Not Knowing What To Search For In Life

As a little girl, people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's a pretty common question adult people ask small children. Some children know they want to be pilots, policemen, firemen etc. I never had an answer to that question. I'm not sure I have the answer to that question today either.

As I got older, around 15 or 16 years old, I chose to go to a school, where you study many different subjects for three or four years to prepare for your studies at college. I actually chose that school instead of a school, where you learn a profession. I was interested in baking and making cakes. I could have chosen to become a baker, but I didn't. Sometimes I still think about what my life would have been like if I hade made a different choice back then.

After my graduation at the age of 19 I went to Switzerland to work. After living a year in Switzerland, I moved to Stockholm, Sweden. I only knew two people in Stockholm. It was Isabella – a Swedish girl that I had met in Switzerland, and Lena – one of my childhood friends. They had both recently moved to Stockholm as well. I moved in with Lena, because there were no other apartments to be found. We lived, laughed and had a blast in this 30 square meter apartment for a year before we found a bigger apartment.

Isabella and I began studying at the same university. Because of my interest in languages, I chose to study German that I was able to speak a little, ethnology and marketing. We soon made a couple of new friends, and we were a group of often five studying together. I didn't really take my studies serious at first, just because of confusion. I didn't know if this was what I wanted to do. It was very unsure if these combination of subjects would be good, if I wanted a job related to my studies later. I loved German and Ethnlogy, but I was very unsure at the marketing part. as I've always had a little problem with maths.

I desided that I was going to quit studying marketing. Isabella also quit and went to another university. I chose to stay at the same university and continue studying German and Ethnology. Instead of marketing I chose to study Swedish, which also is my mother tongue. I really liked it and finally I had found what was right for me. We wrote different kinds of text. Some of the students were really good writers. One girl even wrote a book on her spare time. I didn't have that kind of self confident. I loved to write, but I wanted to be a better writer.

After a couple of years at the univeristy, I took my studies more serious. I had found a good combination of subjects. I actually graduated later – half a year after I had started working full time. Still today, I haven't had a job connected to what I've studied. My first jobb after my exam, I carried out mail for two years. It was a great workplace and I made some new friends there.

I applied for writing courses at the collage later, but I wasn't one of the lucky students they chose. I also applied to the education for journalists, but I guess I wasn't good enough. I'm glad I found HubPages, beacause here I can write and be creative.

I guess I'm still looking for something to do in my life – something I enjoy and I could work with and make money from. I'm not making money from my writing now and maybe I never will.

Right now I'm focused on working with old people in their homes. I help them to get dressed, give them medicine, help them take showers, sometimes chat with them over a cup of coffee or help them wiht whatever they need help with. It's a great work, but I can't be creative the way I am when I'm writing. I also study to be a kind of nurse. It takes so much time – time that I sometimes think I should spend with my children instead. It's more than two years before I'll graduate from my studies.

I guess I'm going to be a searcher all my life. I am happy with my life and I appreciate all the things I have. I just wonder if I'll ever stop searching for something that I don't know if I can find. I don't even know what I'm searching for.

This is my life so far. Along the road I've had many great experiences that I'm thankful for. I have made many good friends that still are my friends even if they live far away. I have tried wrking at different places, but I never really seem to find what's right for me. This is what I call Not knowing what to search for.

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Comments 18 comments

GoldenBird profile image

GoldenBird 4 years ago

You have a great job, Made. I wish you will find your objectives soon enough :)

I really appreciate that in Finland they care so much for their old people. I think it's common in the Nordic countries. I really love your social systems - you may pay a larger money in tax, but you get peace of mind. Lovely hub!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

We have a great social system in Finland. The amount of old people is growing, and Finland is screaming for educated people for these jobs. In three years you get an education that certainly will give you a job taking care of old people and knowledge about diseases and medicine. I have one and half years left of my studies before I get my exam, but I already have a job because of my studies.


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

I really enjoyed this. I've been teaching for 6 years, but I have no idea what I want to "do". Wait...I have an idea: art, gardening, writing, homesteading, brew beer, make wine, grow apple trees...now if I can just get paid to do all that, I will be in heaven. :D But, I think I'm sort of ADD when it comes to figuring out what I want to do. :)


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

You planned your future and succeeded. That is what Made you the wonderful woman you are. I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe one day I will. :)


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Thanks for commenting and sharing, cclitgirl. I have thousands of ideas, too, and I would do it all if I would get paid. :)


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Hi Linda, I'm glad I'm not the only one, who doesn't know what to do when I grow up. :)


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

I never wanted to do something, I just wanted to enjoy having a full life doing what makes me happy. I was never the type who wanted to do something just for the money or the recognition, anybody can do that. I think it's braver to pursue your passion and going forward in that struggle instead of just doing something to say you have a pile of money. Great hub!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Alecia, that sounds very good. You need to do things that make you happy. Money can't buy you happiness. I now feel confident in the choices I do in life and I'm glad I did all the things I did earlier in life. I have made many great friends along the way. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you Alecia!


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

I saw Alecia's comment and just had to come back to say, YES! I wholeheartedly concur. Though I've fretted about "what do I want to do," now that I'm an adult and have been navigating the adult world for at *least* 10 years, I can say that what matters more is not the career, but the quality of life. Sure, it's nice to have some money so that you know you have enough food on the table, but I reaffirm this fact every day: I don't really care about the material stuff. I love the fact that I get to cook dinner with my hubby every day and I get to go on walks with my dog every afternoon. I don't work at home (yet) full time, but one of these days, by golly, it's going to happen. :)


EuroNinila profile image

EuroNinila 4 years ago from NYC BABY

I am on the same boat as you. I went to school and thought I wanted to do a lot of stuff, till I got a taste of a few and realized they weren't for me. I got my degree in subjects I love, and I now focus on doing what makes me happy, but there were and still are a lot of changes in the path I was originally headed to. Very nice hub! Good luck on your search!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

cclitgirl, it's often the small things in life that make us feel good. To be able to do what you like and have food on the table is the most important thing. I'm sure you will be able to work from home full time. I believe in you and I wish you all the best!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

EuroNinila, I'm glad you've finally figured out what to do and that it makes you happy. Even if we don't choose the right things first, we probably learn something from them. Thank you so much!


onlooker 4 years ago

Made, I totally get you. I am too on the path to self discovery. Like you I too have faith and certainly somewhere along the lines we shall learn and grow. Thank you!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Hi onlooker, thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I'm glad I'm not the only "searcher" in the world. We seem to be a whole bunch of searchers. :)


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I happen to like the searchers of the world and gravitate towards them as kindred spirits. Working with old people is admirable for sure, and perhaps next week it will be something else, some new adventure. Follow your heart and the rest will take care of itself. Bravo to you!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Hi Bill, I didn't know there were so much to learn from old people. They have been through so many things in life and they all remember World War II. I feel lucky to be around them when they share their stories. I'm sure I'm on the right way to find what I'm looking for in life. Thank you billybuc!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I thought I would read this again. This is beautiful, just like the person who wrote it. I always wanted to be a teacher...and I was lucky enough to realize that dream. Now, I guess, I am still teaching, through my writing, and I again feel lucky. You are a wonderful human being and in time you will find what you want to do. I have great faith in you!


Made profile image

Made 4 years ago from Finland Author

Hi Bill, this hub is all about me and I'm still searching. I've been too shy to become a teacher before, but now I think it would be very nice to be working with children. Maybe I will do that one day. I like working with elderly too. They have so much to teach us, but it's a little sad to see them get older and finally pass away.

You are still teaching, Bill. I constantly learn things from you. I admire your ability to keep up with reading, commenting, supporting so many people and also have time for your own writing. Thank you for believing in me.

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