Bearbaiting Comments In Your Blogs And Hubs

 

Since an inordinate amount of my time each day is spent in replying to comments on my 450+ Hubs, I have to confess that I am discovering the esoteric joys of bearbaiting. Bearbaiting was a very popular spectator event in England from the Elizabethan Age right through to the Industrial Revolution. Arenas called Bear Gardens were specifically constructed for this purpose, in a form resembling a modern bullfighting ring. A bear would be chained by the neck and a group of dogs set on it, along with at least one man with a long stick to further torment the ursine victim while the crowd cheered them on.

No, I have no desire to set after the big black mama bear who regularly rifles through my garbage and trashes my neighbor's patio with dogs and a stick. I respect all life and have not consciously and personally killed a creature other than an insect since I was 5 years old and inadvertently ran over a baby chick with my bicycle. I reserve my bearbaiting to the poor, helpless creatures who find some of my Hubs so incendiary that they swear personal vendettas against your humble servant. I've already dealt with the serious issues in Death Threats, but in this Hub I'd like to focus on the lighter side of HalDefamation. This centers around Hub readers whose profound lack of any type of formal education causes them to tap out comments that defy description and can only provoke hysterical laughter, such as the gentleman who berated me for being ingnorate.

My regular readers are aware that following the global fuel and ecological shocks of the last year and a half, I have turned my back on my lifelong passion for large displacement motorcycles and have adopted a far greener stance. Appartently, a person who goes by the name of Max Brutal took exception to my objections of the new Yamaha VMX17, a gas-hogging murdercycle designed to allow riders of any experience (or lack thereof) to explore the high side of 160, 170, maybe even 180 miles per hour on public roads alongside moms driving their kids to school. I regret that I can only publish my replies to his comments as they are so graphic as to violate every imaginable standard of public decency on HubPages. I do, however, publish some of Mr. Brutal's comments in a CENSORED fashion.

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I'm sorry, Max. I can only print two of your last three comments since I don't think my readers would appreciate your public offer of fellatio. But please keep going. I may have met my intellectual sparring partner! Shall we discuss deontology, consequentialism, and the aretaic turn next? Kant had some brilliant thoughts on the categorical imperative... :)

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Now, now, now, Max. You have just posted three more comments and each of them deals with my genitalia and what you'd like to do with it, mostly in an extreme BDSM fashion. Unfortunately they were rather graphic and did not meet the "family friendly standards" of Hubs so I can't publish them. Hmm... FYI, I am not a homosexual, however you are the one who seems to be fixated with my private parts. Do you think that maybe you should come out of the closet now? You might find it a very liberating experience. Would you mind linking to a photo of you riding your Vmax in a pink ballet tutu? I'm sure you'd look just adorable! :)

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Oh, what the heck. I've edited all the verboten words out of your comments, and I think I should publish them so that my readers can have a good guffaw. I have not modified anything other than CENSORING them, and have not edited for grammar and spelling, as they are already so didactic that I couldn't possibly improve upon them! :)

ip: 63.117.2.18 Max Brutal says: I been waighting for this bike 8 looooong CENSORED years and now some canadian CENSORED face fool says it's wrong? I will eat you liver and CENSORED you for this uncleCENSORED.

ip: 63.117.2.18 Max Brutal says: better lets discuss you CENSORED. Would you prefere knife, an ex or my baer hands?

ip: 63.117.2.18 Max Brutal says: BTW it would be simbolic to tie your CENSORED to my new VMAX2 and luch it

Oh my lord, Max. I had no idea that I was in the presence of literary greatness. I'll be able to tell my grandchildren that I had the honor of communicating with the Hemingway of the 21st century! You most certainly can share in the immortal words of Oscar Wilde "I have nothing to declare but my genius." Bravo, Max, Bravo! :)

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Yeah. I have to admit it. It's bearbaiting. I'm having some fun at Mr. Brutal's expense and poking him with a stick. I would never do that to a bear. I would never even do that to a rat. But in the cases of far lower forms of life like him... hey, why not? It's fun!

The internet has created a completely new paradigm in the conventional forms of communication that we all grew up with. When I was watching Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes in the '80s it was inconceivable that I could actually engage in a debate with him. I could write him an animated letter and most likely it would just be read by one of his secretaries and filed. However, in this day and age, the Wacky Warring Web has created a battleground where anyone anywhere can engage in a verbal tussle with pretty well anyone else, hiding behind the comfortable anonymity of screen nicknames. We can all shrug and say "hey, it's the internet... what do you expect?" and walk away from the issue, or we can realize that the code of conduct which an entire generation is learning is perfectly normal online status quo, they are now starting to implement in their interpersonal relations and even in their working lives. I regularly witness behavior in retail stores and offices which would have been unthinkable just a decade ago. Co-workers, management and even clients are regularly treated with such shameless impertinence, disrespect and outright rude vulgarity that I leave the premises shaking my head.

When a Hubber or Blogger encounters this shockingly disproportionate level of loutish incivility in comments to their articles, it would be wrong of them to take it personally, or to reply in kind. By far the best way to handle it is to click the Spam button and send them spiraling down the CyberFlush. However... I have to admit... I do have fun bearbaiting some of the denser individuals. I don't expect commentbearbaiting to become the next Olympic sport, but I find it gives me a good laugh every once in a while.

After all, how stupid do you have to be to write such... oh... ok... I think I know the answer to that!

More by this Author


Comments 72 comments

Max Brutal 8 years ago

get something better to do with your life as metter of fact at least get one first idiot:)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Hi, Max! Welcome onboard! Thanks for not using profanity so I can publish your comments! I get paid for doing this. Do they actually pay you at your job as the head librarian at the Library of Congress? :) Hope to have more fun with you soon!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

At least he smiled at you this time, Hal.

Hey, does Mr. Brutal have something against Canadians?  I ask because he seemed to feel the need to mention your citizenship (and mine) in the first little love note he left you.  Pray tell, which proud nation does Mr. Brutal hail from?

Interesting read, always amusing, Hal.  Thx for the entertainment!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Yes, it meant a lot to get a smiley. I take it to mean that he acknowledges that we are indeed, brothers in arms. :) IP 63.117.2.18 is Richardson, Texas, a northern suburb of Dallas, and no, I will refrain from using the famous "steers and queers" line from Full Metal Jacket! Perhaps Texans are angry at Canadians since we have more land, more oil and better beer! :)


ohohdon profile image

ohohdon 8 years ago from Yakima

Thank God that in America (and Canada) we still have freedom to express our opinions, regardless of how intelligent and well thought out (Hal) or stupid and ridiculous (Max). I don't care if you hail from Canada or from America - both places have both types of people.

By the way, Hal, about the land, oil, and beer:

Land - Half your land is covered with permafrost and not useful to anyone but bears and seals.

Oil - U.S. has oil, but it's all in all in Alaska and, for some reason, we haven't decided to tap it, yet.

Beer - I hate beer, so I don't know whose is better and don't really care.

Oh, yes, you forgot to mention that Canada has cheaper pharmaceuticals but much longer lines at the doctor's office.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Yes, there are always both types and everything inbetween no matter what you go. But if you look at the world as half full instead of half empty, you can go about your life with a smile on your face, as I usually do! :)

However, I will now have to defend my country:

Land: Thanks to the Global Warming primarily initiated by your country, most of our permafrost is now permaslush and the bears and seals have all moved to Fort McMurray where they are now making $55 an hour driving dump trucks in the Oil Sands.

Oil: Your country was waiting for Sarah Palin to hit the White House. She has championed an Alaska pipeline and she is the mother of a pregnant teenager. She knows all about the effects of laying a long pipe into a virgin wilderness.

Beer: I have about two or three a year and only on searing hot days, but my compatriots state categorically that Canadian beer is to American as Jessica Alba is to Joan Rivers.

In my area we don't have long lines at the doctor's office as he long ago moved to the big city. We can now try to survive a two hour ambulance ride to the nearest doctor. God Bless Socialized Medicine. NOT! :)

I'm going to go down to the U.S. Border wearing a sandwich sign: Will Write Blogs For Green Card. :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

I lost my pocket knife so went to walmart to buy a new one. They keep them in a case like a jewelry counter. The gal working there was talking across the aisle to another gal behind another counter when I walked up. I found my knife under the glass and waited. Waited some more. Finally said, "Excuse me, could you get this knife out for me, please?" She looked at me with the most angry expression and said, "I'm talking." (They were talking about some other girl they did not like.) I said, "Yes, but if you could just pull out the knife real quick, I could take it to another counter. You won't even have to ring it up if you dont have time." She ticked in her cheek and came stumping over and got it out, saying, "You can't take it without me ringing it up." So I say, "Great, thanks. Sorry to interrupt your converstation for business, but, you know. Sorry." She was too stupid to catch an insult in that, she took the pocket knife back over to the register, rung it up, came back to get my $20.00 bill, went back to the register and then actually threw my change at me from about three steps away. LOL.

I LOVE the hostility we get from the younger generation now. The Internet is teaching awesome habits.


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I laughed out loud when I read your comment/rebuttal about our oil....that's hilarious!

I do drink beer, have tried it from both Canada and the U.S.  Ours is a million times better, and I think it has a higher alcohol content. 

Don't get me started about the changes in our health care system.

Shadesbreath, what on earth ever possessed you to poke a teenager with a stick? Are you mad, man.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

@ Sahdesbreath; Ya want I should talk ta her for ya? It's a littlte service I offer.

Hal, there are few feelings that rival those associated with a battle of wits. It's unfortunate that your adversary has arrived to the battle, unarmed. Maybe he's planning a come from behind victory.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

The surliness of clerks astounds me these days. Is the available pool of decent young people so depleted, so poor, that employers are forced to employ these anti-social scallywags?

I don't think the internet is to blame. It just provides fertile ground to practice their hate and express their "you-owe-me-a-life" angst.

Shadesbreath, I think I might have lost it with that "clark" (I like the british pronunciation - makes me feel superior), calling for a manager very loudly, as though calling for the police. See who wins that argument.

We do have some good beer here in the U.S., with micro breweries popping up everywhere.


dafla 8 years ago

Hal, ya know I love ya, but...you need to run spell check on this hub. Paragraph 2...

"Appartently, a person who goes by the name of Max Brutal took exception to my objections..."

Slap! Bam! Hey, this bear baiting is fun! LOL Oh God, now you're gonna go pick my hubs apart. Eh, all in good fun, right?

So strange that this Max Brutal is unregistered. I don't usually allow unregistered comments on my hubs. There's a click box for that, you know. Then, if he really wanted to comment, he could register and you'd have some recourse.

Also strange that his is the first comment on this hub. He's made no comments on mine. Anyone else had any comments from Max? Seems that if he was a regular reader of HubPages, he'd be harrassing someone else as well.

JMHO, but maybe Max doesn't exist.


talford profile image

talford 8 years ago from U.S.A.

Funny!

Got a kick out of your hub. I have found some amusement from time to time bear baiting the insane.

I love Canada for the most part, but they do not have the freedom of speach we have. You can be arrested for a hate crime for voicing your opinion if it is not politically correct. Seems as if that is what the far left wants in the states, too. It will be a sad day.

Good to hear it from a Kanok about the  socialized medicine. Alot of people are trying hard to get it here. It's the promice of socialism that persuades the population. I can't understand why they are not willing to look at the examples of history.

Hey, I know they hunt a lot of moose in Canada. Don't you love Sara Palin?

Anyway, as a former Minnasotan, still clinging to God, I thought she was great.

Tom


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 8 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Dafla has made a valid point. It seems impossible that anyone outside of politics or Langley Field can be so demonstrably moronic. The punctuation however remains crisp, rather a give-away don't you feel? Is Max your alter ego? Is all this repression getting you down? Are you in denial? Take two pillocks and see Patty tomorrow.

I don't think that www is generating clerical surliness, as Christoph suggests; the same attitude was rife amongst Woolworth's counter-jumpers 40 years ago, back when Woollies were chain stores, not supermarkets.

And Shirley, Max and/or others don't hate Canada. I have it on good authority that they're being paid by the fine and upstanding citizens of Newfoundland to deride you (if such is possible), as an act of retribution.

Watch out for B.T., Hal, his presidential campaign has bogged down and he's writing doubtful little Hubs about bears and 'bikes!


Max Brutal 8 years ago

Remove your VMax article moron. Stop embarrassing yourself.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Shadesbreath: I wholeheartedly respect your restraint. I might have been tempted to throw my new knife at her in retribution when she threw the change! (Oh, ok... I wouldn't really spear a WalMart employee... er... maybe...) :)

Shirley Anderson: I have a good ol' Albertan friend who has spent countless evenings explaining to me how the Tar Sands Oil is not Canada's, but Alberta's! He's a member of a fringe radical Alberta Secessionist party and he figures that all they need to do is separate, grab all the oil, and tell the rest of the nation to "freeze in the dark!"

B.T. Evilpants: Mr. Brutal has shown some bizarrely dichotomous homosexual and homophobic tendencies, but I assure you that neither he nor anyone else is going to CENSORED in my behind. :)

Christoph Reilly: I was with some friends at a fairly high end Tampa restaurant. The service was so horrendous that it took us over 3 hours to get appys, entrees and desserts. By the time the last course showed up it was over 20 minutes after the restaurant's stated closing time. We were all quite irate so only left 5% as a tip. As we were heading out towards our cars, the waiter came out to confront us about taking up all his time, having HIM stay past closing time and stiffing him on the tip. I wasn't going to have any of this so I ran in and spoke to the manager... who BACKED UP THE WAITER! So even managers can be no help at all... :(

dafla: I can only reply by your choice of one of these explanations:

1) I subscribe to the Medieval philosophy that only God is perfect thus in any of my (otherwise perfect) works I have to introduce one mistake to show my humble humanity.

2) Appartently is a seldom-used variant of Apparently which refers to a part of the apparent.

3) I screwed up.

But to show the HubWorld that I am actually human, I will not go back and edit it. I tip my hat to you Sir Dafla! Now I have to go through every single Hub you've ever written and slap around each and every dangling participle! (Just kiddin'... you're an excellent writer!) :)

Actually, Max regularly logs on from Texas and New Jersey, so he might have an evil twin. :)

talford: Yes, "bearbaiting the insane" can be a fun sport. It took me a while to come around to that realization but now that I'm a full blown bearbaiter I wouldn't have it any other way. Let's remember that Gov. Palin bent the rules considerably to get her stepson-tasering moose-shooting brother in law thrown out of the state's Troopers, so we Canucks stand up for anyone who protects mooses. Or is it moosi?

The Old Firm: Yes, I've had my eye on B.T. for a while, as I got wind of a Hub he's writing where he claims to have found the corpse of a Jackalope/Bigfoot hybrid! :)

Now onto my old friend Max Brutal. I've only been able to publish the last of his 4 recent comments as the others had to be CENSORED for the family-friendly standards of my Hubs. So here they are. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor and pleasure to present to you the comedy stylings of Max Brutal!

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Who says I hate Canada? I never even been there. I hate 1 particular Canadian fool who wrote all the crap about my favorite motorcycle. 99% of peaple who responded to it think he is a moron. He should remove that article he wrote because it's a total lie. Hal Licino: at least when u write something get an idea what u talking about and read some proffecianal reviews. U r peace of CENSORED not a writer.

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And poke yourself up the CENSORED with the stick CENSORED

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Admit it only total moron can say "this bike is too fast". Thats what bikes are made for u dumb CENSORED

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Max, you've cut me to the core. I have worked hard for three decades to be as proffecianal a writer as I possibly could be and now you've come out and exposed my lack of proffecianalism to the world. I'm going to go home and cry now. I hope you're happy... boo hoo... sob... sigh... BWAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :)

Oh, and BTW, I'm going to remove that VMax article when you join Mensa. So I think it's going to be up on HubPages for a long long while. :)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

G'day

God, I enjoy a good laugh as well as the next guy, I doff my hat to you and I will not have a verbal jaust with you until I'm proffecianal enuf.

As far as bearbaiting goes, I don't really believe in the practice, but com'on Hal admit it, you really are an Aussie in disguise.


Max Brutal 8 years ago

On the other thought... It's good advertisement for VMax 2009. "Too big too fast and too ugly" that's what real bikers wanna hear about their bikes from moronic gay people such as yourself lol Keep up the good work tree huggin dumbo.

BWAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. back at ya


Max Brutal 8 years ago

Trust me as a proffecianal who deals with LOGIC on daily bases I can say: You DON'T have any. And that makes you a crapy writer.

Ohh and for the record my stupid ex girlfriend said exactly same thing as what you wrote about VMax. And yes....she was blonde. Another proof of your gayness right here. You should write a hub about you being gay, stop hiding it from the world. I'm shure that will improove your writing ability - otherwise your pathetic life is a total waste.


gbrown-4150 8 years ago

The new VMAX will go 143 mph due to a limiter. That is 3 mph slower than the old VMAX. That makes it slower than a lot of the newer bikes out there. If you take into consideration the top speed and the horsepower to weight ratio the VMAX won't be the fastest 1/4 mile bike. The VMAX will have the most horsepower of any series production bike but that will be the only claim it will be able to make. It won't be the fastest, quickest, best or worst for fuel mileage. If I'm wrong about all this please let me know. I've been trying to find out as much as i can on the new VMAX . I realize that this blog is about brutal max but I had to put in my 2 cents. I am a VMAX owner but please don't think he represents the entire VMAX community.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Actually you could wait until Max learns to spell, as that looks as if it will take equally as long LOL :)


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

Neither Canada nor the good ole have ever tasted beer. I come from the state ov Victoria in Australia and we invented good beer.

All the beer we sell to you guys is made with camel piss in place of our perfect beer making water, as is all the beer we sell to other states in Australia who we hate!

I will come back and see beautiful Canada again only after you admit that your beer is made from fermented sewage.

As for American beer, well Canada's is better.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

agvulpes, thank you for your proffecianal comments. I TRIED to be an Aussie when I was living in Central Queensland, but your Immigration Authorities had other ideas. :(

Max... keep it up! Your homophobia is winning you as many supporters as your spelling! :P

g-brown-4150, we can discuss this in the VMax Hub, where I look forward to seeing you and your VMax friends justify that "the most horsepower of any series production bike" belongs on the public roads with the rest of us.

mistyhorizon2003, unfortunately I am getting old and I don't think I'll live long enough! :)

earnesthub, I honestly don't think that there can be anything better than a Vitamin B and a Meat Pie! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Wow, Hal. I mean, I saw your bearbaiting on your other hub, but daaaaang. xD It's too bad I don't have this problem on my hubs yet, I'd have WAY too much fun!

Oh, and Max?

You do know there's a spell checker right in the comment box, right? You might want to consider using it... Also, I feel really bad for your ex. How long did she have to put up with your stupidity before she finally threw in the towel?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

You forgot the dead horse to go with the meat pie. And talking about beer Foster's ain't a bad drop , or the one they still haven't learnt to spell ( probably ideal for Max Brutal) XXXX.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Kika Rose: it's definitely a howl. It's kind of like getting all the kicks from sadism without being a perv! :)

agvulpes: I remember gasping when I was watching the host of one of your morning shows stating that Fosters is piss that Aussies ship overseas, and wouldn't be caught dead actually drinking it!

Max is back and up to his old tricks. Here is a CENSORED version:

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V-Max is the 1/4 mile King coz that is how we do it baby. Allways been allways will be. And nothin u fagz can do about it. Torque is the answer.

Thank you to all my personal spellcheckers out there...especialy that blonde CENSORED in a pink CENSORED. Now gimme a CENSORED job then spell this: CENSORED

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What do you readers think? Should he be the new spokesperson for Yamaha Motors? Should we award him a free copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie? :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

Holy smokes. And I thought I sweared like a sailor. xD At least I know when to put a filter on that brain-mouth flow.

Oh please, Hal, don't suggest that! He might actually get the idea inyo his head that it might be a swell job for him! Not that I care about motorcycles or anything, but if I have to hear his blatant disregard for intelligence on the boob-tube, I'll have to kill my tv.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 8 years ago from Toronto Author

Heck, I dunno... I think The Max Brutal Talk Show would be a big hit on HBO! Maybe I should stop trying to kick him in the head and sign him up to a development deal! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 8 years ago from Minnesota

*falls off her computer chair laughing* Oh my god, that would be gawd-awful! That'd almost be as bad as giving me a tv show on computer technology!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I'd watch your show, Kika! Let me give you a sure fire TV concept: The Bikini PC Tech. You could be butchering the installation of a new Core i7 940 onto an AMD Socket 939 motherboard and you would still draw BIG RATINGS! :)

Max Brutal, you haven't cottoned on that I am NOT going to be publishing any more of your sadistic homosexual fantasies about tying my genitalia to motorcycles. You can keep writing whatever you want and it will NOT see the light of my HubPages. You are on permanent DELETE as you are nothing more than a brainless violent excuse for a vertebrate. Kindly do humanity a favor and strand yourself on a desert island, willya?


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

... Dude. Me + bikini = blah. I'm so too fat for a bikini. I'm lucky I could pull off the swimsuit I bought this summer! All the dang one-piece suits have gotten so close to bikini status, I'm almost afraid to see what they'll come up with next summer! Or I could just attempt to lose weight again. But seeing as that never works no matter what I do or how hard I try, I'll just call life good and wear an oversized overholey shirt with my skimpy-ass one-piecer underneath. :-P

Now... What in the name of cheese is a Core i7 940 and an AMD Socket 939? Even better, what on earth is a motherboard? Did you by chance mean mothership, like the thing that's gonna come and pick you up from earth when you're done spreading silly looking letter & number combinations? ^_^

Oh, one last thing; I wanna see what he said! I could go for a good giggle right now. Pwetty pweeze? *makes puppy faces* (oh, and I've got some hubs you should read; if they don't make you laugh as much as you've made me laugh, I'll have to resort to plan B: hunting you down and tickling you! MUAHAHAHA!)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Er... Kika... ok... but only because you really wanted it. Remember how that Pussycat Dolls song goes "Be careful what you wish for 'cuz you just might get it." Here is Max's latest literary masterwork, duly CENSORED:

Max Brutal says:

Humanity will favor if you DIE CENSORED. The more awful death u get the more humanity will favor. I was talking about your CENSORED you moron. Why would you need them anyway being gay and all...? What you got to loose CENSORED ha? Cmon get on my show i will CENSORED you in no time what's the matter CENSORED. You are to pathetic and don't have any CENSORED to come on my show? Just come out and say the word CENSORED you idiot. May be that will give you some courage. I tell you what you will say CENSORED 3 times a day and then we will talk later. o yeah and say hi to that dirty CENSORED kika from me. tell her I would CENSORED her dirty mouth


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

*can't breathe!*

OH MY GOD! THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE FUNNIEST CENSORED COMMENT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! xD

I seriously can't breathe! xD

Dearest, dearest Max: Please, would you CENSORED my dirty mouth? ;-P Dude, seriously, did you grow up in the ghetto, or are you really that pathetic? Come on, man. For one thing, you throw profanity about like it's candy in a parade. And let me tell you, the kiddies ain't likin' that candy of yours. For another, my mouth happens to be very clean for being a sailor's daughter. I brush my teeth every day and use Listerine. :-P But if, by any chance, you are referring to something leud, let me give you a piece of advice; don't mess with a country girl. You are no match for me, nor will you ever be at the rate you're going. Your excruciatingly limited vocabulary is enough to tell anyone with even half your brain capacity that you're only here to get a rise out of Hal, and that you have no business with the written word and should thus have your keyboard removed, smashed, and returned in bubble wrap.

Well, wait. No. Give me the bubble wrap. Those bubbles are way too much fun to pop. I doubt you'd even know how to pop bubble wrap. Maybe we need to find something more lucrative for you to do, like read a Dr. Seuss book or watch Dora the Explorer. Wouldn't you enjoy Dora the Explorer, Max? :)

(Sorry Hal, couldn't help myself. I get pretty evil after 2 am. :P)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

GO GIT HIM, KIKA! However, you may find that people like Max can only and barely comprehend monosyllabics, but do respond rather well to a 2x4 to the side of the head... and smack dab in the crotch too! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

xD That's a low blow! 'sides, 2x4's give me slivers. Honestly, though, I think his problem is in anger management. Once you've gotten a rise out of him, he's not going to stop attacking until he feels his work is done. And with idiots like him, that might take a while. :-P


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I'll be glad to buy you a nice thick set of suede workgloves to keep the splinters off, as long as you keep whackin' Max! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

xD You do know that makes no sense out of context, since you didn't display my comment, right?

Y'see, I'm not exactly the strong type. Plus, being a pacifist, the idea of whacking someone between the knees with a 2x4 sounds just awful to me. And painful. And I would feel bad after the third smack. :-P


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

OK, stupid Hal forgot to hit Approve. Duly performed, Ma'am! And with any luck, you might be able to knock some sense into Max by the third smack, so it would be very helpful! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Yes, I am very observant that way. :D

Maybe. It took nearly three years of whacking Kyle upside the head (lightly, as a joke, mind you) to get at least a bit of sense in that thick skull of his, and he's still an idiot. xD Some people are just dense. Period.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Kika, I do wonder whether any amount of skull smackin' would beat some sense into Max's head. Here is his latest duly CENSORED highly literate missive:

Max Brutal says:

kika. u talk 2 much CENSORED. And only good face CENSORED shell silence u for a while. so guys have to take turns just to keep you quiet. Hel, that applyes to you as well. You think you ready to say CENSORED now? Give it a try Kika just think about for a sec how many CENSORED you CENSORED after they been up your CENSORED? And you can honestly say that your mouth is clean????? (same question for hal) You 2 CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED hungry CENSORED amuse me:) I'm sure u 2 could use (and would engoy) a good brutal crankshaft CENSORED CENSORED:) so hal, when are you coming on my brutal CENSORED ripping VMAX 2009 show as a honored CENSORED donor in the name of great Max Brutal?:)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

... You can't even get anything out of that with all the CENSOREDs. Is there supposed to be some sort of subliminal message my brain's too complex to comprehend? I'm starting to think it'd be easier if you just emailed the full responses so I could actually see them. This is just ridiculous.

Max, your mother obviously never taught you manners or how to speak to a lady (any lady, no matter your foul opinion). You should have your mouth washed out with Dial for all that cussing. And yes, I can honestly say my mouth is clean. I keep a lid on my profanity. I don't sit about spewing hatred and maliciousness through my keyboard. Well, okay, I've been quite the jerk with you, but don't you think you deserve it with the way you've been behaving? Karma is a wonderful thing; what goes around, will come around. If you're so opposed to Hal's stupid motorcycle whatchamajiggy thing hub, why not write a hub with your opinions on it? Give everyone two points of view?

My god, man. How old are you? Haven't you learned how to be an adult yet? Jeeze... And I thought kids my age were immature...


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Sorry, Kika, but I just can't bring myself to actually pass on any of Max's barrage of spewed filth, so let's just leave it at CENSORED. I've known zygotes that were far more mature than Max, so he is definitely an exception! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Meh, I'm sure I've heard worse. You haven't met my mother. >.>


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Hmm... what do you think... maybe we could play matchmakers with your Mom and Max... :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

You forgot to approve my comment again, Hal. :-P

My mom's married to my dad. 'sides, she's not into infantile imbeciles. She may be a wolf in sheep's clothing, but she's one smart wolf.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Hey, I'm old, I'm addled, what else can I say! :)

Why don't we sic the wolf on Max? After all, wolves like to dine on lower animals. :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Because I'm afraid of what my mother might do to a lesser sentient being. She'd put Max's profanic mouth to shame, and then some. Plus, I'm pretty sure she'd pull out that bar of Dial and do as she did to me when I was little and used a naughty word; shove that soap bar so far down his throat he'd either gag and choke or throw up. And frankly, I don't want to be around to see and/or hear that. :X Bleh.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

The only problem with your statement was "sentient." :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Sooooo funny I had to pick to myself up from the floor laughing. I take it I must be the 'Thank you to all my personal spellcheckers out there...especialy that blonde CENSORED in a pink CENSORED. Now gimme a CENSORED job then spell this: CENSORED '

Perhaps this poor unfortunate being should learn to try to string together a sentence without swearing, or would this simply be too hard??? What he can't seem to grasp is that we are all in fits of laughter over his obvious illiteracy. Maybe if he had concentrated a little bit harder on his schoolwork, and less on the motorbikes, he might be able to argue eloquently enough for us to take him seriously.

At least this has been a really good laugh though, and I hope he knows he would not have a cat in hells chance of me touching him with a twenty foot barge pole, he would never be that lucky. Guess he better stick to the dregs of society who might, just might, have a ruddy clue what he is talking about in between profanities :) :) :)


sumosalesman profile image

sumosalesman 7 years ago from Somersworth New Hampshire

Thanks for reminding me, I need to expunge all identifying info off my profile. I doubt anything I write will provoke that much, but after getting imprisoned with a sick scam artist for two weeks as a result of answering a Craigslist ad, I'm betting anything can happen in this fine medium. :P


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

mistyhorizon2003: The thing that really makes me wonder is what was so concisely summed up in Joe Jackson's "Is she really going out with him": "Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street." I know of so many smart, together, capable, lovely young women who have shacked up with Neanderthals that make Max seem like an aristocratic gentleman. Why do these women do that?

sumosalesman: I've stated before that I don't live anywhere near Toronto. You've got to be REAL careful what you put on the net about yourself. Check out my Death Threats Hub to see just how crazy the net crazies can be!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hal, Scary, I have no idea why unless they are truly desperate or like a 'bad boy'. The sad thing is these relationships seldom go the distance, as once the novelty wears off the woman usually moves on to a more intelliegent and stable partner who she can converse with on an equal level :)


Max Brutal 7 years ago

spit it byatchez....


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I just had to let Max's latest one through... it just shows such touching sentimentality and tenderness! :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

It might if it was in English :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

:( I can't believe nobody told me about the fun I was missing out on. It's not fair that you all of been playing with this primordial piece of ooze and I haven't had my turn to take a poke at it.

*waves to Max with a grin*

Seriously...I think you are all being a tad unfair to him. He's been saving up for eight years...thats's EIGHT YEARS...just to finally get a decent piece of equipment between his legs and now he finds out it is just as useless as the one he already has.

*wipes a tear from my eye*

Wouldn't you be pissed off too?

As for all the homosexual accusations and censored comments regarding Kika's darling mouth...it's really just typical behavior for a man that's been saving his wad for EIGHT years, has an equipment issue and would probably bang the family dog just to relieve the tension.

*pats Max on the head*

There, there little one...aren't you glad I happened to stop by and come to your rescue? I just bet you are...and of course, you are welcome. However, in the meantime, until you feel more like yourself, might I make a tiny suggestion? See that hand of yours with the hairy knuckles dragging on the ground? Use it...you'll feel a LOT better.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Love your comments, mistyhorizon2003 and spryte. I'm going to just keep passing on CENSORED versions of Max's pearls of wisdom until one of the readers requests that I stop, as they are rather graphic. BTW, note that this message is from Max at ip: 71.226.213.119, while some other times he's at 63.117.2.18.

mistyhorizon2003: mmhahaha do u honestly think man want to converse with u???? it's sooo CENSORED selfish of u. don't you think man would have 100 times better and plesent conversation with his bud and 6 pack of beer or a bottle of vodka??? don't be so dumb women - man want to CENSORED you BRUTALY UP YOUS CENSORED not converse u... what would a guy converse about with moronic spellchecker byatch anyway? I would rather converse with the radio then u. mhahaha converse...That was joke of the day realy...keep it coming dumbo Yeah, be afraid biatch be very afraid... And if you really wanna know "WHY" - stop being a dump glamorous blond and get into some psychology studies. I personally would recommend Sigmund Freud materials.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Perhaps Max should realise that if I were a 'dumb blonde' (only he spelt it 'dump blond') I might have the same level of spelling problems he clearly has. Seems to me there is only one dumb person on here, and I think he knows who he is!

It also seems that Max is unaware I am very well qualified already, so can hardly be described a 'dumb' or 'dump' LOL

I suggest he tries Spryte's idea of using his hand, as I am guessing it will be the closest he will ever get to a serious relationship with an attitude towards women like he has.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

I particularly appreciated Max's Freud reference, considering he's all id! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Ugh, see, this is why I need to keep myself in reality. I miss out on all the fun! *snuggles spryte and misty* Hi girls! ^_^

Sorry, I've been so busy reading since my book shopping extravaganza on Sunday that I've been a little out of touch with my social life. Aha, my bad! ^_^; What's the latest hubub?


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Well, the latest is that Max is moving to MN to announce his engagement to you. He says you know how to deal with a REAL man like him. :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Hey Kika :) What books did you end up getting?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hi Kika :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Hal: My mother laughed her ass off at that. xD She was out here with me. And I'd have to see that to believe it. For one thing, he'd freeze his ass off. I've lived here all my life, and I still freeze. For another, there is no way he could handle me. Us country gals are just too tough to be tamed. ;)

Spryte: Oh jeeze... Let's see... I got the two .hack//XXXX mangas, the third and last .hack//G.U. manga (I love the .hack series. It's so good!), the first four House of Night novels (young adult books, so far there are four, I highly recommend them), the second and third books in the Midnighters series by Scott Westerfeld (ongoing series, sadly; but again, very good), and Ink Exchange, which is **I think?** part of a series along with the book Wicked Lovely. I've finished the first 7 books mentioned, and I'm on book 2 in the Midnighters series. And I might be shopping for more tomorrow. I mean, with only 3 books left to read, I'll need to replenish my supply soon, so why not do it sooner rathr than later? I'll be in the cities anyway. It makes sense to me.

I am seriously the hugest nerd I know... -.-


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Why give the man recognition or air time by commenting? Spryte and Misty are two of my all time favaourites and I lve it when they stop by with their witty and intellegent comments.


Karen LaVelle profile image

Karen LaVelle 7 years ago from Texas

Hi Hal, I am shaking my head about Max. Not all Texans are like that, I hope you know.

But if he truly decides to use his "ex" on you, you could be in serious trouble!!! LOL =o)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Kika, I'm BAAAAAAAACK! Been out of town on bidniz... monkey bidniz... anyway, in a confrontation between you and Max, my $$$ would always be on the one and only Kika Rose! :)

sixtyorso, it's basically for the sheer unadulterated fun of intellectual bearbaiting. I know it's borderline sadistic, but although I would never hurt a fly, I get my jollies engaging in battles of wits with unarmed men. :)

Karen LaVelle, my whole life I have wished that I was American by birth and Texan by the Grace of God. But unfortunately I'm a cold-hater stuck here in frozen moose dung land. However, we do have good beer and no subprime mortgages! :)

Here is the latest CENSORED love letter from Max:

---

mistyhorizon2003: I knew your pathetic little brain will never figure out that english is not my native language. I can freely speak in 3 languages. So stop with the spelling crap CENSORED hole. just swallow it. It's only shows how stupid and boring you are. what comes to relationships i make enough money to call in a girl and get all the relationship that i need from a women. trust me it's much better then entertain some goofy biatch(such as yourself) with conversations. I happened to have better things to do with my live.

hal: i c you figured out how to get IP from HTTP header. woooow I'm so CENSORED impressed. I bed it makes you feel like a real canadian hacker(if there is such thing) ain't it? You know what if you try real hard you may even find out my browser version and bunch of other crap... Btw moron how do you like my new CENSORED canadian IP? That's right biatch I just moved to canada to rip your CENSORED off.

---

Wow, Max, you have the brain cells to be able to work out how to use the 67.69.254.243 proxy! Congratulations! At this rate you should be able to feed yourself and stop wearing diapers by 2031! :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

*pounce* OH EM GEE I MISSED j00! Seriously. I have literally told all my friends (meaning my best friend James) just how funny you are and how mad I was that you'd been gone because I've been SO BORED! >.<

Did I mention I have like, no social life? And what with holidays coming up (speaking of which, you should see my pirate costume for tonight. ;) It's shmexy! Yay!), I'm going to have less and less time to do the things I enjoy. Ugh. It sucks having two jobs... :'(

But really, man. I've been so bored! Next time you go away for a long flippin' time, give me a little head's up warning, will you? I thought you'd fallen off the face of the earth or something!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

Missed j00 2! Zzup? I'm too fat to fall off the face of the earth as I generate my own gravitational field. I'd really love to see your pirate costume! Tonight I'm going to strip down to my thong and trick or treat as a Grizzly Bear. There are quite a few around here, so I might either get candy or be captured by the Forestry Rangers. :)


Kika Rose profile image

Kika Rose 7 years ago from Minnesota

Not much. I met this cool guy at this gamer's store in town, and he's so awesome. Seriously. I'm talking to him on the phone right now. We're talking about horror games and how they scare the crap out of me. xD

My costume pwned, but I couldn't get a good pic of it. :( My best friend was a Cobra commando, my other best friend was Batgirl, and my costume totally rocked. >D Man, you shoulda seen my friend Derika! She was Daisy Duke. ;)

I'm really really REALLY tired, though, so I'm going to bed. Night Hal! :D


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, just popped in and laughed over the last comment Max made. Golly, speaks 3 languages, but still can't find the 'ABS' spellcheck link at the top of the comments box.

The fact he needs to 'call in a girl' is proof that he can't get one based on his personality alone.

Lastly, apparently he hasn't got 'better things to do with his life' as he is too busy posting insults and swearing on hubpages. Tragic :)


Max Brutal 7 years ago

mistyhorizon2003: i dont have time to run spell checks 4 goofy byatchez. 'call in a girl' is conviniant. and lets skip stupid conversations such us this one. Go converse your husband to death im done with u.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

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