Drive Traffic to Your Hubs

Drive Traffic to Your Writing

Feel free to pound out thousands of words, but you'll realize supplemental fulfillment if someone else beyond your Mom reads them. Search engines can only provide so much traffic: often we experienced writers find ourselves at the mercy of bizarre keyword density algorithms that cannot be understood without advanced degrees in Computer Physics.

Alternatives do exist. Resist the urge to enroll at MIT to study graph theory and linear algebra. Rather than racking up student loans, consider one or all of the alternatives proffered herein. It is possible to drive traffic to your compositions: we're here to help.

Ford E Series Cargo Van

The unmarked white van typifies FBI stakeouts and creepy homeless drifters across the fruited plain, but either one will probably accept a ride to your hubs. 15-20 earnest readers easily cram into the spacious seating area, especially if you remove the seats. Vinyl upholstery easily cleans up if your passengers shoot Diet Pepsi from their noses while reading your more humorous compositions. Gas mileage rivals any other large heavy petroleum-fueled steel structure.

You may opt for a Tesla or a Volt or a bicycle, but this eponymous vehicle out-hauls them all. Cram in as many Uber passengers as you possibly can: make a buck while saving the world from electric vehicles. This steel beast provides many thousands of miles of happy motoring.

Pink 6.8 Million Volt Stun Gun

When considering a tazer, always think color first. Pink emerges as the hue of choice for coaxing recalcitrant readers onto your articles. Rely on the 6.8 million volt impetus emanating from the business end of this gizmo: Hemingway himself could be convinced to spell-check your writing.

Not all of us are as contentious regarding proper grammatical structure as we blithely publish online. This handy device at your side guarantees compliance in the unlikely event that Microsoft Word doles out little squiggles but recalcitrant editors refuse to capitulate. Indeed, wrap it in silver duct tape if the pink color seems too la-de-da. No one wants to be slightly electrocuted by unfashionable equipment.

Barbed Wire Fence

Sure, you've caused an audience to coalesce around your compositions, but shortly thereafter you realize that keeping them within eyeshot of your hubs can be problematic. Solve your corral conundrum with strategically located strands of barbed wire. Nothing causes consumers to rethink their creative sources more quickly than the imminent possibility of lockjaw.

Barbed wire fencing settled the United States Western Territories. You may have no idea whatsoever the significance of sharp little twists semi-permanently attached to lengths of extruded metallic strings. Read some books online or visit a museum or attend a cowboy poetry festival. It's all important.

Gummy Bears

Continuing coaxing potential readers with tantalizing titles and long-tailed keywords, but nothing reels 'em in like Gummy Bears. Scientific research by real candy scientists indicates that voluminous bags of these things have a soothing effect on brain cells that control reading. Good luck proving them wrong.

Indeed rewards almost always work. Even as readers drift away to the newest compositions of peer-reviewed Joyus Cryoid , you can reel them back into your place of reading through deft deployment of gummy bears. If any are left over you might eat them yourself as you pound out even more insightful screeds on your Smith-Corona.

Twitter For Dummies

It's not the end of the world, but the Mayans would probably have given up to the Spaniards had they known that their distant ancestors would write an entire book about using Twitter. Leverage this segment of society to your advantage. Point your articles at everyone sufficiently bereft of common sense as to spend money on a how-to book describing a digital activity limited to 140 character increments.

Believe it or not people do exist who fail to grasp basic concepts of Twitter. Some unfortunate folks find themselves unable to condense their thoughts into 140 characters or less. A medical name and concomitant treatment regimen no doubt exists and certainly is covered by ObamaCare.

Traffic's Mr Fantasy

Little Stevie Winwood wailed onto vinyl long before internet publishing was a gleam in Al Gore's eye. Rolling Stone magazine thoughtfully ranked him as #33 on the best 100 singers of all time, at least according to Wikipedia, and they are rarely incorrect about such things.

Nothing draws reader quite like young Stevie wailing about social injustice or holes in his socks. Troll eBay endlessly for amazing deals on Traffic recordings: you won't be sorry and it's better than trying to interpret ObamaCare.

Calculus (With Analytic Geometry)

Anybody's prose. No matter how poorly constructed or written awkwardly it could be, cannot be near as bad as having to read a calculus book. Putting your articles in juxtaposition next to calculus equations including analytic geometry will only increase your readership. We agree.

Citing references from calculus books, or any math books, makes your writing look like Hemingway without the morning vodka mouthwash ritual. All you need do is point your dear readers in the direction of what you think they should be reading: common sense does the rest.

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Oddly enough, those who you would have visit your site have been studied. Learn how to motivate them into clicking on your links by absorbing this moderately epic tome. Hint: it's not about money or fame or anything shallow like that. Secrets of the art of getting people to do what you want them to do may be surprising, but they shouldn't be: it works on you.

Yes, someone wrote a book explaining secrets for manipulating sentient humans. We are as shocked as you. Like, there's no other book like this: order it immediately else your family will hate you and your dog will run away with the moles eating your backyard.

Conclusion

Traffic waits for you. Let it in.

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Comments 6 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Ah, nicomp. You do have the touch. Who else could fashion a phrase like 'creepy homeless drifters across the fruited plain.' What pathos! What symbolism? What does it all mean, Alfie? Loved every single syllable.


mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 4 years ago

Interesting hub. Thank you for sharing it.


sabrani44 profile image

sabrani44 4 years ago

Great hub, thanks for sharing!


Lizam1 profile image

Lizam1 4 years ago from Victoria BC

I feel completely stupid - I have NO idea what you are talking about! Please enlighten :-)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Lizam1: Read a few more of my hubs and you will begin to see the big picture... that I'm basically nuts. It doesn't go much deeper than that.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 16 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

This hub had a little skull annotation because I added too many product capsules relative to total English words. That has now been corrected.

I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.

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