Not Knowing What To Search For In Life
As a little girl, people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's a pretty common question adult people ask small children. Some children know they want to be pilots, policemen, firemen etc. I never had an answer to that question. I'm not sure I have the answer to that question today either.
As I got older, around 15 or 16 years old, I chose to go to a school, where you study many different subjects for three or four years to prepare for your studies at college. I actually chose that school instead of a school, where you learn a profession. I was interested in baking and making cakes. I could have chosen to become a baker, but I didn't. Sometimes I still think about what my life would have been like if I hade made a different choice back then.
After my graduation at the age of 19 I went to Switzerland to work. After living a year in Switzerland, I moved to Stockholm, Sweden. I only knew two people in Stockholm. It was Isabella – a Swedish girl that I had met in Switzerland, and Lena – one of my childhood friends. They had both recently moved to Stockholm as well. I moved in with Lena, because there were no other apartments to be found. We lived, laughed and had a blast in this 30 square meter apartment for a year before we found a bigger apartment.
Isabella and I began studying at the same university. Because of my interest in languages, I chose to study German that I was able to speak a little, ethnology and marketing. We soon made a couple of new friends, and we were a group of often five studying together. I didn't really take my studies serious at first, just because of confusion. I didn't know if this was what I wanted to do. It was very unsure if these combination of subjects would be good, if I wanted a job related to my studies later. I loved German and Ethnlogy, but I was very unsure at the marketing part. as I've always had a little problem with maths.
I desided that I was going to quit studying marketing. Isabella also quit and went to another university. I chose to stay at the same university and continue studying German and Ethnology. Instead of marketing I chose to study Swedish, which also is my mother tongue. I really liked it and finally I had found what was right for me. We wrote different kinds of text. Some of the students were really good writers. One girl even wrote a book on her spare time. I didn't have that kind of self confident. I loved to write, but I wanted to be a better writer.
After a couple of years at the univeristy, I took my studies more serious. I had found a good combination of subjects. I actually graduated later – half a year after I had started working full time. Still today, I haven't had a job connected to what I've studied. My first jobb after my exam, I carried out mail for two years. It was a great workplace and I made some new friends there.
I applied for writing courses at the collage later, but I wasn't one of the lucky students they chose. I also applied to the education for journalists, but I guess I wasn't good enough. I'm glad I found HubPages, beacause here I can write and be creative.
I guess I'm still looking for something to do in my life – something I enjoy and I could work with and make money from. I'm not making money from my writing now and maybe I never will.
Right now I'm focused on working with old people in their homes. I help them to get dressed, give them medicine, help them take showers, sometimes chat with them over a cup of coffee or help them wiht whatever they need help with. It's a great work, but I can't be creative the way I am when I'm writing. I also study to be a kind of nurse. It takes so much time – time that I sometimes think I should spend with my children instead. It's more than two years before I'll graduate from my studies.
I guess I'm going to be a searcher all my life. I am happy with my life and I appreciate all the things I have. I just wonder if I'll ever stop searching for something that I don't know if I can find. I don't even know what I'm searching for.
This is my life so far. Along the road I've had many great experiences that I'm thankful for. I have made many good friends that still are my friends even if they live far away. I have tried wrking at different places, but I never really seem to find what's right for me. This is what I call Not knowing what to search for.
More by this Author
The Moomin family consists of Moominpappa who always wears his black hat and loves the sea, Moominmamma who always wears her red apron and doesn't go anywhere without her purse and Moomintroll who is their son. The...
Finland is a small country in northern Europe. I thought you should know about these facts if you ever come to visit Finland.
There are many creatures in Scandinavian folklore. I have met some of them in an outdoor exhibtion. I'm sure you wouldn't like to meet "Raamt".