He will take your hand and show you a new path where you will become who you were intended all along. That person, company, mentors or whoever caused your pain will be forever left behind to lick their own sores and to harvest the seed they planted.

Move on and take your wounded heart with you into truth and freedom. It will become scar free, whole and healed once you stop digging into the past and focus on your glorious future. Sing a new song-let freedom ring! “Ain’t got no chains on me” or silk ribbons either!

PLEASE READ THIS COPYRIGHT NOTICE

© Brenda Barnes All Rights Reserved

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Comments 52 comments

marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Hyphenbird~~ This is so AWESOME~~ BEAUTIFUL & Voted UP...

Often it is hardest to forgive ourselves... but, when we do, both the emotional and the physical scars diminish... no longer having any power over us... thank you!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Thank you very much marcoujor. I am so glad you liked this and were the first to comment. Old wounds are often lugged around like battlescars. Letting them go gives us our power back. Thanks again.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago

Hi Hyphenbird, I do agree with you. oftentimes when we are hurt, we just sit and feel sorry for ourselves instead of trying to move on and heal. Great hub. Will be following


alastar packer 5 years ago

What words of wisdom.concentrating on the inside with hurt or resentment, is not only damaging to the person who can't be done with it and move on , but everyone and everything else is also affected. Most people can 'feel' when their being stared at. so it goes with what a person feels inside, goes out as well.This is, as usual Hyph, a masterful hub on the human condition. your analogies are spot on too.Lets hope it awakes someone to generate good feelings within.


dramatis personae profile image

dramatis personae 5 years ago from USA

You said it so eloquently..........moving on is not easy for most of us but you have great wisdom in these words......I enjoyed reading this very much....thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Dr.Ope, thanks for stopping in to read this. The pity party we throw can keep us stuck in that pain forever. Moving on should be something we do quickly. Thanks for the great comment and the follow.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

alastar packer, you are so right. Concentrating on hurt and resentment only creates more of the same and affects not only oneself but all nearby.

Thank you for your visit and insightful comments.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

dramatis personae, I thank you very much. Moving on is crucial to recovery.

I appreciate your visit and the wonderful comment.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Excellent, Hyphenbird, and so very true!

Like Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer, many of us 'enjoy' our misery too much to let it go and it becomes habitual.


WannaB Writer profile image

WannaB Writer 5 years ago from Templeton, CA

Although it's important to move on eventually, if the relationship was major and long-lasting, grieving one's loss for a time is not unhealthy as a stop in getting over it. A person with any major loss, is, in a sense, bereaved, and cannot be expected to "just get over it" as if nothing happened. Forgiveness is important, and certainly giving it to God is a step forward, but pain will linger for a while, depending upon the nature of the lost relationship. A person should not be made to feel guilty for doing her grief work.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Dear Hypenbird,

So beautiful and very true. I loved this hub! Very descriptive in how we wear our scars, and the elephant analogy..was perfect. I know this will touch someones heart. Thank you. Up and beautiful for sure!

Sunnie


StarCreate profile image

StarCreate 5 years ago from Spain

Some lovely imagery and analogy here, great


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

WillStarr, I had forgotten those words of wisdom from Mr. Twain. Thanks for the reminder and the visit to my Hub.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Hello WannaB Writer, thanks for stopping to read and comment. Yes, grief is appropriate. Sati is not. This Hub is not to say the wound is not real, but to say we are not the wound and can move past it. A time of healing is a time of dealing and learning.

Thanks for the great comment.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Sunnie Day, you are very kind. I sure hope this helps someone learn to let go of old wounds and move forward. Thank you for stopping by to visit and ofr the support and votes.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

StarCreate, thank you very much. I am so happy that you like this one. Thanks for the visit.


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Ah Hyphenbird, up/awesome.

I've had a few knocks and some took some getting over but hate and resentment are so self destructive, I'm glad I got help and REALLY moved past it, I'm now in a better place than I've ever been and I hate no one, besides I.ve got more important things to do than waste a second of time thinking of someone who has hurt me, I do occasionally find myself feeling sorry for them though, as I know that my ex, after 25 years is still on his own! :-)


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Bumpsysmum, those knocks sometimes take us down, don't they? I love that we can get back up and move into a better place, one of healing and wholeness. I love that knowing and realization that we have more important things to do. Too bad about your exhusband. Sometimes that harvest we reap from the seeds we planted stay forever. Perhaps he will heal and be able to find someone. I hope so.

Thanks for your loyal support and the great and thoughtful comments.


WannaB Writer profile image

WannaB Writer 5 years ago from Templeton, CA

I did want to chime in again. The more you heal and grow, the more clearly you will see what was really happening in the old relationship if it wasn't healthy. Than a tendency to berate yourself for having fallen into such a trap in the first place may kick in. Even knowing God has forgiven you doesn't always keep one from from occasionally looking back and berating oneself for having been so foolish. When you look back with regret that it happened, rather than with longing and sadness for what is lost. That could, of course, take years.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

WannaB, thanks for stopping in again. It is true that one can berate and blame oneself. With healing comes wisdom-hopefully! In my life, I have allowed people to wound me and even encouraged them to do so. When I look back, I wonder "who was that woman?" I have learned that if God can forgive me, I must forgive myself and make better choices from now on.

Thank you for the great comments and your time!


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Hyphenbird: Thank you for this Hub it is truly marvellous to learn how one might deal with their pain. Truly every person faces pain within their existance.

If we offer up to Almighty God, our pain and sufferings though, it no longer is ours but becomes His, and He knows just how to soothe the pain away for He is God.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Dave,I am happy to help anyone who is suffering from this. I certainly have been there myself. You are so right in we all face pain in this life.

Isn't our God awesome and mighty? And many do not realize He wants to take away the pain and love us into a place of peace and rest.

Thanks for the great comments.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I really enjoyed this. I agree. We can either move on or stay in hurtful memories. I think we've all had them. Life is too short to be unhappy about something we can't fix. Thank you. I love your heart.

Cheers


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Ah thank you always exploring. It is just such a waste of life to stay in the mire. It is true that we all have the pain and we should not and cannot continue as if they own us.

I appreciate you very much and thank you for your insightful comments.


Teylina profile image

Teylina 5 years ago

So true; has anyone not been there who's past six? Really, really glad you wrote this. Bookmarking to share. Learned long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away that bitterness doesn't work; people who carry it endanger the rest of us. Just didn't know how to say it. Thank you, as usual.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Ah Teylina, you are incredibly gracious to me and I thank you. This subject really was on my heart. I was made aware that an ex coworker still carries hurt and it made me sad. I love that your learning is in a galaxy far far away! I love your visits. They lift my spirits and bring smiles.


Teylina profile image

Teylina 5 years ago

Likewise from here; some times it helps us do more than just 'survive' when we know others are in/have been/may never-get-out-of worse shoes. I like to think I can give others smiles some times because I need them so much myself! Don't we all?!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Teylina, Amen to that!


daffodil2010 profile image

daffodil2010 5 years ago

impressive hub! thanks for sharing.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

My pleasure daffodil. Thanks for the visit.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Very powerful. I felt a lot of me in that very writing... both physically and mentally. Great job. Wonderful writing like usual! :)


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Thank ya barbergirl. Glad it worked for you. It is odd how we opt to hang onto a hurt and grow it. I am so glad I have wised up. I appreciate the visit and comments.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I think what got to me the most was the way you talked about scarring and how I relate to a real scar on me. I wrote about it - it was a healing experience... but what you wrote described it to a T. I might even have to go ahead a write the 3rd portion of that series, because it wasn't ended yet. It was just getting hard to write about. Thanks for the encouragment.. time to heal some more :D


feenix profile image

feenix 5 years ago

Hyphenbird, as one who has been wounded many times in life this hub is of particular importance to me. It reminded me that I should not wallow in pain and pity but rather place myself in the hands of God Who will surely lead me out of my state of agony and to greener pastures.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

ffenix, I am so glad my Hub helped you. Only God through the blood of Jesus can give true peace. I am happy you found this one.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

I had to come back and read this again...Very powerful message. Let the scars heal and walk away...Beautiful. Thank you.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

My pleasure always. It helps me to revisit and regain strength myself. I am honored my writings can help you heal. In love, Hyphenbird.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..well you have such a good heart and such a great mind - that you are the role model for any younger novice writer to learn from - but that said, sometimes school or training does not necessarily heed this winning combination - sometimes it comes from life itself - and that is something, Miss B, that you possess as a natural gift.

lake erie time 8:08am


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Thanks Epi. Life experience cannot be replaced by education or anything else. It is more valuable to me that I can say. I appreciate your kind words my friend.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

Hyphen , Peace and serenity . And friends as awesome as you and the huge heart that you own......:-}


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Thank you horseback. I strive to be a loving, compassionate person every day. Some days a lump of coal but the diamond days are amazing.

Peace and serenity.......right back at you my friend.


feenix profile image

feenix 5 years ago

Hello, Hyphenbird,

I absolutely love this hub. It was very uplifting for me.

As you are aware, I have a long history of alcoholism and drug addiction. Well, the primary reason why I was trapped in that pit for such a long time is I harbored all of my sorrows, wounds and disappointments. I would never let go of the pain and instead of turning to Jesus to help me move past things, I turned to narcotic substances.

Now that I have turned my life and my will over to the care of Jesus, the unpleasantries of my past are getting smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror. They have not completely disappeared yet, but Jesus is driving me farther and farther away at a rapid rate of speed ... and the good thing about it is, the State Troopers do not ever pull Jesus over for speeding.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

feenix, I am so happy for you that you are healing and getting more so every day. Truly, it is only through Christ that this can happen. We learn these things and issues of the world are not important and are like morning mist. The true life is one of spirit. I am so glad this article blessed you. That is my goal in writing them. Joy in Jesus, Hyph.


Ramzeed profile image

Ramzeed 5 years ago from Maryland

Hyphenbird I love your hub. I can say that a moment and time i felt as if I was chained up and no one was holding back but myself. Thank GOD for my will power and faith to change my situation and now I the person I've always wanted to be....HAPPY! Great hub!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

What a great thing to read. I am thrilled for you Ramzeed. You are an overcomer and are victorious indeed. WhooHoo. And I am glad my article brought you insight and joy. That makes me blessed to be a blessing. Thank you for coming by and letting me know you are HAPPY!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

A very powerful hub Hyphenbird. Well written and I'm sure it will reach a lot of women who need to brak those chains and reach for freedom. It is important to let go and move on. Forgiveness is part of moving on and without it the old scars still fester. Through my lifes experienxes I have found it much easier to forgive others than to forgive oneself.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Hello Rosemay. Thank you very much. I know many people who carry the past and pain like a ball and chain. Personally once I learned the art of forgiveness, I became so free and drew closer to God in every way possible.

I am glad you came to visit this Hub. I hope many others find freedom in forgiveness.


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 5 years ago from Stepping past clutter

This is a very timely hub! When I saw it in your list of hubs, I knew this was the one I had to read first. I appreciate your expression of forgiveness. I need this today, as we are once again unemployed. I know we have lessons to learn, but it is easy to be angry at those who betrayed my husband, allowing him to be the fall guy. I agree that they will have to manage the consequences of what they did. We will move forward into something better that God has planned for us! Hugs.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Storyteller, I am sorry to hear that. I learned early on that the corporate world is not a friendly place. And letting go of all that does indeed allow God to move us into better positions, allowing our heart's desire and His to be fulfilled.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

thank you so much.. God is so good.. He will help us through times like this.. any trails.. I really like the video.. and it is good to find a sister in Christ.

I tried to send you a message and it disappeared. I don't know what I did wrong..lol I am new to the HUB..


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful Author

Hello Deborah. Thank you for taking time to read this and leave such a lovely comment. Sometimes my messages disappear also. It is strange.

You are so right about our God. He will always be the rock we stand on, safe from any storm. I also love to meet a Sister in Christ and I thank Him for bringing you into my life. Bless you and may you reap all God has planned for you.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU...

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