Be Popular and Break The Monotony at Work By Doing These Things
Are you in "the daily grind"?
Vladimir Putin, Premiere of Russia
Dear workers of America
whether it be in an office, factory, school, or private business. This I promise is not a recruiting speech to lure you into the wiles of Communism. Actually who would want to be a Communist? Vladimir Putin never smiles, laughs, or enters enjoys good-spirited horse play with his staff.
And Communism is the wave of the future? If so, I am going to move to South America. I love monkeys.
Your pretty receptionist
If your receptionist is the only reason
to show-up for work, you have a big problem. A serious problem. A problem that might lead to you being depressed, tense, resentful, and out-of-touch with reality. I think boredom at your job might be the culprit. It can happen, and is happening to the best American worker. And if people under Communism had free speech, they would agree that even they deal with this problem--doing the same thing day after day.
But this is no time for you to panic. You need to "get a grip," on yourself. I have a few easy-to-do things that will help you at your workplace come from a "Gloomy Garth," to a "Fun-loving Frank," although your name is "Ned."
If you aren't busy, you are unemployed - old office slogan
"Things You Can Do at Your Workplace to be Popular and to Break The Monotony"
Sit on your desk and smile at people
" Get ready to read and learn a few things that will change the atmosphere of your workplace "
Do not squeal on coworkers having affairs
Girls will soon be admiring you
- When no one is looking, page yourself on the phone. This simple action will not only cause people to talk, but maybe wake them up. See? You are doing your company a favor.
- If your boss is not with anyone or in a meeting, burst into his office, sit down out of breath, and say, "I got it done, sir." His face will define "confusion." He will ask, "You got what done?" "That project you told me about two weeks ago, sir," you reply. Then quickly, without giving him or her time to think say, "Excuse me, sir. I have more work to do." And leave. This boss will go through the day wondering, "Did "I" tell "Baxter," something I wanted done?" I promise you before the day is over, he will come to you and ask, "Where is that project you told me that you did, 'Baxter,'"? "It's already shipped, sir." Then smile and head-out for home.
- Every hour, take a selfie of yourself and if coworkers ask who are you sending your selfie to. You simply say, "Me. Why do you think they call it a selfie?"
- At morning break, do not say that much as you "pretend," to drink a cup of coffee. When you "finish," stand up and say, "My compliments to whomever made the hot chocolate for break this morning. Simply delicious." Then walk back to your desk and enjoy the buzz of coworker's mouths asking who did bring the hot chocolate.
- Put some papers in your hand, act like you are in a hurry and say as you pass a coworker's desk, "Got to roll my car windows up--looks like rain." Before too long, you will sit back and watch others head to the parking lot to roll-up their car windows on a perfectly sunny day.
- When your lunch hour arrives, do not go to lunch, but keep working. Some caring soul will ask, "Baxter, you not eating today?" "Oh, yeah, Johnson. I have eaten already," you reply. "Lunch?" Johnson asks confused. "Yes, I eat my lunch at 6 a.m. so I will have more time to work," you say with a smile. This "Johnson," will wonder all day if you have ever heard of breakfast or not.
- Walk-up to anyone in your office and without smiling, say, "My wife is not married. Thank you." And walk away. You have just went from obscurity to the object of gossip.
- (This requires good timing) When you see the boss coming, choose an employee, stand hear their desk and when the boss is within earshot, say, "I must say, Bob, you are doing one great job. Yes, sir. Excellent reports. Great attendance. Bob, you are going places," and then walk to your desk all without acknowledging that the boss was standing near you.
- Walk into the Human Resources Department and "act" upset. When "Margie," the manager asks if she can help you. You angrily reply, "I got a raise last week and let me tell you. I do NOT want it. Do you understand?" Then before she recovers, you leave.
- During a busy time in your office, tell the coworker sitting nearest you, "Sorry, I am not going to make it to your house for dinner tonight. Too much to do." All without looking up.
Tell the Records Dept. you want to see a certain file. Say "thanks," when you are finished. But do not smile
If you see things like this in your office, act ignorant
Act like your office manager is Beyonce
Always bow to your office manager
Those were only 10 things
you can do at your workplace to be popular and to break the monotony, here are a few more.
- Ask the shipping foreman (if you have one), you are expecting a "special" shipment and he, out of curiosity, will ask, "What you expecting, son?" "A car," you reply. Then leave.
- You ask an office "know-it-all," "What would you do, "Jed," if you were promoted to being the boss?" He will be consumed with curiosity--all day long. And after a few days, he will see you again and ask, "When am I being promoted?" "You, promoted? Congratulations," you humbly reply. "Well, when? You asked what I would do if I were promoted, so you should know when?" "Jed," now irate will ask. "I don't know, 'Jed.' I just said "if" you were promoted." "Jed" will be pretty upset with you.
- Hand an employee a brand-new bottle of ketchup and say, "You can have this. I get hives when I eat this."
- Walk up to a pretty single girl in the office and say, "I hear that you need your tired rotated? Is this true?" She will think you are using a sexual innuendo, and when she starts warming-up to you, just look firm and say, "Well? When do you want me to rotate your tires? I brought some tools from home."
- Bring 25 different ties with you to work and change a tie every hour and see who notices.
- Get on the office p.a. system again and page an employee who doesn't exist.
- Be jogging past a pretty girl in the parking lot at quitting time and say, "Sorry for running. I am late for the snake snow. You coming?" And keep jogging.
- Walk up to your receptionist and ask if you can "confide" in her. She will naturally say "yes." Then ask if there is any truth to the rumor that David Lee Roth is coming the next day to the office for a public relations photo shoot.
- "Act" like you are talking to someone on your phone and when a coworker passes your desk, say their name like this: "Oh, how is "Larry?" Same old Larry. Sexy, single and loves to drink." This will drive "Larry" crazy as to whom was hearing you talk about him like this.
- Let things settle for a few days. The one morning storm to your desk in an angry huff. Then say outloud, "Can you believe our boss--wanting me to go with him and his family to Tahiti next week?" Yes, The Old Green Monster will rear its ugly head in a short while.
These pranks are all designed for fun. Nothing else. If you know those in your workplace who are not good sports, do not prank them with these or any pranks.
It is not my desire to get you or anyone into serious trouble at work--especially in the shape our economy is today.
Just have a moderate good time with your coworkers. Then have a stopping point.
Yours in "HubVille,"
" Thank YOU, one and all, for taking time to read this hub. Your sacrifice is greatly-appreciated."
" And this notice is not a prank."
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