Not Knowing What To Search For In Life
As a little girl, people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. It's a pretty common question adult people ask small children. Some children know they want to be pilots, policemen, firemen etc. I never had an answer to that question. I'm not sure I have the answer to that question today either.
As I got older, around 15 or 16 years old, I chose to go to a school, where you study many different subjects for three or four years to prepare for your studies at college. I actually chose that school instead of a school, where you learn a profession. I was interested in baking and making cakes. I could have chosen to become a baker, but I didn't. Sometimes I still think about what my life would have been like if I hade made a different choice back then.
After my graduation at the age of 19 I went to Switzerland to work. After living a year in Switzerland, I moved to Stockholm, Sweden. I only knew two people in Stockholm. It was Isabella – a Swedish girl that I had met in Switzerland, and Lena – one of my childhood friends. They had both recently moved to Stockholm as well. I moved in with Lena, because there were no other apartments to be found. We lived, laughed and had a blast in this 30 square meter apartment for a year before we found a bigger apartment.
Isabella and I began studying at the same university. Because of my interest in languages, I chose to study German that I was able to speak a little, ethnology and marketing. We soon made a couple of new friends, and we were a group of often five studying together. I didn't really take my studies serious at first, just because of confusion. I didn't know if this was what I wanted to do. It was very unsure if these combination of subjects would be good, if I wanted a job related to my studies later. I loved German and Ethnlogy, but I was very unsure at the marketing part. as I've always had a little problem with maths.
I desided that I was going to quit studying marketing. Isabella also quit and went to another university. I chose to stay at the same university and continue studying German and Ethnology. Instead of marketing I chose to study Swedish, which also is my mother tongue. I really liked it and finally I had found what was right for me. We wrote different kinds of text. Some of the students were really good writers. One girl even wrote a book on her spare time. I didn't have that kind of self confident. I loved to write, but I wanted to be a better writer.
After a couple of years at the univeristy, I took my studies more serious. I had found a good combination of subjects. I actually graduated later – half a year after I had started working full time. Still today, I haven't had a job connected to what I've studied. My first jobb after my exam, I carried out mail for two years. It was a great workplace and I made some new friends there.
I applied for writing courses at the collage later, but I wasn't one of the lucky students they chose. I also applied to the education for journalists, but I guess I wasn't good enough. I'm glad I found HubPages, beacause here I can write and be creative.
I guess I'm still looking for something to do in my life – something I enjoy and I could work with and make money from. I'm not making money from my writing now and maybe I never will.
Right now I'm focused on working with old people in their homes. I help them to get dressed, give them medicine, help them take showers, sometimes chat with them over a cup of coffee or help them wiht whatever they need help with. It's a great work, but I can't be creative the way I am when I'm writing. I also study to be a kind of nurse. It takes so much time – time that I sometimes think I should spend with my children instead. It's more than two years before I'll graduate from my studies.
I guess I'm going to be a searcher all my life. I am happy with my life and I appreciate all the things I have. I just wonder if I'll ever stop searching for something that I don't know if I can find. I don't even know what I'm searching for.
This is my life so far. Along the road I've had many great experiences that I'm thankful for. I have made many good friends that still are my friends even if they live far away. I have tried wrking at different places, but I never really seem to find what's right for me. This is what I call Not knowing what to search for.
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