Things Overheard in a Men's Underwear Factory Somewhere Way Down South

Boxers
Boxers
Regular trunks
Regular trunks
Vintage Union Suits
Vintage Union Suits

(NOTE: Do not judge this piece by the photos. Although this hub is about men’s briefs (underwear), the photos have been severely-scrutinized and edited so this hub can be seen and read by your children. And thank you so much, followers and non-followers, for reading my materials. Kenneth).

Time was, men wore “long handles,” underneath their outer-clothing so they could be dressed appropriately for being seen in public. As time crawled on, the “long handle” designers set to upgrading and came up with a more-comfortable men’s underwear called “skivvies.” Later on “down the road of life,” “skivvies,” evolved to “briefs,” “trunks,” “briefs,” and “boxer briefs,” so to sum it up, as men changed, so did their underwear (no pun intended).

Before I go any further, let me say to the guys who follow me: I know that you might have preferred a story about women’s lingerie, and honestly, so would I, but I am not about to let the HubPages editors and the AdSense people who monitor our stories “flag” my story and have me to redo it. Anyway, if I did write about women’s undergarments, I would be way too embarrassed and a story of such sensitivity should be written by a female writer—because a female writer can understand more about women and their underwear than a man writer.

Why should "I" wear underwear?

I have sometimes wondered why “I” was taught from youth, to always wear underwear. My rebellious-question would be, “Why, dad? No one is going to walk up to me and want to see my underwear, and besides, if I do not wear underwear, that is less laundry that mom will have to do.” Good argument, but not good enough to get me out of the traditional task of wearing underwear.

In my older years I learned that there were sensible reasons why men should wear underwear:

Underwear hides a man’s “privates” as so he can work and live in the public without causing controversy.

Underwear gives validity to the old adage, “If you get in an accident, says a concerned mom. “your underwear should be clean to show people that you are a decent man.” That does make sense. But honestly I have never heard any observer who was present after a car wreck say, “That poor ‘Fred.’ Did you see those filthy briefs that he had on? And he was once a decent guy.”

Let’s go back to the beginning of men’s underwear. No, not the fig leaves that Adam used to cover himself after he and his mate, Eve, partook of the forbidden fruit, but to a factory where men’s underwear are manufactured and take time to read and understand . . .

Camouflaged Long Handles
Camouflaged Long Handles
Fashionable Union Suits
Fashionable Union Suits

Briefs, in brief

Briefs are a type of short, tight underwear and swimwear, as opposed to styles where the material extends down the legs.

A main difference between male briefs and female briefs is that male briefs are often designed with a large pouch in the front center area to accommodate his private area. This is because men and boys have larger external genitals in comparison to women or girls, thus requiring more fabric in the crotch area.

Briefs were first sold on January 19, 1935 by Coopers, Inc., in Chicago, Illinois. They dubbed the new undergarment the "Jockey" because it offered a similar degree of support as the jockstrap (one style of which is also called jock brief or support briefs). Thirty thousand pairs were sold within three months of their introduction. In North America, "Jockey shorts" or "Jockeys" was an often used generic term for men's briefs. More recently, "tighty-whiteys" has become a commonly used nickname for briefs.

In Britain, the term "jockeys" has not caught on and briefs are often referred to as "Y-fronts". The term derives from the genericized trademark "Y-Front", property of Jockey International. It in turn derives from the inverted Y-shape formed by the seams at the front of the underpants. The colloquialism is used even when the fly opening may differ in style, and not actually form the shape of the inverted letter "Y" fly on Coopers Jockey brand briefs.

In Australia, briefs are referred to as "jocks" but should not be confused with jockstraps (more specifically used by athletes) which expose the buttocks. Australians generally use the word briefs to refer to the bikini-style underwear for men, which do not have the Y-front opening.

Since the ending of the 20th century, a hybrid called boxer briefs has become popular. Like boxers, they have short legs, but like briefs, they are made of elastic, snug-fitting material. A shorter version of boxers.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Briefs

Things Overheard in a Man’s Underwear Factory Somewhere Way Down South

(somewhere on the assembly line)

  1. “Hey, ‘Bubba Jim!” These don’t look like men’s underwear. These look like women’s panties!”
  2. “What red-blooded man would be seen by his wife or girlfriend in pink underwear?”
  3. “Hey, ‘Jimmy Joe,’ this stuff in these underwear are so silky, I could them for a parachute.”
  4. “Polka dot briefs? One more box of these and I am quittin’ this Mickey Mouse job.”
  5. “I agree, ‘Leonard Nedd. I have seen these funky underwear so much that I only wear underwear on Sundays to go to church.”
  6. “These underwear’s so tight that they could cause a man to have high blood pressure. What’s this plant trying to do, kill men?”
  7. “My dog, ‘Buster,’ wouldn’t put a pair of this garbage on his hairy butt.”
  8. “Hey, ‘Larry Sam,’ if me and the wife were having a romantic night and I pulled my overalls off and she were to see me in these slick briefs, she would laugh her butt off.”
  9. “’Billy Ben,’ tell ya’ what. After work, let’s take a few pair of these stretchy underwear, tie them together and make us a vine to swing on in the woods just like that Tarzan fella.”
  10. “What the heck is a ‘banana hammock?” What? I have to put this tiny strang up my anus?”
  11. “Ahhh, for the good old days when we men loved our long handles.”
  12. “Amen, ‘Timmy Joe,’ the long handles were a pain to open if you needed to have a ‘sit down’ in the John, but how warm they kept us in this air conditioned plant.”
  13. “Hey, ‘Rocky Roy,’ did yew see the sign in the break room? It said: “All male employees must wear underwear while on the job. If you do not adhere to this notice, you will be fired.” “Rock, now who will do the inspecting?”
  14. “Hey, I can wrap these things up and give them to my wife for her birthday.”
  15. “’Billy Bill,’ are you going to see about the new job they posted on the bulletin board? The job of being a men’s underwear model and appear with other men modeling our newest briefs in a fashion show in the Town Hall?”
  16. “Now, ‘Billy Bill,’ why on earth would you want me to go to Hades?”

Coming very soon . . . “A Sensitive Look at Juan Valdez.”

(NOTE: no fictitious men were harmed in the writing of this story. And any resemblance to any man living or dead with the names in this hub is purely coincidental and no embarrassment was intended. –Kenneth. P.S. this piece is strictly meant for comedy purposes and not to put men of the south in an embarrassing light. Heck, I am from the south--born and bred and I wasn't upset. In fact, I enjoyed this piece.



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Comments 26 comments

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Great hub, not too brief, just right.


Nancy Hardin profile image

Nancy Hardin 2 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

Kenneth, I laughed out loud at the "things overheard in a men's underwear factory!" I also learned a few things about men's underwear that I did not know. I love historical stuff, even about men's underwear. Good work on a fun, enjoyable Hub.


Rhonda Lytle profile image

Rhonda Lytle 2 years ago from Deep in the heart of Dixie

This was so funny. I especially loved number nine. Strangely enough, I just heard the term long handles yesterday for the first time. I had always heard long johns, so it was kind of neat to see it again here. While I know very little of men's under garments other than wash in hot and use bleach with the whites, Scarlette puppy, my baby bulldog, much prefers to steal the briefs out of the laundry over the long johns. Though, I do remember Woo and Swedge, my other bulldog puppies, playing tug of war with a pair of bottoms the other day they had stolen. I may need to school them in the ethics of thievery. :).


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Very funny! I actually enjoyed reading the history of men's underwear and the different names used in different countries. I'd probably never go out of my way to research the info, so I'm glad you did. I don't think I'd ever wear my boyfriend's briefs, but when I was in college some of the girls wore men's boxers as shorts.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear sheilamyers,

Thanks so very much for cheering me up tonight. I actually came to this hub because I did NOT receive any of your comments. Is this the HP bug on attack again?

Last night it was Yahoo Mail who shut down, and tonight, Oct. 2, YM was working and putting in all emails that I had not got since Sept. 26. I am getting so irritated at having to BEG HP for help.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ sheilamyers,

I never knew it, but your friends in college who wore men's briefs for shorts were very wise. Yes. Very wise.

I have learned something. Thanks.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Rhonda,

And thank you too for your funny comment. I appreciate you intermingling the synonomous terms, long johns and long handles. And union suits was used in olden times.

I myself never knew there was so much to know about underwear until I did some "brief" research.

Thanks again for the comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nancy,

So proud that you laughed outloud. That means one thing: I did my job. Thanks for sharing how you reacted, my friend. I mean it. Come back anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hey, Eric,

Leave it to you, Eric, my friend the "wordmeister," to sum it up. Not too "brief," just right. LOL! You need to stand up and take a bow--only if you are wearing briefs that do not get lodged in your rear area. Thanks for your nice and humorous comment.


Arachnea profile image

Arachnea 2 years ago from Texas USA

What an amusing hub to come home to. Loved the read.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Arachnea,

Thank you, Dear Friend. What you and others have read, is NOT my orginal hub. HP deemed this hub, some content, I assume photos of guys in briefs SHOWING nothing, inappropritate. After I deleted most of the photos, I resubmitted it to HP.

Thanks, my dear friend and follower for reading this. I mean it.


Arachnea profile image

Arachnea 2 years ago from Texas USA

Kenneth, with regard to propriety, sometimes to prevent someone else from taking things too far, the rules have to be stringent. I think despite the removal of some of your pics, this is a great hub.


Lorelei Cohen profile image

Lorelei Cohen 2 years ago from Canada

Which brings up that age old question: Boxers or briefs?


Arachnea profile image

Arachnea 2 years ago from Texas USA

You can fit more of those cute little hearts on a pair of boxers, you know. I'm just sayin'.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, to both of your sweet friends/followers:

Loreli and Arachnea . . .I agree to a point. But MY PHOTOS were Not of a sexual nature as set down by AdSense, so I just took them down. At least HP could say thanks for doing this to me, you two and any hubber who is quick to obey.

Briefs.

And please pray that Yahoo Mail gets fixed--it is not downloading mail and this is where I get my comments.

Thanks, girls, for your sweet friendships. Have a Safe weekend.


esmonaco profile image

esmonaco 2 years ago from Lakewood New York

Kenneth, Another lol read, Thanks for all of the history and the laugh. You're very good at this :)


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

I liked # 13 :). Voted funny.


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Thanks for the smile. Funny!


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

The real truth is no underwear manufacturer REALLY cares how comfortable their underwear is for either sex. They change underwires in a bra and everyone must see that as being a comfortable upgrade but every woman I have known sooner or later will complain that they can't wait to get home so they can strip it off.

I have similar problems. I have gravitated to one style of foundation garment at a time but then the active life that causes me to move around and to accomplish something also causes the binding and contorting of the "display case" for the family jewels. I struggle, going from style to style and manufacturer to see if any brilliant designer will be someone to redesign something that will hold the eggs in the crate without cracking any shells. So far it has not happened. So I dutifully go on, wearing my undergarments, grimacing from time to time, and sighing with relief when I get home, because there I can be myself. Great article Kenneth. Loved it voted up and funny. Boob... I mean Bob.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Great first read of the day!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, vkwok,

Thank you, my good friend. I appreciate your comment very much.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

no body,

LOL! Boob. Yeah, sometimes. Thanks for your wonderful comment that describes how used we men feel.

With Hanes being one of the richest companies on our planet, why can't they give each male customer a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt who was cast in one of their bra commericals . . ."Look who we've got our Hanes on now." That seems fair.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

esmoncaco,

Thank you for the gracious comment. I loved and appreciated it. And you are good at hubbing too, my friend.

Keep that in mind as you have a peaceful Sunday.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear rebecca,

You are very welcome. I am glad that I could play a small part in making you happy. And when my followers are happy, I am happy. Have a safe Sunday and visit me again.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, my friend, carrie,

No. 3, thanks so much. "Jimmy Joe" says thanks too. I do appreciate my followers who are THE BEST on HubPages.

You made me very happy by just reading this.

I told one of the above, that I am sorry that I didn't reply sooner due to Yahoo Mail being down. It has been down for five days. Your comments should go to kennethavery@centurytel.net

I pray that Yahoo Mail is up soon.

But you have a Safe Sunday.


gottaloveit2 profile image

gottaloveit2 2 years ago

Article cracked me up (pun intended). Love your writing style. Snorted coffee - I consider that a successful read!

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