Six Life Lessons

800 dollars cash
800 dollars cash

Six Lessons for Your Life and Your Livelihood

Lesson One

A husband is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when their doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a large towel and runs to answer the door. When she opens it, there stands Jim, the next door neighbor.

Before she can say a word, Jim says, “I will give you $800 right this minute to drop that towel.”

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Jim. After a few seconds, Jim hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps herself back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

“It was Jim, our next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Lesson learned: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders beforehand, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson Two

A Supervisor, an Associate, and their Manager are walking to lunch when they discover an antique oil lamp lying on a nearby trash can. Together, they rub it and a Genie emerges.

The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the Associate. ”I want to be in the Bahamas, driving my own speedboat, without a care in the world.”

The Genie waves his hand and Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the Supervisor. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, a beautiful young woman and an endless supply of Pina Coladas.”

The Genie waves his hand and Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, it’s your turn,” the Genie says to the Manager.

The Manager says, “I want those two back in the office right after lunch.”

Lesson learned: Always let your boss have the first say.

 

Lesson Three

A priest offered a lift to a young nun. She got in the car and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After hastily controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.”

The priest removed his hand, but after a short time, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129.”

The priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed into his study to look up Psalm 129. He read, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Lesson learned: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson Four

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not?”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested, doing nothing.

Soon a fox came by, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Lesson learned: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

 

Lesson Five

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," said the turkey, “but I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth day, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon after, he was spotted by a hunter, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Lesson learned: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

 

Lesson Six

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so bitterly cold that the bird soon froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and comfortable and happy, and soon began to sing for joy with all his strength.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and dug him out.

And promptly ate him.

Lessons learned:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

3. And, most importantly, when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

© Copyright BJ Rakow 2011. All rights reserved.  

B. J. Rakow, Ph.D., Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." This is a serious book about job search which readers say is enlightening but also fun to read. 

More by this Author


Comments 32 comments

jayjay40 profile image

jayjay40 6 years ago from Bristol England

Brilliant hub, I laughed so much i was crying thanks for sharing


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

My pleasure, jayjay. If you didn't laugh, I'd be the one crying!


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago

I remember reading the last one (or similar) somewhere once before. The rest - no. I don't know if I was meant to smile and smirk while reading but I was. Loved the one about letting your boss have the first say.

And I've seen the one about bullshit doesn't keep you at the top in action. I enjoyed watching that one. Most deserved.

Great collection of lessons to learn drdj. They should be taught in high school. And by parents. And written in stone. Better learned young, than learned too late!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

You know, frogdropping, when I think back on it, most of my most enlightening life lessons were learned through real-life experience rather than lessons beforehand. That old adage about good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.

I fully agree with you about the importance of teaching lessons like this in high school. And it wouldn't hurt to show our kids how to balance a checkbook and because you still have checks in it doesn't necessarily mean you still have money in your account.

Thanks for the visit and making me think about this.


wavegirl22 profile image

wavegirl22 6 years ago from New York, NY

just what I needed tonight. . a good laugh! Excellent hub, really enjoyed this one!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, wavegirl22, for the visit and the kind comments. Welcome to my hub-world. Nice to have you here.


billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

These were hilarious - the little bird has to be the best. Though the boss talking first is pretty classic too.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Delighted you enjoyed these, billy - it's one of my earliest efforts. The little bird story is purported to be an ancient Russian proverb. The others I learned the hard way "battling" in the corporate arena. Thank you for stopping by.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

I love your life lessons - the valuable lessons in life can be learnt from exciting and provocative people like you - who know how to write like a hurricane!!!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, epi, I'm delighted by your visit and that you love my life lessons - all learned the hard way.

Exciting and provocative? Writing like a hurricane? Wow! You have earned a place on my PR team. No pay but all the chocolate chip cookies you can handle.


jasonycc profile image

jasonycc 6 years ago from South East Asia

It's such a pleasure to read this hub. I have learned a lesson or two here and had fun doing it. I was laughing to myself as I read. Cheers!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, jason, it's such a pleasure to read comments like yours.

Delighted you enjoyed these "lessons." I have learned, the hard way, that lessons learned with laughter are the lessons we tend to remember. Cheers, backatcha.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

All I can say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, thank you, thank you, susie. Your sense of humor as well as your visit is deeply appreciated.


vox vocis profile image

vox vocis 6 years ago

I had my laugh, too. An interesting hub, nice to finally read sth ''different''.


barby2kool profile image

barby2kool 6 years ago from Connecticut

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time....thanks for the hub....enjoyed them all.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, vv, delighted you had a laugh and thanks for your "interesting" and "different" comments. Your visit and those words are much appreciated.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, barby2kool, how nice to have you visit here. Happy to provide some merriment. The pleasure is all mine.

If you enjoy laughing as much as I do then you have to read my 5 hubs on "Crazy Laws". And "Fokk University."


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

I was prepared for some serious lessons and while these are very helpful the lessons outlined here today are drop dead funny!

I love it! I very much appreciate your ability to provide us with both good food for thought all the while laughing are bums off! LOL lol LMAO lmao...

Thanks once again for the wonderful tips on six lessons for life and a great daily dose of laughter! Peace :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, katie, for the "drop dead funny." You made my day, girlfriend.

I like sharing the lessons I've learned through experience with a dose of humor - it's just about my favorite thing to do. Next to eating chocolate chip cookies, that is.

Your visit and your sweet comments are much appreciated as are you. :)


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

This was brilliant, what fun, I just couldn't stop laughing. I was expecting it to be serious but this was a real tonic. Thanks for sharing, it's so good to laugh!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Acaetnna - Welcome. You are a woman after my own heart. I absolutely agree. Laughter is so good the government will probably tax it any minute now.

Thank you for finding me and for the very gracious comments. All true, of course. If you enjoy history and laughter, take a look at my 4 "Interviews" and "Fokk University". :)


richtwf profile image

richtwf 6 years ago

This is a great hub and I really enjoyed it. One of the best hubs I've read since joining HP. I've read a few of those lessons before but lessons two, four and five were new to me.

Excellent hub and did a little tab-tap which I've learnt from another hubber Micky Dee!

God bless and peace to you!

P.S. I am going to be definitely sharing this one!


Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 6 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

One of the best I've read in a long time.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, richtwf, thank you for finding me and enjoying this hub. One of the best, eh? Please come back - any time. So happy you learned and employed Micky's tap-tap. Thank you. Share it with whomever with my blessings. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you, Fiddleman, your visit and comment is much appreciated.

If you want to read some other 'bests,' take a look at my 4 'Interview' hubs.


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 6 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

I first thought that this was a serious hub but now I can't stop laughing. Thanks for a great hub. voted up.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, carrie. Delighted I made you laugh. One of my favorite things to do. Thanks for the "great hub" comment and the up. Visit any time. :)

For another couple of laughs, be sure to visit my hub - "Popular Proverbs Interpreted."


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Great Hub! Have to share it!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Be my guest, Justsilvie. Feel free to share away. Facebook it and link it and purchase billboards to display it. On second thought, the billboards may be going too far! Thanks for stopping by, and if you like to laugh take a look at my 4 hubs on "Crazy, Funny Dumb Laws."


Genesis profile image

Genesis 4 years ago from Canada

I absolutely enjoyed reading this Hub! Great advice, and a laugh = Priceless! Thank you for sharing this drbj.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you for the visit and the 'priceless,' Genesis. You are my type of commenter. It was my pleasure to share with you just in time for you to start the New Year right. Happy New Year BTW.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working