My boss said, "You are not engaged enough with other people in the office."

My boss craves a human puppy-dog

If you are following my performance review saga, you know that the boss-man (hereafter known aptly as "BM") exclusively craves a human puppy-dog to admire him, lap up his ignorant conversation as all important and wants someone to look up to him in a literal and figurative way. He actually told me during my review, "you are not engaged enough with me and with the other employees in the office." Let's analyze this statement, shall we?

Okay, let's see. I am not engaged enough in the office. Hmmm. I say hello to eveyone who says hello to me. I am pleasant and ask about one person's dog, of which I am not a dog person, and I don't care about his mangy sweaty pooch, but no matter. I ask about the grandchildren of people who I don't care about, but it is the polite thing to do so I also do this. I ask about the new wife of an employee who avoids me because he has been raised by wolves and hasn't been told that it is polite to say something when you greet a person after a long weekend and you have to walk by the person daily. So, after all of this, BM tells me I am not "engaged" enough with others.

He also told me during my review that (he) "only gets a grunt from you (referring to me) when I (he means "he") come into the office in the morning." Let's pick this apart. What does he expect? Really, what in the heck does he want me to say? Does he want me to ask about his unusually plain-faced wife, or his offspring? Am I supposed to care how he spends his weekend afternoons? Should I pretend admiration as he rants unintelligently about his favorite sports team and how it fared in playoffs over the last few days? Or, am I supposed to just sit at my desk while he hovers over me, looking slyly for approval and admiration while he talks to others about subjects which will never concern me? OMG! He really wants a puppy-dog!

I used to listen to music at my desk, but BM put a stop to that 'right quick. He told my former wonderful officer and a gentleman boss best-boss-I-will-ever-have, "you need to tell her that she will no longer be allowed to listen to music on her head set, she needs to be more engaged." Well said. Except that EVERYONE else, did I say everyone else, yes I said EVERYONE else in the office is permitted to use ipods, earbuds, headsets and headphones, just not me. Was it that I was listening to music and bopping my head once and looking as if I was on top of the world that day when he walked by and saw me on my headset? Or was it that he allows everyone else to wear headsets and listen to their music in a gross effort to be overly unfair to me, only by not allowing me to listen to music during the work day, when I am doing quiet work at my desk? I think, dear reader, you already know the answer. Oh, BM, you will never get it.

Don't you see, BM, that you are a candidate for a discrimination lawsuit? No, BM of course you don't understand. How hard for you, when you assume everyone else in the world is as stupid as you are?

One of BM's staff members came to give training in our office, and he berated and belittled the trainer at every turn. First red flag that BM has emotional problems that can't be solved without many decades of therapy. If a boss mistreats employees he has known for a dozen years, you had best be sure he will also mistreat new employees he has known for only a few months. Poor BM. He has never managed anything, he is winging it, and for this reason will usually get it wrong.

I don't smile when BM enters the room. I don't fawn over him as if he is the Adonis he considers himself to be. He is neither charming nor attractive. He has a needle nose, I always hated his needle nose. He does not bathe the closer you get to the weekend. He smells as if he just woke up, took some sweaty musty clothes out of the dirty hamper, put them in the dryer to freshen them up, then took an only water shower with no soap. Sorry if you have not had lunch yet, but it is totally disgusting. I guess he looks in the mirror in the morning and says, "Yup, looks good to me." He wets his hair the way a 2nd grader does to look post showered, when no sprinkle of water ever hit him where it counts. "Admire me damn it!"

So, I was informed I was not engaged enough and did not give BM any play. He took this out on me by the crap review he gave me, and he even stated that he expected me to interact with him more. Why? How?

If he had been a human being, I would have been happy to interact with him. Even flirt with him a little if it would have massaged his fragile paper-thin ego. But no, it was not to be. You see, when you treat people badly BM, you have no right to expect that they will do anything for you. Pretending to like you was outside of my job description BM, and just like you, I play it by the book.



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