The Employees Handbook - The Workers Guide to Brown Nosing

Paul Ryan has been the greatest teacher of this talent, please look him up when all else fails.  Republicans at their best.
Paul Ryan has been the greatest teacher of this talent, please look him up when all else fails. Republicans at their best.

How do you know if you need this guide?

Many people might find this guide useless due to the fact they have already exceeded mastery in this field. How do you know where you stand? If you can butter up your boss with just a few gestures than you are exceptional and can probably teach others. Congratulations in the field of brown nosing, a talent that is respected less than drug addicts... did that thought come out loud? If you have problems with when and how to use this talent than you will love this guide.

Sniff sniff... kiss kiss

Do you work with any brownnosers?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I am one, and I enjoy it...
See results without voting

For Best Results

The easiest way to think of this is as a game, kind of like a role playing game. You need to practice to and gain experience to level up your skill and depending which co-worker you knock off the chart the more experience you gain. The closer the co-worker is to your boss the more experience, and if you beat your boss which can only be done by buttering up to your boss's boss you might gain a new weapon (the boss's boss) and a few levels.

Just remember that when you butter up your boss there is a duration period which needs to be re-cast when it wears off or when someone breaks the spell by ratting on you or finding bad news. Either way there will be problems when that happens, you might need to put some distance between you and the boss otherwise you will be attacked within range his sight. But if you don't have him badgering one of your co-worker than you need not run. There is a lot of sneaking around, much like a rat but some people enjoy that lifestyle in the office. But brown nosing or whatever term you want to call it has been around for a long time, people who are more likely to do this are underachievers. Most underachievers don't become underachievers because they can't get anything done, they are just lazy and being lazy is part of all of us. Why not stick to someone who likes to be buttered up all the time and not mind it.

Feeding your boss great compliments and doing what they want you to do is what they want from underlings, its like completing a quest with great results. Important thing is don't work too hard until your boss is there and than work as hard as possible, this is another way to butter them up. Another popular thing is to work up a conversation with them and pick their brains on what they like so you can like them too and that would definitely get you some experience.

Here's a list of suggestions and advice to better your brown nosing experience:

  1. Flattery is your best weapon on people too much into themselves.
  2. Buy your boss a cup of charm...er coffee
  3. Falsely ask for advice from your boss even if you don't need it, another form of flattery
  4. Agree with everything the boss says, even if that means the company will go belly up the next day
  5. Get into work early and leave as late as you can.
  6. Participate in everything your boss puts out even if you don't like it.
  7. Try to get into the same circle of friends as your boss.
  8. Make compliments to others while the boss is there but pretend you don't know he is around.

Brown Nosing Experts

Some Expert Resources

Not exactly a resource but more of an example, Paul Ryan was voted the biggest brownnoser in high school. He learn how to do so at such a young age, now its his career to brown nose whoever that is above him and he'll even do it with a smile. That was a vote that he can do without as a politician now but it is that talent that got him where he is.

We can safely say some people think this is a smart way to work, while others that do the work thing brown nosing is not good work ethics. This topic is based on personal preference, it's either you like it or you don't.


Note: I typed this on my way home, please excuse any typos or grammar mistakes.

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Comments 8 comments

snoblet profile image

snoblet 4 years ago from New York Author

@CriticalMessage I would love to have more money but only because I do good not at the expense of self respect and dignity.


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

I will never understand why so many allow for their own noses to be put up there... Sacrificing their dignity for dollars... Is it really worth it?


snoblet profile image

snoblet 4 years ago from New York Author

@davidlivermore Sometimes I wonder what makes those people the way they are, I find that doing something like that makes one lose respect pretty fast and creates a poor working environment.


davidlivermore profile image

davidlivermore 4 years ago from Bakersfield, California, United States

I don't want these kind of people working for me. I see the brown nosers clearly in my office, and tend to avoid them if possible.


snoblet profile image

snoblet 4 years ago from New York Author

@Alastar Packer I try to avoid people who brown nose as much as possible because if you get on their bad side they can easily put you in a bad position.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

I asked a guest over what instantly came to mind when I said the word "brown noser." Pathetic! Can we get an amen. In your list of suggestions snoblet, perhaps getting into your bosses circle of friends is the preeminent one.


snoblet profile image

snoblet 4 years ago from New York Author

its nice to know other terms for this since i travel often for work but I think a lot of people comes close to being one sometimes it's out of kindness or pity for their superior I have seen that and had almost became one too, but realize that bosses also play games like everyone else. thanks for the comment :)


alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

We call them office/shopfloor crawlers. There's no shortage, either. I nearly became one once - by accident, I got on with some of my teachers and bosses and was treated as a leper by my fellows - but I recovered my status as a 'bolshie'.

Now I don't have to bother with bosses, apart from if I decide to do another season at Lord's (Cricket Ground), where you have to dot your 'i' and cross your 't' when you address senior (MCC) members and managers - unless they turn 'pally' with you, then you can relax, but not too much!

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