UPS Got It Right When They Chose The Color Brown ‘Cause That’s Some Crappy Service!
The UPS Envelope That Finally Found Its Way To Me
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a big second chance giver in general. However, this does not mean that I am not a true Scorpio, loyal you bet but really cross me (or more importantly, someone that I love) and you're cut off forever. Some people would call it grudge holding but for me, I just chalk it up to the stars and the date that I was born. I guess there really isn't a coincidence (as I've always told myself) that Charles Manson and I were born on the same day. Be that as it may, I'm sure that when the people at United Parcel Service decided on the brown color they had images of Julie Andrews singing about raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens and finally the brown paper packages tied up with string. Unfortunately with the two horrendous experiences I've had with UPS in the last six months, I say that UPS got it right when they chose the color brown, ‘cause that's some crappy service! - Don't Get Me Started!
The first incident was an expense report I had sent into my corporate office. When I checked on not getting my check I discovered that the package had never arrived. After checking online through the UPS tracking system, I discovered that somehow in transit the label had come off of my package. But instead of sending it back to me, it had supposedly been delivered to some address I'd never heard of in California (where incidentally my corporate office is located). I was stunned as I couldn't imagine why they wouldn't just return it to me. Thus the many calls began to UPS. Everyone I spoke to gave me a different story. One said that it was indeed on its way back to me. One said that it had been delivered to a California address that I didn't know after it had arrived at the station with no label. I had to ask, "So what? It got there without a label and without calling me or thinking to send it back to the sender you just sent it to some unknown address?" "Ma'am, that's not what I'm saying at all" came the nasal response from the Ma'am on the other end, "I'm simply saying that's where it's been delivered. Would you like me to try and find out what that business is so that we can locate the package's whereabouts?" "Yes, please" I said trying to be as polite as possible. After five minutes on hold she came back and said proudly, "That address is for Black and Decker as well as another company in that same building." "Well, I don't work for nor do I know anyone at any Black and Decker plant." I said. "You don't?" she said incredulously "Well, I guess I can call them and try to find out where it is but we can't really be sure that this is even your package at this point. We can put a trace on it and it will take eight weeks to get the results of the trace." Now I was pissed beyond belief, "Okay, this is completely unacceptable. Never mind that you have put my personal financial information in the hands of people I don't even know but are you seriously thinking that I am going to wait eight weeks for resolution? Yes, I expect you to call Black and Decker to find out if that is my package and yes, I'll hold!" To make a long story a little shorter, she came back on the phone and said that the package could have been delivered there but since no one knew me there they would have sent it to their other plant somewhere else in California. I was livid to say the least. In the end, the package had not been delivered to Black and Decker but I only found that out after two more calls and finding someone who told me it was on its way back to me all ready. It arrived looking as though it had been dragged behind the truck for miles and miles but alas the expense report was in there and I resent it to the Home Office through other means. Eight weeks later I received a postcard saying the package had been delivered back to me.
Flash forward to the week before Christmas and all through the house, I was getting ready to go back east when a UPS notice made me grouse. The first notice I found in the middle of the lawn. It stated that someone had sent me something from a wine company and that it needed someone in person who was over 21 to sign for it. I taped the note to the door with a personal note that asked them to deliver it in the evening. On day two they left a note saying that they would make the third final attempt the following day and both the 2pm to 5pm as well as the 5pm and later boxes were checked. Fine, it was going to be the day before I left to go out of town so I left work early and waited and waited and waited. Finally at 8pm (needing to go out to get a few things) I went online where it said that UPS had made their third and final attempt (at 6:10pm) and that it was now at UPS and I would receive a postcard telling me how to pick up my package. As this was now the 20th of December I figured I would be fine to wait until I got back to pick it up.
When I returned home on the 29th, I checked online and was disgusted to see that the package had been returned to sender. No postcard had come (as I told my cat sitter to look for, asking her to do me a favor and with postcard in hand try to pick up the package for me) but no postcard had come. And so I called UPS. Now I get that it was still the holidays so the thirty minute wait seemed not great but I guess reasonable. Finally Pablo came on and when I explained the entire situation that I had stayed here waiting for the package that never came on attempt three day, no postcard, etc. he simply said, "Jew need to understan that the package is back to sender. Nothing to do." Well, this Jew was certainly going to do something about it. "Let me talk to a supervisor." After another fifteen minutes and him continually coming back to let me know he hadn't hung up on me, Stacey came on the phone. Before I could get a word out she said, "Pablo explained this situation to me and you'll have to contact the shipper as it has been sent back to them." I explained that it must be a gift that I did know it was from a certain company as on the one notice they had written the sender company's name but I asked her about the no real third attempt and postcard. "Well, the third attempt happened at 10:30am and..." "What?!? I interjected "I thought online it said they tried to deliver it at 6:10pm? That's when I asked for it to be re-delivered and the boxes they checked stated that it was to be delivered after 2pm and I was certainly here from 2pm on." "Sir" she butted in "if you look at the notice you'll see that the notice says the time is approximate." "Are you kidding me? Four hours early is approximate? Why then are both the later boxes checked, huh? And where's the postcard?" She began immediately and sarcastically, "As a matter of fact, yes, four hours is within the definition of approximate. Would you like me to read you the definition from the dictionary?" "Would you like me to read you a couple definitions?" I interjected. Un-phased she continued, "And that postcard is just a courtesy and is sent through the United States Postal Service so we have no control over that at all. Is there anything else you need?" "I need an apology but don't worry, I don't expect that from you." And I hung up on her still talking, no doubt reading definitions.
I called the wine company and thank God, got a gay so needless to say, the gift is being reshipped to me at no cost to my friend or me and he couldn't wait to tell his pal, Rodolfo at the company the whole story about the UPS woman and the whole "definition" thing. In the interim I had ordered my mother something and UPS was the only shipping option. It was supposed to arrive on December 27th but still hasn't arrived, the UPS online system stating that it was in a train derailment and was sent to Las Vegas and then to Utah. Stating it would be shipped back to Vegas. I will do everything in my power to avoid UPS and I hope (for your own sake) you do as well. UPS got it right when they chose the color brown, ‘cause that's some crappy service! - Don't Get Me Started!
Visit the whole wacky world according to Scott @
- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
More by this Author
I know this will shock many of you (as it has shocked me) that for years (yes, years) I have not received an International Male catalog. I almost thought they must be out of business. For those six people who are...
Here I thought that there would be certain phrases that we would never have to hear again. You know, like "Cowabunga" from when the Simpsons first came out or "What's uaaaaaaaaaaap?" from that...