Ten excuses to get out of work!

Need a day off work? Here are some excuses which might give you a helping hand!


1. You have gastroenteritis:

Many people when they try to get out of work simply state that they have the "flu". Not only is this an incredibly unintelligent excuse to give but it also lacks in specifics and is massively overused. The most important trick to use when giving an excuse to get out of something is to put a ridiculous amount of detail into whatever you are saying. The more detail you put in, even if you think it sounds absurd, the more likely what you are saying will be believable. "Why", I hear you ask? Well despite your scenario being very unlikely, the person whom you are delivering the excuse to will think to themselves that what you have said couldn't possibly be a lie because it would be too ridiculous to make up.

Gastroenteritis is not that far-fetched but it provides a better example of what is wrong with you than simply saying the flu. Not to mention, it is a long word and one which is used commonly in hospitals and by doctors but not by your every day average Joe. It is much more believable because of this. Not to mention, most people will not want to risk you being in the office if you have something wrong with the rear end of your body!


2. I have a Doctor's appointment.

Now this by itself is not a sufficient excuse and even if your boss does not ask you what your appointment is for, you need to make sure you tell him. Your best bet is to say something that is embarrassing. For example, I am having my prostates checked or similar private bodily parts which no one really wants to go into great lengths about. If you really want to keep your boss from asking further questions, you can say you are going for your monthly STD check up - no one wants to prevent you from getting that checked!


3. I fell off a ladder whilst putting in a new light bulb and have hurt my ankle.

This is a great one because all you need to do is say that you went to the doctor and he said it was only a twisted ankle. You put on a little bit of a fake limp for the next few days and then you're back to normal. Twisted ankles hurt like hell to begin with so there is nothing to be ashamed of and potentially it might have been much worse!


4. Jury duty

This is a bit more of a risky one because they may well require proof, but if your boss is more of the relaxed type then this is a good one if you want to take more than a day off work. You can state that you have jury duty for a week or two and there is nothing that you can do to get out of it. Remember to always sound like it is annoying for you to not be able to come into work. Phrases such as "I'll try to get back to work as soon as I can wrap up this stupid thing" help a lot and being polite and thankful can go a long way as well. Always add a "sorry for the inconvenience" - courtesy helps!


5. Your mother-in-law is in hospital

I like to stay on the safe side and not say anyone is gravely ill or dying or anything like that, you wouldn't feel great if it actually happened. That being said - most people wish away their mother-in-laws anyway (joke!) so a good excuse to miss work is to state that your husband/wife is out of town and your mother-in-law has been put in hospital and you need to go and look after her. No one can argue with compassion!

Best excuses for getting out of work

How to get out of work
How to get out of work | Source

6. I gave blood last night and am not really feeling up to it today.

This might suffice for half a day off, or perhaps a whole day if you have a nice boss. You are playing on your charitable side and hoping that your boss with think to himself how nice it was of you to give blood. If they ask you what your feeling like, the best answer is usually to say that you are very feint and have no energy - no one wants a sack of potatoes to show up for work!


7. I have agoraphobia

You more than likely won't get away with suddenly developing agoraphobia (a fear of leaving the house) as it would be extremely unlikely that it would suddenly happen to you just like that but if you really are running low on excuses, or perhaps you want to get fired in an inventive way - then this might be a good excuse to try with your boss!


8. Traffic strikes

There seem to be traffic strikes of some variety fairly often. Always make sure you take advantage of these, and always make sure that you claim you only use the form of traffic that is striking. For example, if the buses are on strike, then how should you possibly be able to get into work? It isn't your fault that you suddenly have no transport and no one can expect anything from you. You thought about walking but it's just such a long way!


9. Weather issues

Similar to traffic excuses. If ever there is something slightly unusual about the weather, then you can certainly get away with using it as an excuse for not going into work. Snow is the best excuse, as soon as there are a few snowflakes, you can call in and say it isn't safe for you to go into work as the snow is piling up on the ground. Even if it isn't - your boss won't know that and he/she will have to take your word for it.


10. Flights cancelled

Often people go on holiday and when they come back they suddenly decide that the prospect of work on a Monday morning is no longer very appealing. So why not get that extra day off work? We all know that flights get cancelled the entire time, and there is nothing anybody can do about that, so just use it as your excuse to get an extra day or two off work. You're stuck outside of the country, in the airport, having a terrible time, and will get back on the first available flight!


Disclaimer: Obviously nobody should EVER make up an excuse to get out of going to work. That would be simply terrible! But if you wanted to imagine doing such a thing, then hopefully this list might provide some thought-provoking excuses!

Excuses to miss work
Excuses to miss work | Source

© Chuckbl - Hubpages - Moon Project

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Comments 8 comments

Jack Donaghy 4 years ago

I now know never to employ you, chuckbl


John Sarkis profile image

John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

This is hysterical! I had a professor in high school (piano teacher, as my high school was a music school and we had such type classes...) that would tell me "just to let you know, I plan to call in sick tomorrow..." I was the most advance piano student in the class, and he'd tell me so I'd help the substitute teacher with the other students, who were my class mates at the time....

Voted up on your wonderful hub

John


Jake 4 years ago

how about. I couldn't come into work today because there is a crazy chainsaw guy in my living room watching my HD tv.


stessily 4 years ago

chuckbl, I agree with Derdriu about the giving blood excuse! A variant on that excuse could be giving plasma.

The excuses you've offered are all amusing to think about and quite tempting sometimes to put into effect.

Pleading temporary agoraphobia is brilliant. All the votes.


chuckbl profile image

chuckbl 4 years ago from Scotland Author

As always, thanks for your kind comments Derdriu, giving blood is indeed a very good idea, perhaps I will consider trying it out at some point! Thanks again.


Derdriu 4 years ago

Chuckbl, What a belly-laughingly funny, hilarious, humorous summary of 10 best excuses for not having to do work! My favorite is giving blood. If you don't feel like going to work, don't eat, go give blood, and make a public spectacle out of yourself as you faint or throw up. That should earn you a couple of days off as well as the esteem of your boss and colleagues.

Thank you for sharing, voted up + all,

Derdriu


chuckbl profile image

chuckbl 4 years ago from Scotland Author

Haha I like it... I'll be sure to give it a try next time I need to get out of something!


captainstukeley profile image

captainstukeley 4 years ago from London W6

Very funny! This is the excuse I use - or would use if I ever were to do such an horrid thing as tell a lie.

I couldn't make it into work because I woke up and could only see in monochrome. I got out of bed and was going to phone the doctor about it when a ferret attacked me! As I struggled with it, I fell against the stove and accidentally switched the bloody thing on. Just at that moment, a bird flew into the room carrying a pineapple. A tortoise burst out of the inside of the pineapple and attacked the ferret. The bird then spontaneously exploded and made a mess over the kitchen. The tortoise threw the ferret onto the now hot stove and the smoke from this set off the fire alarm. Then my house burned down. This is a true story. I DID NOT JUST SLEEP IN. Also I am the king of Norway.

Works every time :)

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