My Dog Hates Me, I Lost My Internet Fortune and I Still Make Money on the Internet

Hello Again

It's Joe again. If you don't remember me, you should read this first. I'll wait...

OK? Good.

It's been a tough time for me since I last wrote to you. As you may remember, I stumbled on a simple way to Make Money Online By Doing Very Little Work. My wife and I got back together and life was good.

THEN IT ALL WENT BAD

I couldn't handle the success. I invested in a chinchilla farm in Nigeria. Man, that turned out to be a disaster. Who knew that chinchillas could overheat so easily? Anyway, I lost everything. My wife started dating her divorce lawyer again. We were back to eating Ramen noodles for breakfast again. The Mercedes were repossessed, although that was kind of cool because we were on a reality TV show when the guys drove up in the tow truck. I was so glad to have Tivo.

WE HIT ROCK BOTTOM

We lost everything, except the DVD of the Mercedes getting repossessed. I hid that behind the toilet when the furniture re-possessors came to get the conversation pit. We had nothing in the refrigerator except the little packages of dipping sauce that come with Pizza Hut bread sticks.

Don't Feel Sorry for Me

Don't pity me. I made it the top of the mountain. I was more successful than all those other unsuccessful people who try to find ways to Get Rich Fast On The Internet. We had a long way to fall and we landed on our face, but it's all good. On the way down we got a face full of all the pain and suffering that would make us better people in the long run.

We have come out of this painful experience much stronger and more experienced. We now understand the finer points of Interstate Postal Fraud regulations. The nuances of RICO laws have become crystal clear to us. Every time we stumbled and fell, we grew another scab that became a scar on our veneer of toughness.

I'd also like to think I've become a better writer.

WHY SHOULD YOU CARE?

I am writing to you now to tell you about our new success. With all the pain and suffering my wife and I have endured we now want to share with you our latest positive story.

I have had a lot of time to think, what with the Tivo box being repossessed by Best Buy and the satellite TV being turned off. I thought about different ways to prepare Ramen noodles, but I soon realized that the Internet is full of Ramen noodle recipes. Those little packets of spices are so delicious that I couldn't hope to improve on them anyway.

So I decided to think about other ways to Build Wealth Online With Little Or No Effort.

LIGHTNING STRUCK TWICE

It happened again. The last time I figured out how to Make Money Online I was watching the View. This time I was scraping the last few spices from the inside of the Ramen noodle spice packet, which was much more intellectually challenging.

Boom. It hit me hard, like the divorce papers my wife slid under the bathroom door. Suddenly it all became clear. I immediately walked to the library and used one of the free computers to try out my new idea.

IT WORKED

Wow! We were back in business.

I couldn't wait to tell my friends in Nigeria. Unfortunately their email addresses no longer worked.

So now I'm looking forward to sharing my new found Online Money Making Strategy with you. You can be my new friends. OK?

ARE YOU READY TO MAKE MONEY???

Maybe you doubted me last time. I understand that. Everyone needs to be skeptical when their family fortune is on the line. I learned that the hard way, so I definitely want you to be comfortable when you send me your money to get started. I lost all my money and I had to start over. I don't want that to happen to you. OK?


HERE'S A GREAT OFFER FOR YOU

Just to show you that I am really really honest, you don't have to send me any money.

Send no money!

All I ask is that you send me your credit card number. That's all. I won't withdraw any money, I promise. My Money Making Plan will open your eyes to the magic of Internet Wealth and Riches, so you will be willing to send me full payment after you see how simple the Simple Plan really really is.

Don't Wait. Act Now.

This offer ends tomorrow. I can't accept more than the first 100 applicants because my mailbox is really small and more mail just won't fit into it. I need to rebuild my relationship with my dog; he's still annoyed over the first fortune I lost. Maybe he doesn't like chinchillas.

Anyway, I simply don't have a lot of time so spend on too many affiliates. My Incredibly Simple Online Money Making System is keeping me busy at least 1 hour a day. The dog wants to go for a walk and the ramen noodles are boiling over. Please respond now.


Your Friend,

Joe.

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Comments 18 comments

Partisan Patriot 6 years ago

nicomp

Great hub; I thought I was reading a transcript of King Hussein's State of the Union Address. It bounced around as much as his speech did but your hub made me laugh; his speech made me cry. Cry out in anger!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Partisan Patriot: Maybe Joe has a future in the White House.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

nicomp,

I have good news for you. I am always getting emails from Nigeria from a group of men who say they have my money. Do you want me to forward those emails to you? It must be you they are looking for maybe the chinchilla farm payed off after all!!!!!!!!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Dear nicomp,

Great hub with fabulous ideas. Like Tom, I too get regular mail from Nigeria. Apparently they need me to cash a check or two for them. Should I hook you up?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Tom Whitworth & breakfastpop: unfortunately I am allergic to chinchilla.


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

Still looking for my checkbook...oh wait...now you want a credit card?...does it have to be mine?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Springboard: LOL. You must be an engineer.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Dear Joe, it's so good to hear from you again and really pleasing that you're making BIG money in pomegranate promotion.

I apologise for the unfortunate misunderstanding we had over your Nigerian investment, it was the criminally unsuitable spell-check software Microsoft puts out. You should of course have been investing in Chihuahuas, not Chinchillas. They are very popular in Japan, being bettered only by Whale and Dolphin.

A new chain of fast-food outlets called "Kamikaze Fried Canine" is being set up there nationwide and we at Nigerian Shonky Investments 379 have the SOLE rights to supply them with ALL their Chihuahua requirements. Now is YOUR chance to get in at the ground floor. Just forward us your customers financial details and a small one off payment of $4,359-37c for administration and set up fees and we'll do all the rest. You could be making so much more money by this time next week Charles Atlas will never kick sand in your face again.

Yours in anticipation,

Tomas Osama Finga-uppa,CEO.

Anticipation,

NIGERIA.


screation profile image

screation 6 years ago

during read this hub i become sad, angry and laugh. at least i enjoy this hub.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Old Firm: Chihuahuas? Isn't that the new 12 layer burrito at Taco Bell?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@screation: Don't feel sorry for Joe. He'll bounce back.


emievil profile image

emievil 6 years ago from Philippines

Okay Joe. I'm in! Here's my credit card number - 1111-1111-1111-1111 :D. Now, when will I get my first check?


stephen burch 6 years ago from united kingdom

After reading all of these comments it's so nice to know that we are a balanced species.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Your hub is funny but also depressing because it reminds me that a sizable portion of our population believe stuff similar to your claims, and invest their what I presume is hard-earned wages in scams and schemes that promise easy money.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

You and Old Firm should set up as a tag-team comic duo! LMAO! Great hubs - great comments! They'll being lining up on both sides of the Atlantic to invest in those schemes - oops, sorry, I mean "business ventures"!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@RedElf: Thanks for your kind words. TOF is in his own dimension, isn't he?


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

I was saving the burrito as the bonus nicomp. - (But wait, that's not all! Join NOW and you can have the California road-kill franchise)

And Red Elf, good thought, but I'm South Pacific, not North-East Atlantic, can I interest you in a genuine, made in China, plastic Tiki?

Cheers,

TOF


dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

What happened with the chinchillas? I thought that was a good deal. I just wired money yesterday. Did I make a mistake? If I did, who do I contact to get my money back?

BTW, aren't chinchillas supposed to be good eatin'? I'm tired of chicken.

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