The Non-Difficult Ways To Get Fired From A Lousy Job

SEE THIS ANGRY LOOK?

This boss is hacked at someone. Looks like he could fire someone right away. Don't sweat it. If you hate your low-paying job, get fired. Then get a better job. That's easy.
This boss is hacked at someone. Looks like he could fire someone right away. Don't sweat it. If you hate your low-paying job, get fired. Then get a better job. That's easy.

Ways to make your boss angry enough to fire you

MESSING UP AN IMPORTANT CONTRACT.
MESSING UP AN IMPORTANT CONTRACT.
YELLING IN THE OFFICE FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
YELLING IN THE OFFICE FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
YELLING AT THE BOSS' DAUGHTER.
YELLING AT THE BOSS' DAUGHTER.
YELLING AT THE BOSS' WIFE.
YELLING AT THE BOSS' WIFE.
ACT SLEEPY. THIS ALWAYS GETS A TERMINATION ON YOUR RECORD.
ACT SLEEPY. THIS ALWAYS GETS A TERMINATION ON YOUR RECORD.
WHEN A BOSS YELLS SO LOUD THAT HIS TEETH RATTLE, YOU ARE ALREADY OUT THE DOOR.
WHEN A BOSS YELLS SO LOUD THAT HIS TEETH RATTLE, YOU ARE ALREADY OUT THE DOOR.
MAKE BOSS PULL HIS HAIR OUT OF FRUSTRATION.
MAKE BOSS PULL HIS HAIR OUT OF FRUSTRATION.
ACT LIKE YOU NEED THE BOSS WATCHING YOU ALL OF THE TIME.
ACT LIKE YOU NEED THE BOSS WATCHING YOU ALL OF THE TIME.
DON'T BE THIS DUMB AND BRING A HANDGUN TO WORK. YOU CAN GET FIRED LOTS OF OTHER WAYS.
DON'T BE THIS DUMB AND BRING A HANDGUN TO WORK. YOU CAN GET FIRED LOTS OF OTHER WAYS.
"YOU DID WHAT?" RAVES THIS ANGRY MANAGER. HE SAID THIS TO YOU WHEN YOU POURED KEROSENE INTO THE COPIER TO CLEAN THE INK.
"YOU DID WHAT?" RAVES THIS ANGRY MANAGER. HE SAID THIS TO YOU WHEN YOU POURED KEROSENE INTO THE COPIER TO CLEAN THE INK.
ACTING LIKE A DUMB ANIMAL, SAY THIS MULE, AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB SEEKING A BETTER JOB.
ACTING LIKE A DUMB ANIMAL, SAY THIS MULE, AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB SEEKING A BETTER JOB.

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO ASK YOU A SENSITIVE, PERSONAL QUESTION . . .

do you work in a dead-end job? Okay. Allow me to ask this: Do you hate your job? One last question: Is your paycheck so small that the teens at McDonald's laugh at you?

Well, friend. Looks like you need a change in jobs. Oh, you didn't need me to tell you that. You realized that years ago when you were passed-over for the tenth time for that promotion you had prayed for. And one other time when the "newbie" in the office worked for one month and was rewarded with a hefty raise.

But you, the loyal, dependable, reliable, team-player that you are, stuck it out. Sucked it up and kept going. You kept clinging to the old saying, "Good things come to those who wait," but guess what, Bunky? 20 long years of awful working conditions, being taken for granted, never given any credit (or raises) is way too long for anything good to come to you. Let me put it another way. The "good things" have forgotten you. Lost your job site address. You are a faded memory in the world of work. And to make you feel worse, you are not getting any younger either. The youngsters just out of college are piling into your office having fun at your expense when you say "hi," to them, they reply, "hi, gramp's" or "hello, Mr. Relic." Not a good feeling, I wager.

But it would be totally different if you were so good at your job that even if you tried to get fired, the boss would only laugh and wink at you. But here is a news flash: You are not that good at yoru job and could be replaced with a broom. What's happened to you is nothing new. This has been going on for years. Centuries. And it's time for "underdogs," like you to break out of the mold. Run away from the crowd. Do something daring. And seek employment elsewhere before your "good years" are used up.

Simply quitting is not an option. And besides if you just up and leave your job that is nothing more than drudgery to you, you will not get a "severance package" that really means two weeks pay and the things out of your desk. Plus a free escort to the parking lot by "Hal," the company security guard.

You need to get yourself fired. Terminated. "Given the boot." Or a good old-fashioned, "heave-ho," and you will be completely free of this "sweat shop," who forgot what minimum wage really is in 2012. And forgot what good employees (like you) did to build the company. Yes, getting yourself fired is probably the only way to freedom.

But do not sweat it, friend. I have designed a few sure-fire, cracker jack ways to get termination papers handed to you pronto. Ready for your signature. Giving you what you should have had years ago: FREEDOM to look and get a much-better job. Pal, this company "saw you coming" when you first applied for your job a scant 15 years ago. And have pushed you around and overlooked your talents everyday since you were hired.

Here are my "Non-Difficult Ways For You To Get Fired From A Lousy Job" . . .

STORM INTO THE BOSS' OFFICE UNANNOUNCED

and simply slam your fists on his fine, Oak desk and yell, "I am doing a swell job, Bill. I just want you to know that!" Then smile at the company owner who was paying your boss a vist and return to your desk.

STORM INTO THE BOSS' OFFICE UNANNOUNCED

and simply slam your fists on his fine, Oak desk and yell, "I am doing a swell job, Bill. I just want you to know that!" Then smile at the company owner who was paying your boss a vist and return to your desk.

WHEN YOUR BOSS' WIFE CALLS

and you answer the phone, start coming onto her like a lonely, drunken sailor on leave in some small port in Portugal. Make snide remarks about her figure. Make the kissing sound over the phone at her. Tell her how much you'd love to sweep her off her feet. Then suddenly say in a nice tone, "Sure, Mrs. Needmore, I will patch you through to your husband."

SHOW UP AT WORK

late for a week wearing a different circus costume each day. Sit at your desk as if nothing is wrong. Squeeze the red rubber clown nose at people who are coming in your office to do business with you. It won't take long before your name is scratched off of the office door.

OPEN THE WINDOW NEAR YOUR DESK

Then start yelling profanities at the top of your lungs to the people below on the sidewalk. When a crowd gathers, including a few policemen, "moon" the crowd and start yelling angry Iranian sayings while you chant an Iranian protest song. Can you say, Hello, Homeland Security?

STAND UP IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OFFICE MEETING

and declare, "this company sucks. Care if I entertain us with a bit of old-fashioned harmonica music?" Wink at the Board of Directors while you are being forcefully-removed from the meeting.

START A CRUEL FIST-FIGHT IN THE MEN'S RESTROOM

to prove, as you tell your soon-to-be "ex" boss, "I was as good of a boxer as Muhammad Ali."

THROW HALF-EMPTY MILKSHAKES

at the female employees who work across from your desk. Then jump up on your desk and proclaim, "hey, gang look! A pretty little snow princess!" Yep. Time for you to start cleaning out your desk.

BRING YOUR PET DOG, "BREWSKI"

to the office knowing that it's against company policy and then when "Brewski," gets a sudden attack of diarrhea, that you caused by feeding him EX-LAX at home that morning, then sit back and enjoy the fireworks. You and "Brewski" should be hoofing it home after lunch.

BURST THROUGH THE GLASS DOOR

of your office conference room just when your boss and other top-level stockholders are sitting down to talk about the financial shape of the company, and yell, "Get lost, suckers. This place is sinking like a rock!" This will get you fired at light-speed.

BROADCAST OVER THE TELEPHONE PAGING SYSTEM

sensitive secrets that your coworkers have made you swear to never tell. Secrets like "Ted," who has had an ongoing affair with "Millie," the accounts payable temp for six months. And the torrid secret about your boss swindling money from the company to pay known prostitutes to visit with him in his office when he was supposedly "working overtime."

And finally . . .THE BEST ONE ON THE LIST . . .

TAKE YOUR BOSS BY THE SHIRT LAPELS

and throw him against the wall in front of everyone and get in his face with a wild look in your eyes and say, "You aren't man enough to fire me! I dare you! Fire me if you have a backbone anywhere! I am a much tougher man than you are! Come on! Fire me!" And keep threatening your boss in this manner until you are under the effects of a taser or stun-gun.

But do not worry. People live from being tased or having a stun-gun used on them. And while you are laid up in the hospital for days, you can be charting your next move on whom to seek for your new job.

Told you my plans would work.



SEE THE PRETTY SMILES

on this male boss and his favorite girl employee? If this is your case, keep your low-paying job.
on this male boss and his favorite girl employee? If this is your case, keep your low-paying job.

More by this Author


Comments 16 comments

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Hey, Kenneth, great hub! Funny and entertaining. And I bet those are sure-fire ways to get fired. I love it! On another note, how have you been? How's your health? Good, I hope. I hadn't seen you in a while--glad I came across this hub. Take care!


PageC profile image

PageC 4 years ago

Hilarious! Great idea to get fired, and get unemployment, rather than quitting. ;)


shea duane profile image

shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

I love the circus costume idea! Another great hub!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

This is so funny! Great hub Kenneth!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Kenneth

Very very funny my friend. Fortunately, I enjoy my job. In a past job I had a boss from hell. I got offered a different position and she eventually got fired.

Voted up up and away! Have a great weekend my friend. :)


Teresa Coppens profile image

Teresa Coppens 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Very funny Kenneth! I enjoyed the read. Enjoy your week.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Victoria,

Thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate them, and YOU so much. As for me, Fibromyalgia and Neurotopy are WORSE. I am aching in my ankles, knees and feet so much it feels like Im standing on razor blades. Cant walk well. When it rains, I really feel like fire is consuming me. I still take meds and get painshots in my back every three months, but with the grace and mercy of God, I am still here.

I have missed you, Victoria. How have you been?

Reply soon.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Page, thats right. Id rather go out in a "blaze of greenbacks," than leave with a quitter's attitude. I do not condone to just get fired. Just if you have a lousy job with no future.

Thank you for your input!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Shea . . .that might be the best idea yet, the circus costume. Get fired and give people some laughs at the same time. Oh and Shea . . .BIG NEWS! Ive got the hub that YOU INSPIRED, My would-be affair with the lady wrestler I wrote that six-page, handwritten letter, ready to run. I will get it on hubs maybe this evening. And thank you for inspiring that. I wont forget it.

Your Friend,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, catgypsy, you leave the "DEAREST" comments! Thank you. I appreciate you taking time to read my works and then comment. I pray that you will have the best day EVER!

Your life long friend,

KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Susan . . .so glad that you LOVE your job. Not many people will say that. And too, glad that the boss who was bad, is gone from your workplace. Things have a way of working out.

Thanks for your sweet comments and vote. I will not forget them.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Teresa,

Thank you kindly, for your comments. I am obliged to you and my great followers for keeping my desire for hubs alive. YOU have a great week, Teresa, and a safe one too.

Kenneth


2patricias profile image

2patricias 4 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

I just wish I'd had the nerve to try some of those things. I wish I had just started singing during one of those interminable team meetings. I wish I'd worn a paper hat when dealing with people on the front desk. Oh well.

Neat hub - it made me laugh, so I've voted it up and funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, 2patricias,

Thank you, DEAREST, for your sweet and uplifting words. Today, I needed them in a bad way. Funny story for you. Speaking of paper hats, where I worked for 23 years in a newspaper, it is mostly a serious, no-nonsense atmosphere. Some of the time. But thanks to me, who was blessed with an off-beat sense of humor, one day I walked to our receptionist wearing rubber glasses with nose that was a spring that dowdled up and down. First she gasped with surprise.

Then she giggled uncontrollably. I looked up with a serious look on my face as I was filling out a work order and with a dry voice said, "what?" That made it worse. She had to go to the ladies room for laughing so hard.

See? Spontanety works if you know the right time and use the right tools.

Thanks again for your sweet comments.

Kenneth


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

boy, if i wasn't my own boss, i would utilize these tactics immediately


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

PDXKaraokeGuy, hey, man, you can use it on yourself, but you have to have a lot of patience with yourself. Maybe give yourself a few days off to rest and reevaluate what you are doing for your company. Its tough, I know. I have to repramand myself a lot for errors in writing and such, but I always give myself a few hours off early. Im a good boss. Just ask me.

Kenneth

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