My Lighthearted Look at Achievable Goals

I've already completed some pretty monumental achievements in my short life. Some more recent than others, for instance, a common goal for the year may be to quit smoking as I've written about here. Or my trek to Everest Base Camp which was a small part of a larger dream for myself.

But this year I'm going to really step things up and I've written some goals down which are achievable by all. Well, almost all. Most people probably won't want to do them even if they could but if they try it could be fun!

Big cake.
Big cake.

1. Learn to bake cakes

I enjoy baking cakes and am looking forward to baking all different types of cakes this year. So far I can bake a few different types but I'm planning on learning many more recipes throughout the year. The cake in the picture is an Italian wedding cake. I wouldn't expect anyone to learn how to bake this straight away, but a few efforts and I reckon we'll all be experts. The great thing about this is that your friends and family will love you so much more because of all the yummy cake you provide. Initially. This could turn to resentment though as remember, it's a new year, some people like yourself will have goals of their own. Probably some silly goals like living healthier and getting fit, or losing weight. All this cake is going to be bad for their own goals, but it will be tasty. If you find people starting to resent your cakes, don't worry, make it up to them and bake them a cake.

It's true, I have no shame.
It's true, I have no shame.

2. Live healthier, get fit or lose weight

I enjoy exercise. I swim regularly and frequent the gym, but this year I'm going to have to work a lot harder, in fact we all are. After learning to bake so many cakes we're all going to need to start looking after ourselves a bit better. Maybe start swimming or swim more, start running or cycling or do more of it. It's going to be tough but it's necessary so that we can excuse ourselves for eating all those cakes.

Of course, this could cause further resentment when our friends and family see our well trained physiques despite all the cakes we've been baking, while they are starting to balloon slightly. But don't worry, a nice home-baked cake will normally make them forget about any issues they have.

See, no shame at all.
See, no shame at all.

3. Grow a beard

Now I know that not everyone can grow a beard, but I can assure you it's great fun. Especially for your friends who will laugh at your first attempts of growth. But once grown there are so many things you can do with a beard, for instance, trim it down to a vintage moustache for great hilarity.

For those of you who can't grow a beard, or are unsure as to whether a beard would suit you, try wearing a fake beard for a week or so to see if it feels okay. If you can't find a suitable fake beard due to colouring issues or lack of genuine feel/look, then collect some of your cuttings the next time you are at the hairdressers/barbers. Ensure you only collect your hair from the floor though, as collecting the hair of the person in the next barber chair would just be weird. Then when at home, simply using some double-sided sticky tape build yourself a natural fake beard to wear. You could even involve your children with this one to make a fantastic creative project for all the family.

Beware your family though, they will not find this funny or amusing, they may feel embarrassment to be around you. Some cakes may help, but may not be the solution.

I'm not sure what happened to the rider.
I'm not sure what happened to the rider. | Source

4. Learn to ride a unicycle

This may sound impossible but it's actually very easy! Or so I'm assured, I don't have any embarrassing photos of me on a unicycle as it's something new to me, but something I think everyone should try. After all, it could save you money, two wheels cost more to run! Plus, it may get some of your angry friends and family back on side as they have a good laugh at you, riding your unicycle - and probably falling off - with your fake beard still proudly attached.

Of course this great fun could soon wear thin with family and friends after they've had to rush you to hospital 3 times in 2 months to have stitches in your head. But it's okay. The cakes you are having to bake them are becoming much bolder and more complex, but your family and friends can't move far now so your steady stream of cakes is becoming crucial to them.

This could be you.
This could be you. | Source

5. Go to the moon

Now we all know that man hasn't really been to the moon* and therefore, if there's one thing you're going to do this year, why not stage your own moon landing. It's so easy! Create the lunar surface with grey egg cartons. Besides, all the eggs you've used baking those cakes you're sure to have plenty of empty egg cartons (ensure cartons are empty before use) and this would be recycling, which is good right? Empty flour packets can be taped together to make a space man suit, and if your children received a go-kart from Santa at Christmas, wrap it with aluminium foil and you have your very own moon buggy! Ask any friends or family who have not yet disowned you to take some shaky photos to make them look realistic and post them on the internet for all to see.

* They did really go to the moon

6. The rest of the year...

By the time you've completed the above goals it should be getting close to Christmas, this is the time of year to begin your attempts to reconcile your relationships with your friends and family. This will be important as you'll need their support for your goals next year. You can start by buying them gym memberships as presents, or Christmas jumpers so they don't feel quite so ridiculous stood next to you still sporting your fake beard. And for gods sake, stop baking them cakes!

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Comments 17 comments

Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK

Ha ha ha! A lovely lighthearted hub. Just what is needed with everyone oozing stress over new years resolutions they probably won't keep. My favourite suggestion was growing a beard! I can't seem to grow one no matter how hard I try (ha ha!)I may invest in a variety of fake ones to freak people out! Happy new year to you.


teenboyproblems profile image

teenboyproblems 4 years ago from Nebraska

Hahaha! Good hub. Happy New Years!


Marie Gail profile image

Marie Gail 4 years ago from Olathe, KS

I think I could achieve most of these--except the beard, which, for obvious reasons, I don't care to grow. I may glue on a fake one though and leave a picture for you next December. Good, funny Hub.


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Thank you Peanutritious and Teenboyproblems, I'm pleased you like it. Happy new year to you too!

And thanks Marie Gail, I look forward to the photos next year, that could definitely be quite amusing, and of course, very worthwhile. I'm not sure why it'd be worthwhile other than the great fun it could cause. But fun is good.


Emma Harvey profile image

Emma Harvey 4 years ago from Berkshire, UK

I think I shall try to attempt to reach some of these goals.

I am better at eating cakes than baking them, but will be sure to give it a go.

I may be halfway there with the beard, so that's okay.

My balance isn't great and I'm rather clumsy, so trying to ride a uni-cycle may end up in injury.

But I will try to recreate being on the moon for sure. That would keep me amused in the new year ;)


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Brilliant Emma. It's good to know I won't be the only one making some valiant attempts this year. All the best with your goals and let me know how you get on with them.


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 4 years ago from Victoria, Australia

It's always good to have a smile. Thanks.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 4 years ago from San Francisco

Great scott, itsmonkeyboy... you've convinced me to grow a beard. Off to the local barber!


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Thank you BlossomSB, it's always good to make anyone smile.

Oh dear Simone, as much as I adore the enthusiasm I don't believe any men are going to like me in 2012 given the number of bearded ladies around the world which may or may not be my fault.


Nancy Owens profile image

Nancy Owens 4 years ago from USA

Lighthearted indeed. I actually rode a unicycle once when I was young (successfully), but I would hurt myself if I tried to do it now!


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

That's fantastic Nancy! I shall definitely be having a go at that myself, please refer to my future hub on my hospital experiences.


wonderingwoolley profile image

wonderingwoolley 4 years ago from Madison, WI

This was really entertaining, I needed a laugh today and you made it happen. Thanks so much!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 4 years ago from Chicago

Very interesting. I will confess that I have grown a quite impressive beard this past month or so. Maybe I should get it photographed and use it as my avatar on HubPages.

I enjoyed your Hub. Thanks!


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Why thank you Wonderingwoolley, it's made my day that it made you laugh! That was the intention so I'm pleased it had some effect.


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Thank you James, you should definitely show off your beard, although someone with such a well known face on here, I'd not encourage you to change your avatar. Perhaps you could cover the history of the beard in a hub? I'd read it! And if you ever get bored of the beard and shave, don't forget to keep the shavings in case one of the ladies above require it for their fake beard.


Jlava73 profile image

Jlava73 4 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

Where does one find a uni-cycle these days? You are funny! I enjoyed reading your amusing Hub. I think I will forego the beard growing idea though LOL.


itsmonkeyboy profile image

itsmonkeyboy 4 years ago from London, UK Author

Thank you Jlava73. I think the beard growing has been frowned upon by most women, however, with the fake beard option not all have shunned it.

I'm not sure about the unicycle though, I'm pretty sure you must be able to get them on ebay and the such like, mind you I'd probably recommend borrowing or testing one before a full purchase to ensure it is a hobby you are going to continue with.

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