Values- What do you value most in your life? Do you judge? Find out Now

Values We Hold Dear

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I am fascinated by values. Values we all hold dear to us. If we were to prioritize our top three values what would yours be? Do you hold these values but not live them? Try to sit down with pen and paper. Write down your top three in your life. Do your values show up in your real life?

How long will it take you? For some of us, we can jot it down quickly, but some of us are very frustrated by this exercise. Ask your self why it was easy or hard. That is where I want your heart right now.

Why is it important to look at our values?

Let me give an example here of values and what we think of others or how we judge.

Lets say your in line at a grocery. It is an upper end grocery store. You see in front of you a woman with a child, a small child. This woman is dressed in very fine clothes. The child is dressed very nice. The woman puts her food down on the grocery counter. You notice she has nice steaks, lobster, fruits, vegetables, and candy and donuts. She looks up at the cashier and pays him with food stamps.

I am asking you to be very honest with yourself here. First of all, was it hard to write down three of your most top values? Perhaps it was easy for you. Why?

Let us be brutally honest with ourselves. How do we judge or put value judgements on this woman at the grocery counter? Maybe you thought it was good that she had some quality food such as steak and lobster, or you felt pangs of envy that she could afford them, or you judged her for buying such food.

What did you think or value on the she and the child wore as you noticed they were on welfare? This is where I want your mind to go. What do you really think of this scenario.

I put on a training this past weekend for our new clinical interns that will be working with our homeless families. I had these students really dig deep into their hearts to find out how they put values or judgements on others. I showed these students pictures of certain people and had them rate them on how they looked. I had one picture of a woman and a baby dressedto the nines and sitting on a bench. I told the students that this woman was a homeless woman who lived on the streets.

It is important that we look at how we perceive others. We may be assuming they are something that they are not. Lets us not judge others by what they wear, how they look, perhaps you would feel different if you knew their story.

I showed another picture of a man in jeans in my power point. Most of the members rated him low. I told all of them that this man was a billionaire and very generous with his money. He had a generous heart. Does it matter if he has a lot of money. How do you value money. Perhaps it is the human heart you value. I encourage you to critically think about this question.

I hope this hub can help you look at your self and the people who you deal with in your life and ask yourself if your judging a book by its cover. "To err is human" But to look within is Wise"

© Laura Rogers Arne

If you were to be brutally honest with yourself regarding this woman in line at the grocers, did you have negative feelings or values about her?

  • Yes
  • No
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Comments 27 comments

Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

This is a great hub HT-I am going to do this assignment. It is important we take a look at how we judge people and why. Rated up and useful.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

This is a great way to help people become aware of how they really look at others. Very nice hub.


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

This was great! My top three values............ well, number one will always be caring for my family, my children, the people I love. Number two, honesty.......... it might hurt sometimes, but it's what I personally want to hear. If I ask someone something; I want to know the truth......... if someone asks about my beliefs or opinions; they're going to get them......... even if they're not embraced. Three........ could be a multitude of things, so I'll go with integrity.......... being true to myself, my faith, and the things I believe in.

As for judging others............ that would be rare. I've been homeless; I've lived with another family; I've been unemployed, and I've been without money for a variety of different reasons.......... no one would ever have known had I not told them; I left no room for people to judge me so I tend not to do it to others.......... people who live in glass houses should never throw stones......... and in the end, we all of us live in glass houses.

I shop at second hand stores......... I've bought designer clothing, brand new, some with tags, and other things that have been carefully worn............ for maybe $5.00. I wear designer jeans......... always, but I'll wait for that perfect pair to pop up on Ebay and buy them for a fraction of the cost............ no one would ever know, and no one does.

So the girl in the grocery store........... if she's thrifty.......... God bless her. If she working the system, well, at that point she has to be able to live with herself and what she's teaching the child in the cart.

You've made me think this morning! Thank you ~ Kaie


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Minnetonka Twin,

Thanks for doing the assignment. It can be really hard to be honest with ourselves.

Healing touch


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Very beautiful Healing touch! Right on the money!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

BT,

Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I hope it will be useful.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

KA,

I truly appreciate your candor. I wish we were a society that did not put so much into how people look or how much money. To me it is the heart that matters. I really enjoyed your comments.

Healing touch


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mickey Dee,

Thanks so much for stopping by. Keep on biking.


PaulaK profile image

PaulaK 6 years ago from Austin. Texas

A thought provoking hub! We can all grow in this area of our lives. The truth is that we don't usually know the whole story about anyone.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

PaulaK-

Thanks for checking into my hub. Your so right, we do not know near the totality of most. If we could all quit judging, what a world that would be.

Healing touch


mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 6 years ago

We are often very judgemental creatures. It seems those with money judge those without harshly. But I've seen those without money judge those who have it very harshly too. That's one of the things I like about billionaire Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. It's not just that they are generous in giving away their money, but that they openly state they realize that luck has played a big role in their life and they know that not everyone has been as fortunate. We should not rush to judge. Just because one billionaire is shallow and evil doesn't mean they all are. Many of them worked hard to get there. Just because some poor people are lazy, doesn't mean they all are, some have experienced misfortune or have serious disadvantages.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Mulberry,

You have a great perception here, one that many may miss. Your right we should not judge. Thanks so much for stopping by.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Kaie Arwen, I picked up on your comments & realized that we all live in some kind of a glass house.

The nature of being a living person over a lifetime means we are full of many factors, contradictions, good & less good ideas & habits, experiences of many kinds, all of which determine what we say, do, our appearance & everything about us at any given moment. To attempt to say we can fathom another person is highly absurd! Each of us is a subjective universe, in fact. No other can really know enough about it to judge us correctly, plus their view is colored by their own subjective realities. Unfortunately, incorrect judgments are a bane of our world together & have always plagued human society.

I like to think of "giving the other person benefit of the doubt" because I know whatever I may assume or "see" is doubtful as far as the whole picture for the other person. I realize they can't know my whole story so why would I assume I could know theirs? I may jump to conclusions at times, but I hold myself accountable to not judge accordingly & to try to see more & look deeper - and still withhold judgment!

I must admit that it's annoying to me to see someone pay for pricey things with welfare money. But it's their choice. And if I happen to see that scene, it could just as easily have been that they'd be buying only staples with food stamps in order to live in a more decent house or have a safe vehicle. In any case, their means are limited, they must choose how to use them & the limitations are likely not by choice. If hungry & homeless, wouldn't most of us accept help? Perhaps the person buying the steaks must walk to the park, cook them there & sleep on the park bench in order to afford them. I may find it annoying, but I must not judge. Even if it's not always entirely fair (I can't afford steaks!) - that's why I list "fairness" as a preference. It's seldom the reality! ;-)

My own values are less material, anyway. I value good character, kindness, truth, honesty, authenticity, "good faith" (also called trustworthiness), reasonable loyalty and a measure of common sense. I admire purity, intelligence, grace, true beauty, good taste and a kind of quality aura about a person. I prefer and want friends, family, personal cleanliness, comfort, challenge, fairness, choice, freedom, independence, books, electronics and teddy bears! Each of these "levels" are like Maslow's "hierarchy of needs" for me. Admirables and preferences are less basic values in the sense of measuring others by those standards or requiring them to live.

I've been denied family through no fault of my own, so I can say I can live without them if necessary, though never my preference. One cannot force others to be there for oneself, though we can always be there for them if they choose. Some of mine have chosen that.

But to value traits means they are almost essential, next to survival needs: food, water, air and some kind of shelter from extreme elements. Those basic "trait" values are next to the survival ones and are those which can't be easily lived without in self & needed in others.

Admirables are more like wonderful additions to humans. Preferences are usually quite nice but seldom bestowed & usually must be hard-earned. All values except the survival ones also depend to an extent upon one's own outlook. Many people have great personal wealth and still can't see what they have to be thankful for. Many have little and see only benefits wherever they look.

Well - I certainly digressed - but it's a good exercise and one we should all stop and consider frequently, I think. Thanks, HT!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN Author

Nellianna, I love the soliloquy. You have much wisdom into human nature and the whole glass house scenarion that Kaie Arwen alluded to.

I just was able to save my home after two years and 5 months. My good friends knew, but others did not. I have learned how to save, buy cheap and make sure my kids have everything they need. This topic is one that gets us thinking because we cannot know all about eachother.

I have had people upset that I was able to save my home under Obamas plan, the HAMP program. I feel no shame that his plan helped me. I feel proud as a single mom that I could keep the home that my kids grew up in, but there will be those that judge. I guess at my age, I just let it flow off my shoulders and no what is important and what I value in my life. Above all I love god and my children and am soooo grateful I have a roof over my head.

Thanks Nellieanna

Healing touch


PR Morgan profile image

PR Morgan 5 years ago from Sarasota Florida

I think you can also say that a question like this can be very complicated. Are we judging the woman or the choices she is making? Are we judging her choices because ours would be different? Every situation a person sees or is involved in requires some kind of judgment. But we need to realize that people have different motivations.


Mrs. J. B. profile image

Mrs. J. B. 5 years ago from Southern California

I do not judge anyone. I have many faults, defects and habits others may not like but I want someone to at least find out who I am inside before judging me.


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hello Mrs. Healingtouch

I was just thinking about this topic.

I hear people saying that one should not judge, almost all the time. Personally, I think it is not only unrealistic not to judge but it is detrimental. I think, we should indeed judge: who we spend time with, who we trust, who we work with, etc. Doesn't every parent tell their kids not to hang-around the "naughty" kids at school, for example?

Now, if someone judges prematurely then, mistakes may indeed happen. Judging someone by their attire is rather vain. I don't actually like to even use the word judge because one of my personal interests is profiling. It is almost the same thing but I would say profiling is a little more efficient.

Well, that was my two cents on judging people. Great blog. Cheers!


Jenn 5 years ago

What a great exercise...

I have had to learn the hard way not to judge. I have a saying that says, "Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge my steps." The reason is ...is because I used to judge, and judge a lot. Then my second born was a total nightmare to take in public. I had no clue why at first, but I can tell you the stares I got were hateful. For the first three years of her life, I felt like the world saw me as an unfit mother. I had no idea why she did some of the crazy things she did, until she was diagnosed with autism. Before this diagnosis, I was literally asked to leave grocery stores, libraries, restaurants, and churches when I had her with me. People would look at me and say, "control your child" and I tried everything to do just that, but nothing worked til we learned of her diagnosis and explored ways of teaching her that she would get. 10 years later, and she seems pretty typical now...and I am so proud, but I learned a great lesson...don't judge. You have no idea where that person has been, where they are heading, how hard or light their journey has been. You just don't know.

Thanks for letting me share my schpeal here. Great post. Jenn.


anusha15 profile image

anusha15 5 years ago from Delhi, India

Great hub, and very precise. We do judge people by their face value. There is lot more to an individual which we should consider.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

Great hub that really got me thinking. My first reaction to the scenario was stunned confusion because the situation didn't seem to add up. And if I'm truly honest with myself I have to say that I was consciously trying not to judge her but wasn't successful.

I think we can all benefit from truly examining our values and then looking to see if we are measuring up to our own values. In the beginning of this hub I'd quickly listed "acceptance and non-judgement of others" as one of my 3 top values. Obviously I'm not always living up to my stated ideals/values. Voted up and useful. Keep up the good work with your important trainings.


Rob Jundt profile image

Rob Jundt 5 years ago from Midwest USA

What a great hub! Values, indeed, are the fabric by which we weave our life. As your hub so insightfully presented, the values many of us believe we have are not always those we live. It is a difficult road to travel, the road of knowing who we really are and where we are really going. I know in my life the values I feel I have are never truly in line with my actions. This only affirms how far I have to go down life's highway. My problems: the distractions and spurs along the way. Thank you for shedding some light in an area where I need it.

Rob


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

never lying to myself is my basic core value.i do not make excuses to myself and am always totally responsible for whatever happens to me.

very very very thought provoking healing.


jana 5 years ago

Very thought provoking. I know my top 3. I hope I live my life so they are reflected. And I constantly try not to pass judgement, as it seems when I do life finds a way to humble through circumstances. Great write!


Beth 5 years ago

Excellent, thought-provoking post. I know my top three values: 1) Honor the voice within, which I see as God. 2) Honesty. I will tell the truth. Period. 3) Family (which for me, encompasses more than those with DNA connections)--I care for and am loyal to those I love.

As far as the judging--I didn't make any assumptions when you described the lady, her child, and her food choices, but I definitely did when you said she paid for her items with food stamps. I immediately thought that if she genuinely needed food stamps (which I'm fine with--the fact that they have nice clothes does not for a second mean that they have not recently come on hard times), she needs to be responsible in making those food dollars stretch, and the items that she took from her cart do not, in my view, represent those that someone who is on a tight budget would select. So yep, I definitely made assumptions without knowing more.


Angela 5 years ago

I don't, generally, judge people in any way. But I've worked as a cashier before and it wasn't really the clothes that bothered me. Some of the things that would get me would be, for example, one, very pregnant young lady that had a young child also, spending her EBT cash on a bunch of entertainment magazines. I was appalled that she wasn't using that money to buy necessities. It's a strange feeling to know that my tax dollars are funding someone's magazine purchases. Or, maybe it would be a young lady covered in diamond rings, with a blue tooth on her ear, playing with her smart phone, buying candy and bubble gum with her food stamps. Those were the kind of things that caused me to pass judgment. Like a previous commenter said, clothing can be bought in a thrifty manner. High tech gadgets, not so much.


Steven 5 years ago

I work at a grocery store and see this kind of thing every day. There's one gal who comes in with her kids and just looking at them, you'd never know they're on food stamps. I know she buys all their clothes at Goodwill and garage sales...she just happens to have an eye for style and so can put together an outfit from rich folks' cast off designer things. She and her kids are always clean and well put-together, AND well behaved. Not that having well behaved kids should be a surprise, it's just in contrast to well-off people who let their kids run willy-nilly all over the store screaming at the top of their lungs.

I try not to judge others, as I get a lot of judgement myself (long hair, headbanger, recovering addict) and know how it feels. Sometimes it's hard not to though. We're indoctrinated from birth with so many pre-conceived notions that it can be hard to shake off. But not to try would be worse.


marechill oberes 4 years ago

what do you value most about our program?

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